Ste didn't come home the next two nights, and he ignored my all my attempts to contact me. I knew he was alive because he would answer my calls, and hang up on me.

Thursday I was off work. Matthew had come down with strep throat, and on our way back from the chemist's I noticed Ste sitting with a man acting as if they were old friends and perhaps more.

Overwhelmed with exhaustion from caring for a sick child and worrying about my husband ,I was not thinking, and marched straight into the Hutch and up to Ste and the the strange man and introduced myself. Not long after my arrival the man excused himself.

Ste was not pleased. He grabbed me by the arm and nearly dragged me out the door.

"What they hell do you think you're doing?"

" I should be asking you the same thing."

"That man was a very important client ,catering for him could have brought us to the next level, and you come in throwing your dummy. He'll probably back out now."

"Ste, I- I didn't know."

"Of course not . You never think anything through you idiot."

" I didn't know what to think. I haven't heard from you in days and then I see you with him and-"

"And you decided to throw a jealous tantrum that may cost us everything. You're the one who is always talking about the future and wanting a larger space for our family."

"I'm sorry Ste...if there's anything I can do."

"Go home. Get out of my face. You've done enough." He went inside and I left feeling worse than when I had arrived.


Matthew peered at me through his fingers. The last 45 minutes had been spent in a standoff over his dinner. I foolishly thought he would eat the quinoa, peas, avocado, ham slices, and cheese that he asked for. I think he thought by covering his face I and the food he deemed offensive would disappear.

He put his hands down. "Daddy?"

"Yes son?" He paused to examine his cheese.

"Birds eat yummahs?"

I thought for a moment. "Sure they do. If Daddy gives you hummus will you eat your dinner?"

Matthew wrinkled his face and tilted his head. I could tell he was giving careful thought to eating hummus.

"No." he finally decided and went back to covering his face.

Ste came home just as I was bargaining with Matthew to take a bite of his food in exchange for almost anything. Matthew was happy to see him. He uncovered his face , clapped his hands saying "Yea Tee-Tee!" followed by proudly stating " I not eating Tee-Tee!"

Ste ignored my greeting and sat down beside Matty and made a roll up out of his food. Matthew happily took it from him ,and without any fuss finished his dinner.

"Why didn't I think of that?"

"Well ,we know thinking things through is not your strong point."

"It's nice to have you home, it comes in handy to have someone who's been there done that. Reinforcements and all that." I tried to lighten his mood.

He looked at me "Oh, so now you trust me."

"Were you able to fix things with him?"

"I left him a message, so hopefully it will turn out okay."

"I'm so sorry."

Ste lifted my chin "Don't worry you'll be making it up to me." He left the room with Matthew following closely behind.

"I was thinking that tomorrow night we could take the kids into town ,they're having some art and storytelling family event there will be music too. I'm thinking Leah, Lucas, and Matty will love it."

As he called to me I suddenly remembered Amy had left a message with me the other night when she couldn't reach Ste. In everything that had happened I had forgotten

"What do you say?" Ste asked as he returned to the kitchen carrying Matthew in his arms.

I hesitated trying to find the right words to tell him of my oversight.

"Well? If you have a better idea spill it"

"Amy called the other night...when you were out...she couldn't reach you..and she wanted me to tell you the kids won't be coming this weekend .Leah has a gymnastics meet and it would be too much to organize that and Lucas, but to give her a call about next weekend and maybe going to the tournament."

I can't fully describe the look Ste gave me but it was far from loving.

"I'm so sorry with everything that's happened the last couple days it completely slipped my mind."

"You just forgot to tell me the mother of my children called. It just slipped your mind to tell me something important about my kids. Just like that. Is that what you expect me to believe John- Paul? Is that how little you think of me? Do you think I am moron? You know how hard I have worked to have my kids in my life to be a father to them and you go and do this. How could you be so stupid? You idiot!"

"Ste I said I was sorry . It was a mistake . Matthew was sick ... I was worried about you-"

"So everyone else is to blame? You really are a jackass."

"If you call her I'm sure you can work something out. I'll talk to her if you want me to and explain."

"What I want is for you to shut your mouth. You better hope I am able to reach her and sort this."

He handed Matthew to me and stormed out of the room.


Saturday came and it was just me and Matthew. Ste had gone to Leah's gymnastics meet, and even though Matty and me had been invited to attend Ste made it very clear to me that I was not welcome.

Truthfully, I didn't mind missing out. Of course I would love to be there to support Leah, but I needed a break from Ste. He had been able to connect with Amy and make plans for the weekend without trouble , and things had been sorted between him and the client, but that was not enough for him. I'd done my best to make it up to him, but he hadn't forgiven me. After his phone call to Amy he had launched into a verbal tirade, and after he simply refused to acknowledge me in any way. I felt small and invisible. This morning, before he left, he had ignored me completely . He actually shrugged me off when I attempted to hug him goodbye. He was still good to Matthew, and Matthew adored him, and as long as that was true I was fine with going unnoticed for a few days.

On the brighter side I was happy to be spending the entire day with Matthew. It had been ages since we had a "boys day" and we made the best of it: pizza for lunch, a trip to the park, we fed the ducks, and made a special trip to see actual trains. Matthew loved every minute of it, and I was happy just to see him having so much fun.

At bedtime, Matthew begged me to play his favorite game , and against my better judgment and taking the chance I'd wind him up to the point it would take hours to get him to sleep I gave in.

The game involved me holding Matthew up by his arms swinging him from side to side like a monkey, flipping him over one way and flipping him back before swinging him up and over my shoulder. He loved it and the game always ended with him in giggles, and screaming in glee.

To my delight, even after three rounds of the "Matthew Monkey" game ,he settled into bed easily, and after a story, a song , and cuddles he was close to sleep. Most nights after his bedtime routine was complete, he would hold my hand until he could barely keep his eyes open ,and just before his eyelids fluttered shut he would yawn and whisper "I sleeping now. " Wuv you daddy."

Tonight was the same ,only this time his last words to me before falling asleep were "Wuv you idiot!"