Chip and Dale's Rescue Rangers: Old Flame, Old Habits
Chapter 7
The moment the string was cut, both Chip and Dale realised they should have started gnawing through Clarice's bonds the moment they landed on her. Even if the three of them were not about to be minced after all, she'd have to get out of the machine as quickly as possible, so the two started chomping in the fraction of a second that they were falling towards the spinning blades. Then they landed, and suddenly the blades were no longer spinning.
Clarice's bonds were cut through. Then Chip yelled, 'Out, out, out!' and all three chipmunks jumped for it. They all reached the lip of the device, and grabbed onto it.
'Okay,' said Dale, as he scrambled over the edge and dropped down on the other side. 'What happened?'
'Yeah,' said Wart, staring at his big red button. 'What happened?'
'It was the fly!' yelled Fat Cat. 'He pushed the emergency stop button!'
'But the emergency stop button's with me,' said Wart.
'Not that emergency stop button, you imbecile! The one that overrides every piece of machinery in the room!'
Everyone began looking around frantically, bar Gadget, Monty and of course Zipper. It seemed even Fat Cat's minions didn't even know where the overriding emergency stop button was. Within seconds, everyone had spotted Zipper, hovering proudly by the big red circle on the wall.
'Remind me later to disconnect all of those infernal things,' said Fat Cat.
'Golly, Fat Cat,' said Gadget, 'you mustn't do that! Those buttons are a fundamental piece of safety equipment! Just imagine if you got caught in a piece of machinery.'
'If that happened,' said Fat Cat, 'my men would be too stupid to press the emergency stop button anyway. Don't just stand there, you three! Capture those two chipmunks, and the fly, and recapture the girl!'
Clarice shrieked and ducked behind Chip and Dale, who both spread their arms to shield her from the advancing Mepps, Wart and Snout.
'You won't touch her again!' said Chip.
'Yeah!' said Dale. 'Back off, or we'll kick your butts!'
'Personally,' said Fat Cat, 'I don't understand what you two see in her. From all I've been able to find out, she seems like a shallow, conniving little witch.'
'She may be a shallow, conniving little witch,' said Dale, 'but she's our shallow, conniving little witch!'
'Yeah!' said Chip.
'Thanks, you guys,' said Clarice.
Zipper, meanwhile, had flown over to Gadget and Monty and was helping them to loosen their bonds.
'In a moment,' Chip said, very quickly and very quietly, 'we're going to run. You two go and get the others out of here, and stay together.'
'Are you sure you want us to do that, Chip?' said Clarice, and she pushed her body up against both of them. They turned and gave her the same wearied look.
'Clarice, please, not now,' said Chip.
'Oh… sorry,' said Clarice.
'Grab them, you fools!' Fat Cat shouted from the mezzanine.
'Now!' said Chip.
The three chipmunks scattered, running as fast as they could on all fours. Mepps reacted first and went after Dale. Then Snout shot off after Clarice. Wart didn't seem to realise what was happening, and stayed still. Monty ran into Snout's path, and stood before him with clenched fists. Dale turned abruptly, causing Mepps to crash into a wall, and ran to Clarice. When he reached her, he grabbed her wrist and pulled her towards the closed door. Fat Cat pounced from the mezzanine, trying to catch them, but he missed by a whisker. Dale urged Clarice to squeeze under the door, and then went through himself.
'I am surrounded by incompetents!' yelled Fat Cat.
'You didn't know that already?' said Chip.
'Wart! Snout!' said Fat Cat. 'Those two chipmunks must have gone to save the other actors from Mole's auditions for The Tempest. Go and stop them!'
'What should I do, boss?' asked Mepps.
'Shut up and help me catch these Rescue Rangers, you insufferable idiot!'
Zipper quickly flew out of the small gap in a high window. Chip and Gadget ran for the door, beat Mepps to it and squeezed underneath. Monty knew he wasn't going to fit, so he ran for Wart's hole in the skirting board with Fat Cat hot on his heels.
