A/N: The disclaimer is in the first chapter. SPOILER I've integrated scenes from P911... You have been warned.

Thanks again to everyone who has taken time out of their busy schedules to read my stories; I hope that they are enjoyable. To those of you who have left comments either public or private, I thank you, as constructive critique is just as helpful as encouragement. I find that conversation can open avenues that you may not be aware of and can bring forth a new writing experience, for which I am greatful.

I am currently working on 'editing' chapters 8 and 9 (which would have been just 8, but ran away from me) and writing the first draft of what looks to be chapters 10 and 11 (I'm trying to keep the chapters shorter to assist with transitions).


Pull Me Through: Part VII

Two months had passed since she had nearly experienced death. Two long and incredibly emotionally rough months and with the ever so slowly passing of time, Elle couldn't help but feel that her staying with Gideon was heavily wearing him down. On the plus side, she had been sure to keep her appointments and evaluations with the bureau's onsite psychologist. On the negative side, she only wished that discussing her experience would actually assist her in getting through the nightmares that plagued her, easily replacing the usual dreams that accompany the job. She thought for a moment and realised that what she really wanted was her life back— and yet at the same time, she also realised that the one thing that stood in her way of accomplishing said feat was herself. Yes, she had bested Garner— she was alive, which gave her a second chance, which so many in her situation had been refused. She knew that had she given up that fate too would have befallen her. Elle found it odd, at best how strange a moment of clarity can affect people— as she left Cynthia's office that day she realised it was what she did with that second chance that mattered.

Seeing that Gideon had been away on a case— the first away since she had been released from the hospital, he had been sure to call her to let her know that he would be home in time for dinner; therefore, after her appointment, she stopped at the local market for the ingredients she would need to prepare dinner and she had been sure to clean— even though his house, with only the two of them, hardly bore the 'lived in' look. Elle had nearly completed preparing their meal when Gideon arrived home. Upon opening the door he was met with soft music that appeared to drift though the house on the lightly fragrant air that gently tickled his nose with the perfect marriage of ingredients. Pretending not to have heard his entrance, the key in the lock, the door as it opened and closed behind, the thud of his overnight bag at the foot of their stairs, and the rustle of his jacket as he draped it over the banister— had been easy enough; however, the challenge was to resist the urge to run to the door and greet him. He thought he had managed to sneak in, positioned himself on the threshold and watched as she stirred something on the stove in a medium sauce pan.

"That smells beyond wonderful." He exclaimed and quickly closed the distance between them. She turned quickly turned the switch, lowering the heat and smiled brightly.

"Welcome home Jason!" she exclaimed and quickly kissed him lightly. She stepped back, "dinner will be ready in a couple of minutes." He loved the way she beamed. She untangled herself from his embrace and moved to the set table, adding a few final touches. He knew in an instant that something was different this evening— there was just something in the air; excitement perhaps? He nodded, quickly washed for dinner, and then found a bottle of wine to accompany their meal. Gideon found that he had grown accustomed to actually using his kitchen table instead of plunking himself in the living room in front of the television to catch the news while he ate.

"Was it another tough case?" she inquired as she dressed their plates. He sat at the table and watched her intently. He loved the way she moved, he noted how graceful she was as she sauntered to the table and set one plate in front of him and the other for herself. He nodded and looked at her with a grin.

"It was, but coming home has been something that I've grown to appreciate." He smiled, "thank you." He reached for his glass and she followed suit. "Bon appetite." The soft clink of glasses followed. Her expression changed ever so slightly, darkening as it turned serious.

"Jason, I need to run an idea by you." She placed her fork on her plate and he nodded, gesturing for her to continue. "It's been two months." The words actually felt like a slap, hitting him with far more force then he could ever have imagined.

"You feel that you're ready to go home?" he had, after all seen this conversation coming— he had been well aware of the fact that she could not make progress if she refused to face her demons. "Elle, I completely understand." His expression slightly betraying his words— he took her hand in his and brought it to his lips, lightly brushing them against her fingertips.

"It's just that I've been. I feel."

