A Million Reasons
Chapter Seven
They didn't do a lot of talking over the time that they were resting but they didn't do much else either. Draco opted to avoid the awkward silence that would no doubt ensue and he decided to enlarge everything that they had bought and build the cots along with any other furniture that they had purchased.
Harry chose to doze in his room for a couple of hours, he obviously fell asleep because at six o'clock Draco came in to rouse him. However before he woke him Draco couldn't help but watch him for a moment, he regretted what he had to do but he didn't see any way out of it.
"Come on Harry, get ready and I'll take you to dinner." Draco said, he had already changed his clothes and was ready to go. He had completed the nursery so Harry now had nothing to worry about, everything had been sorted out and arranged, it had been the very least that Draco could have done in light of what he was going to have to do.
He couldn't help but feel an immense amount of guilt over the fact that he was abandoning Harry and their two children, the only way that he could see himself not going away was to tell his father the complete truth about what had happened and if he did that then he ran the risk of drawing Harry into the darker side of the Malfoy family and that wasn't somewhere he wanted Harry or his children to ever be.
He needed Harry and his children to be kept a secret from his father, he would only see the twins as items of extreme power. With the wealth and power of the Malfoy and Potter family combined there wouldn't be any stopping them but he didn't want his children to share his family name, he couldn't inflict that upon them.
Draco had a lot of time to think about this as Harry got ready to go out, while the Gryffindor was fussing over what he should wear the Slytherin sat and regretted what he would have to do. He was due to leave in three days time and he hated that it had to be so soon. He would have loved to spend the entire of the summer with Harry, getting to know him and maybe even starting a proper relationship together but clearly it was not to be.
By seven that evening they were on their way to a nearby restaurant, Harry was too tired to go too far despite his nap. There happened to be a lovely Italian restaurant not too far from the house and that was where they headed. Draco felt as if he were fourteen years old again and out on his first date where he wasn't sure whether or not he should hold his dates hand.
He wasn't sure whether or not Harry would appreciate it if Draco began holding his hand, however what he didn't know was that secretly Harry was hoping that he would. It was odd for both wizards, neither had ever been shy about anything previously and yet now, after they had had sex and conceived twins together, the most basic interactions were far beyond their maturity level.
The restaurant wasn't too busy for a Thursday evening and they managed to get a nice table away from the other diners so that they could talk about magical things without being overheard by nosey muggles.
To begin with it was a little weird but Harry broached the subject of names and what ideas Draco had for the twins, however both of them had very different ideas about was a suitable name for a child of theirs.
"How about Ruby if one of them is a girl?" Harry suggested.
"How about not … I quite like Amiah … or maybe Tristan, my grandfather's name was Tristan." Draco said with a faint smile as he recalled his grandfather who had always been such a nicer person than his father had been.
"Interesting but not really what I was going for, Angel is a pretty name for a girl … what do you think?" Harry asked, he thought that he would love to have a little girl called Angel but from the look on Draco's face he wasn't so keen.
"I think you watch Buffy the Vampire Slayer far too much." Draco said teasingly.
Harry raised an amused eyebrow at this comment, "You know what Buffy the Vampire Slayer is?" He asked in astonishment, "You do know it's a muggle show right?"
"Actually it was originally made for the wizarding world, Joss Whedon is a wizard after all, didn't you know?" Draco said casually and Harry couldn't help but smile at the blonde.
"No, I didn't know that but we're kinda getting off topic here, I love the name Riley and before you say anything I don't love it because he was a character in Buffy!" Harry said quickly when he saw that Draco had been about to open his mouth and comment.
"Wasn't going to say a thing" He said with a chuckle, he couldn't believe how natural this conversation was, he couldn't actually believe that he was having this conversation with Harry Potter of all things. "Though since we were on the subject of names there is a request I want to ask of you."
"I thought we were on the subject of Buffy the Vampire Slayer but I'm following, what request do you want to ask of me?" Harry asked curiously.
"I don't want either of our children having the name of Malfoy. No child should have to suffer with that name, I want that name to die with me. The name of Potter is well respected and worshiped, Malfoy's may be feared but they are feared for the wrong reasons and I don't want any children of mine to grow up with my surname."
"Okay, if you don't want them to have your name then they won't, I was going to ask you about that anyway. You really aren't going to tell your father about them are you?" Harry asked, curious to know the answer.
"No, I'm not, as long as you can keep your pregnancy out of the Prophet or at least keep my name out of it as long as you can then he'll never have to find out. If he does then I know that he'll want to be a part of their lives, he'll demand it, he will want them to be proper heirs to the Malfoy name and fortune." Draco said with a regretful sigh, his childhood had been snatched away from him by his father who thought that playing games was a foolish way for a eight year old to spend his time and had demanded instead that he do something more valuable with his time like learn a new language, learn how to play a musical instrument or practice his spells.
Because of this treatment he was a well educated and a very talented young man however he resented his father for taking away his innocence and he resented his mother for letting it happened without so much as a word of protest.
"I can do my best but the press is going to be all over me now that I've graduated from Hogwarts, they're going to want to know what my next move will be, they're going to want to know what I plan on doing with my life."
"What will you tell them?" Draco asked curiously, he wanted to know what Harry had aspired to be before the whole pregnancy had happened, he wanted to know more about the young man sitting before him that was infamous in the wizarding world.
"I won't tell them anything if I can avoid it. In all honesty before I was told that I was pregnant I didn't know what I wanted to do with my life … I mean what could I do, I've already destroyed Voldemort, I didn't think that there was much left in my life now that I had achieved that. Now I have something that keeps me going, something to focus all my energy on."
