A/N:
Thanks to those that are sticking with me, as well as the forum ladies who are keeping me on my toes.
A reviewer asked whether I want you guys to relate to Bella, because many of you obviously don't like her. The way I look at it is that you can choose to view her any way you want because we all have our own experiences to go based on. Some readers totally get her, and some just don't. Each is fine. To me, it's not about how her character starts; it's about the growth.
Beta is Lindz26. She really liked this chapter, so I hope you all do, too.
CHAPTER SEVEN
*HE KISSED ME*
After my embarrassing moment three nights ago, I was finally getting over it. I didn't once try to seek Edward out after I left, and he didn't bother to contact me, which seemed to help a bit. The fact was that I was so angry with him.
How he'd managed to turn the evening into such a mess was beyond me. We had been okay at first. I was starting to think we could actually be friends, even with next to nothing in common, but then he had to go and ask questions about Jasper and me, followed by, of course, the spilling of the wine, which caused an entire embarrassing fiasco afterward.
If I ever saw him again, I knew I was going to either ignore him or be very short with him. Frankly, I'd be content with never seeing him again. I was sure he was just fine, anyway, with his blonde bimbo. It looked like I didn't need to find him a woman, after all. All he had to do was humiliate me and then—presto—a woman appears out of nowhere.
I was still extremely agitated, barely talking to Rose or Jasper. They knew something was up, and Jasper asked me a few times, but I'd change the subject to something work related. He knew me too well not to let it slide, so every chance he got, he'd try to lift my mood.
"Alright, we're going out tonight—just you and me," Jasper said as he came into my office. I was hunched over my desk, looking over a list of antiques we'd just got in today.
I couldn't believe I was going to say this, but I just wished he would stop trying to make me feel better. "Thanks, Jasper, but I think I'm just going to go home tonight."
"No," he said, and pulled me to stand from my desk. I sighed, allowing him to lift me. He brought me to his chest, wrapping his arms tightly around my waist. I burrowed my face into his chest, shutting my sight off from the world. "You've been stomping and moping around here all morning. I know something's up." He rubbed his nose into my hair. "Bellsy, tell me what's wrong." His tone was soft, caressing me with his words.
My heart fluttered, and I fisted his suit jacket. "It's okay. I'll be fine."
He pulled back and bent down a bit to look at me. "Come on, we tell each other everything," he said. "You know how much I care about you. I hate seeing you so upset about something. If you tell me, maybe I can fix it for you."
I laughed bitterly. "You can't, but thanks for the offer."
The ringing of my work line suddenly cut through our talking, and Jasper answered it swiftly.
"Isabella Swan's extension," he greeted into the phone. He let go of me and furrowed his brow. "She does?" I eyed him curiously. "He is?"
"What is it?" I whispered, but he held up his index finger for me to wait.
"Okay, well, then…I guess you can send him up," he said in confusion, and hung up.
"What's wrong?" I questioned.
He looked at me oddly. "Angela said Edward's here to see you." I stopped breathing and my face became tinged with red. Why on earth was he here? "Did something happen on Friday?" His voice was full of concern and protectiveness.
I shook my head, not wanting to worry him. "No, nothing happened. I'm sure he's just here to inquire about the next auction," I answered, hoping he'd buy that. I was positive Edward wasn't here for that purpose.
I moved past Jasper quickly and walked out into the main office, looking briefly for a sign of Edward, but he wasn't here yet.
As hastily as I could, I made my way over to the break room. Just as I was about to walk in, Edward stepped out of the elevator, looking a bit disheveled with a heavy five o'clock shadow and untamed hair. His light eyes instantly found mine, and I panicked. I dashed straight into the break room and over to the coffee pot on the counter.
I couldn't believe he was here. Did he come just to rub the other night in my face? Maybe he wanted to throw more wine on me and then pick up another batch of blonde waitresses afterward. As it was, once was enough, so I hoped he would leave and return to wherever place someone like him came from—maybe his mess of a house.
"Bella," a deep voice called behind me.
I had been holding the coffee pot in my hand, and I swiftly put it down in fright. I spun around and was met with Edward standing in the doorway. He looked tired, most likely from all the sex he had with the blonde waitress. God! Why did this bug me so much? I quickly faced away from him, now angry at myself.
"How can I help you?" I inquired, overly impersonal.
"Don't do that," Edward said, coming up right behind me.