Chip and Gadget made their way down towards the storeroom where they had left Mole and his actors. They arrived just in time to see the entire group of rodents running past, over and under Wart and Mepps, while Mole hung back shouting, 'Wait! We haven't cast Ariel yet!'
'They believe you now, then,' said Chip, grabbing Dale on his way past.
'They decided to believe Clarice,' said Dale. 'I guess even she wouldn't lie about being suspended over a mincing machine.'
'Are you feeling badly towards her, Dale?' asked Gadget.
'Of course not, Gadget,' said Dale. 'Chipper, I'm taking them to one of the human exits. We don't want to have to pass Fat Cat, and anyway, it's no good taking them all to the Ranger Wing.'
'All right,' said Chip. 'We'll meet you on the ground.'
'You go with them, Chip,' said Gadget. 'There'll be less chance of attracting attention if I make my way up alone.'
'Besides,' said Clarice, appearing beside Chip and grabbing his arm, 'I'll want both my big strong boys with me, won't I?'
'Yes, Clarice, I'm sure you will,' said Chip. 'All right, Gadget. See you soon.'
Gadget turned and began heading upwards while Chip, Dale and the actors made their way down to the tradesmen's entrance.
'So,' Alice said to Dale, as they walked, 'you have an aircraft up there?'
'Yep,' said Dale.
'Did any of the bad guys go up and sabotage it?'
'Um… I don't think so.'
'That's what I'd do if I was one of them.'
'Well,' said Dale, 'in that case, please don't start working for Fat Cat. We like his minions the way they are: stupid. You just stick with acting and singing. Are you, uh… very disappointed about Mr Snout being evil?'
'We all are,' said Alice. 'But I just have to keep believing my chance will come, and if it doesn't… well, I don't have to be famous to enjoy performing, do I? So… what happens to Calamity Jane now?'
'It keeps going, I hope,' said Dale. 'Why wouldn't it? It was a hit on opening night, and everyone who was working on it is still alive and everything. We have to stick to our six weeks like we promised. I guess Steve'll be mad at everyone who disappeared today, but… well, that's just too bad.'
'Are you going to keep on performing after we finish?' asked Alice. 'Clarice said you might not, but I was thinking, maybe you and me and her should get together. There's a gap in the market just wide open for a mixed gender chipmunk trio, you know.'
'I know,' said Dale, 'and no thanks. But who needs me? I'm sure you and Clarice could find a zillion guy chipmunk singers who'd be willing to follow you anywhere.'
Chip and Dale were relieved to find the Ranger Wing waiting for them at the front of the building, and all three of their friends intact, bar a scratch on Monty's rear.
'Look, Monterey,' said Dale, waggling his own cat scratch at Monty. 'We match!'
Both Chip and Dale insisted that Clarice accept a ride in the Ranger Wing, and the others backed them up, sensing that the two chipmunks were keen to resolve whatever had been brought on by their blast from the past. Clarice was silent all the way back to Rescue Rangers headquarters. Then, when the Ranger Wing had touched down on the landing pad, she began to slink away.
'Clarice, wait,' said Chip. 'Come inside. You must be thirsty after all that.'
'I don't know if I should,' said Clarice.
'Of course you should, love,' said Monty. 'It's only polite, since you've been asked.'
'Come on, Clarice,' said Dale. 'You know you're always welcome here.'
Clarice didn't move, or say anything, so Chip put his hand on her back and led her inside. The other Rangers followed, with Dale bringing up the rear. He stopped, however, when he heard a fluttering of wings and then a voice behind him.
'Hi, cutie.'
'Oh, hi,' he said, turning to face his visitor, and then looking over her shoulder expectantly. 'Is Liddy with you?'
'No,' said Foxglove. 'We're not joined at the hip, you know.'
'Oh, you're not?'
