I know, it has been a very long while. But I won't bother you with explanations. I just hope you enjoy the new chapter!

IN TIMES LIKE THESE

Breathlessly she closed the front door behind her, leaning her back against it. With one hand on her throat and the other one hanging down on her side holding her gloves she leaned her head back until it hit the door. What was she supposed to do now? Her heart was beating like the one of a scared rabbit and her breath came in gasps. She closed her eyes. Her hands trembled as she tried to open the sash of her bonnet under her chin. She knew her cheeks were flushed and she was thankful for Mammy not being around. As she finally managed to pull the bonnet off her head she swept away the cold sweat from her forehead with the back of her hand. Desperately she tried to calm down her breath but it was no use. Her eyes flew across the hall without registering anything. She wasn't able to form a clear thought. Putting her gloves and hat on the dresser her whole body shivered and she slowly started to climb up the stairs to her bedroom.

Faintly she dropped on her bed starring to the ceiling. What on gods earth was she supposed to do now? Briefly her mind flew back to ride home on Rhetts side. She had never in her life been so nervous as the ten minutes she had to spend near him. How could she have been so blind in all those years that she had known him? How could she have been so stupid not to see what was lain in front of her? Just the thought of him made her stomach flutter. The imagination of his dancing eyes, his cheeky grin, his warm laughter, the way he used to hold her that night on the road at Rough and Ready, the way he'd kissed her.

She pressed her hand against her eyes. "Stop it Scarlett! You're getting foolish. You're married. He shall never know about your feelings." She tried her best not to led the tears drop that where forming in her eyes. Now she had finally found what she was always looking for in her dreams, in her nightmares and now she shouldn't be able to get what she wanted. This was a mess! Roughly she sat up, her head spinning lightly as she started to pace the room. Just the thought about seeing him daily and not being able to be near him taunted her. Why now? She knew she wouldn't be able to just admire him from far away, as she did with Ashley.

Ashley. She almost laughed at her infuration about him. Dreamy, helpless Ashley. He would probably forever be on her mercy. She now understood what he had said to her years ago, that the loved she used to feel for him was no love to build a marriage on. She would have hated him, she knew he had been right. He had been her childhood dream when she was supposed to have a childhood dream when all other girls had one. And then later on he had been the only one left of her precious life before the war. He had reminded her of everything that was gone. Her childhood friend, a person she could trust because he knew her all her life – but still didn't know her. But was that right? He had left Melly to her because he knew that she would never let harm overcome her kin. Because he knew that she was strongwilled enough to survive the war and everything that would be thrown at her. And he had been right. Again.

Scarlett stopped pacing and walked slowly to the window that faced the street. Few people and carriages where passing. Was he also right, that she, despite everything she had done, was good? That she was strong, even when she felt lost? That she was pure, even when she was sure she had seen hell? That she was innocent, even when she was guilty of dreaming for years for her sister in law's husband?

This was clearly too much! She returned to the bed and lay down. Closing her eyes she hoped that sleep would overcome her – in the middle of the day.

Certainly that was not going to happen, for Scarletts mind was too much in turmoil to be calmed down. She tossed and turned in bed and finally sat up with an annoyed groan. This was surely not working.

She went down to the living room sitting down in an armchair in order to read but after a half page she closed the book and threw it carelessly back on the little table beside her. After a minute, in which she had stared into nothing she stood up and went to a window to look out into the rain. She could scream. She had no idea what she was going to do now. This was hell! She shouldn't be pacing around like an insane.

Two days passed more or less in this manner. It rained constantly and Scarlett was grateful for that, so she hadn't to handle Rhett. She remained at home and tried to avoid everyone: She stood up late, when she was sure that Frank had gone to the store and went to bed directly after an almost silent dinner. She tried to occupy herself with sewing, reading, playing with Wade but all of these motherly tasks made her want to scream. Se felt like a caged bird. Every night she felt the bed shifting under Franks weight, when he came to bed. Every night he turned his back at her to sleep. He had fulfilled his obligation as a husband by getting her pregnant. Scarlett was grateful that he wasn't touching her anymore. But only the thought about lying near his old body when she could lie in the arms of a certain man made her go crazy.