"I'm afraid I don't know what you mean," I replied, and picked up the pot of coffee again. I busied myself by pouring the hot liquid into a mug, even though I knew I wasn't going to drink it.
"I know, Bella…I know I messed up. If I could just—"
"It's fine," I said curtly, cutting him off.
"No, it's not," he countered. I could feel the heat of his body right behind me, but I didn't dare turn around as I began to stir cream into my coffee. "Just let me apologize."
"There's nothing to apologize for. It's not necessary."
"Yes, it is. It's just…when I'm around you—shit…I don't even know—"
"I told you, Mr. Masen, this isn't necessary," I snapped, wanting him to just go away. I felt my chest begin to tighten and my stomach swirl with infuriation and disappointment, because for some reason, I was upset over all of this. And it wasn't just being angry; it was a level of sadness, as well, that flooded my emotions, and I couldn't understand why.
"Why are you calling me that?" he asked, almost desperately.
I slammed the spoon down I had been stirring in my coffee mug. It clattered against the counter loudly. "Because, Mr. Masen, that is your name and that's what I will call you from this point on."
He was quiet for a moment. I could hear his soft breathing as he inhaled slowly. "I thought we could be friends." He sounded so defeated. Perhaps he realized that he'd been wrong to assume that we could ever form a friendship.
"Well, I guess now you know that we can't be."
"Is that what you want?" he asked quietly.
I stared at the wall behind the counter. I was fighting like hell not to turn around. My body wanted to so badly. He was right behind me, and all I had to do was turn my body to him, but why did I want to? I needed to stay where I was. I needed to continue to be impolite with him so that he got the message—we could not be friends.
"Yes, that's what I want," I answered.
He didn't respond immediately, but I knew he was still there. I could feel his heat, his energy behind me. It sent a shiver down my spine, knowing he was near. I almost couldn't breathe, feeling like I was being suffocated by his mere presence. Something was wrong. This wasn't normal behavior for me to feel so…altered by someone.
"Very well," he whispered.
I suddenly felt cold…barren. I turned around slowly and my sight landed on an empty room.
I was alone.
X-X-X-X
The next few weeks that passed were particularly busy at the auction house. Because we weren't holding a December auction, we had more time to acquire interesting pieces for the January one. The employees worked hard before the Christmas vacation to find clients that would be willing to sell their antiques.
Jasper and I had spent almost every moment together, since he was at work more now before the holidays. We spent late nights at the office and even spent our weekends together going over invitations, lists of authenticated antiques, and paperwork.
Our friendship was starting to come back easily for me. It'd felt a bit strained for a few weeks, but we were beginning to do well again. He began to call me his nickname for me much more often, and by now, I was almost expecting it. I didn't know why he'd suddenly decided to call me Bellsy again, but I wasn't complaining. He'd called me that all the time during our relationship, and it felt more natural.
Rose and I were seeing less and less of each other now that she was dating Emmett full time. She still, of course, called me nightly to check up on me as well as gush about how great Emmett was in the sack. I wondered if they were having just a physical relationship or an emotional one, too. Could you really have an emotional relationship with someone you had sex with only a few hours after meeting them? In my experience, that wasn't the case at all. But if she could, then more power to her, and I only wished her happiness.
I hadn't heard from Edward once since that day in the break room. He hadn't even stopped by the auction house. Jasper never mentioned him, either, which I found odd because he'd been a topic of discussion for a while at first, but perhaps the nostalgia of seeing an old friend had died.
Though I didn't hear about Edward through Jasper, I still had to hear about him through Rose, who claimed he'd gone MIA, according to Emmett. I didn't care. At least, that was what I told myself so that I wouldn't ask further questions.
The truth was I was curious about what he was doing, and it was so frustrating. I'd told him I didn't want to be friends, and I knew it had to be that way because we were just too different and always messing up with each other, but he'd become a huge part of my thoughts after I last saw him. It wasn't intentional. He would just slip in, and I'd quickly have to think about something else. I didn't know why he was continuing to invade my thoughts, but I didn't like it, which was why I was grateful I could be so busy at work to occupy my brain.
Christmas came and went much quicker than I'd hoped. I spent it with my parents back home. They'd gotten a very small Christmas tree, which my mom forced me to decorate with popcorn. It was hideous. We hadn't bothered too much with presents this year. We kept it simple, and our gifts came from the heart at inexpensive prices.
