Prisoner In My Own Body
By: Tracy Cook
Disclaimer: I do not own anything; these characters belong to the creators of Glee and The Vampire Diaries.
Authors Note: This is an AU fic that focuses around Glee/Vampire Diaries. There will be NO VAMPIRES and characters may be slightly OOC, but I will try and keep them in character. Bold Italics are Memories. 'Italics are Thoughts'.
Pairings: Bonnie/Damon, Quinn/Rachel, Kol/Bonnie, and Caroline/Rebekah.
Warning: This fic will contain dark themes, including suicidal tendencies, homicidal tendencies, abuse, drug and alcohol usage, sex, etc. Basically a really dark fic, so please if these are triggers of yours do not read. Thank you all.
Rating: M
Goodnight Sweetheart
His morning was spent searching the endless halls of the ward for a certain petite woman he had bonded with.
But there was no sight of her anywhere.
'She is probably just sleeping still.' He concluded. Knowing that it was silly to be worried about Bonnie. Just because he was starting to get close to her didn't mean that something bad would happen to her. She was fine. He just needed to preoccupy himself until she woke up.
Damon rarely attended any meals, but today he decided to attend breakfast. It served as a distraction for his paranoid sleep-deprived mind. At least he had hoped that it would. Yet, as he sat in the cafeteria at a table all by himself, picking away at the disgusting excuse for food on his plate all that he could think about was Bonnie.
His mind was conflicted and a mess of confusion. Honestly, he didn't think it was possible to form such an attachment to someone so quickly after losing someone you loved. Then again, maybe that was normal. Maybe that was his way of reaching out to someone. Maybe that was his way of asking someone to finally listen to his story and believe him. If that was the case though, then why was he so scared for Bonnie to find out the truth about him? Why did he care so much if it scared her away?
Why did he care so much to see her again?
Why did he care at all?
Damon stabbed his fork aggressively into what he assumed was a green bean and then popped it into his mouth as he stared up at the clock on the wall.
His eyes connected with the second hand and he watched as it ticked away. Time seemed to move so slowly in the institution and it was starting to irritate him. He just wanted to spend time with Bonnie again. She was the only one who helped pass the time. When he was with her the weight of his guilt wasn't as heavy and he could finally relax and enjoy himself again.
Which of course made him feel guilty later. But, that was besides the point.
When he could no longer force the food down his throat, he wiped his hands clean on the napkin and set it on the plate pushing it away from himself. Standing to his feet he turned and walked toward the exit of the cafeteria. He didn't care to throw his trash away. 'That's what they are getting paid to do. Not me.'
His heart sped up as he approached the main room of the ward. It was getting a bit later in the afternoon now and he was really hoping that Bonnie would be awake and watching television. She never attended breakfast. In fact, he had never seen her attend a meal at all. As he reached the main room he quickly scanned over the group of people who were sitting in the recliners and watching the television and with each face he witnessed his heart fell.
Bonnie wasn't there.
Damon let out a sigh and walked toward the television. There was currently a group of men sitting around and watching a football game. He hated football and he wasn't about to suffer through it. So, without a care in the world he reached up and started to flip through the channels until he found a suitable television show. All the men screamed and shouted at him in the background about how the game was important and 'blah, blah, blah.' He had zoned out so he didn't hear anything else that they said.
Turning on his heels he started toward the group of men and offered them a nearly demented grin, "Sorry boys. There is no way I'm watching football all day." His words were laced in sarcasm and annoyance.
If he had to suffer through another day in the ward, without his friend, then he was going to at least watch something he wanted to watch.
"There's a TV in the other room. Go watch it in there. We were in the middle of the game."
"And now the game is over."
"Who the fuck gave you the right to control the TV?" The man asked. He looked prepared to stand up and fight about it and this only served to amuse Damon. Was he really willing to risk getting restrained over a football game?
Damon took a step toward him and stared deep into his eyes as he spoke. "I did."
There was something behind his eyes that caused the man to stop arguing with him. He couldn't explain what it was. There was a glimmer of something terrifying there though and his smile held such confidence. So, instead of fighting back he gathered the other men and led the way toward the other room with a television. It would be easier to take that one over then to argue with the strange man.
He watched as the men walked away and his lips curled victoriously as he took a seat in one of the recliners and stared up at the television.
'Now if only Bonnie would wake up so we could watch together.'
'Trust Me.
She's Got An Anxious Disease. It's Keeping Her From Sleep.
It's Nothing To Do With Me. Just A Pill That She'll Always Need.'
Damon had already attended the final group of the night and he had still not seen Bonnie anywhere. Now he was once again sitting out in the main room of the ward, monopolizing the television, and worrying about the young woman.
