Tobi found it very difficult to contain his excitement the following day at school. Knowing that Sasori and Deidara had gotten together but hadn't told anyone yet was so delightful! It was like Tobi was in on a surprise party, or a really big scandal that was minutes away from making media headlines. By the time Sasori and Deidara finally showed up and joined the others at their usually spot before school, Tobi was practically bouncing in his seat.

The other Akatsuki members were completely unaware that anything was different, at first. Deidara and Sasori were sitting pretty close together, but that wasn't entirely unheard of on days when they were getting along. But then, Sasori leaned over and gave Deidara a light kiss, making the blond giggle and snuggle into the redhead's side. Hidan had been looking in their general direction at that moment and saw everything. "Dude!" he shouted, pointing at the pair.

"What, Hidan?" Kakuzu asked, the others slowly looking to the Jashinist as well. It wasn't unusual for the Jashinist to yell for no apparent reason, so there was no immediate cause for alarm.

"Deidara! And Sasori! They kissed!"

Everyone's attention was suddenly on the artistic duo, needing confirmation for such an outrageous claim. "Are you two…?" Pein began, motioning for Sasori and Deidara to explain.

"We're together!" Deidara squealed, bouncing up and down in his seat. "Danna finally decided to go out with me, un!"

"Sasori!" Konan exclaimed. "You didn't tell me about this?!"

"I was busy," Sasori explained with a shrug. "Deidara can be a handful when he wants to be."

"But I'm your handful, Sasori danna," the blond shot back, drawing the sheepish redhead into a tight embrace and rubbing their faces together.

"Brat."

"Danna." Sasori smiled and kissed Deidara, dispelling all disbelief in their claim.

Just like that, everyone's attention was drawn to Sasori and Deidara. Questions were flung, noogies were dished out to both artists, and a general merriment filled the air. Konan was upset that she hadn't been told immediately that the two were going out, Pein was hoping that the two finally getting together would bring a little peace to the group, Kisame kept teasing them, Hidan was pressing the pair for sex details (while Kakuzu smacked him on the back of the head and told him to behave) and Itachi smiled as he scribbled in his notebook, doing who knows what. Tobi sat to the side and watched all of this with a huge smile on his face. He knew that getting those two together would be a good thing, but this was beyond amazing! All the headaches and trouble caused by his scheming was nothing compared to the joy brought about by his success. But there was no time to rest now! He needed to start planning to bring the next couple together: Itachi and Kisame.

-m-

Tobi's planning soon suffered an tragic setback, unfortunately, in the form of a short, blonde, blue-eyed woman by the name of Ms. Perkins.

As far as Tobi was concerned, Ms. Perkins was one of his favorite teachers of all time, and easily his favorite English teacher. She was fun and engaging, and actually cared about her students. But if your grades took a nosedive, you'd have an easier time pleading for mercy from Saint Peter at the pearly gates than from her and her grade book. Tobi, sadly, had ended up in the red as far as grades went, and spent the following Wednesday afternoon sitting in a chair in front of her desk, trying to look anywhere but at his teacher's face.

"Tobi, you come to class every day," Ms. Perkins stated, eyes glued to her ledger. "You always participate in class discussions, you always have something to say about the book, but somehow you've bombed the last two pop quizzes, failed to turn in several papers, and you fell asleep during the last test!" The woman finally looked up over her spectacles at Tobi. "Can you explain what's going on here?"

The honest truth was that Tobi had been extremely busy formulating plans to get Itachi and Kisame together, especially since he'd been so energized after getting the artists to date. Itachi was an incredibly complicated person, and the only person who probably knew the extent of his relationship with Kisame at this point was the weasel himself. As such, this plan required 110% of Tobi's concentration, because even the slightest misstep would send the entire scheme back to square one, or even further than that. Ok, so maybe he'd forgotten to study for a quiz or two as a result, and maybe some papers fell by the wayside, and maybe he'd been staying up a little too late on some nights, but it was for a good cause! Not that he could tell Ms. Perkins that; she wouldn't understand the severity of the situation. So Tobi was left with one choice, even if it wasn't something a good boy would do.

He lied.

"Ms. Perkins, Tobi is sorry. Tobi's parents went to the Congo for their research, and Tobi's mom caught malaria. It's hard to communicate with them, and Tobi's been very worried. Their webcam is on the fritz, so Tobi has to stay up very late to talk with them."