Jasper had called me Christmas Eve as well as Christmas morning. He was in New York with his parents and wouldn't be back home until the twenty-seventh—two days after Christmas. I missed him, but was delighted when he said he'd opened my gift for him and loved it. I'd gotten him a DVD collection of a documentary that had aired on the History Channel about the Civil War. I also sent him a picture to his email of me in my snuggie that my mom had bought me, which he said looked adorable. The snuggie was surprisingly useful and I'd used it a few times since.
Jasper's gift for me was year round tickets to any Broadway show in New York. It was such a great gift. He said that the only deal was that he had to come along with me, and that was no problem at all because I couldn't imagine seeing any show without him by my side.
On New Year's Eve, we went back to the office, preparing for the New Year's party we were going to hold later that night. Rose was in charge of decorations, and I was in charge of food. No one was in charge of drinks, because apparently, everyone would bring in whatever they had, since we were bound to run out of alcohol.
I wanted to revoke Rose's instatement as decorator because she made the place look like tinsel town. Everything was covered in blue and silver tinsel. She said it looked flashy and that we'd be bringing in the New Year with pizzazz. If pizzazz was another word for cheap, then sure.
"I don't make fun of the food you brought in, so you don't make fun of my decorations," Rose said haughtily.
"What's wrong with the food I brought?" I asked defensively.
She threw silver tinsel over someone's computer. "Celery sticks and peanut butter. Really, Bella?" Rose questioned.
"And?" I inquired.
"With tiny little raisins on top," she added.
"People love Ants on a Log," I stated, my tone raising. "Plus, Jasper eats them."
She wrapped some blue tinsel around my neck. "Ah, yes…and we should always eat what Jasper likes," Rose remarked sarcastically.
"He's our boss," I reasoned.
"He's your ex-boyfriend and current obsession," she countered, throwing more tinsel at me.
"Would you stop with the tinsel, for goodness sake?" I barked.
"If you don't like the tinsel, get out of the tinsel zone. I'm in charge of decorations, here."
I groaned and unraveled the tinsel from around my neck, then placed it on top of some poor unfortunate soul's desk.
"So, who are you kissing tonight?" Rose asked slyly.
"No one," I answered truthfully.
Jasper had hinted at it a few times that we'd kiss at midnight, but he never made it obvious, so I didn't ask. It seemed like he was going back and forth on whether to ask me or not. I was a bit hesitant myself. If we did kiss, what would that mean? We were supposed to be friends, and friends didn't kiss. Would it be chaste? Would it be deep and meaningful? I didn't know, and either way, it seemed like it would just open up a plethora of emotions that I didn't know I could control.
Over the last few weeks, I'd been noticing myself suppressing my desires for Jasper better. I was actually proud of my progress. I'd gone from, at one point, thinking I couldn't live without him romantically, to being okay that we were, at least, together as friends. This didn't mean I stopped having feelings for him—I didn't think that'd ever change—but it did mean that I was improving. Maybe I could finally spend one night in bed without thinking about him and crying myself to sleep. Now, that would be a huge improvement.
"Yeah, my ass," Rose muttered.
"Excuse me?" I questioned, wondering if I heard her correctly.
"We already know who you'll end up kissing."
"Who?" I asked, because I really didn't know.
"Hello, ladies," a smooth, rich voice said behind us. We both turned to see Jasper smirking at us.
"Speak of the devil," Rose whispered to me discreetly. I glared at her, and then smiled at Jasper. Rose continued decorating. "How does it look, Jasper?"
He laughed. "It looks very…nice," he commented, and I rolled my eyes at him. He pressed his lips together, suppressing a laugh.
"See, Bella, Jasper likes my decorations," Rose said cockily.
"That's 'cause he was lying," I spoke bluntly.
"Bella," Jasper scolded through chuckles.
"What?" I questioned.
Rose groaned and muttered something under her breath before walking away to wreak havoc on another part of the office.
"What did I say?" I asked him seriously.
He shook his head in amusement and wrapped his arms around my waist. "Never mind that. Come…let's go to my office. I'd like to talk to you about something."
His arm remained around my waist as he led me into his large office. When we were inside, he removed his arm and, instead, grabbed my hand gently. He shut the door behind us and pulled me around his desk. He sat down in his swivel chair, and then brought me to sit on his lap. This was odd, but I didn't deny that I liked it. It reminded me of what he used to do when we were dating. Back then, I would snake my arms around his neck, but now, I kept them in my lap.