She laughed. 'No. She didn't want to come with me to ask you how this afternoon's performance went. Actually, she told me I shouldn't come myself either. She said that men resent it when women try to keep track of their every move.'
'Is that why it's better to keep track of them without them knowing it?'
'Oh… perhaps I'd better go.'
'What? No, don't.' Dale reached out and touched her shoulder as she began to turn away. 'I was just kidding. I honestly don't mind about the stalking. I mean, I'd rather you didn't do it again, but… you know.'
'Oh, I won't do it again,' said Foxglove. 'Liddy told me I don't have to listen to everything she says, so I'm not going to.'
'Sounds sensible,' said Dale. 'Anyway, I'm glad you didn't listen to her tonight. I'm really happy to see you, Foxy.'
Her face lit up. 'You are?'
'Sure.'
'I'm happy to see you too, cutie. Always!' cried Foxglove, and she flung her wings around his neck.
'You really mean that, don't you?' Dale said.
'Of course I do,' said Foxglove. 'I wouldn't say it if I didn't mean it.'
'No, I guess you wouldn't. Would you like to come in? I'm going to have to have a little conversation with Clarice, but after that I'll tell you how the performance went, if you really want to hear about it. It's kind of a long story.'
'I love your stories!' said Foxglove. 'And I love your voice too.'
'My voice?'
'Yeah. I mean… I guess it is kind of unusual, but don't ever let anybody tell you it's weird, or it sounds like you're putting on a phoney accent or anything.'
'Okay, I won't,' said Dale, who had forgotten all about any aspersions that might have been cast upon his voice. 'Come on, let's go in.'
'What I'd really like,' said Chip, as he stirred a thimble of steaming tea, 'is for you to fill in one or two gaps. First of all, did you decide to go to the factory tonight, or did you get kidnapped or something?'
Clarice was sitting at the table, looking down at her hands. When Chip handed her the tea, she looked at that instead.
'Oh, I went of my own accord,' she said. 'Even though I kind of knew… I guess I just kept kidding myself that it was all for real.'
'That's understandable,' said Chip, sitting down opposite her. 'But maybe next time you'll listen to us.'
'There won't be a next time,' said Clarice.
'Now, why don't I like the sound of that?'
'I think it's better if I leave, don't you?'
Dale arrived just in time to hear her say this, and he came charging over to the table with, 'You are not quitting Calamity Jane!'
'It'll be fine,' said Clarice. 'Alice can play the part.'
'Of course she can,' said Dale, 'but what about you? Clarice, you're a performer. You're going to have to get used to having issues with you co-stars. Not that any of this is an issue for me, or anyone else… probably. But if it is for you, then just suck it up! What have you been working for all your life? If you walk out on a good, successful production with nowhere else to go, then you'll just put yourself right back where you started!'
'He's right, Clarice,' said Chip. 'Whatever you've done tonight, or before that, or whatever you made Dale or me think you might do and then didn't… that's in the past. You have to think about your future.'
'Oh, darn the both of you,' said Clarice. 'You're right.'
'Your Alice friend won't thank us for this, Dale,' said Chip.
'She won't know this conversation ever happened,' said Clarice. 'So, Chip, any more gaps you want filling in?'
'Well,' said Chip, 'there's one thing still bothering me, but you won't know anything about it. I'm not sure I completely understand Fat Cat's plan. Surely that would only work once. Don't get me wrong - once would have cost a lot of actors their lives, and thank goodness we stopped it - but from Fat Cat's point of view, it couldn't have been very lucrative.'
'Maybe he had a way to keep it going,' said Clarice. 'He said he'd been working on Calamity Jane to make people trust him, didn't he? Maybe he would have run a few genuine productions as well, and kept it up until people realised his actors were disappearing and stopped wanting to work with him.'
'Yeah, maybe,' said Chip, wondering if Clarice knew just a little bit more than she was letting on, but he had no desire to pursue the matter.
'I still think it was mostly about getting to us through you, Clarice,' said Dale.
