I do not now, nor have I ever owned Naruto.

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From their position on top of the Hokage monument, several Naruto clones nodded to one another with a wide grin. As one, they dropped the giant specialized henge that had been covering the monument while it was 'rennovated', allowing the village to see what had happened. And at the sight of the improved monument, many people were pointing at it, either to scream in horror or to show others what caused a sudden fit of laughter.

On top of a building with a prime position to see the monument, two ANBU were caught up in a fit of uproarous laughter, niether able to stand. They had both been drilled in the Shinobi laws of conduct for years, but unfortunately they constantly failed that particular test.

Lifting his mask to wipe his eyes, Shichigoro looked to his partner as he gasped "To-to-told ya it wa-was worth i-it!"

Panting, Yuugao replied "Wh-when yo-you're right, yo-you're right!" Both took another look before being overcome by another fit of laughter.

For the monument, once of four faces proudly staring over the village of Konoha with a fifth in the works, was now of four faces all grinning down at the village in evident amusement. Three of the faces were no longer of a former Hokage, but instead each was of the recently banished Uzumaki Naruto, and all four faces were painted masterfully, each face bearing a variety of kabuki-style facepaint.

The first was a grinning Naruto covering his eyes with his hands, the second was another grinning Naruto with fingers in his ears, and the third was also Naruto, though this one had his mouth covered with his hands. The fourth was still of Namikaze Minato, but now he was giving his best face-splitting grin, giving the village a 'one-fingered salute'.

(Flashback no Jutsu)

Naruto wiped the sweat from his forehead on the back of his sleeve, splotches of paint adorning his clothes and face. Alongside him several more Naruto's, each paint-stained and sweating, held their own paintbrushes.

"Hey brat, what're you doing?"

All the Naruto's looked at the owner of the voice, a purple-haired ANBU wearing a cat mask, her wolf-masked partner beside her. Their expressions were hidden behind their neutral masks, and their arms were crossed over their chests, giving them the appearance of an angry parent.

"Err... just fixing up the monument as a gift to the village! Yeah... that's it!" Naruto replied, smiling nervously and scratching the back of his head. The two ANBU looked to one another for a few moments before nodding and returning to watching the caught blonde.

"Well then, how about we give you some help." Wolf said, and Naruto gaped like a caught fish as he asked "Wha-what did you say?"

"I said that if you're going to do such an enormous favor for the village, it would be rude of us to not offer you assistance! In fact, we know some doton jutsu that would be perfect in your... ah... 'public service project' here." Cat replied, and the skeptical blonde asked "Re-really?"

"Of course, Naruto-san." Wolf stated, and as the two walked out onto the face of the first to begin working, Cat turned back and said "Just so you know, many ninja and most of ANBU disagree with what's happening to you." before following after Wolf. Naruto blinked several times and smiled, tears filling his eyes.

"Alright men! We've got a lot to do and not much time to do it, so I want all of you to be working double-time! Understand?" Naruto yelled to his clones, who all saluted as one and went back to work with renewed vigor.

(Flashback no Jutsu: KAI!)

Most of the people laughing were shinobi, who had to both respect the level of skill for Naruto to finish such a project not only quickly but masterfully, and had to admit it was the blonde prankster's greatest prank. But what got most of the populace not doubled over in laughter more than the 'change' done to the monument, was what had been done to the Fourth's. A change not even Naruto knew about until the henge was raised.

Three thin, whisker-like lines rested upon each cheek of the blonde-haired, blue-eyed Hokage, giving him an unsettling resemblance to the just-banished Uzumaki Naruto, made more apparent with three likenesses of Naruto sitting right next to him. A resemblance so close, that many of the Council wanted to have the blonde executed and then run damage control before too many people began talking.

From his position on the Hokage tower, Jiraiya folded up his spyglass with a wide grin. Part one of his plan was complete. Now, it was time to start part two, along with several other 'side projects'.

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Naruto sat staring at the small group of women, who were staring back at him. Sitting forgotten beside him was a plate of food, something mirrored by the small group of women across from him.

"Sooo... why is Kiba's mom here?" Naruto asked, to which Tsume answered "My name's Tsume, gaki. And I'm here as a form of protest against the borderline traitorous actions of the council in regards to your banishment. As for leaving Kiba and Hana, I talked to both of them, and we finally decided that this was the best option."

"Were there other options?" Naruto asked, and the woman nodded as she said "Yeah, but most of them would result in a roaring rampage of bloodshed and carnage eventually leading to a bloody civil war between those loyal to the Hokage and those loyal to the Council."