"Are you excited for tonight?" he asked, and tucked my hair behind my ear.
I shrugged. "Sure, it should be fun."
"That's good. I'm excited, too," he said, and then darted his eyes away.
"Everything okay?" I asked, already knowing that something was on his mind.
He knitted his eyebrows together, appearing in thought. "I was thinking…maybe we could kiss at midnight," he offered. "I mean, if you're not kissing anyone…and I'm not kissing anyone, then we could kiss each other, right?" His expression turned a bit panicked. "I mean, that is if you're not kissing anyone. You're not kissing anyone, are you?"
It was amazing how many times he'd managed to fit the word "kiss" into his speech. "No, I'm not kissing anyone," I answered honestly.
He exhaled and the corners of his mouth turned up into a smirk. "So, then, are we on for kissing tonight?"
I smiled. "Yeah, of course."
He rubbed small circles on my back. "Good, because I can't think of anyone I'd rather bring in the New Year with than you, Bellsy."
"Same here," I said, but the words seemed a bit hollow.
"Alright, well, I'm going to head home for a bit and then come back later. Want me to pick you up?"
I told him yes, and we agreed that he'd pick me up at around eight.
Afterward, I went to Rose again, who was still busying herself with the decorations. I told her that Jasper wanted to kiss me at midnight, and she just about freaked out. Apparently, the fact that he wanted to kiss me at midnight meant that he wanted to get back together. I really didn't think this was the case, but Rose seemed to be certain.
Getting back together with him was something I'd desired for so long, but there was something I'd realized recently that I hadn't before.
I was sort of angry at him.
It was overdue…way overdue…but it was there. I first realized it on that disaster of an evening with Edward at the bar and grill. I'd blabbed all this suppressed anger out to him that I hadn't been aware of before. It was new and powerful. I didn't let Jasper know this at all. I kept it inside to mull over. It was hard to come to terms with the fact that he'd broken up with me and then acted like nothing happened between us afterward, but it still didn't stop the fact that I still very much had feelings for him. So, I'd go back and forth from being upset with him to being happy with him. I couldn't seem to make up my mind. Today was a be happy with him day, it seemed.
When I got home, Rose told me I had to look amazing for tonight, and my closet didn't really have amazing things, so she loaned me one of her dresses. It seemed I was borrowing her clothes a lot lately. It was a good thing we were the same size, roughly. She gave me a silver sequined mini dress to wear with some simple silver peep-toe pumps. The dress was very sparkly, and I even commented that I looked like a disco ball, but she said I looked gorgeous, so I didn't complain anymore.
Later on, I stood in my apartment, waiting for Jasper anxiously, wondering what the night would bring. I was nervous about the kiss. I didn't know how to go about it. But after ten minutes of pacing, I decided that it would be Jasper's move on how he wanted to kiss.
He arrived at my door on time, looking very sharp in a dark gray suit and burgundy tie that I'd gotten for him a while back. He told me I looked stunning "as usual" and I flushed with color.
He hadn't been to my apartment in a while, so he asked to see Max. He spent a few minutes feeding him while I grabbed my purse and checked myself once in the mirror. I fixed his tie a bit before we got into his BMW and drove over to the auction house.
Everyone greeted us cheerfully, clearly having drunk copious amounts of alcohol already. Jasper got me some champagne, and I took a couple sips. If I drank too much, I'd be tired, and it wasn't even close to midnight yet.
I noticed Rose was absent and I began to ask co-workers if they'd seen her. No one had talked to or seen her around, so I stuck close to Jasper as he made the rounds, talking to all his employees. He kept his arm wrapped around my waist the entire time, only letting go when he had to. A lot of people asked me if we were back together, and it was hard for me to tell them no, but I did. It pretty much ruined my mood after that.
When an hour passed and Rose still hadn't showed, I snuck into my office and pulled out my cell. The phone rang three times before she finally picked up.
"Where are you?" I asked quietly, even though no one outside could hear me from my office.
"We took a bit of a detour," she said, sounding annoyed.
I could hear a loud static from her end, and I wondered where she was. "What does that mean?"
"We went up to Pine Lake," she admitted.
My eyes went wide and my stomach began to clench. "Why…why did you go up there?" I stuttered in question.
