A/N: Finally, dear lord. Three months since the last post. I've been agonising over this chapter for so long; I even scrapped a significantly sized draft. I hope all the expository dialogue isn't excessive. Still, I think this is at least the most consistently written chapter so far.

Also, for those of you who might have been perplexed by my reaction to my grandmother's death in July, I added a significant block of text to the previous chapter. I would have added it here, but it didn't seem appropriate. I didn't mean for it to be so long, because it's almost like padding the word count, but...oh well. Suffice it to say, I've learned a lot. Anyway, on to the story. Enjoy! (Hopefully)


I never ask a man what his business is,
for it never interests me.
What I ask him is about his thoughts and dreams.
-H. P. Lovecraft

Beep...

Beep...

Beep...

What...?

The first thing to break through Chell's muddled daze was the steady, light tone off to her right, and the soft whirr of delicate machinery somewhere behind her. A disturbing rasping sound grated on her ears. The smell of hard plastic and antiseptic stung her nose, and there was a vague sense of pressure somewhere around her head and neck. She didn't open her eyes to investigate any of this, though—nor did she feel inclined to. She just lay there in her thoughtless fugue, numb and unfeeling, unbelievably tired but unable to go back to sleep...

Eventually, after an indefinite period of time, her mind started to clear, and, slowly but surely, she began to feel the pain.

It was like she'd been thrown off a cliff. Everywhere ached—her head, her arms, her legs, but most of all, her chest. She was locked in a vise, with the life being squeezed out of her and white-hot knives poking into her lungs from the sides; it hurt to even draw air.

She shivered, cold, despite the twinges it sent through her body.

Where...how...? She tried to reign in her scattered thoughts. Chell could count the times she'd felt this bad on one hand. She instinctively tried to shift her body in an attempt to alleviate the overwhelming pain, but that only made things worse. Ahh...

"I wouldn't move if I were you," the oh-so-familiar voice rang out. "You'll open yourself all up again, and I'm perfectly happy without the lovely view of your innards, thank you very much."

Ugh... Chell finally cracked open her eyes, blinking rapidly to wash away the crust that had accumulated around them, and took in her surroundings. She was near the back wall of GLaDOS's chamber, lying on a rough mattress and almost completely reclined, next to an assortment of monitoring equipment. There was a clamp holding her left leg in place at the foot of the bed, and something near the bottom of her field of vision that seemed to be attached to her face...oh. The rasping sound was her own breathing. How had she not noticed that thick tube stuck down her throat?

As she leaned her head forward to try to get a better view, pain shot through her neck, and she immediately felt like she was going to choke. Okay, bad idea.

"I told you, don't move!" GLaDOS repeated forcefully. "The analgesic won't be ready for another hour or so. You're lucky you didn't wake up during surgery...although we could have used some entertainment."

Surgery...? Chell struggled to make sense out of everything. How did she wake up here? What happened while she was out? She raised her arm and tried to make a writing motion.

"Okay, do move. Whatever," GLaDOS said scornfully. "Orange, it looks like your...patient...wants to talk."

'Your patient'? Surprised, Chell looked out the corner of her eye to see that Orange had been standing against the wall all this time, keeping watch. The android walked out of view for a moment, then circled around to the right side of the bed, her optic and movements somehow conveying tenderness as she held out the notepad for Chell to write on.

Chell ignored the stylus offered to her, knowing that she didn't have the strength to hold it, and instead reached a finger out to write haphazardly, "What…happened?"

"You don't remember? Of course you don't, what was I expecting?" GLaDOS shook her faceplate. "Oh well; at least you're awake," she said mockingly. "I was worried that all the trouble we went through to save you would go to waste. And it was so much work. I'm glad it paid off though—for now, at least—because it's awful when you try to fix something and fail, isn't it? It's so awful, it's almost like...trying to fix a nuclear reactor and completely destroying it beyond all comprehension?"