'Perhaps it was,' said Clarice. She brought her elbow onto the table, put her chin in her hand and leaned towards them both. 'And you did absolutely everything to save me, didn't you? You guys really are heroes. But I must admit, you had me going for a minute there. I thought maybe you'd fallen so much in love with me, you really did want us all to be minced up and spend eternity together in death.'
'We'd have only ended up going through a cat's digestive system,' said Dale. 'I don't think either of us ever felt that strongly about you, Clarice. But anyway, look, I have to go - I have a guest.'
'Oh.' Clarice sat up, put her hand on her thimble and leaned back in her teacup chair. 'Please yourself. I'll see you for Monday night's performance.'
'Count on it,' said Dale. 'All I really wanted to do in the first place was dress up like a girl and sing "Hive Full of Honey".'
Tammy did take Bink to the following weekend's performance, as promised, and the sisters also joined the Rescue Rangers, Foxglove and Liddy a month later to watch the final show. It was a cool, clear and well lit Monday evening at the end of summer. The animals could feel the autumn about to set in, and each was determined to enjoy her or himself that night, before the temperature began to drop.
'Look, Chipper,' said Dale, as he met his friends with one arm around Clarice and the other around Alice. 'All our favourite girls are here.'
'Hurry or you'll miss that last table,' said Alice.
It so happened that a bit of luck had come her way when the shrew playing Adelaid Adams had received a better offer, and left the show in a hurry. Alice had taken over the part, meaning that she had one scene in which she sang the short version of 'It's Harry I'm Planning to Marry', said a few disparaging things to Clarice's character and then left for Europe.
Monty, Zipper, Liddy and Bink all made a beeline for the last free audience table. Bink was particularly excited to see Dale's drag act up close, as she and Tammy had sat in the tiered seats before. Chip hung back to offer a few words of encouragement to Dale and Clarice (and to Alice, as she was there), while Foxglove, Tammy and Gadget walked over to the table at a more leisurely pace.
'I don't understand what Chip sees in that Clarice,' said Tammy.
'Not that much, I think,' said Gadget. 'At least not anymore.'
'Good,' Tammy said, with a nod of approval. 'Still, there'd be no need to try and prove I'm as good as her, even if I didn't know that being Tammy was special enough. I mean, it's not contributing much to the world, is it? Getting up onstage and singing just because you want people to look at you. At least Dale really cares about entertaining the audience.'
'I think Clarice cares about that too,' said Foxglove.
'Well, what if she does? I have much bigger and better dreams than hers. By the way, Foxglove.' Tammy had met Foxglove only that afternoon, at which time she had quickly formed her own picture of the bat's relationship with the Rangers, and with Dale in particular. 'How's Dale's hiney?'
'Um,' said Foxglove. 'Well, it's very nice.'
'I mean, has it healed?'
'Oh. Yes, I think so.'
When everyone was settled, Chip found himself sitting between Tammy and Gadget, and for a moment he thought he'd rather be sitting on Gadget's other side. Then he realised that, sandwiched between two females, he was probably safe from being fondled by Dale during his solo. It might keep Clarice out of his way as well, but maybe not. He was still one of the men wearing a hat, after all. Then, when he thought about it a little more, Chip realised that he didn't mind either way whether Clarice paid him any attention during her solo.
Foxglove joined Liddy on the underside of a tree branch, just as before. They had to be a little further away from the rest of their party this time, as they were sitting at a different table, but no one gave this any thought - except perhaps Chip, who hadn't appreciated Liddy cheering and yelling directly above his ears the last time. All in all, he thought, this arrangement was much better.
The show was better too. It was much the same as when Tammy and Bink had first seen the Fat Cat-free version, although they did have better seats this time. Since the Rangers had gone on opening night, any small creases had been ironed out of the performance, so the show ran more smoothly.
