Peekabooo: Hey guys! Sorry for the long wait! It's been busy and I had to find a beta! I have and she's awesome! Thanks SSAEmilyHotchner.
This chapter is twice as long as normal so I hope you enjoy :) Make sure to leave a review!:D
Sir. I already stated, only immediate family is allowed to see him at this time," the nurse replied, having dealt with this often.
"And I already stated that we're basically his family. Now please, ma'am."
"I'm sorry, sir. I cannot let you see him," the irritating nurse said once more.
Morgan took deep breaths to keep himself from losing his temper and punching that smug little nurse in the face. He gave up with trying to reason with her and went and sat in the corner of the waiting room with the rest of the team.
Hotch shook his head, standing up.
"This is ridiculous," he murmured. He walked over to the receptionist and pulled his badge put of his pocket.
"Excuse me, ma'am. I'm Aaron Hotchner of the Behavioral Analysis unit in the FBI-"
"Your friend already tried that one, buddy," she snorted.
"He is a federal agent and part of this team. We need him. Now you grant permission to my team to see him or you're going to have to be explaining to your boss as to why my good friend Beckham Laury has withdrawn his donations to this hospital, and I can make that happen. And I will make it clear whose fault it is."
Hotch glared at her and she looked away immediately. Blackmail wasn't usually his first choice but...
The woman sighed, finally giving in. "Let me check with his doctor."
Hotch knew that would get her. Beckham Laury had been one of Hotch's good friends for a while and was the biggest donor to Maryview Medical Center.
Morgan smiled as he heard it. He gave a thumbs-up to the rest of the team, prompting Garcia to applaud and JJ to give a big smile. Morgan had been arguing with that snarky receptionist for over an hour. He was glad Hotch finally got through to her. Hotch walked over sat down next to the rest of them, in those stereotypically uncomfortable hospital chairs.
"The doctor will be here in a minute," he said.
Morgan felt a deja vu moment when they were waiting to see how he was about 5 years ago, all the way down in Georgia. Granted, they had been much more worried the last time, but it felt almost the same. Morgan thought back to that cold and horrible - but relieving - night.
The whole thing was over now. They had gotten Reid to the hospital okay, but now they were waiting. Waiting to see if any unrepairable damage had been done. Waiting to see what was going on. The last time they had seen Reid, he hadn't been in good shape. He had been shaking and sweating, blood caked to the side of his head. He could barely stand, even with help. The doctor came out and stated that Reid would make a full recovery. A wave of relief swallowed Morgan up. But that was before the doctor said that Reid was really sick. He was going through withdrawal. They had found dilaudid in his system. Morgan sucked in a breath. How could -
"Spencer Reid?" a handsome man in a white coat asked, snapping Morgan back into reality.
"Dr. Spencer Reid, actually," Garcia stated proudly, standing up with the rest of the team.
The handsome doctor smiled at her. "Ah, right. Dr. Spencer Reid. I forgot. Well, I'm Dr. Corrbridge.
"We're his coworkers and his friends...and basically his family," JJ replied, anxious to hear what was going on.
"Well, I take it you want to know what's happening?" he queried.
The whole team nodded, the suspense eating them alive.
"Please follow me to Dr. Reid's room."
A puzzled look briefly crossed Hotch's face. There wasn't anyone else in the waiting room. Why didn't he just tell them there?
The team followed Dr. Corrbridge down a long hallway and into the neurological section of the hospital. They stopped at room 321 and filed inside, Dr. Corrbridge last in line.
"Where's Reid?" Morgan asked, puzzled. Concern was already springing up deep inside him.
Dr. Corrbridge's expression turned solemn. "Dr. Reid is having an MRI right now."
"For what?" Emily questioned, though she was afraid to know the answer.
"I regret to inform you that we think that Dr. Reid may be suffering from an untreated brain tumor."
Shock pulsed through the whole team all at once. Garcia gasped, collapsing in a chair that was behind her, Rossi looked down and shook his head in disbelief, Prentiss covered her mouth with her hand. Morgan's jaw dropped and he buried his face in his hands, and Hotch put his fingers on the bridge of his nose, guilt shooting through him.