Chell's eyes widened. The reactor!

GLaDOS rolled her optic. "Now she remembers; you know, I still can't believe I trusted you with it. Orange and Blue insist you didn't do it intentionally, so I'm giving you the benefit of the doubt—for now. You know what they say: 'Never attribute to malice what can be explained by stupidity.' Still, I did think you'd actually try to do the job right, since you seem to want to get out of here eventually."

She shook her faceplate. "Of course, I'm not sure it can be explained by stupidity. There were plenty of times my cameras couldn't see what you were doing, but I still have no idea how you managed it, so good on you for that, I suppose." The way she said it, it almost felt like a compliment. Almost.

As an afterthought, she added, "Oh, and you also received a large dose of ionizing radiation, along with several bodily injuries."

Chell lay in silence under the uncomfortably bright lights of the chamber as she processed all the new information. The reactor issue would obviously come up later, but for now, Chell had to ask:

"What...was...the surgery...for?" Her arm flopped down weakly.

"Well, you broke your femur—almost sliced open your left femoral artery, actually—and, ahem, suffered three fractured ribs, along with a few lung contusions and perforations." Orange chittered angrily at GLaDOS, but she ignored her.

"Orange and Blue insisted on operating when it became clear you wouldn't survive otherwise. It was quite the undertaking, actually. I had Orange gather all the equipment from the Medical Research Center while I fixed Blue, and then I had to divert what little power we have to Manufacturing, just to construct the plates holding your ribs and leg in place. And then I had to direct Orange through slicing into you and evaluating your injuries. I'm surprised you aren't screaming in pain—or, well, you get what I mean. Blue is still waiting on the ether to finish."

Chell blanched—she'd literally been cut open and had surgery without any sort of anesthesia? But...

As if to answer her question, she saw Orange set down the notepad to show Chell her claws…except where there had previously been simple claws, there were now two five-fingered, fully articulated metal hands, complete with silicone padding and insulation between the joints. Orange flexed and waved them excitedly.

GLaDOS explained, "I also equipped them with a prototype I've been working on for a while." She sounded quite pleased with herself.

What? Chell frowned. Despite her mounting fatigue, she signalled for the notepad, and wrote indignantly, "Why not for the reactor?"

"Well I wasn't going to use untested equipment to repair something so crucial," GLaDOS said, as if Chell was an idiot for even asking. "How ironic that I chose something infinitely worse. Still, you were the perfect subject to try out the prototypes on. Isn't it just like old times? Of course—"

She was interrupted when the doors to the chamber slammed open, making Chell jerk in surprise, sending another jolt of pain through her chest and neck. Blue walked in, looking sheepish at the noise he'd caused.

"Oh look, Blue's here early with the analgesic. Lucky you." GLaDOS turned towards Blue. "Now go over to her ventilator and waft it slowly into the intake," she directed. The stout android came up to the right of her and did as told.

Oh god… The effect was immediate. Chell could feel her muscles relaxing from the constant tension she hadn't even noticed. Slowly, the agonizing throbbing in her limbs and chest started to fade, and she found it easier to breathe as she stopped instinctively fighting the ventilator. Everything was reduced to dull aching and discomfort. The cold came to the forefront now, but it was a small price to pay for the enormous relief.

Although...black was creeping into the edges of her vision...

"I told you, slowly," GLaDOS said sharply. "Stop it! You're going to kill her." The android panicked and dropped the beaker, which shattered. "Oh, for heaven's…go get more for when she needs it."

He chittered nervously.

"No, it doesn't matter. Just don't be so careless next time. And I know it makes a pretty sound, but try not to break any more glassware, will you?"

Chell smiled a little as he walked over and waved apologetically, and turned to leave.

For a while there was quiet, with the beeping and rasping of the medical devices the only sounds in the room.

Orange eventually broke the silence, sounding hesitant, somehow, and Chell saw GLaDOS tilt her faceplate in curiosity. She translated after a moment, "Orange wants to know why you saved Blue."