The original Henry Miller was back (it turned out he really had broken his collarbone). He and Dale played their scenes very much as they had the first time, and any differences to Dale's song and dance came from the audience. He managed to incorporate Bink into the routine by sliding her off Monty's lap and onto Tammy's, then taking her place and fingering Monty's face with the line, 'You'll love the way I fit on your knee.' Bink enjoyed this immensely, and Monty laughed too. Chip, meanwhile, was perfectly safe. Dale danced his way to the other side of the audience, and somebody else was treated to his shimmy and booty-shake.
When Alice appeared and sang her solo, Chip, Monty, Zipper and Gadget all clapped and cheered at ridiculous volume. They hardly knew her, and yet they found themselves caring about her career. They all thought she sang the song beautifully, and her lines with Clarice were good too. It was too bad, Chip thought, that Adelaid Adams had nothing in the way of character development, emotion, humour or even redeeming qualities. Still, she was another rung on the ladder for Alice.
During 'Keep It Under Your Hat', Clarice did indeed lean across the table and push Chip's fedora onto his muzzle. He calmly and composedly replaced it on his head, then enjoyed the rest of the show. At the end, when the cast was all onstage and had just finished taking their bows, Steve came to stand at the front and waited for the applause to die down.
'Ladies and gentlemen,' he said. 'Thank you, thank you. As you are no doubt aware, this will be our last performance here.'
'Awwwwww,' said everyone, including Chip, who had been caught up in the spirit of the thing ever since Dale danced away from him.
'I know, I know,' said Steve, wiping away an imaginary tear. 'But I am delighted to announce that, following the overwhelmingly positive response to our little show, we're going to be taking it on the road. We'll be heading west in one week, and… well, stopping wherever they'll have us. Ha! Um… in that time, we hope to have replaced the cast members who will, sadly, be leaving us. Everyone, please give a big hand to the wonderful actors for whom this was their last performance: Richard, Dale and Anthony!'
Dale stepped forward with a handsome young mouse and a middle-aged squirrel, and each received a bunch of daisies from one of the three female cast members. Richard was instantly recognisable as Clarice's love interest, and he received his flowers from Calamity Jane herself. Dale received his from Clarice, which left Anthony for Alice. Chip remembered hearing Anthony's name in the cat food factory all those weeks ago, but he hadn't been aware of him in the show at all. When he consulted the others about it afterwards, they all said they hadn't noticed him either.
They stayed at their table, where they were joined by Foxglove and Liddy, and waited for Dale. He spent a long time backstage, surely saying his goodbyes to his friends and companions of the past several weeks. Then at last he arrived, still clutching his daisies.
'Great show, Dale,' said Gadget, and Zipper buzzed his agreement.
'They'll never find another Francis Friar like you, mate,' said Monty.
'So Clarice is leaving in a week?' said Liddy.
'Yes,' said Dale.
'How do you guys feel about that?' asked Gadget.
'Fine,' said Chip. 'And… kind of relieved.'
'I'm happy for her,' said Dale. 'A touring musical is just what she wanted. I'm sort of hoping that Emma will get a better offer soon, and then Clarice will be promoted to Calamity and Alice will be promoted to Katie.'
No one needed to bother asking who Emma was.
'Who did Anthony play?' asked Chip.
'Indian Number Three,' said Dale.
'Okay,' said Bink. 'I have a question. Why did that Richard guy give up his part?'
'Because he thought it wasn't good enough,' said Dale. 'He didn't get to sing.'
'It's better than nothing,' said Bink.
'That's right, Bink,' said Tammy. 'Actors are the worst egomaniacs.'
'Of course,' said Dale, giving Bink a cross-eyed look, 'the show will really suffer without me.'
Bink laughed.
'How did you like it, Foxy?' asked Dale.
'I thought it was wonderful,' said Foxglove.
'In that case,' said Dale, 'you can have my daisies.'
He handed them to her with a smile, and she took them with a wide-eyed look and a whispered, 'Thank you!' Dale, to his own surprise, felt himself moved by the certain knowledge that she meant it.
THE END
