Chapter Seven: Big Time Screw Up (Posted 7 February 2011)

"Logan." Kendall said guiltily. He didn't feel guilty for holding Carlos. That he could explain and Logan would understand and forgive him. What he wouldn't forgive is what he told Carlos.

"Why is Carlos crying?" James asked, concerned. "What did you do to him?"

Carlos looked up at them and stood, wiping his eyes. "So, I come to you for help," he said to Logan, "and you go and tell everyone?"

Logan looked like he was about to defend himself, but then he realized what was going on. Carlos was crying in Kendall's arms. There could only be one explanation. "You told him?" He yelled accusingly at Kendall. "Kendall... you promised you wouldn't say anything!"

"Don't blame this on Kendall!" Carlos screamed, forcing the tears to start up again. "I trusted you. I thought you would be honest with me. But instead... you lie to me! Why couldn't you just tell me he's your boyfriend? Then I... I wouldn't have made a fool of myself."

"Carlos..." Logan said, pleading, "How was I supposed to tell you? It was too much for me! It was like all of a sudden one of my best friends is in love with my boyfriend who nobody even knows is gay! I didn't know what to do and I didn't want to hurt you so..."

"Well it did hurt! It hurt me and it hurt Kendall! He had to lie to me, his friend, and when he couldn't take it anymore he had to tell me one of the hardest things I bet he's ever had to say!" Carlos ranted. "I'm sorry I put you in that position and I'm sorry I have these feelings, but... I wish you would have told me..."

All the crying and yelling along with the mixed feelings made Carlos so tired. It wore him out so fast he passed out. Kendall saw he was falling and caught him just in time, holding him close to keep him standing. And there was that sensation again. Feeling Carlos's body against his own.

"I'll take him to bed." James said, coming into the apartment and taking Carlos's sleeping body from Kendall. "You two talk."

Logan shut the door and approached Kendall. "Kendall, you promised."

"I know."

"Why do you break every single promise you make to me? I thought you loved me."

"I do." Kendall said, feeling empty. He did love Logan. With all his heart. But right now he was thinking he shouldn't. That he didn't deserve a boyfriend like Logan. Or friends like James and Carlos. He cared about them all so much. "I do, Logan, but I couldn't lie to Carlos. It was wrong!"

"That doesn't change anything." Logan said as he sat on the couch.

"I know." Kendall said, earning himself a questioning look from Logan. "You probably don't want to talk to me right now, so I'm just going to..."

"You do that." Logan interrupted with a snap in his voice. "You just leave while the rest of us deal with your mess."

My mess. I did make a mess, didn't I? "I'll be back. I just... need to clear my head." I need to prepare myself. I know you're going to break up with me. Kendall thought silently. Or thought he did, anyway.

"No, I'm not." Logan said. "I am not going to break up with you. How many times must I tell you that? No matter how many times you screw up... I love you too much to give up on you. One day, you'll get it right. I have faith in that. But this is... this is a big deal, Kendall."

"What do you want me to do?" Kendall asked. That was the question he always asked. The one he never got an answer to. Sure, Logan would tell him what he wanted, but he would never be specific. When Kendall would mess up, Logan told him he needed to fix it. But he never told him how. How was he supposed to know what to do if nobody told him?

"Go clear your head." Logan said calmly. "Come back in a little while and we'll talk. We'll fix this, Kendall."

"Ok." I can't fix this. I try, but it only ends up making everything worse. Kendall left the apartment to do some major thinking.