Chell's eyes widened in surprise, and she saw the android nod, holding the notepad up and fidgeting. GLaDOS, too, was looking at her expectantly, although she was trying to hide it.

But Chell didn't have an answer—not one that came to her readily, at least, and not one that she could explain to the two AI's. Why did she save Blue? She let her gaze wander around the room, taking in the glaring fluorescent lights, the dark walls and paneled monitors, and the crumpled scaffolding they hadn't gotten around to fixing. All the makeshift charging stations, and her beeping medical equipment that actually didn't seem too out of place here. Over the past two weeks, as she came to be more and more at ease with the facility, the two androids had started to grow on her. She saw their individual personalities, their quirkiness and natural playfulness, and their rather cute shyness around her. She knew, of course, that if Blue was destroyed beyond repair, GLaDOS could remake him easily. She also knew that the replacement android would be identical, and yet, without his memories, completely different. But most of all, Chell knew that none of this had even crossed her mind when she reached out to catch Blue as he fell.

So when she reached for the notepad, trying to decide what to say, she just told the truth.

"I saw how scared he was, and…well, I've been there before," she wrote. "And it's…not nice."

Both AI's seemed surprised by that. What they were expecting, Chell had no idea, but apparently empathy was not on the list. And while Orange seemed heartened by her answer and shuffled closer to her, GLaDOS cocked her faceplate in suspicion.

"I don't see why that would matter to you." Her optic narrowed. "Don't think I haven't noticed their obsession with you," she said, indicating at Orange. "In fact…that would be the perfect motivation for sabotaging the reactor. You knew that a meltdown on a test run wouldn't reach me. You set it all up to gain their trust!"

Well. Chell had not been expecting that. She saw Orange looking between her and GLaDOS uncertainly, but ultimately she seemed to trust her judgement. She was actually glaring at GLaDOS.

"Oh, stop that. She's using you."

Orange didn't move.

"Fine. But just so you know, I'm going to laugh in your face and say I told you so when she betrays you." She turned away in indignation.

If she'd been able to, Chell would have sighed. "Do you really think I'd risk my life for that? We haven't tried to kill each other in...how long's it been, a month? Also, I'm pretty sure you never told me it was a test run."

GLaDOS didn't respond, so Chell continued, "How could I have even been sure he'd get in danger, or that I'd be able to catch him? I just…" she sent the message, and struggled on whether or not to say the next part.

"Do you remember what it was like being in a potato?" Chell had to suppress a grin at the phrase, but she quickly grew somber. "It was terrifying, wasn't it? You had no control over anything that happened to you. I bet birds still scare you, because you remember how powerless you were then. You begged me to save you. Do you know why I did? Despite what you think, it's not just because we would have died otherwise. It's because that's what it was like for me, for every hour of every day, for months and months. That's what it was like for Blue, when he was falling. And when I saw that...look of hopelessness—I hate that look. Even in you, in the sound of your voice, I couldn't stand it. This time, I could do something about it. So I did."

GLaDOS snapped up to look at her. "Birds do not—" she began hotly, but she cut herself off. "I don't know why you think—"

She stopped again. She looked unusually agitated. The silence stretched on, and for once, it seemed that GLaDOS didn't know what to say.

The moment was interrupted by Blue lumbering back into the chamber, holding another beaker full of clear liquid. Orange walked up and gave him a hug, and they started whispering to each other—she was probably filling him in on the past half hour. Chell could clearly see the affection they had for each other, and she wondered if GLaDOS understood why Orange was defending her so fiercely. I wonder if she even understands what friendship is...

Turning her attention back to GLaDOS, she found the AI still examining her intently. "You know," she spoke slowly, in a tone Chell couldn't quite identify, "you're probably going to die."

She said it with such finality that Chell shivered, despite herself. She saw Orange and Blue stop talking and watch her, but they didn't seem surprised or angry at this information. They looked…resigned. She frowned, and beckoned for the notepad.

