Disclaimer: I'm a guy, but I'm not white or bald or middle-aged. So that means I'm not Ryan Murphy. So I don't own Glee. The transitive property works! (Okay, I don't know what the transitive property is…Womp, womp)
A/N: Bold = Kurt singing
Italic = Puck singing
Bold&Italic = Kurt and Puck singing
The song is "Elephant Love Medley" from the seminal movie musical Moulin Rouge!
Chapter 7:
Guess Who's Going to Dinner?
"Are you ready?" Kurt asked, his breath baited, mentally psyching himself up for their performance.
"I was born ready," Puck said confidently. Kurt rolled his eyes at Puck's clichéd statement. Waiting behind the curtains of the auditorium for Mr. Schue's introduction Kurt and Puck eyed each other nervously. When they heard Mr. Schuester announce them and the curtain began to rise, he leaned over and gave Puck a quick peck on the cheek, making the mohawked boy cringe a little in discomfort.
The curtain rose, revealing a replica of the elephant's head used in the film Moulin Rouge! With the spotlight shining on them they began their performance, the bright neon lights and red windmill whirling in the background.
"All you need is love," Puck crooned, trying to wrap his arms around Kurt.
"A girl has got to eat," Kurt snapped back, moving from Puck's embrace.
"All you need is love," Puck sang again, blocking Kurt's path as the countertenor descended the stairs of the elephant's head.
"Or she'll end up on the street," Kurt retorted, descending to the main stage.
"All you need is love," Puck sang one last time, grabbing Kurt's hands and holding them in his own.
"Love is just a game," Kurt sang, twisting his hands from Puck.
As they continued their song they moved around the stage, Kurt desperately avoiding Puck's advances. Kurt was surprised when Puck caught him around the waist and spun him back into his arms before dipping him romantically. Kurt got to his feet and did his best to brush off Puck's abrupt change of choreography while they prepared for the big finish.
"We should be lovers," Puck crooned, catching Kurt again.
"We can't do that," Kurt sang sadly, ducking out of Puck's way.
We should be lovers and that's a fact.
Though nothing would keep us together.
We could steal time just for one day.
We could be heroes, forever and ever,
We could be heroes, forever and ever,
We could be heroes,
Just because I will always love you!
I can't help loving you!
"How wonderful life is now you're in the world," the two finished, holding each other's hands and staring lovingly into each other's eyes. Only the loud cheers and applause of their friends broke them from falling deeply into each other's eyes, and Puck, afraid at being caught so vulnerably, promptly dropped Kurt's hands from his own and rubbed his mohawk nervously before turning away.
"Wow! I have to say, all of you have done a great job, but Kurt and Puck! You guys had some awesome chemistry, and your performance!" Mr. Schue praised. "Seriously, Nationals worthy stuff guys."
"That was really hot," Brittany said, looking to her friend's for agreement.
"Even I have to admit to sporting some lady wood over here," Santana said as she fanned herself.
"I don't get it," Rachel said, racking her brain as if she had just been dropped into her math final months early. "Your voices were…flawless, your performance was extraordinary, your harmonies were incredible. Did you make a pact with the devil or Steven Sondheim to create such a perfect performance in exchange for your first born sons?"
"What can I say? Hummel here really knows his stuff," Puck said, clapping Kurt on the shoulder. Kurt blushed intensely and wrapped his arms around himself as if it kept him from fainting from all the praise.
"Well, Noah was actually a dream to work with, as well," Kurt complimented. Puck smirked at this and looked shyly down at his shoes, kicking them awkwardly. Of all the glee clubbers Rachel seemed to be the only one who noticed their odd exchange on stage.
"Okay, guys," Mr. Schue said. "Let's head back to the choir room and I'll announce the winners of the free dinner to Burrito's!" The glee club whooped their approval and excitedly followed their leader out the door, eager to know the winners. Kurt would have liked to stay behind with Puck and soak in the compliments from their friends, but Mercedes was waiting for him at the door to the auditorium and Puck had already leapt off stage, pushing Artie up the steep incline to the exit. He sighed quietly to himself before jumping off the stage, running up to join Mercedes.
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"Pick up, pick up, pick up," Kurt whispered urgently into his phone. Puck wasn't answering and Kurt was trying his best to remain calm.