JJ choked back a sob, tears springing to her eyes in an instant. " Are you...are you sure?"
"Nothing is for sure yet, ma'am. But we're confident that it's the correct diagnosis," Dr. Corrbridge replied sadly. "The symptoms match. Headaches, unexplained nausea or vomiting, loss of movement for a brief period of time in an arm or a leg, numbness. According to Dr. Reid, he has experienced all of those, and all very recently."
JJ broke down into sobs, along with Garcia.
"Is it...treatable?" Morgan asked, attempting to be positive.
"Well, we think he has a malignant primary spinal cord glioma. These tumors are highly invasive and resistant to treatment with surgery, radiation, and chemotherapy. Usually, they barely respond to any treatment at all. But like I said before, we haven't seen a tumor yet. It could be a benign - non-cancerous - tumor. We don't know for sure; we just think he does. The symptoms match. So there is still a chance he doesn't have this tumor whatsoever. It's just a theory. I hate to upset you."
"No. We needed to know," JJ said, tears streaming down her face. Usually, she would try and be stronger about this but it was Spence. Her poor little Spence, all alone in the hospital, being told he has a serious medical problem...all alone.
More tears came.
"So if you're right, how long do you think he'll have?" Emily asked.
"Ma'am..I can't predict that without seeing the size and location and type of the tumor."
"If it's the kind that you think it is. A malignant whatever," Garcia prodded, a wreck.
The doctor pursed his lips, hesitating.
"How long?" Rossi persisted.
"If the tumor is average size and in the location where we suspect and no treatment works, I'd say six months. If the tumor does respond to some treatment at first, one to two years. Out of ten thousand people diagnosed with a malignant glioma each year, fifty percent are alive after a year and twenty-five percent are alive after two years," Dr. Corrbridge reluctantly answered.
"And if he doesn't have a brain tumor?" Hotch questioned.
"Then I have no idea what's wrong with him."
The team was still shocked as to what had happened.
"You can wait here. Dr. Reid should be back from his MRI very soon," Dr. Corrbridge informed the team, as they tried to process the news.
After a moment Hotch finally said, "Thank you Dr. Corrbridge."
The Doctor nodded and stepped out of the room, giving the team privacy, leaving them to their grief.
"I can't believe this," JJ sobbed as Garcia handed her a tissue from her purse, grabbing one for herself as well.
Morgan wanted to break down right there and weep. How could this have happened? Why didn't they notice sooner? He grit his teeth to keep the tears from forming in his eyes. "Guys. We need to be strong for Reid," Morgan stated, his voice breaking at Reid's name.
"He's right. Reid's going to try and put on a brave face for us." Hotch stated. He had to say something. He felt so guilty about the way he had treated Reid earlier. He shouldn't have crossed that line with him. But he had just needed to know. And now he knew something entirely worse had been happening.
"Okay," JJ exhaled, attempting to stop her heavy sobs. Garcia stopped after trying hard also.
"We don't even know for sure, yet," Rossi stated. "Everything could still turn out fine."
"What do we say to him?" Emily sighed, while soon after biting and picking at her nails.
"I don't even know," JJ shook her head.
Just then the door opened and Reid was rolled in the room sitting in a wheelchair and gown by a petite nurse with red hair. Neither of them looked at all surprised that the team was there.
Emily and Hotch moved out of their way and the nurse rolled Reid right up to the side of the bed. He struggled to stand and the nurse had to help him get on his feet and into the hospital bed. He climbed in and winced as he attempted to get under the covers.
"Are you sure you don't want any pain medication, Mr. Reid?"
"I'm positive, thank you," Reid replied, without thinking.
"Alright," she said disapprovingly. "The doctor will be here soon to check on you. We'll have your MRI results in the morning."
"Thank you," Reid expressed his gratitude again and the nurse turned and walked out, shutting the door loudly behind her. Reid sat up in bed, stretching his legs out.