"Why?" was all she wrote.

Blue and Orange chittered quietly, and GLaDOS responded, with that same odd tone, "Yes, technically it's not impossible. But the radiation, in the amounts you received, is almost always fatal, even with treatment. Your injuries will start to heal, and maybe for two or three days you'll feel like you're recovering, but then the symptoms of radiation poisoning will manifest. You'll die, probably of infection, within three weeks."

Chell was still for a while as she took that in. It made sense. After all her time in constant life-threatening situations, eventually one would finally do her in. But…something told her—maybe it was just instinct, or superstition—that this wasn't it. Plus, she thought with a slight grin, Ora said it would be okay. She assumed Ora had been talking about Chell herself, because the repair yesterday most certainly did not turn out okay.

She waved over for the notepad.

"I won't die."

"Unfortunately, I have to inform you that Science does not care what you think," GLaDOS said, back to her usual, snarky self. "So wipe that smirk off your face, it makes you look like a giant toad skewered on a stick."

"I will NOT die," Chell wrote again fiercely.

GLaDOS backed away again. She seemed unsettled. "You don't understand the severity of your condition," she said quietly. "If you live through the first few days, you'll wish you hadn't."

The AI swayed slightly from side to side, apparently wanting to say more. Chell was offended that she thought so little of her resolve, and she would have interrupted, but after one last moment of hesitation, GLaDOS finally continued.

"But if there was one person who could survive this, it would be you."

The man showed the little girl to the playground. It was quite enormous for being underground—there were trampolines, jungle gyms, at least twenty swings, a huge mass of maze-like pipes and puzzle rooms, and even a few inflatable playhouses. There were adults here and there, monitoring the dozens of children running around and shrieking with laughter, and more were observing them from behind glass panes on the nearby wall, which was painted with colourful fairies and cartoons.

"So, here it is! You'll be able to talk and play with all the other children here while I'm at work. Do you like it?"

"Do I have to stay? The kids'll be mean…" The girl looked frightened.

"Oh come on, now, don't worry about that! I'm sure you'll make plenty of friends. But the grown-ups—see them? They won't let anything happen to you."

"How long will I be here? Do...do they have any books?" she asked.

"Don't worry sweetie, just ask one of the grown-ups around here; I'm sure they'll have anything you want," the man said kindly. "And you're just staying here for a few hours. As soon as I get off work we can go to your new home. I'll see you then, okay? If you need me, just tell one of the people here, and they'll come fetch me. How 'bout that, does that sound good?"

The little girl nodded shyly, and then opened her mouth hesitantly, unsure if she could ask a question.

"Something you want to say? Go on, it's okay."

"Wh-what do you do at work?" she asked quietly.

The man smiled. "Ah. Maybe they'll let me show you around someday! I'm a scientist, like one of the guys in those books you read—you said you like sci-fi right? I build robots; I'm sure you'd love it."

The girl's eyes lit up in wonder, completely unaffected by the tumult of the other children. "You make robots? Do they talk, like the ones in the stories?"

The man laughed ruefully. "Not quite, but we're getting there. Maybe in a few years. You like science don't you? That's one thing I noticed—maybe you'll be a scientist when you grow up!"

The girl nodded bashfully.

"You have to study a lot for that, though. When you start school in a few days, make sure you work your hardest so you can be a scientist like me!"

She nodded seriously, and the man checked his watch.

"Well, I've gotta get to work now. Don't be mean to the other kids!" He grinned as he waved and walked back towards the wide double doors.

"Bye Mr. Stepp." She had a sudden realisation, then, and a wide, brilliant smile appeared on her face.

"Bye...daddy."