'Where the hell is she? Everyone is required to go to the last group... So why wasn't she there?' He wondered to himself as he barely focused on the show that was flashing across the screen. He had his elbow resting against the armrest and his fingers tangled in his long hair as he tried to internally figure out what was going on with her.
'Was she released today?'
The thought caused him to have a mix of emotions. Some of which made him feel like a terribly selfish human being. Of course he wanted her to be happy and to have her freedom, but there was still a part of him that wanted her to stay in the ward with him. The thought of her just leaving without saying goodbye to him caused his stomach to twist uncomfortably and a strange feeling to form in his chest. He couldn't quite explain it. All he knew was that he didn't want her to leave him there alone.
'No. She couldn't have left. I would have saw her filling out paperwork and cleaning out her room... And she would have said goodbye to me, right?'
He dug his fingers into his scalp and continued to think. 'Maybe she's just sleeping... Sleeping all day though? I hope she's okay...'
Suddenly, his eyes focused on the television and he realized that CSI was on. Normally Damon would have been excited to see that one of his favorite television shows was on, but tonight was different. After the evening that he had spent with Bonnie he felt inclined to change the channel and watch the sitcom that she liked.
It was odd.
He didn't understand how one woman was effecting his behaviors so much.
But, he missed her. And in some way he felt like if he watched the show then it would be sort of like spending the night with her. Maybe time would fly?
Standing to his feet he walked across the room and flipped the channel to Fox. Then he returned to his chair and once again rested his head against his hand as his eyes met the television screen and he watched the comedic show. It was actually pretty funny. And it did make him think of Bonnie and the night that they had shared.
'I bet she would love this episode.' His lips twisted up into a smile.
After the show had concluded, Damon once again stood and walked toward the television. This time turning it off. No one else was awake still and the staff wasn't acknowledging his presence so he decided that he would just go to sleep and hope for a more eventful day tomorrow. 'I don't know when the hell my eventful days became playing kids games with a stranger... but I miss it.'
Heading toward his room he stopped mid-step when he heard something coming from one of the rooms near his.
Someone was screaming and crying.
He recognized the voice.
'Bonnie?' Damon wondered, turning and heading toward the room. He glanced over to see if the staff was watching him and quickly realized that they were lost in their own world. They were chatting idly about gossip and other things and no one was paying attention to the main room. 'Wow. These workers are the worst.' This of course was good news for him.
Moving closer to the door he peeked inside and he witnessed Bonnie violently tearing at her skin with her fingernails and screaming out into her pillow. She was practically hyperventilating and her hair was drenched with tears.
The sight shattered him.
Her skin was torn open and he could visibly see blood on her arms and neck. And she was screaming 'leave me alone' over and over again. Damon just wanted to do something to help. Something to ease her worries and make her feel better. He just didn't know if he should invade. People deserved to have their own privacy and he didn't want Bonnie to get upset with him.
"Why won't you just go away!" Bonnie screamed loudly, throwing her body against the bed.
That was Damon's cue.
He wasn't going to just sit by and watch Bonnie suffer like all of the workers seemed willing to do. He was going to go into the room and talk to her, help her.
Glancing back over his shoulder he furrowed his brow and watched the workers intensely. They were all looking at something on the computer and laughing about some Youtube video. 'Typical. Bonnie is suffering and they are laughing.' He was completely disgusted by it, but he took that opportunity to sneak through the cracked door and into the darkness of the young woman's room.
'In The Bedroom.
She Takes Down All Of Her Clothes.
Falls To The Floor Because She Knows,
Everything's Falling And She Doesn't Want To Stand Alone.'
Damon didn't know how to introduce himself into the situation without startling her. He had never been one for sympathy and emotional conversations and he didn't know how to be subtle. So, he opted for being himself.
"Knock, knock." He said as he took a few steps into the room.
Bonnie was lost in another one of her hallucinations and she didn't know what was going on. 'It's probably just Jer again... But that didn't sound like Jer... That sounded like.' She hastily sat up in bed and stared with wide green eyes at the man standing in her room. In the dark he appeared to be a lot scarier than she remembered and her heart was racing in her chest. She had learnt a long time ago that she couldn't trust anyone. Especially men.
"What are you doing in here? You aren't supposed to be here." She pulled the covers over her partially exposed body and readied herself to scream for help if he tried anything.
Damon waved his hands showing he was not here to cause her any harm. "I'm not going to hurt you, Bonnie. I just heard you crying and wanted to help." He admitted, praying that she would believe his words. If she screamed for help then there would be no way he would be getting out of the institution any time in the near future.
Plus, it wouldn't look good for his case.