They'd won the duet competition, something that caused Rachel to start weeping while Sam and Mike had to physically restrain Santana. After Mr. Schue presented them with their free dinner coupons he told them that they were a little old and expired soon…like the next day. Kurt and Puck had agreed to meet up at Burrito's that night and cash in their well-deserved free dinner.
Kurt showed up at the agreed upon time and was dressed extra-smartly for what he had coined their first official date, while Puck…well, Puck hadn't shown up yet, and that was making Kurt a little nervous. Burrito's, being a new restaurant in the land that time forgot that is Lima, was packed, and Kurt felt especially self-conscious surrounded by all these people while he himself was alone. He stared around anxiously at all the happy couples and families, eating together and chatting animatedly about whatever it was poorly dressed people talked about, knowing they were silently judging him for being alone and stood-up. He'd called Puck five times already, and texted him too many times to count, but still the mohawked boy hadn't responded.
Kurt sat with his elbow perched upon the table, his chin resting on his palm, trying to appear calm as he agitatedly stirred the ice in his water. The first fifteen minutes Kurt waited for Puck on pins and needles, looking up at every approaching sound or footstep, expecting it to be him. It wasn't. He politely declined the waiter's attempts to take his order, stating he was waiting for his…well, date wasn't exactly appropriate, but that's what Kurt had labeled this evening in his head. And as far as dates go it was not going well.
If the first fifteen minutes were tense, the next fifteen must've raised Kurt's blood pressure by twenty points at least. He tried his best to appear nonchalant but deep down he swore he could hear everyone talking about him, mocking him or pitying him for deluding himself into thinking anyone would want to eat with him in plain sight of so many people. 'I'll show them,' he thought. 'When Noah walks in they're going to eat their words faster than those calorie packed, deep fried, cheese-covered heart attack enabled meals.' Ten minutes later and Puck still hadn't shown.
By the fifty-five minute mark Kurt had given up all hope of Puck showing up. He decided it was best to just call it a night, go home and burn the Burrito's certificates and drown his sorrow in Diet Coke. He dreaded having to walk all the way across the restaurant by himself; the stares and sympathetic looks he would receive would surely kill him before he got to the exit. He brushed off these thoughts and had barely clutched his jacket in his sweaty palms and made to exit his booth when a bright mop of straw colored hair caught his attention and he found himself staring into the annoyingly cheery face of Sam Evans.
"Kurt! Hey buddy, I figured I'd run into you here," Sam said. Kurt stretched a painful smile over his face as he talked to Sam.
"Yeah," Kurt said, cursing his luck. Of course he'd see someone he knew on the most embarrassing night in his life. "Umm…what are you doing here?"
"Just came by to see if they were hiring," Sam said casually. "I could really use the extra money, especially with Santana's expensive tastes."
"She does have a thing for designer underwear and brand name sex toys." Seeing Sam raise a questioning eyebrow he elaborated, "Brittany has a big mouth. So, did you get the job?" Kurt asked politely.
"The manager said they weren't hiring but he'd let me know if any positions opened," Sam said with a shrug. "Where's Puck?" he asked casually. Kurt knew Sam was being polite. Sure, he knew Sam was thick-skulled, but there was no way he couldn't tell from the empty and untouched table setting across from Kurt and the lack of empty food plates that he was alone.
"Actually, you're guess is as good as mine," Kurt replied lamely. "He hasn't shown up yet."
"Oh," Sam said. He looked around as if he expected Puck to choose that time to arrive and when he didn't see him he looked back to Kurt's watery eyes. "Maybe he's just late," he offered.
"That's sweet, Sam," Kurt said, "but I'm pretty sure he's not going to show."
"You don't know that," Sam said, still awkwardly standing at the front of the booth. "He could just be stuck in traffic or he got caught up in something…or maybe he was abducted by aliens and right now he's receiving a very deep and painful anal probe."
Kurt chuckled lightly at Sam's attempt to cheer him up, and Sam smiled because Kurt tended to have that effect on him. "That would be understandable, and would make a lot more sense than the reason I conjured up in my mind," Kurt said, stirring his water with his straw.
"And what reason's that?" Sam asked, still smiling.
"He didn't want to be seen eating out with the town queer," Kurt said softly, still stirring his water.
