The afternoon proved to be better than Clark had hoped; sunny, crisp and dry with just a hint of breeze blowing across the plains and stirring the leaves beneath their feet. He and Lois walked quietly through the small wood that abutted the Kent Farm, simply enjoying one another's company. As they walked, they held hands- something they rarely did. Lois felt uncomfortable with any public displays of affection, which suited the son of midwestern farmers just fine. He knew she loved him, and she knew he loved her, and that was enough.
Eventually, they came to the pond that lay at the heart of the woods. Lois was captivated by the picturesque beauty of the scene- the red and yellow leaves turned the trees into a riot of color, while the sun glinting of the water turned the lake bright silver. "Oh Clark" she said, in a small voice "It's beautiful. We should have brought the others- it seems wrong to keep this to ourselves."
In response, Clark snaked an arm around her shoulders and whirled her around to face him. "Maybe, but there are some things I prefer to keep…private". His voice was low and husky, the tone that he always used when he was in a certain mood. She liked his 'Superman' voice- the commanding, authoritative tone he used when he was saving the day- but it was Clark Kent's 'private voice' that made her squirm.
"Why Mister Kent" she said, lacing her arms around the back of his neck "I think you're trying to seduce me"
Clark chuckled while he kissed a line up her throat "What was your first hint, Miss Ace Reporter?"
Back at the farmhouse, Bruce sat with the Kansas City Star on his lap, and quiet jazz playing on the radio. For another man, it would have been an idyllic way to relax; for the Dark Knight it was slow torture. In the absence of distractions, Batman found his mind revolving around the city he'd left behind yesterday. How many crimes had been committed? Were the Rogues still securely locked away in Arkham? Had there been an escape? Had Commissioner Gordon stood on the roof of Gotham Central, waiting in vain for the Dark Knight to arrive? The longer he spent here in Kansas, the more Batman felt like a deserter- as though he were a soldier who'd left his post for a cigarette and allowed the enemy to creep in. Logically, he knew that he was worrying over nothing- he would be away less than forty-eight hours. He'd taken breaks longer than that, when he needed to recuperate or to make sure Bruce Wayne kept up his playboy reputation.
But this was different. He hadn't been injured, nor was this outing doing anything to enhance his playboy image. In fact, his little talk at the Smallville General Store could conceivably damage that image- rather than a billionaire dilettante, he'd come across as an intelligent and worldly man. Batman NEEDED Bruce Wayne to seem stupid, hedonistic, self-centered and easily bored- because anyone investigating the Batman's secret identity would discount such a man immediately. This outing to Kansas had accomplished nothing.
And yet… he was enjoying himself. No one, not even Batman, could keep pushing themselves as hard as he did, all night every night, without pause. Certainly, he rested his body well, but this was the first time he'd given his mind and spirit a rest in decades. He could be lying in bed, or sipping champagne on his yacht, but his mind would constantly be working, and his guard was always up. IT felt…good to relax his guard, and take his mind off crime for a little while.
Of course, he'd never tell Clark or Alfred. They'd never let him hear the end of it. Instead, he simply enjoyed the peace and solitude of the farmhouse until the others returned for dinner.
Clark and Lois returned to the farmhouse at about three o'clock in the afternoon. Although they weren't visibly disheveled, the World's Greatest Detective could guess what had happened. Lois was smiling too much, and Clark was walking differently, all of which told him exactly what they'd been doing. Thankfully, they had settled down to normal by the time the others arrived. The moment everyone was together, Clark glanced at his watch.
"Almost time for the game" he said "Bruce, I'll give you one last chance to surrender gracefully and back out of our wager"
"Wager?" Lois said "Clark, how many times have I told you not to bet against billionaires?"
Quickly, Clark went over the terms of the bet: If the Meteors won, Bruce would have to sing and dance in front of 'all their friends'. If the Knights won, Clark would have to get Diana to stop bothering Bruce for her charities. Lois whistled lowly "Wow, Smallville, I always knew you were brave but this is a whole new level. You realize that the Knights are heavy favorites for this match?"
Clark looked abashed but said "I know, Lois, but I couldn't let him defame our team"
Lois sighed and put her arm on his shoulder "You did the right thing, and I'll help you talk to Diana if you want. But!" She pointed a finger at her fiancée "If we do win, I want a video of the Dark Knight singing."
As the game started, the group sat down around the old television set. Bruce occupied the main armchair, while Lois, Clark and Jimmy took the couch. Jonathan and Martha were uninterested in Gotham or Metropolis, while Alfred considered American Football an abomination. Jimmy had a bag of chips, while Lois and Clark each had beer. Bruce sat silently and watched the proceedings.
