I imagine this to be about a year after CA. The song is "Breakeven" by the Script, so enjoy and please review! The quote Will uses at the end is anonymous.

Disclaimer: I own nothing.

"Love is a friendship set to music." –Joseph Campbell

I'm still alive but I'm barely breathing

Just prayin' to a god that I don't believe in

Cos I got time while she got freedom

Cos when a heart breaks no it don't break even

Will Herondale collapsed on his bed and refused to move. He should be happy, he knew; Mortmain was dead, the clockwork abominations destroyed. They had all made it through with minimal damage. Tessa was alive and well, and that was where there was a problem.

Tessa. Will had, despite everything, fallen in love with her, and he thought she might feel the same. They had a brief, passionate sort of tryst, and with the stakes as high as they were, he supposed it was no surprise it had ended. That wasn't what concerned him.

No, it was that Tessa had moved on, really moved on. She had chosen Jem, and he could hear them now, talking and laughing. She had a beautiful laugh. It irked him that they could be so happy while he was unable to move, his heart breaking.

God, if you exist, and I don't think you do, but I need to try this anyway– at least make them happy. Jem deserves it, and Tess… Well, if I can't make her happy, at least let Jem.

Her best days will be some of my worst

She finally met a man that's gonna put her first

While I'm wide awake she's no trouble sleeping

Cos when a heart breaks no it don't break even… even… no

As the day slipped into the night, Will, who had no desire to force himself to get up, was forced to listen to Jem and Tessa, just a floor above. He had never before realized how easy it was to be heard, no matter what you were doing… and he knew exactly what they were doing.

He loves her, he reminded himself firmly. It's all right if he loves her. He's not going to hurt her, not like I would, because I'm stupid and selfish and… and all wrong for her, no matter how much I want to be right. He was sure this was one of the best moments in either of their lives, so why was he so miserable? I should be happy for them, and instead I'm jealous. I'm jealous because I LOVE HER. There, I said it. I love Tessa Gray.

If this was love, this endless heartbreak, he thought it came at much too high a cost.

What am I supposed to do when the best part of me was always you,

And what am I supposed to say when I'm all choked up that you're ok

I'm falling to pieces, yeah,

I'm falling to pieces

If you asked anyone in the Institute, or in the Enclave, they would have told you that there were a few weeks when Will was almost a normal human being. He was pleasant enough, he didn't argue as much, he did as he was told and even stopped going out every night in search of wanton drunkenness and wayward women.

Yes, it had been the consensus of all that Tessa had been the best thing to ever happen to Will Herondale. He even apologized to a thunderstruck Gabriel Lightwood for screwing around with his sister.

Of course, if you asked them now, they would say he was back to normal… Well, normal for him. He was irritable and made thoroughly inappropriate comments when his input was certainly not required. It was like he had suddenly woken up from a spell he had been under, when in reality he knew no other way to cope with grief. Where other men in the city cried themselves to sleep over a woman, Will was often downright cruel in an attempt to hide the pain.

The only one who ever noticed anything like that was the silver-haired boy who was far too preoccupied with Tessa to notice Will's mood swings, and this annoyed Will more than anything.

They say bad things happen for a reason

But no wise words gonna stop the bleeding

Cos she's moved on while I'm still grieving

And when a heart breaks no it don't break even, even… no

Will curled up on his side and drew his knees up to his chest, his back facing the door. He didn't want to see or talk to anyone, and though he thought he could rest when Jem and Tessa were quiet, their silence only made it worse. It meant that they were sleeping, that they could sleep, while he had to be alone and thoroughly miserable.

Nothing he had ever read could prepare him for this. It was true that, as a bit of a secret romantic, he had read quite a few books where this sort of thing happened… though it was usually the woman who was heartbroken. Not for the first time Will wondered if it was possible he was dying. After Cecily, he thought the part of his heart responsible for loving was broken. He had just discovered that wasn't true, and it was cruelly snatched away.

He could almost feel the raw wound in his heart bleeding into his chest.