Sam reached out and stopped Kurt's hand from absent-mindedly stirring his drink. He leaned down and tried to get Kurt to turn to him, but Kurt was still staring at his glass. "Hey," he said, grabbing Kurt's attention, "you may be gay, but there's nothing queer about you." Kurt looked at Sam and it seemed as if he saw him for the first time. Before he'd been so dismissive of Sam; the golden-haired, blue eyed, All-American jock with the perfect body and voice. Now he saw past all that superficiality to the caring, emotional boy beneath.
"I mean, I doubt that's the reason Puck's not here, but if it is, he's a fucking douche for standing you up," Sam said resolutely. Kurt's smile grew as he realized Sam was sticking up for him.
"Fucking douche," Kurt chuckled. "Who knew Sam Evans was so eloquent?"
"Is that, like, a nationality or something?" Sam asked with a smile. "Because my ancestry's mostly Norwegian and Welsh."
Kurt smiled tenderly at Sam and brushed his bangs out of his face, causing the blond boy's cheeks to redden slightly. "It means," began Kurt, "that you really have a way with words."
"Oh," Sam whispered, leaning closer to Kurt. "I totally knew that."
The two boys found themselves entranced in each other's eyes, Kurt drowning in the endless blue ocean of Sam's while Sam was caught swirling in the grey clouds that tinged Kurt's irises. They didn't realize it but they're faces inched closer and closer, they're breath mingling and they're noses nearly touching before the waiter chose that exact moment to interrupt.
"So, I see your dinner party is complete. Can I get you guys started on some appetizers?" the waiter asked politely. Kurt broke from Sam's gaze and looked hazily up to the waiter. Sam blinked rapidly, unsure as to how he ended up seated next to Kurt in the small booth.
Sam looked back to Kurt and said, "I guess I should get going."
"No!" Kurt yelped. He blushed deeply before clarifying, "I mean, you should stay. Noah's obviously not showing up and these coupons expire tomorrow. There's no point in letting them go to waste."
"Are you sure?" Sam asked. He could hear the waiter impatiently tapping his pencil on his pad as the boys made up their minds.
"Yes," Kurt said. "Please stay." Sam's wide mouth pulled itself into an insanely huge grin as he silently agreed to have dinner with him.
"Okay, now that that's settled," the waiter began, "what will you all be having tonight?" Kurt realized he hadn't even had a chance to look at the menu. Grabbing it and quickly scanning over the choices the weight of what just happened started to sink in. He and Sam had almost kissed, in front of a crowded restaurant and their waiter no less, and it didn't bother Sam in the least. To be next to a guy who was so comfortable around Kurt was, well…refreshing. It had never happened to Kurt so suddenly before. Even with Finn it had taken a while to develop a brotherly rapport, and of course with Puck it was still like treading on thin ice, but with Sam it came so easily. Honestly, it threw Kurt off.
Speaking of being close, Kurt accidentally bumped Sam's elbow while perusing the menu. "Whoops," Sam said, "maybe I'd better move to the other side of the table. If you want me too, I mean."
"It's up to you," Kurt said, trying his best to feign indifference though secretly he wanted Sam to stay with him on this side of the booth.
"Or I could just stay here," Sam said, not even looking up from his menu, "and we could keep our arms at our side and when I notice they're about to bump into each other I can make that weird beeping noise like when eighteen-wheelers are backing up." He shot a quick glance to a smiling Kurt, and when Kurt looked up from his menu Sam quickly glanced back down to continue reading his. "But if it's more convenient then I could always just – ."
"You might as well stay here," Kurt said, fascinatingly reading his menu. "You don't have to get up and go all the way over to the other side of the booth," he said as if it were on the other side of the world.
"If you two are done being adorably awkward around each other, I would really like to take your orders now," the waiter huffed.
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"I don't understand how I failed this European History test," Brittany said.
"Well, I could be wrong," Tina said, "but I'm pretty sure the head of the British Navy under Queen Elizabeth I wasn't Cap'n Crunch."
"And Marie Antoinette was the last Queen of France before the Revolution," Kurt said, looking over Brittany's test, "not Lady GaGa."
"But they wear the same wig," she said glassy-eyed. "If I fail this class my GPA will be so low I won't be able to sing on glee club anymore."