"Emmett decided to invite Edward at the last minute. He was supposed to be out of town, but came back yesterday."
I noted that he seemed to go out of town a lot, but pushed it to the back of my brain. The most prevalent thought in my mind was that Edward was coming to the auction house—to the New Year's party. I hadn't seen him for weeks now. What was I going to do? What was I going to say? I'd been impolite to him the last time I saw him, saying we couldn't be friends. Now…I had to face him. I could already tell that this was going to be uncomfortable.
"We're almost there," she added. "Just pulling into the parking lot right now. See you in ten."
I walked out of my office in a zombie state. I didn't know what to do. I wasn't feeling angry or upset that Edward was about to be here; I was feeling…nervous. Really nervous. There was a fluttering in my stomach and my head was feeling a bit light. I thought maybe I'd had too much champagne, but then I realized that I'd only taken a few sips here and there.
I spotted Jasper near the big flat screen television set up, talking with Angela and her boyfriend, Ben. I went over to him and he wrapped his arm around my waist again absentmindedly, pulling me closer into his side. Every now and then, I'd glance over my shoulder at the elevator, keeping an eye out for Rose, even though I was really checking to see if Edward was coming. I couldn't stop looking. It got to the point where it would look saner if I were to just stand at the elevator and stare at it rather than looking back and forth every minute or so.
Finally, Rose stepped out of the elevator with Emmett along side of her. I detached myself from Jasper and began to make my way over to her.
"Hey, where are you going?" Jasper asked me.
"Oh, Rose is here. I'm just going to go say hi to her and Emmett."
"Emmett?" he questioned. "Does that mean Edward's here?"
Before I could answer, Rose caught my eye and quickly walked over to us, dragging Emmett along. "Bella," she greeted happily, and kissed my cheek.
"The infamous Bella Swan," Emmett greeted me with a smirk.
"Stop calling her that," Rose scolded.
Emmett put out a hand for Jasper to shake. "Hey, Jasper," Emmett said.
"Hey," Jasper replied with a sturdy handshake.
"How's the beamer hybrid?" Emmett questioned.
"Still going," Jasper answered with a chuckle.
I furrowed my brow. They were acting as if they knew each other. "Have you two met?" I asked.
"Oh, yeah," Jasper confirmed. "He came out to lunch with Edward and me a few weeks back."
"Oh," I said quietly, and snuck a glance around the office. Where was he? Didn't he come with Rose and Emmett?
"Is Edward here, too?" Jasper asked, almost reading my thoughts.
Rose looked over her shoulder toward the elevator, then back at us with a shrug. "Yeah. He said he needed to make a phone call and that he'd only be a minute."
Emmett snorted and glanced at me, but didn't reply. Rose rolled her eyes. One of our co-workers suddenly came up to Jasper and asked to speak with him, so he told us he'd see us in a bit. It was then that Rose seemed to relax.
"What's going on?" I asked her.
"Nothing," she said, looking annoyed.
"I'm not allowed to talk," Emmett whispered to me.
"Emmett," Rose scolded.
"What? He left. What's the big goddamn deal? Jasper's cool. He doesn't fucking care," Emmett said.
"And that's why he's not allowed to talk," Rose explained to me. "He can't say a single sentence without using some sort of profanity."
"You're not fucking better than me, Rose, and you know it," Emmett countered.
"Not at work, though," she said haughtily.
Emmett groaned and looked behind him. "Where is that douche? Don't tell me he got cold feet," he muttered, and then suddenly turned around. "Well, it's about fucking time."
I looked around Emmett and saw Edward walking towards us. My heart rate began to accelerate and I quickly moved back to where I had been standing, so that he couldn't see me behind Emmett's large physique.
Why was I hiding from him? Was this what I had amounted to?
"You're not gonna talk on that bullshit phone for one more minute tonight, got it?" Emmett scolded.
"It was important," I heard Edward say.
Emmett abruptly took a large step to the side, revealing me to Edward. He froze as he approached, and our eyes connected. We merely stared at each other for what seemed like an eternity. I couldn't tell what he was thinking. I probably looked surprised, wary, or even fearful, but he only had a blank expression etched on his face. I couldn't discern if he was angry with me or not. He probably was and just didn't want to show it. It was understandable. I'd treated him awfully.
"Edward, look who we have here. It's Bella," Emmett announced with a lightness to his tone.
