A/N: Hehe. I love the way you are all like O_o at the whole Bella and Carlisle thing. Mwhaha. I apologise. This is an Edward and Bella story, don't worry. I think you E/B fans will like the end of this chapter ;).
Chapter Seven: Dead Hearts
April 12th 1912, 18:45
RMS Titanic
James helped me get ready, and he was ever so gentle. It was very out of character of him. Usually, he more interested in taking clothes off than putting them on. On more than occasion I had asked him to help tie my corset or button up the rest of buttons on the back of my dress, and all he ever did was undo what I had already done. All that effort wasted, not to mention forgotten, in a moment of lust.
However, that time, he bathed me without trying to seduce me, dressed me without touching places that need not be mentioned. I did wonder if he was feeling okay more than once. His eyes were black voids, just like mine. The fact that he was thirsty would normally have made him more agitated and impatient. But not this time. Even the night before, he was gentle. There were times when he could be so violent when 'making love'. Sometimes it could go on for hours. I would be in so much pain afterward too. The pain outweighed the pleasure. Sometimes I felt like it wasn't worth it.
He dressed me in a wonderful emerald green dress that shimmered in the artificial light. I wore my hair down for a change. My hair was naturally very curly, like ringlets. Usually, I styled my hair with hundreds of bobby pins, ribbons, clips and bows but I felt like a change. Unfortunately, my hair showed what I had been through in my life. It was uneven in places, singed in others. My hair was as strong my skin. The fact that my hair was singed was from when Carlisle was changed. If my hair had never been set alight, I knew that I would never have had Carlisle with me to hold my hand through the past few centuries. I wondered then as I sat in front of my vanity dresser applying deep rose red lipstick, if that was why Carlisle was constantly touching my hair.
Was there some link between him and the reason that saved his very life?
"Carlisle." I looked at him through the mirror. He looked up from his pocket watch and smiled at me. "Can you remember the night I bit you?"
The smile on his face faded and he raised an eyebrow at me. "Vaguely. Why?"
"I think I have figured something out. Please, tell me your final human memory."
He tucked his watch back in his inside pocket. I watched as he squeezed his eyes shut and take his head in his hand. I knew how hard it was, trying so hard to see past that blurry veil that hid human memories. Why did humans have such poor eyesight? Honestly, everything was so dull, blurry and dark. How could they even see their hand in front of their own faces?
I took to my feet and walked over to him. Slowly, humanely. Something I rarely did in the company of vampires. I brushed my knuckles across his cheek. His lips, pressed together in a tight line, loosened a little at the corners at my gesture.
"If it pains you too much, then it does not matter," I whispered. "It was only a theory."
"I remember the night I awoke." He chuckled, darkly amused. Though, I failed to see what was amusing about me practically raping him. His hand fell from his face and his expression relaxed as he looked at me. My own befuddled expression was reflected in his ochre eyes. "As a religious man, Bella, of course I was a virgin until that night. When I awoke I saw an angel before my very eyes. She kissed me and I thought she wanted me now that I was dead."
"You were correct," I murmured and tried to take a step back, but he quickly touched my hair to prevent me moving too far. "I am no angel, but I do want you."
Carlisle's fingers tightened a little around my hair. I could see that fight in his eyes again. The whole good versus evil, God versus Satan fight that I saw every time I admitted my want or love for Carlisle.
"It was extremely dark."
"Pardon?"
"Hush now." He paused and his eyes closed tight again. "I remember speaking with my father about the hunt. He was frustrated with me as I had yet to find any demons. I had seen my father, burning and drowning innocent women as witches. Afraid, I was not quick to judge. However, I was returning home one night when from afar, I saw smoke rising from Mary's brothel. I thought perhaps my father had finally decided that Mary too was witch for owning a whore house. She was always so kind to him. She admired him. I ran to the brothel but there was a girl there. Dirty and bloody, she was. She sang to herself, songs in a language that I could not comprehend. She was naked and stumbling. Something about her scared me so I just watched her as I hid. She collapsed into an open sewer and never got up."