"Well, at least Mr. Schuester talked Mrs. Greenburg into letting you re-take the test," Tina said, hoping it would cheer Brittany up.
"I don't know if I'll do any better this time," Brittany said resignedly. "I shouldn't have let my cat make my flash cards."
"Tell you what," Kurt said, linking Brittany's arm through his, "I'll help you study. And so will Tina."
"I will?" Tina said unsurely. Seeing Kurt's glare from over Brittany's clueless face made Tina change her mind. "I mean yeah, sure. I totally will." Tina saw Mercedes about to pass them while walking in the other direction down the hall and, deciding she didn't want to suffer alone, roped her in as well. "And Mercedes will be there, too."
"Mercedes doing what now?" the thick girl asked as she heard her name in passing, causing her to come to a halt.
"Really?" Brittany asked excitedly, looking to all three of her friends. "Oh, thanks guys! Thank you Kurtie!" She kissed Kurt on the cheek before running off down the hall. The three of them heard her inviting Santana to their study session, making Kurt wonder if he wouldn't live to regret his act of kindness.
"What in the hell did you two get me caught up in?" Mercedes asked loudly. Before they could respond they all heard the shrill, high-pitched voice of someone that instinctively caused them to run away.
"Kurt!" All three of them turned around to see the quickly advancing figure of Rachel Berry approaching them from down the hall. Scrambling to find a place to hide Mercedes and Tina ducked into the nearest girl's bathroom. Tripping over his messenger bag that he had put on the floor Kurt cursed himself as he stumbled before running to enter the bathroom as well. Pushing but not feeling it budge he slammed his fist on the door only to hear Mercedes laugh and Tina yell, "This is what you get for making us tutor Brittany!"
"There is a special place on this year's Worst Dressed List for each of you!" Kurt yelled, cursing them to his version of hell. He nearly jumped out of his skin when he felt Rachel's cold hand touch his arm. "Ahh! Why are your hands so cold?"
"I was just in the walk-in freezer of the cafeteria kitchen having a clandestine meeting with Jacob Ben Israel who had some shocking news he was going to publish in his blog concerning certain members of New Directions," she said breathlessly.
"Let me guess. Santana's pregnant and the father is undetermined but has been narrowed down to at least fifty of her usual sexual partners," Kurt said nonchalantly.
"Kurt, this is serious," Rachel said. She looked around conspiratorially before continuing. "It's about you."
"Me?" he asked, surprised. He hadn't done anything in recent memory to warrant being on Jacob Ben Israel's blog. Except bag the school's resident badass. Okay, maybe that could've earned him a place on Jacob's blog. "What was it about?"
"It was a blind item," Rachel said, retrieving a scrap of paper from her skirt pocket. "'What size-six glee club diva/ex-football team kicker was recently seen canoodling with a certain blond second-string quarterback/record holder for the Guinness Book of World Records Biggest Lips at the newest hotspot in town, Burrito's?'"
Kurt gasped as he tore the paper from Rachel's hands so he could see the blind item for himself. "I can't believe this!" he said scandalized. "I am a size four!"
"Come on, Kurt," Rachel said. "If Jacob publishes this it could tear the glee club apart, and we can't have that right before Regionals!"
"Look, this blind item couldn't have been more wrong," Kurt said, crumbling the paper and stuffing it in his sweater pocket. "I mean, yes, I was there last night with Sam but we were not 'canoodling'."
"Wait, what was Sam doing there?" Rachel asked.
"Noah didn't show up and Sam happened to be there so I invited him to stay and eat with me," Kurt said, hoping it was enough to sate Rachel's usual nosey appetite.
"Why didn't Noah show up?" she asked.
"I don't know, Rachel, but once you do find out be sure not to tell me as I've given up all hope on him and I even having some semblance of a friendship," Kurt said. As he turned to get to his next class he couldn't help but feel that though he'd said it because he was mad he really felt as if things between him and Puck were done with. And truthfully he didn't care a bit.
A/N: This chapter was actually finished a while ago but I wanted to finish the next chapter before I posted this so that way you guys can have at least two chapters released close together rather than one chapter posted whenever I finish. I think it's better this way and it motivates me to keep writing.
Thanks for reading and reviewing!