"Well... I guess this was the best option." Naruto said with a nod, and Tsunade sent Tsume a look, which got the slightest of blushes and a scowl at the blonde-haired Hokage. Naruto didn't notice the exchange as he leaned back against the tree behind him, his arms crossed over his chest and his face scrunched up in his 'thinking look'. They giggled at how adorable of his 'thinking look', the blonde cracking his eyes to glare at them before returning to thinking. This, unfortunately, caused them to giggle more.

Finally, Naruto looked to Tsume, tilting his head like a confused fox as he asked "But why would you care about me being banished? I thought most of the people on the council hated me because of..." He looked to Hinata and Sakura as he added "You know."

"Know? Know what?" Sakura asked, and Tsunade sighed as she said "Alright you two, it appears that thanks to Naruto, I'm going to have to reveal some confidential information a LOT sooner than I wanted to concerning Naruto."

"What about him?" Sakura questioned, and Tsunade answered "Now, you both are aware of what October 10th is, right?"

"H-hai. It's t-the day that t-the Yondaime Ho-Hokage defeated the Ky-Kyuubi." Hinata replied, and Tsunade nodded as she continued "It is also the day Naruto was born. Now, what both of you need to understand is that a demon such as Kyuubi cannot be defeated by any mortal, nor can it be controlled... Well, except for those who had Great Uncle Hoshirama's DNA, or the darkest, most twisted of Uchiha. But since the Yondaime was niether Hoshirama nor an extraordinarily evil Uchiha, he had but one choice: to seal the monster away."

"And you can only seal demons such as the Gobi or stronger into a human, or more specifically, a human baby. They're the only ones with chakra coils undeveloped enough to be able to handle the Bijuu's chakra being added to their own. Now, consider the facts and you'll have your answer. But I want you to remember that, much like a kunai sealed within a scroll, the scroll does not become a kunai. It is merely a scroll with a kunai sealed in it."

Naruto watched for their reactions with baited anticipation, seeing an entire gamot of emotions flow across their faces as the two intelligent girls came to a realization with the information given. He winced, awaiting the hatred, the yelling, and finally the abandonment.

However, what he never expected was to have two blurs tackle him around the middle, knocking him onto his back as two pairs of thin arms showed surprising strength by trying to crush him. As he tried to catch his breath from being tackled and squeezed, he heard two distinct voices babble incoherently between sobs. Managing to look down, he saw it the familiar shade of bubblegum pink distinct to Sakura, as well as Hinata's own midnight mane.

"Wh-what..." Naruto gasped, but all that did was cause the sobbing babbling to grow stronger, as did the pressure being exerted on his poor body. Slowly turning a very interesting shade of blue, Naruto felt himself beginning to pass out.

"Alright ladies, let the brat go before you accidentally kill him with kindness." Tsunade said, and the two girls quickly released him as they sat on their heels, allowing him to gasp for air, color returning to his face.

"So-sorry Naruto." Sakura said, wiping her eyes on the back of her arm, Hinata nodding as she did the same. Pushing himself up off the ground into a seated position with one hand as the other held his chest, Naruto nodded and waved it off with a smile.

"W-we just di-didn't know th-that you we-were su-suffering under su-such a burden." Hinata softly added, and Naruto sighed, looking to his friends as he asked "So you don't think I'm the Kyuubi?"

"Please Naruto. If you were the Kyuubi, you wouldn't be such a scrawny goofball baka, now would you?" Sakura asked with a smile, sticking her tongue out playfully at her friend. Naruto tapped his chin in thought before giving a nod in agreement with a smile.

"Yeah! Because if I was the Kyuubi, I would be ten feet tall with a body chiseled out of granite, able to defeat Kakashi-sensei or even Hebi-teme with a offhand flick of my wrist." Naruto claimed while flexing and doing very Gai-like poses, getting smiles and eye rolls from his companions.

"And I'd probably be able to shoot lightning bolts from my eyes and fireballs from my butt! And I've never shot so much as smoke from it!" Naruto said, turning and bending forward to put his backside on display, smacking it as he did so. Tsunade laughed, Shizune gave a resigned sigh, and the other three females all blushed as they studied the offered backside.

"Alright brat. Now that we've all seen that flat ass of yours, we can get to work." Tsunade said, purposefully ignoring the scowl/pout from the blonde as he hurrumphed, sat down, and crossed his arms over his chest. But instead of showing them his anger at the remark, the trio of women merely noted how adorable he looked while doing it.