The Metropolis Meteors stunned everyone that night. While they had been fairly good all season, that game seemed to bring out the best in the team. By half-time, the score was fourteen all, and Bruce was beginning to grow concerned. The next quarter and a half was tight, with both teams giving it their all and stalemating. Then it happened. The Gotham Quarterback inexplicably launched a long bomb pass, which was easily intercepted. The Meteor player, dodging and swerving the entire way, managed to make one of the longest touchdowns in football history. The Knights never really recovered from that- that single blunder seemed to cut the heart out of the team. They played lackadaisically, as though they'd already lost. When the final whistle blew, the score was 28-14 for Metropolis, and the Kent's living room went crazy. Clark leapt off the sofa and actually hung in the air for a second before remembering Jimmy's presence and descending to ground level. He needn't have worried- Jimmy was dancing a jitterbug (an honest to god jitterbug) around the room. He turned to see his fiancée's reaction, and was met with a deep long kiss. Meanwhile Bruce sat in his armchair, his fingers digging into the armrest, fighting to keep his anger from his face. After things had calmed down, he turned to Clark.
"What's the song?" He growled.
Clark leaned over and whispered something in his ear. Although his expression didn't change, apart from his eyes growing even harder, the billionaire recoiled. "You aren't serious" he said.
Clark nodded with a big grin on his face. "A bet is a bet"
What can be said of Thanksgiving dinner that hasn't already been said? There was food, perhaps too much. Roast turkey, stuffing, mashed potatoes, bread, cranberry sauce, roasted potatoes, corn on the cob… the guests ate their fill and then some. There was talk, some of it boisterous and spirited but thankfully none that was mean spirited or argumentative. There were jokes and stories and songs. It was, in short, a true feast.
Afterwards, everyone helped clean up the table. Martha had initially tried to insist that the others let her do it- but Alfred wouldn't hear of not helping, and with one glance he had Bruce offering to help out. After that, everyone piled into the kitchen to help clean up- if Bruce had to clean, everyone had to clean. With seven people working, the clean-up was quick. Soon, the guests from Gotham went to pack their bags to go. Jonathan had opted to drive them to the airport alone, since Clark and Lois wanted to celebrate their win alone.
Before they left though, Clark made a point of coming up to Bruce and saying "You're on in three days. I'll tell the others"
The core members of the Justice League assembled in the main meeting room, puzzled as to the nature of this mysterious meeting. Wonder Woman, Flash, Plastic Man, Green Lantern, J'onn J'onnz and Aquaman had all received calls telling them to be at the Watchtower at three o'clock today for an important announcement. Superman had been clear that this was to be super secret, kept even from the rank and file members of the League. They entered the meeting room, to find that Batman and Superman were already waiting for them. Superman was seated in his usual spot, while Batman stood at the far end of the room, in the spot normally reserved for presentations.
"If every one will just be seated" The Man of Steel said "We can begin. Now, before we get started, I need to apologize. This isn't really League business per se, but Batman felt that everyone should hear this. Batman?"
The Dark Knight glared at the closest thing he had to a friend within the Justice League, then cleared his throat. He put one hand on his hip, elbow facing out. Then, he extended his other arm, while bending the forearm ninety-degrees, with his palm facing the floor. Then, he began to sing.
"I'm a little teapot, Short and Stout
This is my handle, this is my spout
When I get all steamed up here me shout"
He bent sideways slightly
"Tip me over and pour me out"
Without another word, Batman moved to his normal seat, and glared at the assembled heroes.
For a long moment the room was completely silent as the members of the world's premiere heroic group digested what they had just seen. For a moment, Batman thought that the fear of him would be enough to save his dignity, but then Diana smirked. J'onn sniggered. After that, the entire room burst into laughter. Plastic Man actually lost control of his body, melting into a large flesh colored puddle which kept on laughing. Aquaman had his head in his hands, his frame shaking with the force of his mirth. Flash and Wonder Woman were leaning against one another to keep from falling over, as tears poured from their eyes. Perhaps the most bizarre sight of all was the Martian Manhunter, who rolled on the floor laughing. Batman glowered at the assembled heroes of the world, glared daggers at Superman, then left the room.
Lois did indeed get her video, and enjoyed it immensely. So much so, in fact, that she sent it to Selina Kyle- "something you can hold over his head" was how she phrased the email. People being people, and the internet being what it is, the video of 'TeaMan' was soon everywhere. What finally happened was, therefore, probably inevitable.
In Arkham Asylum's computer lounge, the most dangerous inmate of all idly checked the popular video site, It was usually a good place to find some laughs- he could usually find a few videos of allegedly normal people humiliating themselves or others for the amusement of total strangers. Today, however, there was a new video on the Most Popular List- just a few thousand hits below the StarWars Kid.
"Batman Sings?" The Joker said to himself "What the…?"
End
A/N
I leave you to finish that yourselves.
I really enjoyed writing this story, and I hope you all enjoyed reading it
