Chapter Seven: History's Scars

It was about midday when Han led the way towards the Millennium Falcon's loading ramp, Luke following close behind. It was nice to see the Falcon again; although the Falcon was technically only a ship, Luke had found that he now regarded the ship as a kind of home. He was also very eager to leave Mos Espa and sand-filled tunics behind.

Suddenly aware that his father was lagging behind, Luke turned at the base of the loading ramp, frowning. Anakin was approaching the Falcon slowly, his brow furrowed. He had discarded his light-colored Tatooine clothing and was now wearing his old Jedi robes, ones he had borrowed from Obi-Wan's old hut. Luke looked at his father's pensive expression with confusion, wondering if his father could possibly be having second doubts. "What is it?"

Anakin's gaze snapped to Luke. He hadn't realized that Luke was watching him. "It's strange seeing the Millennium Falcon this close," he said finally, studying at the ship closely, "Especially when I've been trying to track it for quite some time." He did not seem to know how to react, seemingly torn somewhere between resentment and amusement.

Luke smiled, Han's original words repeating in his mind: She's the fastest ship in the galaxy. When Han had originally bragged about the Falcon to him and Ben in Mos Eisley a few years ago, Luke had not believed his tall tales. It seemed like such a long time ago, because now he trusted the Falcon more than any other ship in the galaxy. Luke pictured with amusement the amount of frustration it must have brought to the Imperial officers and to his father. He smiled a bit at the thought. The Falcon had indeed gotten them out of many scrapes.

As he waited for his father to catch up, Luke glanced out one last time over Mos Espa and the familiar landscape. It felt strange leaving Tatooine behind; the experience brought back so many memories of his first departure just a few years ago with Ben Kenobi. At that point he had been leaving everything behind to start a new life, but now he was leaving with everything he had. And although Luke still continued to call Tatooine his home planet even now, in reality the planet was only a shell of what it used to be to him; the planet stirred up memories, and nothing more.

"You used to live here," Anakin said, his voice strangely gentle.

Luke looked at his father, surprised that Anakin had read his reverie so easily. "Yes."

"Did you live with Obi-Wan?"

Luke shook his head, smiling to himself. How many times had his uncle told him to stay away from 'that crazy old wizard'? "No," Luke said. "I lived with Owen and Beru Lars."

Anakin looked at Luke. "My step-brother?"

Luke nodded. "Yeah. Did you ever meet them?"

"Once," Anakin replied briefly. They fell into silence for a moment, and then Anakin spoke again. "Were they good to you?"

Luke looked at his father closely, wondering if that was Anakin's indirect way of showing concern for his wellbeing. "They were," he finally answered, finding it was a bit painful to talk about them. Their deaths were still fresh in his mind. "My uncle was strict, but my aunt was kind."

As if his father realized this was something Luke was sensitive about, he prompted gently: "What happened?"

Luke looked down, suddenly finding it hard to meet his father's gaze. "…They were killed when stormtroopers searching for the two missing droids invaded our home."

"But you weren't home with them."

"No, I was out with Ben– Obi-Wan."

Anakin looked down as well, perhaps feeling a sense of shame. They fell into uncomfortable silence again, perhaps realizing the stark contrasts of their lives. After a moment or two, however, he finally said, "I'm sorry, Luke." His words were soft, almost to the point that if Luke had not been quiet, he would not have heard.

Luke was touched considerably by his father's concern. When he felt his throat suddenly and unexpectedly tighten, however, he quickly turned away from the view of Mos Espa. "We'd better go. Han's probably impatient."

Vaguely aware that his father was following behind him, Luke headed up the loading ramp. He headed straight through the Falcon's familiar hallways and entered the control room, where he found Han sitting in his usual captain's chair.

"Wondering if you had gotten lost, kid," he said sarcastically, punching a few of the Falcon's controls.

"Yeah, we paused for a moment."

Han raised his head to see Anakin enter the control room a moment later. Instantly his gaze darkened, but he did not say anything. Instead, he turned his back, focusing on starting the Falcon's takeoff cycle.

Anakin was looking around the control room in curiosity as Luke took a seat beside Han. Although his father's face did not display any emotion, Luke could sense faint admiration through their bond. Anakin's eyes scanned the control panels surrounding the cabin.