He had paused again and I waited for him to continue. Of course, I could remember the time with ease but I did not want to interrupt his memory. It was not long ago. Although, I did not remember singing. I let it go quickly. It was ridiculous how many times I had lost track of my sanity in my life.
"I talked to father about the girl. He exclaimed that she was possessed by a demon and needed to be destroyed. He told me that she would rise to feed, though he failed to mention what exactly, after three days and that would be the time she would be at her weakest. So I went and monitored her. She lay so still in sewer, almost like she was asleep. Eventually she was pulled downstream and under the city. Father prepared a mob that I was to lead. I was scared. What if this woman was sick not possessed? I thought about helping her escape before it was too late. But I was afraid."
He shook his head a little as he stopped again, trying to recollect. I never even noticed I was being watched. I suppose I was a little annoyed that I had lost track of James back then, and then indulged too much in drunken blood. Back then, James never realized that I was following him because of my shields. I had followed him into London, where he later became a pimp.
"The mob was ready so we ventured to the sewer where we were sure she would rise from. I remember we were afraid, but there was a lot of alcohol being passed around which calmed the nerves a little. Then she arose but she did not notice us at first. She rose with such fluidness and grace that all of us were completely astounded. I think somewhere deep down; they knew too that the innocents we had murdered were truly innocent once we saw that girl. And then she noticed us. We lurched forward as she readied herself to attack. I remember I was fastest and holding my father's cross to repel the demon. She came to me first. She bit me. I was confused as she pulled blood from my neck, but then I hit the ground. Was I dead? I must have been. I remember the fire snaking through me, burning me. I was trembling so violently and I could barely see.
"I knew my father would burn me alive if I survived this demonic fire. Anything tainted by the demon would be cleansed through fire. I could not let that happen, though I fail to remember why. Human survival instincts perhaps? I do not know. So I forced myself to move, to crawl towards an open cellar not too far from where I lay. I fell in, my landing softened by rotting potatoes to my distaste. I buried myself beneath them and just lay, letting the demon fire take me. But I sensed company. The demon was with me. She hovered over me, her scent worse than the rotting food."
I chuckled and held his hand which still rested in my hair. "And when you awoke?"
"There was an angel. I was sure she had rescued me. However, something was not right. She straddled my pelvis, and I felt… strange. She had gotten too close without permission. A noise, so awfully animalistic and not to mention sadistic sounded from my chest, and all the angel did was smile darkly at me. Upon closer inspection, through eyes so clear, I recognized her. She was the demon, except she was clean and oh so beautiful. Her hair was curly, shiny and wonderfully silky; I had to touch it. And then she kissed me. She could be no demon. Not this girl. The way she made me feel…"
I stepped closer to him as he spoke, my instincts awakening. They knew that Carlisle was vulnerable, that he could be mine. His eyes were half opened as he remembered. His blond eyelashes trembled in the candlelight. I wanted him to be my mate. I wanted him to mine in more ways than one.
So I took to my tip toes and kissed him softly.
His eyes opened in alarm, like I had stabbed him rather than kissed him.
He just shook his head and muttered, "I cannot just talk to you, can I Isabella?"
And that hurt more than I imagined it would.
Present Day
January 2nd, 2011
Forks, Washington
"Seriously, if this whole story is a 'forbidden love' story about you and Carlisle, I'm going to go and physically puke outside, right now."
Emmett was ever so lovely to share his feelings about my past in the form of words. I could see that both Rosalie and Esme were in cahoots with Emmett on this matter, and nodded. I could understand Emmett and Esme's reasons behind not wanting to listen to all the 'Car-ella' bits to my past but Rosalie was a real mystery. Emmett was a man, fair enough. Jasper didn't mind as much because he was there, but Emmett wasn't in touch with his feminine side enough to understand. Esme, well she was Carlisle's wife so of course she didn't want to hear about his previous girlfriends.
