AN: And here's the new chapter to Living in Your Fantasies! This is another request and I sort of cried while writing it. I hope you all like it just as much as I do. I just miss Cam so much and I hate how his character was killed off so soon. I really loved his character; he made me fall in love with the show even more. His death was very shocking to me. It was something I hadn't expected. The signs were not that clear to me. I felt like his suicide was just...something that should have been thought of more. If the writers knew he was going to die, they should have build up into that. *Sighs* It's over with now, though. I just wished he was still on there. Enough rambling. Let's get on with the next chapter.
If you have any special requests, feel free to PM me or drop a review. I will be more than glad to hear all of your requests.
Disclaimer: Stephen Stohn owns Degrassi.
I'm Right Here
Pairing: Maya and Owen
Setting: Cam's grave
Rating: K
Requested By: xoBlackRoses
(Cam)
It's dangerous to be here; I know she can wake up any minute and realize I'm here. I couldn't help myself. I needed to come see her one, last time before I leave, again. I miss her and it troubled me when I realized I left behind the best thing that has ever happened to me. Maya was the one I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with—that was until I decided to commit suicide.
It was something so selfish and inconsiderate of me.
If I could, I wish I could take it back.
I would trade my soul with the devil just to get another chance at this…just to have another chance with Maya, again.
It's been a year since I left Maya and everyone else behind. It's been one year and I regret every minute of it.
I creep into her room and look at the troubled, sleeping girl lying in bed. Her eyes are closed and she has dried up tears planted on her cheeks and on her chin. Her mouth is slightly parted, allowing her tiny snores to fill the room. I smile to myself, missing the beauty I had left behind. I look downward, noticing Hoot is being cradled by her. My heart clenches at this sight. I think about what happened the day I left the earth. I left behind mourning and confused people. I left behind people who had a million questions—one of them being "Why did you do it?"
Sighing, I carefully sit on the bed and look over at Maya. I caress her soft, blonde hair and she stirs in her sleep. My breath catches in my throat as I look at her.
She's so beautiful, so soft, and so delicate.
I allow my fingers to ghost across her bare arms and they rest at her shoulder. I rub her shoulders softly, wanting to do nothing more but cry out in anger.
I have missed this.
I've missed Maya so, so much.
Knowing that my time is up, I lean over and kiss her cheek. She stirs, once again, and her eyes flutter up. Her blue eyes meet my brown ones. Her breathing catches in her throat and she shuts her eyes, wondering if she's imaging this.
She wasn't supposed to catch me.
"C—Cam?" she says so softly that I can barely hear her.
"You're dreaming, Maya," I tell her as I caress her hair. "Relax."
Maya nods her head and falls back against the pillow. She allows her eyes to close and once again, she's sleep. A lump forms in my throat as I lean over and peck her soft lips.
"Goodbye, Maya," I whisper and get up. I climb through the window—the place that I came in through—and leave the Matlin's residence…not looking back. I go back to the cemetery and wander around until I find my tombstone. My heart clenches again. I ignore the pain I'm feeling and jump through the ground, going back to my coffin.
.
.
.
(Maya)
"I swear to you, Tris, he was in my room last night. I…I felt him," I tell Tris on Wednesday morning. It's has, officially, been a year since Cam's death. I still think about him a lot, especially after what I experienced. I swear I felt Cam—he was there. I heard his voice and I felt his lips against mine. I know what I felt.
I wasn't crazy.
"Maya, it's the anniversary of his death. That's perfectly normal to dream about him being there. Sometimes dreams can feel real."
I huff in frustration. Tris still talks to me like I'm some sort of psychotic child. I am not crazy. I know what I felt… I know what I heard. Cam was in my room last night. It may sound weird since he's dead, but I felt him there…I heard him there. I sensed him being in my room the moment he stepped in.
I was in denial at first. I knew there was no way that Cam could have been in my room, but I thought more about it. That "dream" seemed way too vivid. It felt way too real to be just a dream.
"Tris, I wished you'd just believe me," I cry out as I tighten my hand around my book bag. "I'm not crazy! He was there...in my room! He talked to me, he touched me, and he…he kissed me!"
I ignore the people in the halls that are listening and whispering about us. Tristan seems to ignore it as well. He rolls his eyes and folds his arms across his chest. He leans in a little close so people can't hear what we're saying.
"Maya, I'm not saying you're crazy. I just think this sounds bizarre. Cam is dead. He didn't come into your room last night. You're just going through grief. You thought he was there, but it was probably a lucid dream."
I feel a lump form in my throat. Tears start to swell in my eyes and I try to blink them away, but they start to cascade down my cheeks. Tristan sighs sadly and opens his arms wide enough for me to walk into them. I collapse in his arms and start to cry.
I cry because Tristan is wrong—Cam was in my room last night.
I cry because it's the last time I'll ever see Cam. It's the last time I'll smell him, feel his touch, and feel his lips against mine.
