It had been exactly 8 days, 4 hours and 26 minutes since Izaya had visited Shinra for the sleeping pills. In that time he refused to leave his apartment, at all. He tried busying himself with his work but he couldn't focus, some days like today Izaya had even sent Namie home because he felt like he could break down at any given moment and that was not something he wanted her to see.

He wouldn't admit this to anyone, he barely admitted it to himself but what Shizuo had done scared Izaya. He knew the fake-blonde was unpredictable but rape? Never in a million years would he even begin to consider that possibility. The thing that scared him the most was that he couldn't do a thing about it. There was no way he could fight against his strength; he always relied on his agility to beat him. However once Shizuo managed to get his hands on him he couldn't get away. Izaya had been helpless, at the mercy of the monster. He had never felt so hopeless in his life. Shizuo didn't just rape him that day, he broke him. He made Izaya Orihara feel human; Izaya could no longer proclaim himself a God.

Izaya was currently lying on his couch, unable to focus enough to get any work done. The sleeping tablets Shinra gave him helped him sleep somewhat, though he still had nightmares. "Stupid protozoan… if it hadn't been for him I would be perfectly fine. But no, I'm talking to myself like a crazy person because I don't want to run the risk of breaking down in front of someone. I may not be a God but I still have some pride." He sighed to himself, he was just getting worse. He could phone Shinra but he knows what he would say. He would say that Izaya was suffering from depression; he should be careful and blah, blah, blah.

"I don't need his help; I don't need anyone's help. I can handle this myself…" He was already at the stage when he wanted to self-harm and he knew it. So far he had managed to resist the urges. It wasn't easy, but wasn't too difficult either. Keeping in mind he had a fair amount of switchblades and throwing knives in his possession, he thought he was doing a pretty damn good job so far. Pulling himself into a sitting position, he took note of the time presented by his digital clock. He had spent roughly half an hour laying down doing nothing but think. He used to regularly think about the ex-bartender, but those thoughts were about ways to pester him, rile him up. Not about him capturing Izaya, harming him, breaking him.

A growl emanating from his stomach brought him out of his thoughts. "Ah, that's right, I haven't eaten today…" He got up off the couch and made his way into his kitchen. Rather than spend time cooking a meal, the raven settled for a simple sandwich. However he struggled to even eat half of it before feeling sick. "At least I have eaten something." He refused to think this was the beginning of a problem. He refused to acknowledge that not only did he have urges of self-harm to repress, but he also wasn't eating properly anymore.

The information broker would not admit to himself just how badly affected he was by the whole ordeal, sure he knew that he was afraid but that was it, wasn't it? "I'll be alright; I just need a new game to play. Hmm, I know! Shizu-chan looked guilty when he saw me at Shinra's. I can manipulate him this way! Maybe I can finally get that brute to do something I expect…" He noticed he had called the dyed-blonde 'Shizu-chan' again; he smirked at this "Now this will be interesting…" With his smirk growing he finally picked up his chess board and its pieces and placed them on his desk arranging them all in a brand-new formation. "Now let's see if I can break you this time, Shizu-chan~".