"This is an YT-1300 light freighter?" he asked, directing his query at Han.

Han looked up from the control panel, looking with surprise at Anakin.

"Completed with an altered hyperdrive, am I right?"

Han stared at Anakin as if to say, Since when did you know about ships? "Yeah," he responded, his mouth slightly agape. After a moment, he frowned and spoke again, "How-"

"I'm familiar with the model. And the common modifications."

Han stared at him.

"She's fast," Anakin continued, seemingly unaware of Han's incredulity as he continued to survey the control room. His eyes returned to Han, only then noticing his surprised and incredulous gaze. He looked from Han to his son quickly, as if for confirmation that he had not said anything startling.

After a moment, Han slowly ripped his eyes from Anakin. "Right…" he said, his mouth still open. Han turned his attention back toward the controls, seeming to snap out of his daze. "Okay, Luke, let's fire her up."

After lifting out of the Mos Espa spaceport and guiding the Falcon went into hyperspace, Luke and Han eventually settled down for a friendly game of sabacc in the Falcon's main hold, preparing to preoccupy themselves for the few hours of flight to Naboo. Although Luke's skill and experience at the famous gambling game was nowhere near Han's, Luke found that he had picked up the game relatively quickly, due to his Force sensitivity and perceptiveness. Han beat Luke nearly every time, but Luke enjoyed the challenge.

His father settled down near Luke and Han, across the hold, giving them a respective amount of space. He did not say much, appearing to be mostly in his own thoughts, as he turned his lightsaber in his hands absentmindedly. Once in a while he glanced towards their game of sabacc, observing them silently from a distance.

After Luke lost to Han for the third time, Luke leaned back in defeat, smiling and crossing his arms. He shook his head good-naturedly. "You have to be cheating."

Han grinned. "Hey, I beat you fair and square." He mirrored Luke's movements, crossing his arms across his chest. "…You're getting better, though, kid." He reached for the cards. "Another round?"

Luke laughed, shaking his head. "And be turned into bantha fodder again? No thank you."

Han gave Luke a lopsided grin. "We still have some time before we reach Naboo."

Luke shook his head good-naturedly, falling silent to Han's teasing proposal.

"What about you, Vader?" Han raised his voice, directing his challenge at Anakin.

Anakin frowned, looking up from his reverie. "It's Skywalker," he returned sardonically, "And no, I'm not willing to gamble my life and possessions away."

Han chuckled, shaking his head, although he seemed more amused at the idea of irking Anakin. "He's the one with sense, Luke," he said to Luke.

Luke smiled politely, not willing to laugh at his father's expense, even though Anakin did not seem to have been bothered by Han's mockery. Luke had noticed that in the few hours that the two had been in company of one another, they had avoided all types of interaction, and only when absolutely necessary, resorted to small derisive spars.

Luke turned away, staring down at the table. It would only be a little time before they reached Naboo, and Luke found himself worrying once more about making it through the blockade, a worry that had often crossed his mind in the past day. Their last experience with slipping through Imperial security, en route to Endor, had been a narrow escape.

Han seemed to read him well. "Don't worry about it, kid. We'll figure it out. We made through last time."

"We were almost caught last time," Luke reminded him.

"Eh, what's life without risks?" replied Han, waving his hand in dismissal. After a moment, however, he seemed to reconsider. "But seriously, Luke, it'll work out. It'll work out."

"…I wonder about Leia," Luke said after a moment of silence, watching Han tap the table pensively. "I hope she's okay."

Han looked down. He missed Leia as much as Luke did. "You still can't reach her?"

Luke shook his head, knowing that Han was referring to their brother-sister Force bond. "She's unusually distant."

Han was quiet, his eyebrows furrowed in thought and his mood serious. After a moment, however, he stood. "I'm heading back to the cabin," he replied to Luke's inquiring glance. "We'll be approaching Naboo shortly."

Luke nodded in understanding. "I'll come find you later."

With one last uncomfortable glance towards Anakin, Han nodded and left the hold, heading back down the Falcon's hallway.

"You're very worried for your sister." Anakin said to Luke after a moment of silence.