"Now, first thing we need to do is to pool together our resources and see what we've got to work with. Unseal everything you're carrying and group it in piles before you so we know a basic idea of what we have." Tsunade said. The others nodded, and began emptying their weapon pouches before them in small piles. They then began opening scrolls and unsealing weapons and other things.

What the others quickly noticed was just how quickly the blondes various piles were growing larger than theirs.

"Naruto, where'd you get all that? Don't tell me you spend most of your money on that stuff!" Sakura said, and the blonde merely grinned as he said "Nah! Its mostly stuff I found lying around, left by careless shinobi. You'd be surprised at what you can find if you just take a few seconds to do a little searching. I mean, I've found kunai and shuriken that were practically new just laying around in the throwing range early in the morning, long after the last person went home for the night. And all the wire I've found is enough for dozens of large spools."

Shaking his head, he said "I swear, some people can be so wasteful when they've never had to do without."

"And you have?" Tsume asked, and the blonde nodded as he replied "Yeah, but that was a long time ago. After I met Tuechi-jiji and Ayame-nee-chan, I spent less on food and no longer had to choose between food or rent."

Before anything more could be said, Naruto chose to change the subject by beginning to reseal much of his excess as he asked "So kaasan, what are we going to do now?"

"Well, there's a town nearby called Otafaku Gai where we can resupply and spend a night or two to properly plan a course of action for our little group. We'll also need to get some new clothes for you, Sakura, and Hinata." Tsunade said, and the blonde frowned as he muttered "But I like orange."

"I never said you can't wear orange, sochi." Tsunade said, continuing "You just can't wear that jumpsuit anymore. It's a little too distinctive, and we're going to need to be less distinctive from here on out."

"Yeah, and maybe you can do something about those 'distinctive' hot air balloons on your chest, Tsunade-sama." Tsume remarked with a grin, which recieved snickering from Naruto, Hinata, and Sakura, as well as a small smirk from Shizune. Tsunade merely frowned and said "You're one to talk, Tsume. You'd have to be blind not to recognize the Inuzuka markings on your cheeks."

Tsume scowled in return, and Shizune sighed as she said "Please don't kill one another, Tsunade-saichou, Tsume-sama."

"Oh, don't worry Shizune, I won't kill Tsume. I have more... creative ways to repay our dear Inuzuka than childish insults or murder." Tsunade replied with a grin, and other woman stared in horror at the thought of Tsunade telling the blonde boy her biggest secret.

"Errr... Do you know what's going on?" Naruto asked Sakura and Hinata, who both shrugged.

Naruto turned to Shizune and asked "How about you, nee-chan? Do you know what's going on?" The dark-haired woman merely sighed and said "Unfortunately I don't, Naruto-kun. And that what's scaring me most at the moment."

"Alright ladies and gentleman, lets get going to Otafaku Gai before night falls!" Tsunade suddenly spoke up with a smile, and the group quickly repacked and left, not leaving a trace they were ever there in the first place.

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Hatake Kakashi smiled at the noon sun as he removed the orange-covered book from his weapon's pouch, heading toward the hospital to look after his son. The Hokage Monument was in the process of being repaired from Naruto's final stunt, one that got a chuckle from even the masked cyclops. But as he found amusement in the remodelling, Kakashi purposefully ignored the similarities between his former student and his late sensei, even as they stood on display in the form of giant stone faces.

Of course, now that the uproar had died down, people were questioning how exactly he'd managed to make such drastic changes in so short a time. Doing so would require a number of powerful doton jutsu, and Kakashi made sure he knew every jutsu in the blonde's arsenal. And as he wanted, the blonde's arsenal was limited quite severely, with only three combat-useful jutsus. And none of them were an elemental jutsu powerful enough to do that.

So Kakashi KNEW the blonde had help, but didn't know who it was. His list of suspects at the moment could be considered quite large, as the decision to banish the boy had been very unpopular amongst the shinobi population. The chance to aid in the prank and 'stick it' to the Council as it were could be seen as too good to pass up by many of them.

As he walked, he ignored the glares and mutters from many shinobi who saw him, and mused that this must be what Naruto went through every day. Of course, he didn't have much use for the opinions of his fellow shinobi, because all that mattered was that Sasuke succeeded as a shinobi.

When he spoke of ninja who do not care about their teammates being less than trash to Team 7, he meant that if Naruto and Sakura didn't care about Sasuke, then they were less than trash. The blonde and pinkette were only stepping stones for Sasuke to reach the greatness he deserved, to make Obito and the Uchiha proud.

