dearXdarling: thanks for your review! [: the title comes from a vampire weekend song, it's a really good song and you should check it out. really.


Josh,

Fuck you.

Sincerely,
Massie (:


Massie -

You're going to have to hold up on the insults for a minute, because I have something to ask you. A favor, actually, a big one. I'm not sure if you'll do it because you obviously don't like me, but just think, I could be an angel in disguise. I could be a distributor of karma. What if you refused this offer, and all of the sudden, you were poor?

Could you live with no money, Princess?

Yes, so now that I have your attention; I need you to make sure that Mr. Peterson, the chem teacher at our school, is absent two weeks from Tuesday. I would ensure this myself but sadly, I have soccer practice and videogames to play. I am willing to accept any reason for his absence short of murder, mainly because I'm pretty sure Peterson has two kids and a dog.

I will be keeping the reasons for my need of his absence confidential.

Thanks for your help in advance, Massie.

Josh


Josh,

I had three questions for you but I read them aloud to my pug, Bean, who understood not one word of it. I concluded that the questions were therefore too hard for you to answer, seeing how even a dog couldn't comprehend them, and decided to dumb it down a little bit.

1. Why, my dear, dear Josh, would I do this for you? I doubt you are an angel in disguise because, to be frank, an angel, or anything clean for that matter, wouldn't last four seconds at your run down trailer park excuse for a school.

2. How thick-headed do you think I am? No more thick-headed than you are, hopefully. I know why you'd want your teacher to be gone two weeks from Tuesday - you have a test on that day, don't you? Or maybe you're serving a detention that you want to get out of?

3. How do you think, if I even wanted to, I would accomplish this task that you've set for me? Am I supposed to take your high expectations of me as a compliment? Because I've been more flattered by oak trees and grasshoppers than I ever will be by a Briarwood Boy.

Just in case your singular brain cell still couldn't understand those questions, I'll shorten it, just for you:

NO.

Have fun being a failure in life, Josh!

Sincerely,
Massie (:


Massie -

Ouch, Mass. Ouch ouch ouch. Every word that I read is a knife to my huge, throbbing...heart. Have you ever considered taking up kickboxing to release this inner anger? Perhaps sewing? Anything besides taking it out on strangers that are only asking you simple, simple favors.

Why would you do this for me? I dunno. I sensed a kindred spirit in you when you wrote me your very first letter. I remember it like it was just last week - oh wait, it was. That's weird. I guess time flies when you're saving the world. Trust me, Mass, I have a really good reason on my Mr. Peterson can't be at school two weeks from Tuesday - and no, it is not for something as petty as tests or detention. I think you have to realize that not everybody does everything for themselves.

But you know what, Massie Block?

I expected this. You are only a private school girl, after all, and I can't believe I thought so high of you. You aren't a kindred spirit at all. You aren't even a spirit of any kind. You are a soulless, cold-hearted, higher-than-thou princess. You have probably done nothing in your life - ever. You're right - I'll admit it. My life probably hasn't been like yours. When I screw up, Daddy can't bribe people to wipe my record clean.

You're just too used to not helping people and only helping yourself, Massie, and I get that. I just really hoped that maybe you would be different from the other Octavian-Country Day girls, someone who could break out of their little bubble to help a poor fellow like me.

But you're not.

Josh


Josh,

I think you've made your point.

Sincerely,
Massie


Massie -

Wait, Mass. This again? Really? I didn't mean to insult you bad, I just...I wanted to make you realize the kind of person you are. I'm sorry, Massie. Look, you didn't even include that smiley face after your name. I don't know you very well and I don't like you very much but no smiley face, Mass? C'mon, I'm just a lowly Briarwood boy, remember? You don't care about what I say.

It's now Tuesday, and I'm walking into chemistry and Mr. Peterson there with his horn-rimmed glasses and slouching posture. You were right, you know. I needed to get out of a detention, and he was the detention teacher. So maybe we're both a little selfish.

I'm still seriously sorry for the last letter I sent. I was laying it on pretty thick.

Massie, you're going to write back, right? Because I really need this grade to keep my GPA up so I can stay on the soccer team. Have I ever told you I'm a little bit psychic? Well, okay, I have a bit of the sixth sense and right now I'm seeing you reading this letter and putting it through your state-of-the-art shredder and not writing back.

That's cool, Massie.

It was nice getting to know you.

Josh


Massie!

You are the most gorgeous person I've ever met. You're a goddess, a Greek goddess. A light follows you wherever you go and angels sing down whenever you laugh and your hair bounces like a shampoo commercial; let me repeat this: you are beautiful.

Beautiful, I say.

Because guess what, Massie? It's after school. Yes, it's after school, and how can I be writing this to you when we're not allowed to do anything in detention? It's not my amazing stealth powers, no, but YOU. YOUR AMAZING STEALTH POWERS. Massie, you are a pretty, pretty, pretty girl and you deserve to be put on a pedestal and worshipped daily. I am making an I HEART MASSIE shirt.

Sorry. I'm getting a bit off topic.

What I'm trying to say is Mr. Peterson was in school during chem class and he seemed perfectly fine and my heart was sinking because I swear I swear I thought you were going to pull some trick out of your designer hat but no, he was there and I spent the rest of the day dreading this detention.

3:01, right after the bell has rung, I go to his room and prepare to suffer, and I see this sign on his door: DETENTION HAS BEEN TEMPORARILY POSTPONED. In big, block letters. The room is dark. My heart fills with helium and floats up, up, up, and a smile stretches across my face and I think of you.

You are the most perfect girl in the world.

I take back everything I said. You are philanthropic. You are a kindred spirit. I was lying when I said I was an angel in disguise because I see who the true angel is here: You. Massie Block, you need to meet me at the altar, or maybe in a skeevy hotel room, so I can show you my thanks. I'm making you a fan page on Facebook.

You're flawless.

Josh


eugh. i'm taking too much from "year of secret assignments" again. but really, i didn't know what else to do ]: as per usual, i jumped into this story without really thinking about anything. xD ah well. it'll change later on - i swear! review anyway?

happy holidays!

-ana