The whole team, all together now, struggled for words as they all got the first good look at Reid. His face was ashen, even more so than when they had seen him that morning. His hair was messy and his expression was blank, but when you looked into his dark brown eyes, you could see that he was in pain.
"Hi, Reid," Garcia said, after a few moments of silence.
A memory flashed into Reid's mind. He was in Dr. Nichols lab, starting to sweat. Starting to feel sick. He was calling Garcia. She had said that in the exact same tone.
"What? No witty Garcia greeting for me?" he slightly smiled at the memory.
Garcia remembered too. "Well, I can't be my sparkly self when you are where you are."
Then it was silence.
Reid bit his lip the way he did when he was nervous. He knew that the team knew. The possibility he may be dead within half a year. "So I guess you guys know, huh?" he said, sadness filling his tone. He started to play with his hands. He hated putting them through a hard time, too.
"Reid. I'm so sorry," JJ said, a single tear running down her face. She grabbed one of his hands and he held it back, clenching on for dear life.
"JJ. It's okay. Don't cry. Please don't cry," he pleaded with her, all the sadness in the room overwhelming him.
Emily's heart broke watching this scene. Here Reid was, with a possible brain tumor, and he's telling them that it will be alright. Morgan and Hotch were right. He was trying to put on a brave face for them.
"Reid," Emily's voice cracked, "you don't have to put on a brave face for us."
"I'm not," Reid protested.
"She's right," Rossi agreed. "You don't have to hide your emotions in front of us."
"I'm not," Reid said once more. "I'm still hopeful. There's still a chance that I might not even have a -" He stopped and the team knew something was wrong by the way Reid's face paled. A shooting pain had shot up his spine. He slowly laid all the way down, straightening his back, waiting for it to pass. He gasped in pain and frustration and gripped the sheets in between one hand, and the other one gripping to JJ's tightly.
"Reid," Morgan cried, his voice frantic. "What's wrong?"
A sheen of sweat broke out on Reid's forehead as he struggled to gain his composure.
"I'm...fine.." He got out in between breaths and clenched teeth. "Happens...all the...time."
"We need the doctor!" Garcia squealed, frenzied.
As if on cue, Dr. Corrbridge ran in after hearing all the commotion. The team moved out of the way and the doctor made his way to Reid's bedside.
"Dr. Reid. If the pain becomes too much for you to handle, we're going to have to give you pain medication," he stated. Dr. Reid had already been through these back spasms and shooting pains while he had been there, at the hospital. Until they knew what was causing the pain, the only thing they could do was offer Reid pain medication; but Reid declined every time.
"No," Reid stated firmly. "I can handle it. It will be over soon."
Dr. Corrbridge shook his head disapprovingly. "Alright. If there is anything else we can do to make it more comfortable, please let us know. And if you change your mind, do the same."
Reid nodded and Dr. Corrbridge turned towards the team.
"You're not going to do anything about it?" Morgan asked angrily.
"Sir. There isn't anything we can do right now."
"Well, there has to be something!"
"Dr. Reid has refused pain medication and we applied ice earlier, but it had no effect," Dr. Corrbridge replied. "We should have the MRI results back tomorrow morning."
Hotch nodded in thanks and the doctor left the room. But Morgan was still fuming.
"Morgan. Calm down." Hotch put his hand on Morgan's shoulder and forced him to turn around towards him. "It's Reid's decision. The doctor has done everything else he can."
Morgan pursed his lips. He couldn't take the stifling room anymore. He walked out into the hallway and sat in one of the chairs that was next to Reid's room.
Using his hands, he concealed his face from the few passers by. Tears threatened to spill over. Seeing Reid like that...it was bad. This whole situation was bad. Why Reid? Why did it have to be Reid?
Why not me? he thought angrily.
After thinking a moment, he realized that the only thing he could do was be strong for Reid, for his friend. He stood up, immediately regretting the way he had acted. He strode back into the room, where Reid was still struggling. But the team was by his side, trying to make it bearable.