Of course, he never thought that if Obito was to show up and learn of Kakashi's actions, he wouldn't be proud. The Uchiha would be disgusted beyond belief, and most likely rip Kakashi's implanted Sharingan eye out with his bare hand.

But that didn't mesh with Kakashi's view of the world, so it was discarded, and instead replaced by Obito being proud of his best friend, and expecting nothing less for the second-to-last Uchiha. He would also be disgusted by the Council's decisions regarding Sasuke and help make sure Naruto stayed in the place befitting him: as Sasuke's footstool.

Turning a page in his copy of Icha Icha Paradise, Kakashi smiled under his mask, proudly wrapped up in the delusional fantasy he spent so long making, that he would probably snap should anyone ever unravel it.

Entering the hospital, his feet automatically carried him to the room containing Sasuke, where he expected the child to still be forcefully asleep. But as he entered the room, his eye widened as he heard an all-to-familiar scoff that could only belong to one person. Lowering his book, he looked to the bed where Sasuke sat, black eyes focused on the silver-haired Jounin.

"Sasuke, glad to see you're awake!" Kakashi said, closing his book and returning it to his weapons pouch as the boy asked "Why am I still here?"

"In the hospital?" Kakashi asked, but his student replied "No, why am I still in Konoha? I should be in Otogakure by now."

"You don't remember?" Kakashi asked, and the dark-haired boy replied "No... I remember the seal on my neck hurting, and black marks crossing my skin. But then all I remember is... hatred, pain, and red chakra."

"Red chakra?" Kakashi questioned, and the boy nodded as he said "Yeah... Red chakra. It was covering Naruto, but I remember his chakra always being a light blue..." Looking to his sensei, he asked "Is it a kekkai gekkai I never heard of?"

"No, Sasuke. It's..." the man sighed as he said "It's something I can't speak of. But I assure you its not a kekkai gekkai. You need to speak to the Hokage or Naruto about it."

At that, the teen frowned as he said "Where is Naruto? I want to talk to him."

"You can't." Kakashi said, and Sasuke's eyes widened marginally as he asked "Why not?"

"Because he's been banished from Konoha due to events surrounding the mission to rescue you." Kakashi answered, and Sasuke blinked before he scoffed and asked "Rescue? You honestly think the dobe and his team were 'rescuing' me?"

"Yes! There's no way you would willingly betray Konoha! But don't worry, I know Naruto was the reason behind it, and you don't have to worry about him anymore." Kakashi said happily, and Sasuke smirked as he said "You honestly believe that I did it because of the dobe?"

"Of course! Why else would you do it?" Kakashi asked, and Sasuke sneered as he said "Because of you, Hatake."

Kakashi's smile disappeared, panic in his eye as he asked "Wha-what?"

"I said it was because of you. Training under you, I couldn't match Sabaku no Gaara. But Naruto, training under Jiraiya, not only matched Gaara, but defeated him. If the dobe could get that strong training under a Sannin for a month, then imagine how strong I could get training under a Sannin for a year or three! Simply put, Hatake, I realized how useless you were." Sasuke stated, his sneer growing.

Kakashi blinked, his body slumping as the reality of what Sasuke said seeped into his mind. But the carefully created fantasy would not be so easily destroyed, and he quickly found a way to get back in his son's good graces.

Kakashi straightened up, giving a smile as he said "You're right Sasuke. I wasn't training you properly." Sasuke raised an eyebrow as Kakashi continued "After you get out of here, I'll begin REALLY training you, and without Naruto to bug me and force me to take my attention off of you, I can really begin training you!"

"Hn." Sasuke scoffed, and Kakashi's smile grew as he said "In fact, I can even teach you the technique used by Naruto! By the time we're through, you'll be the strongest Hokage we've ever had."

Sasuke stared at the man, but nodded as he said "Alright, I'll continue training under you."

"Excellent." came a new voice, and both figures turned to the door, where Koharu stood, giving the duo a grandmotherly smile.

"Koharu-sama, what brings you here?" Kakashi asked, and the elderly woman replied "Why, just to tell our young Uchiha that as soon as he's well enough, he can return to training under you, Kakashi-san."

Kakashi looked to the woman with surprise, but she merely nodded and sent him a silent reply that she'd tell him later. He nodded back and both looked to Sasuke, who was smiling happily.

"Well, I should let you rest, Sasuke-kun." Koharu said, turning and hobbling out the door.

"She's right of course. You need to recover so we can get to some real training." Kakashi said, giving his student an eye smile before taking his seat, Icha Icha out and open before him. Sasuke merely sighed, slipping under the covers and closing his eyes, pictures of a dead Itachi dancing in his head.