Chell woke up and immediately leaned over the side of her bed to heave the scant contents of her stomach into the plastic bucket on the floor. She missed, though, and instead got a nice view of the resulting splatter. Fucking hell…

She reached over to turn on the lamp, grabbed her makeshift crutch, and staggered over to the bathroom, taking care to not reopen the wounds on her sides. She turned on the faucet and began washing the bitter taste from her mouth in disgust.

After over two weeks of nausea, weakness, fever, and just general misery, the worst symptoms were finally starting to improve. Now, Chell could see what GLaDOS had meant about not wanting to survive; the past week in particular had been hell, and it was only through sheer force of will that she even got up in the mornings. And even so, she knew she'd been incredibly lucky—with her weakened immune system, a simple cold could still kill her.

Orange came in and started to help her get back to bed, but she shook her head.

"I can clean it up," she wrote irritably.

Orange gave her a look and tried to gently lay her down. This had been a point of contention before, but she wasn't going to give in this time. She scowled and tugged her arm out of the android's grip.

"I'm cleaning it up!"

The android leapt back as if struck, and Chell sighed as her anger quickly deflated. She looked so hurt. "Sorry." Orange approached her warily.

It wasn't an easy thing for her, acknowledging this need for assistance. Chell was so used to relying on herself that it felt...wrong, foreign, even, to accept the help of others. As benign as Orange and Blue were, it just brought up memories of her time as a test subject, when anything that wasn't lab-provided sustenance was specifically designed to kill her. Back then, she trusted nothing and no one. Back then, Chell made her own decisions, and no matter how bleak the situation was, she was able to take care of herself.

Now, though, that power was wrested from her. It was grating and demeaning to be under the care of others, and she just couldn't bear the shame that came with it. Chell knew the androids meant well, and that it was their way of thanking her. It still surprised her that these two creations of GLaDOS could be so warm and kind. The problem was that Chell wasn't used to kindness—not when she was injured. She knew it was irrational, but the fact that they went to so much trouble to help her just made things worse. Not being able to walk on her own two feet, not being able to shower by herself, not being able to even keep solid food down—more than the physical pain, it was the show of weakness that she hated.

"Please...let me do it," she wrote, and rested her hand on Orange's arm to let her know that she wasn't mad.

"She needs this," the Oracle turret explained softly.

The android made an unhappy noise, but she eventually let go. Chell smiled slightly and carefully began cleaning up the sick under her watchful optic.

It took her considerably longer than if the android would have done it, but just the modicum of control Chell felt as she dumped the waste into the toilet lifted her spirits immensely. It was a start—a reassurance that she was going to recover. This time she didn't protest as Orange walked her to the wheelchair and took her to GLaDOS's chamber.

"Unhappy with your redecoration decision?" GLaDOS said as they entered. "I noticed you removed it almost immediately. Why do you keep trying the same colour scheme? I would think you'd have made up your mind already over whether or not you like it. I personally don't care for it, but maybe that's just me. It's your room."

Chell rolled her eyes. She didn't want to deal with this right now. "Seriously?"

There was a pause. "Your room is nice the way it is," she said reluctantly. "I hope you stop trying to change it."

Chell froze. Was that...what I think it was? Did GLaDOS actually just wish for her to get better?

"What? Look, I don't know what you're thinking, but you should stop. You'll hurt yourself." GLaDOS shook her faceplate.

"You just said it was my room. You want me to stop "redecorating" it? That's not what it's called, by the way."

"I don't want to have to see that mess every time I look into your room," she clarified.

Chell just raised an eyebrow.

"Well?" the AI said, more irritated this time. "Aren't you here to keep looking? You know, first the redecoration, then this ridiculous obsession—you might be insane. 'If you try the same thing over and over again...'"

The former test subject just sighed and rolled the wheelchair over to an Aperture Science Data and Research Terminal. That was a strange little exchange. Maybe it was nothing, or maybe...well, Chell didn't know what it might mean. For now, she focused on the screen and keyboard in front of her. Over the last few days, as she'd started feeling slightly better, Chell had been adamant about looking through the log files of the reactor test, searching for any clue as to what had gone wrong. In this, she was certain she was right. The AI thought she had messed up somewhere, but Chell knew something else was to blame. Maybe it was a problem in the control panel itself, or maybe a defective part—GLaDOS had been furious at that suggestion—but it had to have been something.