Morgan sat in one of the chairs in the room, at the bottom of Reid's bed.
"Hotch. Why don't you go home? To Jack?" Reid asked after the pain had eased a bit. "And you can go home to Henry, too, JJ."
"We aren't going anywhere, Reid," Hotch said firmly.
"Yeah. What he said," JJ flashed a small, sad smile at him.
"Nothing's going to happen overnight. If my results are coming tomorrow, you should all go home and get some rest."
"Reid. No matter how much you argue, I can guarantee that we are not going anywhere," Rossi stated.
"I can make arrangements for the team to get tomorrow off," Hotch said. Rossi nodded, satisfied. At that, Hotch stepped out the room. He dialed Strauss's number and explained the situation; and before he knew it, they had gotten at least the next day off. He then called Jess and told her he wouldn't be home tonight and maybe not even the next morning.
The team sat there for an hour, talking to Reid. Trying to support him the best they could. The pain had lessened and Reid relaxed.
"Hotch. I'm sorry about the way I acted today. My temper got the best of me and I apologize. You had every right to ask those questions and I should have seen that," Reid said after it had gotten quiet.
"Reid, you don't have to apologize. I could have found a better, nicer way to ask and I'm sorry, too," Hotch said, meaning every word.
"It's okay," Reid replied honestly. He was ashamed he had gotten so upset about it earlier. It wasn't like him.
A nurse popped her head in the door, informing Reid he should get some sleep.
"I think we should all get some sleep," Emily said.
"I concur," Rossi agreed, leaning back in his chair, closing his eyes. Morgan pulled his chair up to Reid's bedside on the left. The team didn't notice though. They were all too tired to think too much of it.
The team drifted off to sleep gradually, Reid within minutes. The only one who had a real trouble with it was Morgan. There was so much on his mind and so much that had happened within a few hours. He was supposed to call his mom but he couldn't bring himself to do it. He was so drained. Emotionally and physically. He prayed that they didn't suddenly get called away on a case. He knew Hotch had gotten them the day off but they had the day off on Haley's funeral and they still got called away. He couldn't take a case with the knowledge of what was happening with Reid at the same time. He sighed heavily.
After attempting - and failing- to go to sleep several more times, Morgan simply got on his phone and decided to play a few mindless games and browse the Internet. Two hours had passed when Morgan finally put his phone away. He slipped it in his pocket and crossed his arms, frustrated. He wished sleep would come. He needed this night to be over as fast as possible.
Suddenly, Reid started to stir. He groaned a bit in his sleep, Then he began to twist and turn. Morgan couldn't decide if he should wake him up or not, so it was a good thing when Reid jerked awake minutes later on his own.
Reid's eyes popped open in shock. Where was he now? What would happen here? He panicked inside, not knowing what could come next. He glanced to his right and saw JJ, fast asleep, then he turned to his left and saw Morgan staring at him with concern.
Then it hit him. That stuff had been a dream. A dream. That's it. It wasn't real.
Reid breathed a loud sigh of relief.
"Bad dream?" Morgan whispered, trying not to wake the rest of the team up. Reid only nodded. "Do you want to talk about it?" Morgan asked hopefully.
"Not really," Reid answered.
"Okay," Morgan replied. He knew it would do him no good at this point to argue. Neither of them knew what to say so the two sat in silence, the only sounds coming from the machines in the hospital and the soft snores from the team members in the room.
"So you blew up at Hotch today?" Morgan finally said. The incident had been gnawing at him since it happened. Hotch gave almost no details as to what was said, only a brief outline.
"Yeah. I feel bad about it now, though," Reid shook his head sadly. "My temper got the best of me." Reid evaluated all that had happened in seconds and thought back to the day before - had it really only been just under a day ago? So much had happened since then, it seemed like ages.
After Reid thought about it, he felt more and more guilty about lying to Hotch about his relapse. He wanted to tell somebody, anybody. But he couldn't get the words out.
"That's not usually like you," Morgan observed, thinking about Reid's temper. The team hardly saw it. There had been a few occasions but very rarely did Reid lose it.