What am I gonna do when the best part of me was always you,

And what am I supposed to say when I'm all choked up and you're ok

I'm falling to pieces, yeah,

I'm falling to pieces, yeah,

I'm falling to pieces

(One still in love while the other one's leaving)

I'm falling to pieces

(Cos when a heart breaks no it don't break even)

It was easy for Will to imagine why Tessa was desired by so many. From a physical standpoint, she was beautiful, all soft brown hair and shadowy grey eyes. Of course, she could become anyone; any husband of hers could take a different woman to his bed every night, which was a tempting prospect. It occurred to Will that while he and Tessa were together, this never crossed his mind. He had never imagined being with anyone but her.

Then there was her personality. She was incredibly clever, well read, and she had a surprisingly dry sense of humor. She could easily match wits with Will any day, and this appealed to him more than anything. She was amazing, as close to perfect that any human could be, and sometimes he wondered if she got her powers not from being half-demon but from being half-angel.

Mon ange, he had called her the first night they spent together, mon ange belle. My angel, my beautiful angel.

Oh you got his heart and my heart and none of the pain

You took your suitcase, I took the blame.

Now I'm try'na make sense of what little remains ooh

Cos you left my with no love, with no love to my name

Moping around in his bedroom wasn't going to accomplish anything, but it did somehow make Will feel better. He always felt better when he was somewhere he didn't have to see Tessa running her fingers through Jem's hair, when he didn't have to see the look in Jem's eyes when he looked at Tessa. His Tessa, Will still thought of her. She was his. He had saved her. He had given her her first kiss and first… everything else. He had fallen in love with her first.

And now, the little minx, she had control of his and Jem's hearts. One tug and they were hers. They would do anything for her and she knew it. This need for power actually confused Will more than anything, because it wasn't the Tessa he knew. He couldn't make sense of it.

He sighed. Since when has love ever made sense?

I'm still alive but I'm barely breathing

Just prayin' to a god that I don't believe in

Cos I got time while she got freedom

Cos when a heart breaks no it don't break

No it don't break

No it don't break even no

Will tried to sleep. Sleep was his only relief, or the closest thing he had to relief, where his mind was at least a bit more relaxed. Of course, it also meant he couldn't control the thoughts that flickered across his mind like lightning. He couldn't stop himself from thinking of the light in Tessa's eyes, the ring of her laugh, the careful brush of her lips on his cheek.

His mind was a prison she had locked him in. All he wanted was to drown in her, but she had tossed him onto the shore. The official explanation was that she wanted something sweeter and more serious than Will could offer, but this sounded weak to him. Hadn't she seen how much he had changed for her? Hadn't she cared that he had done anything– and still would do anything– to make her happy?

What am I gonna do when the best part of me was always you and

What am I supposed to say when I'm all choked up that you're ok

(Oh glad you're okay now)

I'm falling to pieces yeah

(Oh I'm glad you're okay)

I'm falling to pieces yeah

(One still in love while the other one's leaving)

I'm falling to pieces

(Cos when a heart breaks no it don't break even)

Will got out of bed. He couldn't take it anymore. He opened his door quietly and headed upstairs, a quote echoing through his head as he did so. "I love you not only for what you are, but for what I am when I am with you." This reminded him so much of her that he found his feet carrying him to Jem's bedroom. He opened the door quietly, not surprised by what he saw.

Tessa and Jem were asleep, still wrapped around each other. He knew it, he could hear them, he knew what had happened, but it still shook him to the core. He felt weak and shivery, feverish, as though something sturdy had been yanked out from under him. At least she's happy now, he thought feebly, feeling an uncomfortable pressure building up behind his eyes.

Just as he turned to go, Tessa's eyes opened. Will stood frozen, unsure of what to do, and she just shook her head almost imperceptibly, as though to say don't. Not now. Please just leave.

That, he thought as he shut the door dejectedly, I can do.

Oh it don't break even no

Oh it don't break even no

Oh it don't break even no

It was, for some unknown reason, much easier to sleep now. Will's heart had ceased to ache, probably, he reasoned, because it was shattered into too many little pieces to have a hope of repair. This is an improvement, he thought. Hearts don't break even. My own, before I met her, was like ice and has now shattered like ice. This is not entirely unexpected… I love you, Tess, he said as he finally drifted away into a place where he didn't have to think anymore.