I push my body away from Tristan and take off down the halls. I ignore Tristan yelling after me. I run out of the school and down the steps. I take off to the one place I've never visited.
I run to Cam's grave.
.
.
.
Once I get there I'm out of breath. I drop my book bag on the grass, hearing a thump follow behind it. I drop on the grass next to my book bag. I hug it while I read words carved on to the tombstone:
Campbell Saunders
January 6, 1996—May 8, 2013
Taken from our lives, but never from our hearts.
I allow the tears to fall from my face. I let out a shaky breath and shudder. I trace my fingers across the engraving and sigh sadly. I feel a chill wrap around my shoulders, kissing my exposed skin.
"Why did you have to leave me, Cam?" I whimper. "I loved you. I could have helped you. I could have been there for you if you would have let me."
I wipe away my tears and close my eyes. My eyes flutter open and I look around. The cemetery is empty. I might be the only one here. I rub the tombstone, wishing it were Cam.
"This may sound strange, but you were here last night…in my room. I felt you—heard you—in my room. I thought it was a dream, at first, but then…then you kissed me. When I felt your lips brush against mine, I knew I wasn't dreaming. I knew I couldn't have you for long, but geez, I wished you could have stayed a little longer and talked to me. I have so many questions to ask you, starting with why you left me. Why did you leave me without an explanation, Cam? Do…do you expect me to answer these questions on my own? Do I have to go on a freaking quest to figure this out, because I can't! I can't, Cam."
I hear heavy footsteps walk across the grass.
Before turning around I call out Cam's name. It's pathetic, but it was just a mere thought. When I do finally turn around, I see Owen Milligan standing there. He's holding a bouquet of flowers in his hands. When he catches my stare he tugs his lips into a faint smile. He takes a step towards me and crouches down next to me. He wraps one arm around my shoulder and draws me close to him.
How did he know I was here?
"Tris had a clue you'd be here. He sent me a text and told me to come and keep an eye on you."
I nod my head and turn my attention back to the tombstone. I run my fingers through my hair and let more tears fall down my face. I lean my head against Owen's shoulder.
I've ran out of words. I don't know what else to say, so I let the silence swallow us for a few moments. It's quite peaceful. The May weather is warm, preparing for what the summer is going to bring us. The birds are nosily chirping and the wind blows, rustling the trees.
"Cam, I miss you, man," Owen says, filling the silence. "I miss you a lot and I wish I could have been there for you. I should have protected you and kept you under my wing. I knew you were homesick and you were struggling to adapt to a new surroundings. It was probably hard being the youngest on the team and getting the most stress because of it."
Owen sniffles and I look over to see a tear sliding down his cheek. He quickly wipes it away and takes a deep breath before continuing.
"When I found out that you killed yourself I was devastated—angry even. You took the easy way out instead of facing your fears and pushing through it. You left us behind, carrying guilt and grief on our shoulders. You left us too soon, Cam, and I wish you hadn't. I wish you could have stayed. Every night, I think about how it would have different if I would have…" Owen takes a deep breath and lets out a shaky breath. "…if I would have just stuck by your side. You needed someone there for you and I'm sorry I couldn't be there."
I lean my head off Owen's shoulder. He looks over at me and I give him an encouraging smile. He turns back to the tombstone and says, "There's so much you left behind. You left behind your family, your friends, and…and Maya. She misses you terribly, man. She loved you with all her heart—everyone could see it. She was—probably still is—crazy in love with you, Cam. You made her happy and she made you happy. It would warm my spirits seeing the two of you so in love and having big, goofy grins on your faces. It was great seeing you smile."
Owen stops talking and sets a bouquet of flowers on Cam's grave. From my peripheral I see Owen glancing at me with tears falling down his cheeks. This time he doesn't bother to wipe them away. I guess he's finally letting me see him cry. I take my hand in his and we sit there, staring at the tombstone sitting in front of us.
"Let's get you home before it starts to rain," Owen says as he stands up.
"It's not going to…" I look up at the sky to see the gray clouds slowly moving in. Sighing, I nod my head and let Owen help me on my feet. I sling my book bag around my shoulder. He wraps his arm around my shoulder and we start to walk away. I stop in my tracks and turn around. I take my book bag back off my shoulders and kneel down. I unzip it and pull out Hoot.
"I want you to have this, Cam," I whisper while giving Hoot a soft kiss. "I love you and I will never, ever forget you."
I place Hoot on the grass letting his body rest against Cam's tombstone. I get back up and trudge towards Owen. He wraps his arm around me and we walk away from the grave. I turn around looking at it again. I turn back around and sigh sadly. Just before we exit the cemetery, I swore I heard Cam's voice. He said something, I was sure of it.
I'm always with you, Maya.
My lips curl into a small smile. Cam is with me…through his spirits. It may not be what I want, but at least I still have him. He's still here.