"I know. That's - that's one of the symptoms of the tumor, you know. Change in behavior. It's an unconscious change. Nobody even realizes it's happening to them," Reid said, his voice small as he looked away.
Morgan stared at Reid. "You told everyone else you still had hope. But you don't, do you? You've practically diagnosed yourself," Morgan said in disbelief. Reid started to play with his hands again. "C'mon, Reid. Talk to me."
Reid sighed, giving up the act. He met Morgan's eyes. And that's when Morgan finally saw the fear. He hadn't seen it earlier. Not when Reid came into the room and not when the back pain had started or while they had been talking. All he had seen earlier was sadness and pain.
Now the fear in Reid's eyes was burning bright and Reid was not able to contain it.
"I hate seeing JJ and Garcia so upset. I hate seeing all of you so upset. I hate seeing people cry. I can't just say that all the symptoms fit. I can't tell you guys I have given up. I can't just blurt out the horrid statistics about the cure rate and the treatment options. I have to act like nothing is wrong. Otherwise, it would hurt you all even more."
Reid was right. It hurt Morgan more than anything to hear him say the words "I can't tell you guys I have given up", but at least it was the truth.
Morgan took a moment to collect himself before speaking, "Reid. I get where you're coming from. I do. But you lying to us about how you feel in this situation isn't helping you or us. Prentiss and Rossi both told you today that you don't have to put on a brave face for us, and that's the truth. We're all devastated. We all are. But we want you to tell us everything and tell us your thoughts, because right now, you are the most important. You are our top priority. You can talk to us. You know that, right?"
Reid twisted his sheets, looking at the rest of the team as they slept. "Of course I know. Everyone has made that very clear over the years. I just hate to make you guys disconcerted. And I hate seeing you all so upset because of me."
"It isn't because of you. It's the situation," Morgan corrected.
"That I caused," Reid added.
"Reid. Tell me how you really feel about this," Morgan poked, hoping to get even more out of him.
Reid looked up from his bed and straight ahead. He thought for a moment, his head tipping back a little. He bit his lip, thousands of words rushing through his head. He realized there was only one simple word that described every one of his feelings since he had found out.
"I'm scared, Morgan."
The words came out of his mouth so innocent and tiny. They could have easily been the words of a frightened child. It almost broke Morgan's heart hearing it. Morgan had to fight back tears. No, he couldn't get upset now.
The words hung in the air, playing back in Morgan's head twice, three times, a hundred times.
Morgan lifted his hand and put it on Reid's shoulder. "I am, too, kid," Morgan subsequently said, his voice weighed down with sadness. "You better go back to sleep," Morgan said after a few minutes of sitting in that same position. "Pretty boy needs his rest," he teased playfully.
Reid rolled his eyes, but nodded. Morgan took his hand off of Reid's shoulder and Reid sunk back down into the covers, laying on his side and facing Morgan.
"Thank you," Reid said.
"Anytime," Morgan smiled.
Reid closed his eyes and started to get hazy with sleep. But before he nodded off, he said, "You get some sleep, too, Morgan."
Morgan leaned his head back and closed his eyes.
And eventually, he fell asleep.
The next morning came by swiftly. But waiting for the doctor was torture. The whole team was anxious to know the results of Reid's MRI. JJ had been pacing all morning and Prentiss had just about picked her whole nail off.
Reid was quiet, though. His talk with Morgan the night before was echoing in his head.
At last Dr. Corrbridge entered Reid's room. "Hello," Dr. Corrbridge greeted the team. His tone was neutral and very hard to read.
"Hi, Dr. Corrbridge," Reid said back, anxiety almost overwhelming him.
"We have the results back," Dr. Corrbridge informed the room.
"And?" Hotch asked, antsy.
"The results came back-"
Peekabooo: I know I'm evil ;) some of you may already know the results. Some may not. You'll have to see in the next chapter because Reid is in for a wild ride.
Thanks for reading! You guys are seriously the best!