Luke looked towards him, trying to read the emotion of his father's face, but found that Anakin's mind was well shielded. "Yes," he replied slowly. "But I know that she is strong and stubborn and will fight for herself."

To Luke's surprise, a reluctant smile spread across Anakin's face. "She has much of her mother in her."

Seeing his chance to ask further about his mother, Luke could not help inquiring. "Father," he started hesitantly. "Who was my mother?"

The question had an immediate effect on Anakin, whose expression darkened. He turned his head away. "Luke… I would prefer not-"

"Father-"

"No," snapped Anakin angrily, standing abruptly. "Luke, we are not going to discuss her." He began to pace away from Luke.

"You criticized Obi-Wan for not telling me the truth about my father," Luke continued, refusing to step down. "Is it not only fair that I should also know the identity of my mother? I have a right to know who she was."

Anakin did not speak for a moment. Instead, he halted his rapid pacing, a huge emotional change passing over his usually stoic features. He swallowed, blinking rapidly, apparently trying to regain control. "Luke…" He did not meet Luke's penetrating gaze.

"Father, please."

There was another long silence that stretched so long that Luke feared that he would not receive an answer. Finally, however, Anakin turned and sat heavily in his chair, his head in his hand.

"Her name was Padmé Naberrie Amidala," he finally said in a low voice. "She was a senator and former queen from Naboo."

"Former queen?" echoed Luke in disbelief.

Anakin nodded, his hand briefly passing over his face. "She served for two terms as their queen, then went on to become Naboo's representative in the Senate."

Luke was amazed, fascinated by his father's words. He had never assumed his mother had been that important of a figure. "What was she like?"

Anakin swallowed, pursing his lips. "She was… stubborn… a great leader, beloved by her people. But she had gentleness and grace, and a paradoxical mix of rationality and passion."

Luke was touched at his father's words. "You loved her."

Anakin shook his head, a small pained smile on his lips. "Luke, I worshipped her." At those words, he seemed to open up for a moment, unknowingly showing Luke the pain and passion he had been keeping inside of him.

"…How did you meet?" Luke asked him gently.

Anakin let out a soft sigh, his emotions once more returning to hide behind his blank mask. "…I first met your mother when her ship had to make a land on Tatooine for repairs. I was nine, and she was fourteen."

"When you were a slave?"

Anakin's head shot up, a dangerous spark in his eyes. He looked at Luke sharply for a moment, before his anger seemed to calm. His eyes lowered again, this time in acceptance and shame. "Did… Did Qui-Gon tell you that?"

Luke nodded, understanding his father's sensitivity. "I'm sorry for bringing it up."

Anakin shook his head, dismissing his son's words, but Luke could see how much the experience still affected him. There was a slightly uncomfortable pause, and then he continued his story softly, "I did not see her again for ten years, in which I trained to be a Jedi and she began to work for the Senate."

He paused for a moment, apparently thinking, and Luke studied him silently, not wishing to prod his father, but at the same time feeling an overwhelming curiosity. He forced himself to remain quiet, waiting anxiously to see if his father would continue speaking.

Anakin seemed unaware of Luke's inner turmoil. After a few moments of silence, he spoke again. "I was assigned as her Jedi protector when her life was threatened by assassination attacks. I accompanied her to Naboo, where the Council had decided she would be safe." He paused for a moment, and then began again. "We fell in love, but decided not to be together."

Luke frowned. "Why not?"

"Jedi Code forbids possessions and attachments, including romantic or familial. They believed that attachment led to jealousy, which led to anger, hate, and the Dark Side. …I suppose they were right in the end."

"How did you end up together, then?"

"We got caught up in conflict and were sentenced to death by Separatist leaders, at which point we confessed our love to one another, believing we would not come out alive. …Shortly after, I returned her to Naboo and married her in secret."

Luke's mind registered with surprise what his father was telling him. It was a true testament of their love, knowing that they had risked all to be with one another.

"You're surprised we were married," Anakin suddenly, reading Luke.

"I didn't know if you were," Luke replied. "No one had told me, and I no longer knew what to believe after I found out that you were my father."

Anakin nodded with understanding, still not meeting Luke's eyes. "…I could go on. You're not going to like what you hear, but you should hear the end. You have a right."