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As she walked out of the hospital, Koharu sighed and spit on the ground, as if something foul had found its way into her mouth. Continuing to walk, she stopped and sat on a park bench, holding her cane before her, awaiting someone.

She was soon joined by the large form of Jiraiya, and as he took a seat, she tapped her cane onto the ground, a small genjutsu/barrier coming up around them, making the bench appear empty, and their conversation silenced beyond the edge of the barrier. As soon as it was up, the white-haired sage looked to the elderly woman as he asked "How did it go?"

"Kakashi looked like he was about five seconds from wetting himself in joy, and the Uchiha... Well, the Uchiha looked about as smug as ever." Koharu said. Sighing, she leaned back on the bench and asked "Are we doing the right thing, Jiraiya-chan?"

"I don't know. We can only do what we can and hope that we don't fuck up too badly." Jiraiya answered, and the elderly woman said "I just wish that we could do this in a way that didn't make me feel so dirty. I threw up a little in my mouth when I had to side with Danzou during the meeting, especially with Naruto-chan."

"I know Koharu-sama. But we need him to trust you as much as a man like him is capable of until we can dig that bloated tick of a man out and cure the infection he brought with him. And unfortunately the only way for him to trust you is for you to side with him in matters such as this, so you can get the information needed to finally be rid of him." Jiraiya said, the elderly woman nodded. She knew her teammate's student was right, but it still made her feel sick.

Sighing, the woman smiled and said "You know, Naruto-chan used to call me 'baa-chan'. He was always so cute waddling around Sarutobi's office with the Hokage's hat on his head." Her smile fell as she continued "And now... now I'm a acessory to his banishment, throwing the blonde who used to see me as his granny out of his home. Worse of all, my granddaughter Moegi-chan found out and now hates me for banishing her 'nii-san' from Konoha."

Feeling a heavy hand on her shoulder, she turned to the large man as he said "I know, Koharu. But I believe that when we can return him home and explain it to him, he and she will both understand and forgive you."

She gave a weary smile as she said "Thanks, Jiraiya-chan. You were always my favorite of Hiruzen's students." Closing her eyes, her smile disappeared again as she said "I just hope you're right, and my grandchildren can forgive me for what I've done, and understand it was for the good of Konoha."

A scowl crossed her face as she said " I've always hated those words. 'For the good of Konoha' has been used to justify some of the worst crimes and greatest tragedies this village has ever seen."

"I know, I know. Minato said those very words before he sealed the Kyuubi into Naruto, and Sarutobi used them when he explained why he kept me out of Konoha and Naruto's life for thirteen years with lies, deception, and long-term missions in faraway lands." Jiraiya said, scowling as he remembered that conversation with the elderly Hokage. And it turned out to be their last conversation, which ended with Jiraiya spewing a bile-loaded rant at his sensei and storming out of the office, leaving an ancient-looking Sarutobi whithered in his chair.

"Did you know that was the first time I ever had truly traitorous thoughts concerning Konoha, including killing sensei?" Jiraiya asked, and the woman sighed as she said "I've had that urge a few times myself as I was forced to watch that blonde cherub be all but abused emotionally from afar, unable to help due to both the council and Sarutobi to keep a low profile in concern to the blonde. 'Can't have influental figures showing too much concern for an orphan' was Sarutobi's excuse."

"You know what the sick part is? I believe that had I tried to do so, the only thing that would have caused sensei to stop me is that he wouldn't want me to become a missing-nin over it." Jiraiya said, and the woman as he nodded "And I believe, in a way, that Sarutobi-sensei was looking to die against Orochimaru. He was planning to use the Shiki Fuin all along, seeking to seal himself and Orochimaru into the Shinigama's belly. He probably felt that if he condemned himself to eternal torment alongside Orochi-teme, he could begin to forgive himself for the mistakes concerning both the snake bastard and Naruto."

"I know." Koharu said, and both fell silent, deep in thought. After several moments, Jiraiya rose to his feet and said "Well, I've got missions to give out, papers to sign, and a Machevallian plot to set into motion. Keep an eye on Danzou, and inform me if that old warhawk lets anything slip."

"Alright Jiraiya-chan." Koharu replied, slowly rising to her feet with a groan, muttering "Damn Sarutobi. He never did tell me how he managed to avoid the pains of old age, the cruel old monkey!"

Jiraiya laughed and said "Bye Koharu-sama." She gave a small wave, dropped the barrier/genjutsu, and said "Goodbye Jiraiya-chan. See you later."

And with that, the two departed on their seperate ways.