"Don't ever think that." He cut her off with an ever so gentle caress, cupping her chin and she in turn turned into his caress and smiled.

"Thank you." She whispered and once she found her voice, "will you come with me?" she appeared hopeful and with a warm smile, which warmed her heart, he nodded his ascent.


Elle had long been aware of the simple fact that her nightmares would hang onto her for dear life— if she allowed them. Yet somehow, she hoped that returning home would be the first step in breaking free of the power they appeared to wield over her. Going home would be significant in the sense that it would allow her to rediscover who she was, or who she had become. She stole glances at Gideon as he drove to her flat and wondered what he was thinking, yet couldn't find the words to vocalise her questions. He pulled into a slot and in a swift movement cut the engine. Reality seemed far too overwhelming and yet she knew she needed to be strong. She took a long, deep breath and removed her seatbelt.

"Whenever you're ready Elle— just remember that I'm here for you." He opened his door and got out, she only sighed as she willed herself to open her door. It was so surreal, felt so foreign to her to be outside her flat— outside the place where she once felt safe. She watched the trees as they danced in the wind that pushed and pulled the branches— it was quite the opposite to how she felt inside. She was well aware that she would have be well beyond strong if she wanted to succeed and managed to pull herself together once the door closed behind her with a loud thud. She stood strong and looked up at her flat. Together, she and Gideon walked up the exterior stairs to the door. Elle placed the key into the lock and slowly turned the knob as though she half expected the 'boogieman' to be hiding within. She couldn't stop her mind from working overtime, nor could she stop it from replaying the events of that day in front of her. It was hazy, she saw herself going into the flat, putting her bag on the floor beside the door, removing her holster and sitting on the window seat.

Sensing her discomfort, Gideon gently took her by her shoulders and pressed his lips to her ear.

"Elle, if you can't do this right now. Its okay." His voice soothing in her ear and she let herself rest against him, rest against his solid form— reminding her that she was in the present, a reminder that she was still alive. Her nod was still and slightly mechanical— she reached out and took his hand in hers before taking the first step. "Elle?" he inquired and stood still, watching as she took in her surroundings and taking a mental inventory. Her eyes finally rested upon the wall where Garner had scrolled RULES in her blood; they then fluttered towards the living room where she recalled dragging her near dead body to the telephone.

"But I thought." She held her hand over her mouth.

"Hotchner couldn't leave that for you to return to." Gideon gently slid his hands down her arms then rested them upon her shoulders once more. She covered one of his hands tenderly with her own and sighed loudly as she fought the onset of more tears.

"He did all this?" she turned within his embrace and he bobbed his head, letting her fall into him, press her tear streaked face against his chest and wrap her arms around him. He wrapped his arms around her and held her tightly to himself, then brushed the hair form her eyes. "It's over. It's finally over." She whispered and he found her words surprisingly calm in his ears. Then she looked up at him and tenderly kissed his cheek.

"Would you like to be alone?"

"I wish I could do that, but not just yet." She thought for a moment. "I really can't stay here. I thought I could, but he took from me the one place that I felt safe." She looked down, avoiding his gaze. "I'm sorry to be such a bother." She added still attempting to avoid making eye contact. He lifted her chin and kissed her forehead. "I think I'll have to look for a new place to live." She sighed as she recalled how happy she had been once upon a time.

"You can stay with me for however long it takes." He keeps his arms around her in an attempt to make her feel safe.

"Thank you. Would you care for some water?" she inquired and led him into the kitchen. She went to the refrigerator and took out two bottles of water, placing them on the counter. "Honestly, I was terrified to come here. I was afraid of the memories held here." She opened her water and took a sip. Gideon leaned against the counter casually.

"Elle, I know that this all so cliché, however, I'm going to ask anyways." He paused and put the bottle onto the counter. "How are you? How is all of this truly affecting you?" he turned his expression beyond kind and gentle as he waited for her answer. She had to look down briefly before lifting her eyes to capture his.