Edward's eyes flashed venomously to Emmett, then back at me. I supposed that he couldn't contain his anger towards me for very long. My stomach began to churn, and I wondered if this was a good idea being here. It would probably be best if I left, just so there wasn't any tension in the air.
"Bella," Edward said curtly, and then walked off unexpectedly.
"What the hell was that about?" Rose questioned.
"I'm gonna go talk to him," Emmett announced, and kissed Rose on the cheek. "Don't start the countdown without me, babe." He followed after Edward, leaving us alone.
Rose suddenly pulled on my arm, dragging me toward my office. She practically pushed me in and then shut the door behind us.
"Something's going on," she noted.
"What do you mean?" I questioned, feeling flustered.
"I mean, the whole way over, Emmett and Edward were talking in code. Well, actually, Emmett was talking in code and Edward was giving one word responses every now and then."
"That doesn't necessarily mean something's going on," I reasoned, though, instinctively, I knew something was going on, too.
"No, something definitely is. And it was only confirmed when Edward saw you just a few minutes ago." She stopped, analyzing me. "What's going on with you two?"
My eyes went wide. "What? Nothing's going on," I said quickly.
"Come on, Bella. You know you can tell me."
"I'm telling you the truth. Nothing is going on." It was accurate. I told him we couldn't be friends, which would entail that nothing was going on between us.
"Hmm," she hummed in thought. "You both looked sorta tense before."
I shrugged. "I'm okay," I lied.
"Alright," she said, effectively dropping the subject with a smile. "You look great, by the way."
We went back out to the party and reconnected with Jasper. I tried to loosen up a bit by having another glass of champagne, but it wasn't working. Emmett and Edward hadn't returned, and I wondered what happened to them. When Rose called Emmett to ask where he was, they both came back to the party looking disgruntled and not acknowledging the other as they walked over to us.
"Come on, Rose," Emmett demanded a bit forcefully, and grabbed her around the waist to lead her away.
"Where are we going?" she asked as they disappeared down the other end of the office.
"Hey, Edward. Good to see you," Jasper greeted.
Edward smiled weakly, looking only at Jasper. "Yeah, same. Sorry I haven't called."
"It's fine. I figured you were just busy. And I've been busy myself, actually. Did you have a good Christmas?"
Edward nodded and crossed his arms over his chest. "Yeah, I did."
"Who'd you spend it with?" Jasper asked. Edward's eyes fell to the floor and his arms seemed to wrap tighter in front of him. "Wait…did you spend it with a girl?" Edward didn't respond. He merely brought a hand up to the back of his neck and rubbed it. "You did, didn't you?" Jasper laughed and wrapped his arm around my waist. I noticed Edward's eyes briefly flickered down at where Jasper's hand was residing on my hip. I suddenly felt claustrophobic. "Nice. And here I thought I was going to have to find you one at a bar."
I felt substantially uncomfortable with this conversation. I didn't want to listen to it. My face flushed red and I glanced away. "Excuse me," I said quietly, and unraveled myself from Jasper's hold. Neither of them seemed to notice as I made my way into my office and shut the door, blocking out the sounds of talking and laughing.
I sat down at my swivel chair and glanced at the time on the computer. It was close to midnight now. Wasn't bringing in the New Year supposed to be happy and fun? This time last year I was with Jasper in New York and we had a blast, just being with each other, kissing deeply at midnight. This year was so different. I didn't feel happy at all. Was this how I was going to be in 2011? Unhappy and miserable? If so, I didn't think I wanted to go into the next year. But if there was some chance of happiness…
A knock on my door pulled me out of my thoughts, and it swung open to reveal Jasper. He smiled warmly at me.
"Hey, I need to make a phone call real quick in my office. The countdown is going to start soon. I promise I'll be out by the time it starts," he assured.
I nodded and stood, making my way out into the main office with the crowd of people I worked with and their loved ones they brought with them. I looked at all of them. They appeared happy with their wives, boyfriends, and dates. Even Rose had someone. I stood by myself.
It was one minute until midnight and I noticed Jasper was still in his office. He had the blinds shut, but I could see the light peeking through and his shadow moving around. I sighed and glanced at the television that was showing a delayed recording of the New York ball dropping, since they'd already gone into the New Year.
Soon, the countdown started, beginning at ten. My eyes flashed to Jasper's office, and I saw that he was still in there. I stood in my place, not moving an inch. Everyone around was chanting numbers, getting closer and closer to the inevitable New Year. I sighed and my eyes dropped to the floor.