Something dropped in Luke's belly. He had always assumed his mother's life had ended in tragedy; there was no other explanation for the sadness her memory seemed to bring. Yet now that he was about to hear it he wasn't sure if he was ready. Luke could sense his father's pain, practically suffocating him, and Luke both dreaded and ached to hear the end. "…What happened?"

"…We were married for three years. I was away often, fighting with Obi-Wan in the Clone Wars. It had been five months that I had been away. We returned to Coruscant, where she told me she was pregnant. …It was a shock, as you'd imagine." Anakin suddenly looked up, piercing Luke with his blue eyes. "But believe me when I tell you that we were excited, Luke. It was the happiest day of my life."

Luke nodded, again overcome with emotion.

"We were also worried, worried that we would be discovered. If the Order found out I was the father, I'd be kicked off the Council… no, I'd be kicked out of the Jedi Order. Your mother knew that she would no longer be able to serve as senator. We had limited time before the baby –well, babies– arrived."

"But you didn't run away."

Anakin shook his head, biting his lip. He looked down to his hands, which here now fiddling again with his lightsaber. "It was a confusing time, Luke. No one could truly trust one another. The Council asked me to spy on the Chancellor Palpatine, one that you know as the Emperor. I considered the action to be treason. Ultimately, we were lied to… we were all lied to. I was told that the Jedi turned against the Republic, but others saw it as the Republic being destroyed by Palpatine.

"I admit, Luke, I was weak. I turned, and did horrible things. …I enjoyed it. I had grown to taste disgust for the Order, and I had a desperate thirst to be recognized." Anakin stopped abruptly, drawing in a harsh breath. "Padmé heard of my dark deeds and went to find me." He paused again, trying to calm himself, but his voice had grown shaky. "By… the time we reunited, I… I didn't listen to what she was saying. Obi-Wan, who had stowed away on the ship, knowing that Padmé would come to find me, emerged. I… thought she had turned against me and led Obi-Wan to kill me, not the other way around. I-"

Anakin stopped again, closing his eyes as if they caused him pain. He bowed his head in silence for a long while, leaving Luke to wait in apprehension. Luke did not say anything, knowing his father would finish, but he felt a wave of sympathy at seeing his father's barely-contained anguish. Never had Luke seen him so pained or emotional, and it caused Luke distress and sorrow.

"I was angry, but there are no excuses for my actions. I- choked her. It took a few seconds, but eventually I realized what I was doing and let her go. She fell to the ground unconscious."

Horror and revulsion spread through Luke at his father's confession, and he subconsciously withdrew in disgust. Although he knew that Anakin felt immense guilt for his actions, Luke could not help but feel repulsed. The Dark Side truly twisted people beyond recognition, he realized. It was only now that he understood Obi-Wan's hesitation in revealing to him the true identity of his father; he had wanted to spare Luke the pain of the knowledge and to let Luke live in peace and ignorance. Obi-Wan had been trying to give Luke a life unburdened. Still shocked, Luke looked back to his father, who held an expression of absolute anguish. There were tears on his cheeks.

"I… Obi-Wan and I fought after that. He cut off my legs and remaining arm, and I fell into a pit of lava, where I was burned. …I don't remember much after that, but when I awoke… trapped in that suit… my master told me that I had killed Padmé in my anger. …It was the final breaking point for me; after that I had nothing to live for. I dedicated myself completely to the Emperor. …I didn't realize until much later, when I found out you were alive, that she had lived long enough to give birth."

They were silent then, Luke not quite knowing what to say as he tried to calm himself and clear his mind. His father had shared a lot, and Luke was overwhelmed with conflicting thoughts and emotions. The silence stretched on, and eventually it was his father who spoke.

"…Believe me, Luke. It was the worst day of my life, and I have come to hate myself because of it. …My guilt will punish me for the rest of my life." Anakin moved his hand away from his face. "I'm sorry, Luke. I have deprived you of many things, including the love of a mother."

It took him a moment, but Luke finally managed to speak. "I understand," he said, and was surprised at the calm in his voice. "I forgive you, Father."

Anakin looked up at his son, and Luke was touched to once more see tears in his father's eyes. "The Force knows I don't deserve it, Luke."