"I thought it was going to be difficult, just not this difficult. I still see what he did to me in my dreams, I looked around and while everything has changed." She paused and bit her lower lip. "I still saw the writing on the wall in my blood, the trail towards the living room, the telephone covered in my blood, and the puddles." She stopped herself, but didn't cry; she knew she had no more tears to shed. At the root, she knew that taking back her home would assist her in moving forward— she just couldn't do it at the moment. He couldn't help himself from reaching out and tenderly running his fingers through her hair, tucking a stray strand back in its place behind her ear. He sighed. "I now realise that I still have a long ways to go. I understand that; however, I know I'm a bit stronger than I was yesterday." She leaned towards him. "Thank you for everything." She kissed his cheek and gave him a warm hug. "It will be a little while before I'm back at work. I'm aiming for a couple of weeks, but Cynthia seems to think it will take a bit longer than that. I realise that you have things to do. Some rest to steal before tomorrow and another case. Don't let me keep you." She tucked her hands in her pockets. He shook his head and grinned.

"You're not. Is there anything that you need before we go home?" he inquired without thinking. She turned around and her eyes were slightly moist, yet not with tears, something else.

"Really?" she sounded content to know that he would keep her safe. "Thank you." She left his side for a moment and disappeared into her bedroom to collect a few things that she had missed. "Dinner." She suddenly blurted out. "I'll have to either go shopping or call for take out."

"Take out is fine." He smiled and she emerged from her bedroom with a bag. He placed an arm around her waist and together they went to his SUV.


She felt comfortable as she sat in the chair across from Cynthia and actually appeared to be happy to be under evaluation. Cynthia looked down, skimmed her notes and then turned her gaze towards Elle.

"I really don't see any reason to keep you from your team any longer; however, I would suggest non-field work. While you're more then physically capable, I wouldn't want to push your emotional comfort zone as yet." She sounded optimistic and Elle took that as a positive sign.

"Thank goodness! I've had enough sitting at home, pretending to be on stress leave." She blurted with a bright smile.

"Pretending?" Cynthia cocked a brow and shook her head.

"I've kind of been helping the team via Garcia." Elle confessed.

"I see. What exactly did you hope to accomplish by doing that?" she leaned towards Elle.

"I just wanted to feel useful. I couldn't bear the thought of you finally giving me the go ahead and I wasn't in the frame of mind to be of any help." Elle sat back in her seat.

"Our session is almost drawing to an end. I want to do a full evaluation in two weeks time. Keep tabs on those nightmares." She placed her pen on top of the closed file. Elle sat back in her seat.

"I admit those are not entirely gone, however they appear to have loosened their grip on my sleeping hours just long enough for those of a more work related theme. Those I've grown accustomed to dealing with." Elle smiled and stood. "Thanks again, I'll see you in two weeks." She said over her shoulder and closed the door behind. Grateful for an early morning appointment, Elle paused at the elevator. She could press the down button and go home, like she knew she was supposed to— or she could go up to the BAU, which just happened to be only three floors above. Would anyone notice if she slipped in and grabbed a few files from her desk? There would be no doubt that there would be a pile of paperwork that required— nay, begged for her attention. What the hell, she decided, stepped onto the elevator and pressed the button for the seventh floor.

Reid? She thought as the young profiler nearly walked right by her after doing a quick double take.

"Well if it isn't Doctor Reid." He stopped dead in his tracks and turned around to face her, his expression brightened.

"Elle, wow!" he exclaimed with a smile happy to see her.

"Nice haircut." She opened the slightly awkward conversation. She never imagined that it would be like this— somehow she thought things would be different. That it would be as though she had never been away.

"Thanks, yeah I like your haircut too." He closed the distance between them, which allowed other agents to walk around them while they talked.

"Is that a boy's regular?" she jested and he absently ran a hand through his hair— probably a nervous habit, but she did note that he wasn't as awkward as he had been before her absence.

"Yeah, it is— do you not like it?" he blushed ever so slightly.

"It's totally you." She smiled and they paused as Hotchner crossed the bullpen, heading directly towards them.

"So, you're, uh. Okay?" his question cut short by Hotchner's arrival.

"I didn't think you were back till next week." She doesn't quite look at him.

"Oh, I um, I got a text message, so." She had, but like the others, she ignored it.