But Rosalie, what did she have against it? Perhaps she was one of those pretty stunning blondes. The ones that look fantastic, actually have a brain and are just as good as guys. Exactly Edward's type of girl. So why weren't they married?
Edward growled at Emmett. "Why do we have to continuously interrupt Bella?"
Emmett wasn't pleased at being growled at. "Why don't you grow a pair of balls and stop taking this shit?"
"Excuse me?"
"Can't you see what she's trying to do?" Emmett stood up and turned to the Cullens. "She's come here to get her little pet back after a century of letting him think she was dead. Seriously, how fucked up is that?"
I rolled my eyes, crossed my legs and folded my arms across my breasts, waiting for him to finish. "Are you quite done?"
Emmett snarled at me. Before I could really comprehend my own actions, my instincts had me on my own feet, crouched and ready to attack. A long continuous growl sounded from somewhere deep in my chest. I stood balanced, barefoot on the coffee table. My ringlets had fallen in front of my eyes. Emmett's body arched and fell into a half-crouch, a defensive one despite his offensive words.
The rest of the family was quietly awestruck. No longer were making distraction gestures, such as scratching or fidgeting. They sat perfectly still, immobile like statues. Exactly like the way vampires were supposed to sit.
I leaped at Emmett, my teeth aimed straight for his neck. But he was ready. Using all of his strength , he pushed me back. I felt glass shattering behind me and the shards caressed my skin. I landed outside, maybe a few yards away from the window I was just thrown from. Emmett was outside in a matter of seconds and had me in a head lock. Lucky for me, the centuries of dancing came to my aid. I snapped leg vertically in the air and angled my foot so his nose was pushed back into his brain. Now disorientated, I hissed, pulled myself out of the headlock and gave him a good old kick in the balls.
He literally howled but his hand caught around my ankle and attempted to lift me up and throw me to the ground. Instead due to centuries learning the art of resistance, only right leg of jeans fell to the mercy of his action. However, the other leg of my jeans fell down leaving me in nothing but boy-short type panties and a vest. Although, I did thank myself internally because I did argue with myself on whether I should have worn boy-shorts or a thong or just go commando. Fortunately, my tomboy side got the better of me.
I snarled in humiliation and crouched again, ready to leap. Emmett was ready for round two as well, but before either of us could make a move, I felt a strong arm wrap tightly around my waist. This caught me unaware and before I knew it, Emmett was being held back by Jasper and Rosalie. Snarls ripped from his chest as he tried to fight against them. It only fueled my frustration. Tried as I might to break free from the arm that prevented me from attacking, it wasn't working. I scrambled so much that I didn't even realize my feet were off the ground. I kicked my legs and fists about like an angry child in the arms of their parent.
It might have been minutes or hours until both Emmett and I calmed down. He had to be pinned to the ground unlike me who was just held in the air. Eventually, my instincts backed down into the small cave where they belonged in my mind. I let my feet fall to the ground and fists fall to my sides. I looked up and realized that it was Edward holding me. His eyes caught mine and they were gentle. Reality dawned on me, then and there. This was Edward. Edward. That beautiful boy that stole my heart and begged for eternity.
An eternity that I thought was cut short.
Suddenly, it became very obvious that I was not wearing any pants.
My eyes searched the front yard furiously for what was left of my jeans. They had been split right down the middle from as far as I could tell. Easily fixed, thank god. It seemed a little silly seeming they were on sale for five bucks when I stole them but still. I was punishing myself now seeming I had been so spoilt in the past.
"I'm sure Rosalie will lend you a pair of her jeans," Edward said gently, following my gaze.
I looked at Rosalie who was talking in a hushed voice to her husband, paying no attention to either Edward or I. She at least five foot nine so there was no way in this world I would ever fit into a pair of her jeans.
"No, no it's fine. I have thread and needle in my purse. They are easily fixed."
Edward just laughed. "Don't be silly, Bella."