"And why should I believe you?" Bonnie asked stubbornly.
"Because." He paused. "It's the truth."
Suddenly the two of them jumped when they heard someone walking toward the bedroom. Damon turned quickly and stared out the door and noticed the light of a flashlight in the hallway. 'Of fucking course. They don't check on her for hours and now that I'm in here they have to come do their rounds?!' His eyes were wide as he ducked behind the door and lifted a finger to his lips signalling for Bonnie to be quiet and not give anything away.
She didn't know why she trusted him in that instant. He was a complete stranger and she had no idea why he was in the mental institution, and yet she felt like he was telling the truth.
Bonnie lay back down in bed and twisted beneath the covers pretending to be asleep as the worker shined their flashlight into the room to check if she was there. Damon was holding his breath as he stood behind the open door and waited impatiently for the young woman to walk away. His heart was racing in his chest and he was terrified. If they caught him in the room then they would send him to another institution, or worse.
Finally, he heard the footsteps fade into the distance and the light disappear and he let out a loud sigh of relief. "That was close." He said, taking a few steps toward the bed and smiling down at Bonnie.
"Yeah." She was still hesitant about his intentions. "Just remember. If you make one wrong move I will scream for them."
"Wow." His eyes widened playfully. "Someone doesn't trust me."
"Is that a problem?"
"Nope." He smirked. "That's actually probably for the best."
The weird part was that despite his words Bonnie found that she did trust him. And just sitting in his presence was enough to make her worries lessen, her cravings weaker, and her hallucinations seem less scary. It was crazy to her that one man could make her feel so alive again. She didn't even know anything about him. She didn't even know his last name.
Bonnie stared at him for a moment longer, her eyes judging him and trying to read him, and then she moved to the side of the bed giving him access to sit down beside her.
Damon took the offer gladly, sitting beside her on the bed and staring over at him. She blushed as she lost herself in the intensity of his eyes. She always seemed to do so. They held so much concern for her that it was impossible to deny he cared. For whatever reason he cared.
He didn't even know where to begin. How do you be there for someone? Do you just sit in silence and wait for them to talk? Do you lean over and show physical concern and affection? Do you ask what is wrong? He had no idea. This wasn't something he had much experience in. His eyes traveled over the exposed skin of her shoulders and he had to force away the inappropriate thoughts that attempted to invade his mind. 'This is not the time or place to notice those things...'
Instead of focusing on how smooth her skin looked, he focused on the deep scratches along her wrists, arms, and neck.
They distracted from her beauty, but they did not take away from it.
If anything the marks only made Damon find her more beautiful. They made him relate to her and find beauty in her humanity. People were always trying to keep their emotions in check and sometimes that was impossible. He would never blame someone for falling off the deep end.
He was already deep in the abyss himself.
Reaching up, he gently lifted her wrist with one of his hands. Immediately he realized just how small her hand was in his own, he realized how frail and easily breakable it was and it made him sorrowful. He hated that she was so broken. Tracing his fingertips over the deep scratches he furrowed his brow in concern. "Are you okay?"
"Yeah... I'm fine." She insisted, but her voice broke with the weight of the emotions she was feeling and her heart was racing a million miles per hour due to him touching her.
"You don't look like you're fine." He stated pointedly. "You look like you are falling apart. Just like me."
Bonnie visibly shivered as Damon traced his fingertips over the sensitive skin of her wrist. "No." She whispered under her breath. "I'm fine."
"Okay. I won't push, but if you need to talk I'll be right here." For the first time his smile looked completely genuine. His words were not drenched in sarcasm and he did not have that teasing glint in his eyes. He was just telling her that he was there to listen. He was there to understand her.
Something made her believe that he could.
Silence filled the air between the two of them and Bonnie chewed on her full bottom lip as she stared down at his fingers. She could feel her skin tingling wherever he touched her and it caused a soft blush to rise along her cheeks. There was something comforting about just having someone there sitting beside her who cared to break through her walls.
"Last night you said." She paused and took in a shaky breath. "You said that you lost someone you loved."
"Yeah. I did." His chest clenched painfully.
"Who was it?" Parts of her worried that she was intruding, but then again he was the one who came into her room uninvited and started asking her things.
Damon felt sick. His brow furrowed and his eyes glazed over with tears. He didn't dare cry though. This wasn't about him it was about Bonnie. He just missed Katherine so much. "My fiance." He forced out the words. "We were supposed to get married this May."
Bonnie didn't ask all of the questions that she wanted to. She knew that her questions would be answered at a later time. Right now was just about revealing secrets and bits and pieces of their broken lives. She reached up and placed a hand gently over his causing him to stop moving his fingertips and to look into her eyes. Green searched blue for the answers and she found them. He was devastated. He had lost his fiance similarly to how she had lost Grams and Jer. She could see it in his eyes.