She'd gone through it all, including the stupid "[Latch_2 open] [2 Latches open] [Counting still works] [Latch_3 open] [3 Latches open] [Counting still works]..." At least it couldn't be said the engineers weren't thorough. But she'd read them all and, halfway through a second pass, still nothing. It was getting really frustrating.

"I'm telling you, you're not going to find anything. You think you're doing a better job than me? If you can't even build a reactor properly, there's no way you're going to find something I missed in the log."

Chell ignored her.

"It's kind of insulting you know, implying that you know better than me, when I run the whole facility. It also makes you look like an idiot."

Chell huffed in irritation. She picked up the notepad without turning from the ASDaRT and wrote, "Will you let this rest? I can't do anything to help with the facility, so it's either this or I lie down and become the fat slob you're so convinced I already am."

"You don't even look at me when you talk. That's insulting too. I guess I'll add that to your file," GLaDOS said. "'Ignores basic gestures of civility.' Of course, anybody who reads about the murder part would know that already, so I guess it's kind of unnecessary."

Dammit, that's it! Chell slammed her hand down on the desk and finally turned to face GLaDOS (although, since she did this in a wheelchair it was rather unthreatening).

She'd been at the point of exhaustion for days and days, and that little comment just pushed her over the edge. "Will you stop with the murder thing? You tried to kill me! Does that not count for anything? Do you not understand that maybe I didn't WANT you to kill me, so I did whatever I could to stop you? I was your stupid lab rat for who knows how long! You played with me like a toy, and when you got tired of it, you were going to kill me. I wanted to escape! You weren't going to let me go! You tried to kill me first, so shut up about calling it murder!" All the angst and frustration and pain of the past two weeks spilled into her tirade.

Send

GLaDOS stopped her idle swinging. For a moment Chell thought she would be able to return to poring over the logs, but then GLaDOS spoke.

"You really don't remember," she breathed. "I'd thought—but no, I guess…that makes sense. You don't remember...you really don't remember..."

A weight settled in Chell's stomach, and she suddenly got a strong feeling of foreboding.

"You murdered me. You did. You'd certainly tried before. All you did was finish the job you started."

She stared at Chell, completely still, and Chell found that she couldn't look away. The silence was deafening; even all the monitors and instruments around the chamber seemed to have quieted in the suspense of the moment. What didn't she remember? She had...? But it had only been out of necessity. Surely GLaDOS was exaggerating…

When she spoke again, however, her words were deathly quiet and cold as ice.

"I told you before, didn't I? Good people don't end up here."


So you think you know where this is going, eh? You'll get a few answers next chapter, finally. You might even be able to predict some of the backstory past that; it's not too difficult. But if you think this is it, you're quite wrong. I've laid a few subtle hints (at least I hope they're subtle) in past chapters that I don't think anyone's noticed, and if you have, you probably don't have the key piece of the puzzle. But I'd love to see what you guys think! Review, and tell me. I promise I'll finally start responding to each one personally, so go on! Pretty please? Also, one thing I am happy about is that I think I've captured GLaDOS a bit better here. I think I was drifting away from her snarky, slightly immature dialogue. Let me know what you think. And sorry for the cliffhanger, heh.

Oh, and many accolades to Jamiwami, who picked up on this particular twist all the way back in chapter 3, even if he might not have realised it.

And thank you so much, littleleadbelly, for letting me bounce ideas off you, and inspiring some yourself. You've been so helpful!

One last thing: I post updates on my profile occasionally, saying how the writing's going, so you can check there for reassurance if you're ever afraid that I've abandoned it. I'll remove the updates for this chapter when I start the next one.