COUCH POTATOES CHAPTER SEVEN
"How'd it go, Speedy?" Tabby asked.
"Most-people-would-consider-Fraud-beyond-help. But-I-Maximoff-the-Miracle-Worker-am-determined-to-mold-him-into-a-real-ladies-man. I've-had-plenty-of-success-stories-after-all. Why-just-think-of-all-the-things-I've-done-for-Lance's-relationships!" exclaimed Pietro.
"But all of your advice ruined Rocky's dates." Tabby reminded him.
"Details-details." Pietro dismissed these claims with a wave of his hand.
Tabby giggled. "Remind me to tell Rocky that sometime."
"Why-not? I'm-not-afraid-of-Lance." boasted Pietro.
"Oh? What about the time you told him 'The Spirit of St. Louis' was a western flick? " teased Tabby.
"I-was-doing-it-for-his-own-good. It's-unhealthy-to-be-afraid-of-flying. And-besides-he-didn't-scare-me-he-surprised-me." Pietro argued.
"As soon as he stopped throwing up he started chasing you. You wound up running all the way from the theater to Canada." laughed Tabby.
"I-didn't-go-there-to-hide-if-that's-what-you're-thinking! I-went-because-I'd-always-wanted-to-see-Niagara-Falls." Pietro said hastily.
Tabby rolled her eyes. "Riiiight."
"No-really. Visiting-our-neighbor-to-the-North-has-always-been-my-lifelong-dream.." lied Pietro.
"Your lifelong dream was to get in the Guinness Book of World Records for juggling the most girlfriends and you already did it." Tabby pointed out.
Pietro smiled as he reminisced about that day. "Yeah. That-Arthur-Fonzarelli-is-such-an-amateur-when-compared-to-Pietro-the-Playa."
Tabby sighed. "And you'd tell me all about it, but modesty forbids."
"How-true. Of-course-it's-hard-to-be-humble-when-you're-as-wonderful-as-I-am." said Pietro. "Have-I-ever-told-you-the-story-of-how-I-singlehandedly-saved-the-citizens-of..."
"I'd love to listen, Speedy, I really would. For- er, unfortunately it's my turn to visit with Fraud. Perhaps some other time..." and she made a mad dash for the doctor's office.
"Okay." Pietro looked slightly put out. He turned to Toad. "Wanna-hear-my-story?"
"No." said Toad.
Pietro ignored him and pressed on. "It-was-all-up-to-me. No-one-else-could-do-it. And-so-I-raced-through-the-town-yelling-'The-British-are-coming!'" he announced dramatically.
"Wasn't that Paul Revere?" Toad pointed out.
"Don't-interrupt!" snapped Pietro. "As-I-was-saying-General-Washington-awarded-me-a-medal-of-honor-for-my-heroic-endeavor."
"Cool. Can I see it sometime?" Freddy was obviously impressed.
"You can see it just as soon as he finishes shining it in his smithy, yo!" laughed Toad.
"You have a smithy, too?" Freddy asked in amazement.
Pietro was pleased to have finally found an audience. "Naturally! Why-do-they-think-they-call-me-Quicksilver?" he said smugly.
"Wow. That's unbelievable! Can I have your autograph?" begged Freddy.
'Unbelievable is right.' thought Tabby as she closed the door. "Hey Doc! I'm here!" she called out happily.
'Joost vhen I thought she vas a no-show.' sighed Fraud. "Velcome, Miss Smeeth.. Vhat vould joo like to discoos?" he wondered.
"It's doesn't matter. Whatever you want is fine with me." said Tabby.
'At last! A normal zession!' Fraud could hardly believe his luck. "Vunderbar! Vhat say ve begen by talkink aboot joo interact vit ze udder zootents, boys und girls, vriends und enemies."
"Sure thing. But before we begin, do you mind if I open a window?" she asked.
"Hokay." agreed Fraud. 'Aftuh all,' he reasoned 'vhat harm coold eet do?'
Tabby pried the window open and looked outside. Unfortunately for Fraud the first thing she saw was Kurt and... Amanda.
"Amanda, joo're ze greatest. Thank yoo for coverink for me vhile I vent to get anudder Holovatch. I vunder vhat happened to the first vun." mused Kurt.
"Don't worry about it, Blue. I was glad to do it." Amanda told him.
"There you are, you two-timing traitor!" hollered Tabby.
Kurt gulped. "Tabby, I already told joo it vas over betveen us." he explained.
"I suppose you think you're something special, huh? Well, I don't need you. I've gotten a new boyfriend and he's much nicer that you." Tabby sneered.
"I don't see anyvun." Kurt taunted. "Vhat's his power, invisibility?"
"For your information, he's not a mutant. And he happens to be right here!" snapped Tabby.
"Let's see this 'boyvriend' of joors, then." Kurt jeered.
"C'mon, Kurt. We know she's lying." Amanda said.
"I'll show you who's a liar! Fraud, get over here!" barked Tabby.
"Vhat's goink on?" asked Fraud as Tabby grabbed him by the collar.
Kurt burst out laughing. "Zat's joor boyvriend? Isn't he a leetle old for joo?" he teased.
"I like mature men." she explained. "That's why I broke up with you."
"Joo broke up vit me? Hah! I'm the vun who dumped joo!" declared Kurt.
"In your dreams pal!" Tabby shot back.
"Maybe we should leave, Blue." suggested Amanda.
"Vhy? Ve're hafing sooch a loovely time." Kurt said with a laugh.
"We certainly are, right Darling?" and with that Tabby kissed Fraud's cheek.
"Ve're having foon too." Kurt put his arms around Amanda and hugged her.
"Well we're having the best time of all!" declared Tabby as she tackled Fraud.
"Miss Smeeth? Vhat are- mmppphh!" Fraud was unable to speak because Tabby had just given him a gigantic smooch.
"See?" Tabby laughed triumphantly as she help up a lipstick-stained Fraud.
"Ve shouldn't take dis, sveetie. Let's go!" announced Kurt.
"Fine by me." said Amanda. She gave his arm a little squeeze and accidently turned the image inducer off. "Oops."
Fraud stared at the blue-skinned boy. "Er, ve're not here right now. Please leave a message after ze bamf!" Kurt said as he and Amanda teleported away.
Fraud appeared to be dumbfounded. "Vas zat a blue demoon?" he demanded.
"Sounds like someone needs another smooch!" cried Tabby as she wrestled him to the ground.
Pietro opened the door. "Are-you-guys-almost-done? Toad's-getting-kinda-antsy-and-whoa! I-knew-you-had-it-in-you-Doc!" he commented upon surveying the scene.