"I lost my boyfriend." She held back her tears but Damon could see them in her eyes. He hated seeing her in pain. "And my Grams. They were the most important people to me."
Damon didn't know what else to say, so he said, "I'm sorry."
It was a small gesture. But he meant it.
'Who Is To Tell, Of The Quiet Hell,
Cast In Your Soul, Burning You Down.
A Patient To Sick To Wait, You Sought To Medicate,
You Meant To Feel Better, But All You Feel Is Nothing Now.'
Somehow as hours passed they found themselves finding comfort in each other's warmth.
Bonnie and Damon were laying in the bed side by side and staring up at the ceiling. They weren't quite touching, but they could both feel the security and warmth of the other person's body and once again their hands were side by side. Close enough to touch, but still keeping their distance.
They had spent the last few hours talking about their loved ones. Talking about memories that they shared with Katherine, Jeremy, and Grams, and how they missed their loved ones. Bonnie didn't reveal any of the details about how they died and neither did Damon. The didn't reveal their dark drug addictions or their demented dreams. Even though it was evidently etched into their skin that they had dark stories, they just shared in reminiscing about the happier times and enjoying each other's company.
Damon could feel his heart pounding in his ears as he tried to convince himself to make a move. To show his comfort in a more physical manner.
He was so worried that if he crossed any boundaries he would lose Bonnie and right now she was all that he had.
"It's nice to have someone laying next to me again." Bonnie muttered, her eyes closed now as she felt her mind drifting away into a dozing state. She hadn't slept well in so long without medication and now, laying next to Damon, she felt at peace. She felt like she could drift away into her dreams.
His lips twisted up and he finally bridged the gap between their hands. Reaching out, he took her hand in his own and laced their fingers together. Both of them were shocked that he finally did it, but neither of them made a big deal out of it. They just pretended like nothing had changed. Despite the way that their bodies were reacting to the contact.
His skin against hers caused her body to ignite in ways it hadn't since her last high.
Bonnie knew that she shouldn't allow it to get the best of her. She had an addictive personality and if he made her feel again then she could easily get addicted to him. But, she couldn't help it. The feelings were too real.
"Yeah. It is nice." Damon felt a pang of guilt when he agreed to her statement. Katherine was always on the back of his mind, haunting him, reminding him that he was possibly responsible for her death. It made him feel even more guilty that he was enjoying holding Bonnie's hand. It made him want to pull away, but he didn't.
His eyes flickered closed and he was hit with the reality of not sleeping for over two weeks.
Usually he was so anxious and guilty feeling that he forced himself to stay awake. But, here laying next to Bonnie, holding her delicate hand in his own, he felt like he could fall asleep at any moment. 'Don't you dare fall asleep... Do you want to kill her like you killed your wife? Do you want her to suffer like Katherine did? Do you want to lose her too?' His mind taunted him.
Damon couldn't handle the thought of causing Bonnie pain so he quickly sat up and attempted to stand to his feet.
She pulled his hand and stopped his movement, staring up at him with sorrow-filled emerald eyes. "Where are you going?"
"I-I can't fall asleep in here." He pulled his hand away from hers and forced himself to ignore the guilt he was feeling when she looked offended. It was better to offend her and confuse her then to murder her in his sleep. "I can't fall asleep, Bonnie." He was panicking and it was evident to her that he was terrified to fall asleep next to her. She just didn't understand why.
"Why not? If you are scared you're going to get caught we can always wake up before they call for breakfast." Bonnie wanted him to stay. She felt safe with him.
"I can't risk it, Bonnie." Damon realized that she thought he was talking about getting caught, but he was okay with her thinking that. He didn't want her to know what he really meant.
"But-"
"-I can't."
With that he turned and walked toward the door. Leaving behind a very confused young woman.
'Goodnight, Sweetheart,
There Is Nothing More To Say.
Things Fall Apart. Hearts Are Broken every Day.'
Author's Note:
Thank you all for the wonderful reviews! I decided to give you guys another chapter filled with Bamon goodness! I hope that you guys enjoy this chapter and please do tell me what y'all think! I have the outline for the next chapter written out already so if I get enough reviews I promise to add the chapter tomorrow! :)) Anyhow, how are you guys liking the Bamon? Am I writing it well enough? Are y'all excited to see Caroline's introduction to the story and the start of a Baroline friendship and Rebekoline romance?
Please do tell me what y'all thought of the chapter!
As always I love you guys so much and you guys keep me writing! Thanks for everything!
-Tracy Cook