This was how it was going to be in 2011.
Me…alone.
Three…
Two…
One.
Everyone around me cheered with wishes of a Happy New Year. People embraced each other, kissed. I shut my eyes, not wanting to witness their jubilation. Loud music blared in my ears, and it was only heightened with my eyes shut. I breathed in and out slowly, coming to terms with my lonesome future.
I was just about to open my eyes, when, abruptly, I felt as if I was falling, like the ground was tumbling out from underneath me. I squeezed my eyes tighter, waiting for an impact, but there was none. The air wooshed all around me, and suddenly…I stopped.
I was floating.
Long arms wrapped around my back, both feeling unfamiliar, yet familiar at the same time. They encircled me tightly, and I was pressed up against something firm. My pulse pounded in my ear, my blood coursed, and my breathing halted when my lips were suddenly covered by something soft and moist, something warm and inviting. I gasped, and parted my lips.
The desire to keep this sensation alive was strong. I was desperate for it. I wrapped my lips around what felt like another pair of lips, and threw myself deeply into this kiss…this feeling of completion, of being one. It made me lightheaded and dizzy, but I didn't care. I clung onto whatever was giving me this amazing pleasure that sent a shiver from my mouth, down to my toes. Everything around me was muffled and didn't reach my ears. All I could hear was my uneven breathing and my heart rapidly racing.
Suddenly, there was no more warmth, no more sensation, no more floating. The ground came back under me and my mouth tingled, feeling abandoned and cold now. My breathing returned to normal and my heart rate slowed. Feeling confused, I fluttered my eyes open. My vision automatically adjusted to seeing my co-workers continue to hug each other as champagne was passed around. There was no one looking at me or acknowledging my presence. I was alone.
I brought my fingers up to my lips and touched them gently at the memory of warmth and wetness on it only a mere moment ago. I turned my head and my eyes glanced around the room, looking for what had made me feel like that, so wonderful, so amazing, so…alive.
With my fingers still on my lips, I searched and searched, until I found a pair of intense green eyes staring into mine. I blinked a few times, my vision focusing, and saw Edward walking away towards the elevator. He was looking over his shoulder at me as he sifted around the people. He turned away, and my sight was suddenly blocked as someone stepped in front of me. That feeling of being cold and barren set upon me again. I felt even more alone now.
"God, Bella, I'm so sorry. That took longer than I expected," a familiar voice said behind me. Coming out of my daze, I turned around and saw Jasper with a wide grin on his face as he stared down at me. His expression became serious suddenly, and he brought a hand up to caress my cheek with the back of his hand. "Happy New Year, Bellsy…"
He weaved his fingers into my thick hair and leaned towards me. His lips—lips that I'd craved at one time—were only centimeters away from mine. Closer and closer they grew.
At any other moment, at any other time, I would've welcomed them, I would've leaned forward and possessed them, but now…it didn't feel right. It felt…wrong.
Just as his mouth came within a fraction of my own, I turned my head to the side. His cold lips landed on my cheek firmly, igniting goose bumps up my arms. He pulled back slowly, and I turned my head back to him. He looked at me inquisitively, bemused, and…heartbroken.
In that instant, I hated myself. I hated that I made him look like that. I hated myself for feeling so different.
Someone came up behind him and greeted him, wishing him a Happy New Year. He gazed into my eyes for a few more seconds, as if searching for something, until he pulled away and turned around, greeting the person in turn.
I took the opportunity to slip away. I walked across the main office, through the crowd of people, and to the elevator, not looking back once, just keeping my eyes forward. When I came out of the building, I caught a cab, telling the driver to take me home.
As soon as I got back to my apartment, I stripped out of my dress and heels, and crawled into bed in just my bra and underwear. I stared up at the ceiling for an immeasurable amount of time, unthinking, but several emotions running through me that I couldn't quite decipher.
With 2010 behind me and 2011 in the making, I slowly began to drift away into a sea of darkness. That night was the first time I didn't cry or mourn for what was lost. That night, I only had one thing on my mind—warm lips on my own at the stroke of midnight and opening my eyes to reveal a pair of deep green ones staring passionately into mine.
A/N:
Things are changing, no? Hope you enjoyed it!
Polyvore on the profile. Go see Bella's sparkly dress.
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