I smiled and looked up at him again. Why was he even speaking to me? I'd told him very little about his past after all. I was rambling on about Carlisle and all he ever did was irritate me beyond reason. Unless, he had already heard it all from Alice or Carlisle's mind. I didn't know, but I wanted to tell the rest of my story. Secretly, somewhere deep inside my dead heart, I wanted him to love me again. I wanted him to touch me like I was something new, kiss me like I was a stranger but love me the way he had all those years ago. I'd only known him a couple of days but it was enough. It was more than enough to decide that I wanted him as mate. I wanted him to hold my hand through eternity.
I wanted him to run with me in our race against death.
He let go of me, to my displeasure, after holding me a little too long to seem casual. Was there something still there? Did he feel that love he once felt for me? I didn't know. But I hoped so. We walked to the house together without saying a word. I was too old to really care about exposing too much flesh. I followed Edward upstairs and into a bedroom, which was probably Rosalie's room. He found me a pair of really tight jeans that were going to be far too long for me but I took them anyway. He also offered me a deep blue blouse so I took that too. I asked him if I could use their shower. Of course, he said yes.
He guided me out into the hall again and then into his bedroom. Then through another door and into his bathroom. Was it suddenly getting extremely warm in there, or was that just me? He turned on the shower for me, told me the towels were under the sink. He stood there for a moment, his eyes studying my face. He looked at me like he was trying to remember. Like he wanted to love me, but it was too hard to love a stranger. I wanted to love him. I wanted to love him, honor him, cherish him, touch him, feel him tremble beneath my touch and scream my name.
He wasn't leaving, like he forgot how to work his legs. I was happy enough to let him stand there and watch me shower, but it would probably seem too forward for his tastes. His eyes hadn't left my face. However, he did blink a couple of times and shook his head, like he was waking up from a daze.
"I should leave," he mumbled, more to himself than to me.
He still wasn't moving.
I shrugged. "Stay if you want. It's nothing you haven't seen before."
Edward's eyebrows pinched. "Have we...?"
Aw, still so naive and virgin. Too pure to even mention intercourse. "Mmm-hmm." I hummed as I walked towards him. "God closed his merciful eyes to blind himself from my sin."
I laid my hand on his chest. "Pardon?" He sounded distressed and couldn't stop blinking.
So pure. So close. I could feel the fire flutter in my belly. The heat, moist, between my legs. Something I thought had long burnt out. Edward managed to rekindle my fire, that night ninety nine years ago. A lifetime. I had slept with a stranger since then. I hadn't slept with anyone since Edward, for that matter.
Huh. I was practically a virgin.
I couldn't stop myself. The room was filling up with steam from the shower. It was so hot. I could feel the moisture in my lungs, against my skin and cling to my hair. I could see the little beads in his eyelashes. On his lips. Oh, my knees. They trembled as my mind reveled in that last night I saw him. Skin against skin. Slick from water. Hot against cold. Ice against fire. Prey and predator.
I stood on the very tips of my toes and very gently, kissed his sweet lips. His eyes did not close and neither did mine. We stared into each other and I found his soul. That beautiful soul I had tainted. Trapped forever behind icy immortality. But still so beautiful. My sin had been forgotten, and no longer tainted his spirit. But he was not the same. I pulled back and moved my hand from his chest to his arm. My tongue tasted the sweet trace of venom that lingered on his lips that transferred to mine. Not the same.
Very little about this man was my Edward. He didn't even taste the same.
But I was something he faintly remembered. Something that he'd kissed and tasted before. I hadn't changed since the Titanic. He knew me from before. Somewhere distant in his mind and I saw that in his eyes. I saw that struggle to try and remember me. He couldn't. But he crushed his lips against mine anyway. His tongue found mine before I'd even contemplated his actions. He was younger, faster. There was more space in his mind than there was in mine. More space to imagine, to fantasize. His tongue danced with mine. Passionately lovely. Moist. Warm. Not hot. Different. Good different? Maybe. I didn't feel the need to bite him. Well, that could be debated. I wanted to bite him, claim him as my own. Give into the beast inside. Throw him on the floor, into a wall, even through a wall. Bite his sweet neck. His wrists. Ankles. Every inch of skin, my instincts wanted all of it. All of him.