"Then it was a mistake." He said quickly.

"Is there a case?" her eyes met with his firmly and he could see the need to be back reflected in her gaze.

"Not until you're healthy." He stated matter-of-factly, his expression firm.

"Yesterday I found myself looking forward to watching a soap opera." She rolled her eyes.

"Which one?" Reid joked.

"Please, can you put me back to work Hotch?" the need could be heard in her tone. He looked as though he was seriously considering it.

"The doctor hasn't cleared you for the field."

"Please Hotch." She pleaded and he thought he caught a glimpse of a pout on her raspberry tinted lips.

"You need more time." He said in an attempt to hold his ground. More time my ass! She thought, yet managed to contain the thought.

"I've been out for four months. What I need is to go back to work." She looked away and nearly sighed in frustration.

"We're going to Cleveland. Reid's going to the Crimes Against Children Division. Go with him." He handed her a thin file.

"But I can."

"Or go home." He cut her off and headed down the corridor towards Garcia's domain. Great, she thought with a loud sigh and turned her attention towards Reid.

"I'm all yours, Doctor Reid." She quipped and headed to the bullpen with Reid on her heels.

Cases that involved children always got to Gideon, no matter how hard he tried to conceal his emotions. Elle especially felt it when his eyes fell on her— that sentiment mixed with the 'what the hell do you think you're doing' look. A look that made her feel slightly small in his presence. She tried to ignore it; after all, she had only wanted to help— even if that meant disobeying Hotchner's direct orders to stay out of the field. What else could she have done while the counter on the auction ticked away the hours/minutes/seconds/nanoseconds of a young boy's life. It was a happy ending at least, at least that's what she told herself as she sat at her desk and watched Gideon, who stood glued to the spot watching the young boy and his mother interacting for the first time in approximately six years in the conference room.

"Elle, my office when you have a minute." He called and headed down hallway to his office. She waited for a moment before closing the file she had been perusing and Reid's eyebrows shot up.

"Aren't you going to talk to him?" he wove his eyebrows together.

"Yeah, I just want to finish this first." She replied and Morgan looked at her.

"Elle, I know that tone. You're seriously going to get your ear chewed off." Morgan shook his head for emphasis. She sighed and put down the file. "Good luck." He added with a wink. She stood and made her way to Gideon's office. She was; however, stopped by Hotchner.

"You knew you weren't supposed to be out in the field without being cleared by the doctor first." He crossed his arms across his chest and she tilted her herd.

"Is that what this is about?" she gestured towards Gideon's office.

"I'm not sure Elle, maybe." He replied and shook his head in disappointment. "Elle, I know that you want to help, just don't let your objectivity get tainted by the situation." He rested a hand on her shoulder and she nodded her understanding before taking a breath and entering Gideon's office.

"You wanted to see me, sir." She said in her most professional tone. He lifted his head and gestured towards an empty seat in front of his desk.

"I did. What is going through that head of yours?"

"I'm sorry?" she never liked being profiled. "I just wanted to get back. I needed to get back." She replied and rested her elbows on the chairs arms.

"You were not supposed to be in the field until deemed capable by the doctor."

"I made a judgement call. Perhaps not the right one." She looked down, then let her eyes slowly rise to meet his steel gaze.

"You were reckless, which is not you. Trying to use Reid to cover your misjudgement wasn't right either. You should be home Elle. You still need time to heal." She could hear the disappointment in his tone and shrunk a little in her seat.

"Gideon, I can't stand feeling useless." She bit at her lower lip. "Plus it means being away from you." She looked away and then down at her folded hands in her lap. Once more, she knew there was no quick save. He rested his arms on the desk in front of him and leaned into them, tilting his head in wonder and disbelief.

"I nearly lost you once." He said in a low tone. "I know this case wasn't the end of the world or anything, but." He stopped himself and stood.

"You're right. I will make an appointment for an early evaluation. Then I should be back in the field tomorrow." She stood and ran her fingers lightly down his arm, taking hold of his hand for a moment. "I'm okay." She whispered. You may be, but I'm sure as hell not, he thought to himself as he watched her leave.

To Be Continued…