"Miss Scarlett, you've got a caller." She heard the deep voice of Mammys outside of the door. She had stayed in her room the morning not feeling up to talk to anybody. "Who is it, Mammy?" she opend the door and saw the old maids face. Her bottom lip was pursed in disapproval, her face looking exactly like the personification of a tempest. Of course Scarlett immediately knew who the caller was. She had been afraid of this moment as well as she had awaited this moment with impatience. What would she tell him. Would he even have a clue about what was going on within her? No, he couldn't possibly know. She stood on the door starring right in Mammys face like a mentally disturbed woman.

"You, Miss Scarlett know perfectly well who it is."

Scarlett cleared her throat nervously. "Then please tell Captain Butler to wait in the parlor. I will be down shortly." She closed the door in Mammys face and rushed to her vanity table. Well, she was pale as always. She was about to pick up the rouge box but then decided against it. Rhett had never liked it when she wore it. She contented herself with putting some cologne behind her ears and on her wrist and opened the door to descent the stairs.

While she went down the stairs she wringed her hands nervously. Rhett surely would know that something was wrong with her. Well nothing was wrong of course. No – it couldn't be worse! She was going to meet with the man she was desperately in love with. She was about to storm up the stairs, lock herself up in her room to never come out again. But her hand was already on the doorknob to the parlor. No, what was her hand doing? It wasn't what she wanted. Yeas it was. Of course she wanted to see him. She had pined over him. Her head was full of him. She couldn't think about something else.

There.

Now the door was open.

She saw Rhett turning around in his usual confident mode. She gave him a shy smile and entered the parlor. She didn't notice his raised eyebrow as she closed the door behind her. "So how are you? I hope you're feeling better?" She nodded and tried not to look at him.

"Don't be embarrassed. You know I don't care about what happened." She nodded again ans told him in a rough voice "I'm not…embarrassed."

"So what is wrong with you? Why aren't you even looking at me? Come on Scarlett. You should know me better than that. I promise I won't make fun of you about that, never." He made a step towards her but Scarlett moved away. "Rhett, you… you can't stay here. You have to go. I can't stand it." She couldn't meet up with his intense stare and a moment later she felt his hands on her shoulders. "Scarlett. We're friends you and me. What ever is troubling you, you can tell me. I just want to help you. What is wrong with you?"

For the first time in this very conversation, well it was more of a monologue, she lifted her gaze up to meet with his eyes. "There… there's nothing wrong with me. I, I just… I can't tell you." She tried to sneak out of his grasp.

"Please, Scarlett. Tell me what's bothering you."

She smiled at him unsure "I-I have never felt better in my life than in this moment. I…" she stopped looked at him and tried to read in his eyes what he was thinking.

"My God-" He encircled her shoulders with his arms and pressed her against his chest. She felt the warmth of his body though the fabric of their cloth. She could feel his face buried in her hair. Her heart was pondering widely in her chest.

She didn't know for how long they had been standing like this. Everyone encircled in the strong embrace of the other. She realized that if anyone would come in they would be in a most compromising situation. When she tried to pull away Rhetts arms would hold her even stronger.

"No, please let go of me." She tried to protest weakly.

"No, I won't let you go anymore. Say that you love" He murmured heatedly against the soft skin of her neck.

"No, no I don't." she stammered.

"Yes, you do. Admit it. I've seen it in your eyes. I can feel it in your embrace. Admit it."

"I can't. I –"

"You love me. I know you do. And I love you. It isn't that difficult to say it."

He loved her. He loved her. He loved her. I pondered in her head. It wasn't all in vain. Everything had a sense now. They were made for each other. They loved each other. They – She was married.

"I-I do. I love you." She stammered as in the very same moment Rhett began pressing heated kisses on her neck, on her cheeks on her eyelids. "But-", and she finally managed to free herself "I won't do anything. We won't do anything. I'm married. I will not do anything to disgrace my family. As much as I would-" she bit her tongue. She had never seen Rhett so deranged, so confused like in this moment. He now was not at all the arrogant, self-confident varmint she often accused him to be. He didn't look exactly hopeless or defeated. But he was visibly confused. He took a deep breath to calm his nerves and passion and run one hand trough is thick, black hair. "And what are we then supposed to do?" He asked with a slightly trembling voice.