"Tobi, I understand that having parents who work in foreign countries can be hard, but you need to worry about yourself! Focus on your future. You need to be ready for the college credit exam this spring, so you can get into a good college! Listen, I know that you are smart enough to handle the coursework, so I'm not going to bump you down to the regular English class. But until you get your grade back to at least a B, I'm going to assign a tutor to you."

"Oh, that's really not necessary-"

"If you want to stay in my class it is. Now, Itachi Uchiha is your cousin, isn't he?"

"Yes."

"Good. I'll ask him to tutor you, say, twice a week?"

"But Ms. Perkins-!"

"That's enough, Tobi. We'll start your tutoring next week."

-later that night-

"GAAAAAH! This is a complete and total disaster!"

"You could just wish for this Perkins lady to fall off a cliff. Or a small building. Maybe even slip in the shower. I'm easy, anything will work."

Tobi shot a glare at Zetsu, who was reclining on the couch with a gallon of ice cream on his inexplicably flat stomach. How the genie hadn't bloated to the size of a small blimp eating all this junk food could only be the result of magic. "Tobi has told Zetsu before, killing people is not an option!"

"No, it's just not an option you want to consider."

"Don't you have a problem dealing with dead people anyway? Reversing that wish would technically make her a zombie!"

"Eww. Point taken."

"Never mind her anyway, Itachi's the problem! If he comes over here and sees Zetsu, the whole plan is blown! Tobi will never get any of his friends to finally go out, and then all this work is wasted! Tobi can't let that happen; they'll never get together if Tobi doesn't do something!"

"Kid, calm down," Zetsu said, patting the couch beside him. "Take a deep breath and have some ice cream."

Tobi sighed and flopped down beside the genie, reluctantly taking the spoon and munching a few spoonfuls of ice cream from the bowl Zetsu handed to him. "Sorry, Zetsu. Tobi's just upset that he messed up this badly."

"Mm," Zetsu grunted through a mouthful of ice cream.

"But, Tobi can't let that stop him! Time to fall back and regroup!" The masked teen sighed and scooped up another spoonful as he leaned back into the couch. "But that's easier said than done. Itachi's going to be here in Tobi's house, so even if Zetsu hides away, Tobi still has to work extra hard to make sure that Itachi doesn't find any of Tobi's plans, or start suspecting Tobi of conspiring!"

"Is he seriously that suspicious?"

"No, he's that smart! Itachi is a genius among geniuses. His side of the family has spent years grooming him to take over the family business, and he's always studying to get into a good business school when he's not getting tips on how to be a better businessman."

"Yikes."

"Yeah, Tobi knows. Itachi is the last person that Tobi needs in the house right now. Unless…"

"Unless?"

"That's it!" Tobi cried out, jumping up in his excitement and accidentally sending his ice cream bowl flying. "Tobi can use this to his advantage! If Tobi keeps inviting Itachi over, he can start asking about Kisame more, and then he can build a better plan! Tobi will find out everything there is to know about him and Kisame, and then craft the perfect scheme! Oh, this is perfect, Zetsu!"

The genie laughed and set his ice cream aside. "You're something else, kid. You're throwing yourself deeper and deeper into this mess, despite the fact that you get nothing out of it. Whenever something goes wrong and knocks your plans to pieces, you always get right back into it without hesitating. Honestly, anyone with half an ounce of common sense would've given up weeks ago."

"Hey!"

"So why haven't you? I really don't get it. Why won't you just leave them to deal with their own problems and use your wishes on something that'll make you happy?"

"Because Tobi loves his friends! If you really love someone, you'll do whatever you can to make them happy. Sometimes that means butting in when they'd rather be left alone, and taking risks that could be very messy or painful for you. If you do your best, and so do they, then they've got a chance at being really happy, and that makes it all worth it."

"So, if I understand you," Zetsu began as he stood and stretched, "You're incredibly selfless, you dote on the people you love the most, you can be sneaky or clever when the need arises, and you're stubborn enough that you'll never quit until you reach your goal."

"Well, err, Tobi guesses," the Uchiha answered, blushing from the string of compliments and really wishing he hadn't taken off his mask when he'd gotten home.

Suddenly, the world was turned upside-down as the young teen found himself lying on his back, staring up at the ceiling of his living room. "EEP!"

Zetsu, the cause of Tobi's world inverting itself, climbed on top of the male and effectively pinned the boy beneath him. "That settles it," he declared, grinning down at an increasingly nervous Uchiha. "Tobi, I'm going to make you my wife."