I wrapped my hand around his right him. Lifting this hem of his shirt, I found it. My fingers touched it. A growl escaped from his chest. The bite that changed a human never healed. Of course, it never bled but the nerves always remained exposed. A vampire's changing-bite was their weak point. The pain could distract them long enough for another to rip their head from their shoulders. My creator took that into consideration when he changed me. My bite was on the inside of my thigh. I was created to fight with him and could not have any exposed weaknesses.
Carlisle, I never meant to change him so his bite was on his neck.
Jasper, his was on the inside of his thigh. A solider could not have any exposed weaknesses.
Edward. He was no soldier. My immortal kisses were wherever my teeth could find. His neck. His wrists. Ankles. Thighs. Hips. Just to taste him before he was reborn. And he tasted beautiful. I'd never regret biting him in so many places. The more venom in his blood, the quicker his change. Of course, only one of those bites remained. The one that marked his hip was the first place I bit him. And he knew, then and there, that I was his creator. Perhaps he'd never shown anyone his bite. Smart boy. Only his creator knew where it lay.
I grinned unintentionally at his pain. The beast like that. It purred at his beautiful pain, like a tamed housecat.
His lips left mine to fiercely kiss my cheek and my jaw, to nip my neck and collarbone. My thoughts became fragmented. My Edward. He knew how to love me. His hand kneaded my breast. The other wrapped around my knee and he it hitched around his hip. Wonderful. Fire. Smoldering heat. Fiery passion. My fingers traced those defined stomach muscles. Mine. All of him was mine.
Ours, the beast corrected.
I shook my head. "Stop," I whispered. "Please."
So he did. The arousal was too much but I resisted. I was as chaste as nun for almost a century. I could last a couple of days. Maybe. If the beast stopped purring like that. The vibration rumbled through my chest throughout my body, not exactly helping my excitement. I needed to calm down. It was too soon. He hadn't heard the end of my story. He hadn't heard the part that would make him want to kill me. Maybe it would have been better if I had killed him the night we went to that third class 'party'. More like orgy.
People were drunk. Wrestling. Dancing. Wild Irish music. The smell of human sweat pervaded the air. The scent of arousal too. A few, so drunk, even succumbed to public fucking. Disturbing, yes. Enticing, perhaps. However, I lost Edward in that cramped room. I thought I found him. I thought I'd killed him. I thought someone would realize eventually that three dead people littered their floor. They didn't. Even when I'd found myself enough to get the hell out of there before I killed everyone, they still hadn't noticed.
Edward's eyebrows furrowed, confused. Wasn't this what I was hinting for? Of course. I hinted sex to anything that walked on two legs. But it was too soon. The moral side of me wanted to be fair. I didn't want to force Edward into something that he'd regret later. However, I knew deep in my dead heart, that I was far too selfish to ever let him go. He'd suffer the fate Carlisle had done for the first three centuries of his existence. I stalk him, throw myself at him, and seduce him. I would do whatever it took to make him love me. I couldn't deny it.
I was selfish girl, with selfish thoughts.
I shook my head again. He dropped my leg. He let go of my breast. I couldn't let go of him. I buried my head into his shoulder and just hugged him. Thankful for his presence. Tearless sobs ripped from my chest as I murmured apologies in languages he probably would never understand.
He would never understand how truly sorry I was for having to deal with me for the rest of eternity.
E/N: Tee-hee. Did you like it? This chapter is sooooooooooo long. I'll try get the next chapter up within the next week or two. Thank you so much for your reviews! I don't generally write canon couple stories because usually its boring. Hence the C/B and James/B action. I'll try and keep it canon, if that's what you want. Please REVIEW to let me know your thoughts, ideas and rambling! Thank you for everything!