"Surely you would have found something if you hadn't have ended up pregnant, I know for a fact that any Quidditch team would be dying to get their hands on you." Draco said with a hint of jealousy, "You're possibly the best seeker in the world."
"Something about being hit with bludger's for the rest of my life somehow didn't really appeal to me and now that I'm pregnant I can't exactly do that, an office job at the Ministry really doesn't appeal, maybe I'll branch out into the muggle world of work, though not until after I give birth of course."
"You seem to have thought about this a lot despite only knowing about it for two days, is that you getting on with your life as best you can or is it you pretending to cope but really having no idea what you're going to do next?" Draco asked sceptically giving Harry a meaningful look.
Harry flushed and bowed his head so he didn't have to look Draco in the eye. The blonde had just located and poked at Harry's sore spot. The Gryffindor would never admit to anyone that he was struggling to cope, a lot of everything he had been doing was just to keep going. Really he hadn't wanted to just stop and think about everything that was happening.
"I don't know …" Harry said in a soft voice, "I haven't really wanted to think about everything too closely … its not like I ever planned that this could happen." He admitted and then he told Draco something that he had not even told Ron and Hermione. "In all honesty I'm scared to death, more scared than I've ever been before. Not even Voldemort has made me this terrified."
"You don't need to be scared Harry, I know that I'm going away soon but if you ever need me to I'll come and see you." Draco said and he knew that it wasn't even nearly enough but it was all that he had to offer.
"When are you going away?" Harry asked not willing to go into how poor an offer Draco had just made but he wanted to know when he could expect Draco to up and leave like he didn't have any responsibilities.
"I have a week before I have to leave." Draco said sounding a little regretful that he had to go at all and Harry picked up on that tone but he didn't day anything.
"I don't know if you're going to like this idea too much but how about spend some of that time together, unless of course you have other things that you need to do." Harry said hopefully, after spending one entire day with Draco he wanted to have more days with him before it was too late.
"I have a few things that I have to do before I leave but other than that I would love to spend more time with you. I feel so guilty about leaving you with such responsibilities, its not fair but there isn't anyway that I can stay." Draco said sounding truly regretful.
"Why, what's forcing you to go?" Harry asked curiously.
"My father, he wants me to further my education before following him into the Ministry. He has plans for me, no doubt he'll try to marry me off to some rich pure blood witch sooner or later as well."
"Why can't you just tell him that it isn't what you want to do?" Harry asked, he had never been one to be ordered into doing things that he didn't want to do, occasionally he could admit that it might have been for the best if he had done because on some occasions he made the wrong choices but that really wasn't the point.
"Because a part of me wanted to leave for a bit, get away from him, now though I'm only going because he wants me to go. It isn't like I have a choice now, after all I did agree to go."
"But if you have a choice, would you stay for me and the twins?" Harry asked knowing full well that Draco's answer could either make him happier or make him cry but whichever it was he had to know.
"If I had a choice in the matter Harry I would stay. If I didn't want to spend time with you then I wouldn't have come out with you today and then asked you to dinner and I certainly wouldn't be spending my last week in England with you but I am." Draco said with a small smile at Harry.
"Where is it that you're studying and what exactly will you be studying, I mean I've never heard of anything after Hogwarts." Harry asked conversationally having got the answer that he wanted from the teen.
"My father wants me to study potions as Severus said I had a knack for it, there is a well known University in Ireland that specialises in potion making and potion ingredients. My father thinks that it will enhance my chances of becoming a successful potion maker within the ministry."
"Ireland isn't that far away, you can always come and visit the three of us, it wouldn't be perfect but at least you would get to see your children." Harry said trying to rationalise the whole thing because it was very clear that there was no way that he was ever going to convince Draco to stay.
"There isn't any way that anyone is going to keep me away. Whenever I can I'll be visiting. I can't believe how much of their lives that I'm going to miss." Draco said and Harry was astounded that he sounded genuinely saddened by this thought.
The rest of the evening went smoothly, Harry and Draco talked and ate, the food was brilliant and the atmosphere perfect for them. It almost felt exactly like a proper date, although Harry couldn't really imagine them dating like a regular couple. As usual Harry hadn't done things the right way and he had ended up in a huge mess as usual but he couldn't exactly say that he wasn't loving his life.
Only three days ago he had had nothing to live for, he had a full on crush on Draco and he had had nothing left to fight for. Three days on from that and he had two things to live for and he was having dinner with the one man that he thought nothing would ever happen with. Harry had decided that he lived in one crazy and messed up world but with everything that tended to happen he had kind of grown a little fond of it.
Draco escorted Harry home once dinner was finished, neither had drunk any alcohol all night, Harry because of the twins and Draco as a mark of decency towards the man carrying his children. The strolled together hand in hand, which was one of the most romantic things that Harry had ever done in his life, he hadn't had much time for romantic attachments while he was fighting Voldemort.
They shared a brief kiss to the cheek once they reached Harry's front door, he didn't invite Draco inside as he was terrified of what would happen if he did. As much as Harry would have loved to have gone down that road again he wasn't sure that it was the wisest of moves that he could make. He almost loved Draco but they only had a week together and Harry didn't want his memories to only be sexual.
He wanted to remember the moments that they had strolled down the street hand in hand, he wanted to recall their shopping experience and when they had decorated the nursery together. That was exactly the kind of thing that Harry wanted to remember about his time with Draco, the one night they had spent together resulting in the conception of the twins would of course stand out vividly in his memory but that was to be expected.
