Disclaimer: I own nothing
A/N: This was the chapter I've been waiting for and the one I can't wait to see you guys read. The entire chapter is a flashback to the day Alaina was born, a rough ride for everyone involved. I have to say, I am still SHOCKED by the way this story has been received. When random people tweet during an episode that "Jane and Lisbon just need to make Alaina already" you know that you have the best readers in the world! LOL Love you all so much!
Anonymous Reviews:
Guest: Well you don't have to wait anymore!
Sabrina: LOL I hope you were being funny because that was a loooong chapter LOL, yep that was a hard thing to go back and put all of Jane's misdeeds into one scene. I'm glad it had the affect I was looking for. Don't worry, you'll be back on Team Jisbon with this chapter and Jane's actions in the future, trust me!
Jessica:LOL love that, sometimes "awww" just says it all
Guest: Okay, go back and read chapter 5 where Jane clearly states that he loves Lisbon, he loves her but he does not believe he deserves her which is why he won't show his emotions. Also, right now, proving to Lisbon that he can be a father is taking hight priority over proving that he's boyfriend material. Let him achieve one goal before working on the other.
misfit 1-3: Hehehe thanks! You don't have to wait any longer though, here it is.
Hal: LOL I got that reaction a lot after I mentioned my original sin between Jane and Lila, don't worry, I came to my senses VERY quickly LOL. Thank GlindaLovesShoes for the camera scene, she gave me the idea. Yes, she is starting to trust him...a little bit, she didn't kill him which is a good start LOL. You'll love this chapter, I know it.
Chapter 7: Welcome to the World
Lisbon woke up to a blaring alarm. She grunted and swatted at it, finally turning the thing off after her third attempt. She sighed and rocked her body, swinging her legs over the side and slowly pushing herself up off the mattress into a standing position. It was so hard just getting out of bed these days.
She waddled her way over to the bathroom, yawning loudly and trying to shake loose the morning cobwebs. She grimaced at her reflection in the mirror, puffy face, unruly hair, giant pregnant belly; she had never looked more a mess in her life. Fortunately for her, she was beyond caring at this point.
Still, she followed her normal routine. Standing on the bathroom scale and holding up a mirror to see the weight. Now she did groan when she saw the digits. "Okay, kid," she muttered to her unborn child, "you better weigh about twenty pounds, otherwise I'm going to be pissed."
Then she realized that meant she would be pushing said twenty-pound baby out of her body. "On second thought, I hope you weigh more about five."
Alaina let out a soft kick making Lisbon smile. "Okay, enough teasing. I have to go to work and you have to keep on kicking my bladder, sound good?"
She gave another kick as if in agreement and Lisbon sighed again. Soon enough she would have her body all to herself again and a beautiful baby to devote her life to. Lisbon finished her morning routine, getting herself dressed in a blue maternity dress and pulling her hair back into a loose ponytail. There was no point in dolling herself up when she looked like a pot-bellied pig.
Breakfast consisted of a fried egg sandwich, apparently the baby really wanted protein, topped off with orange juice. Lisbon flipped through her pregnancy book to check out the information on her week.
37 Weeks: Your baby is now considered "full term," even though your due date is three weeks away. If you go into labor now, his lungs will likely be mature enough to fully adjust to life outside the womb. Your baby weighs 6 1/3 pounds and measures a bit over 19 inches, head to heel.
"Okay, Alaina, three weeks, think you can make it? More importantly, do you think I can make it?" She smiled and rubbed her stomach, not waiting for a response. "I'm anxious to see you but here's a deal, you take as long as you need before you are ready and I'll try not to scream too loudly when you are coming out."
She finished her breakfast and gathered the rest of her things before struggling to fit behind the steering wheel of her car. The drive to the CBI was rather uneventful and she was happy to haul herself out of her vehicle and make the long waddling trek into the building.
Ralph was on security today and he greeted her with a big goofy grin. "Hey there Lisbon, she's still not out yet I see."
Lisbon shook her head. "Three more weeks, if I'm lucky."
"The little buggers tend to come out when they want to."
"So I've heard."
He laughed and let her step through the metal detector. "You have a nice day."
"Thanks, Ralph," Lisbon said before heading towards the elevator to get to her office. She was smiling as she headed towards it and then stopped cold when she saw that Jane was standing there waiting to use the same one.
Lisbon actually considered using the stairs…but there was no way she'd manage in her condition. Jane glanced at her and then looked far away, but he didn't move. Apparently he wasn't going to even show her the courtesy of trying to avoid her.
Matters only got worse when Holly from press relations joined them in the wait. Lisbon liked Holly, she was a sweet girl that had a certain freshness about her that was endearing…but she was not aware of the complications between her and her consultant.
"Agent Lisbon! Oh it's nice to see you again."
"Thank you," Lisbon said softly, giving Jane a sideways glance.
"You look great, really. You have that glow."
"Yeah, the glow and swollen feet and fingers and all of the other joys that come with pregnancy."
The elevator finally arrived and the three of them stepped on. Lisbon felt completely awkward standing there while Jane basically refused to look at her. If Holly noticed his unusual behavior then she chose not to acknowledge it.
"When are you due again?"
Lisbon glanced at Holly, trying not to look over her shoulder at Jane. "Three weeks."
"Oh wow, you're getting close. You must be so excited!"
She nodded. "Yeah, I am. I'm ready for this baby to be born."
The elevator stopped on Holly's floor and she moved to leave. "Well we are all happy for you."
Lisbon nodded again numbly, "Thanks."
Then she and Jane were alone on the elevator…the one person in the building that wasn't happy for her. She hated these moments even more than she hated it when they fought; at least then they were talking. Here right now they couldn't even look at one another.
Nine months ago it hadn't been like this. They would get on the elevator together and talk amicably, maybe he'd make a teasing remark that would annoy her but she'd smile about it later. He would be charming, she would be flattered. The day would be filled with banter and friendship.
She never thought that it would ever come down to this.
The elevator finally came to their floor and they both stepped off but she slowed down to let him go ahead. She watched his back with a mixture of pain and anger, but Alaina let out a soft kick which always made her smile. Lisbon had no doubt who was in the right here and it certainly wasn't Jane.
Grace spotted her as soon as she made her way towards the bullpen. "Hey! How are you feeling today?" The redhead ignored Jane entirely.
"I'm okay," Lisbon told her honestly, "tired, fat and cranky but what else is new?"
"Any contractions?"
"Of course not," Lisbon replied.
"You're at 37 weeks and I was born three weeks early," Grace reminded her, "it isn't that much of a stretch."
"I wish she'd come early," she said, "but with my luck I'll be ten days overdue."
"What did your doctor say yesterday?"
"That everything is fine, she'll come when she's ready," Lisbon explained, "I just have to wait until then."
"I hate waiting," Grace said impatiently.
"Me too," Lisbon agree with a laugh, "maybe we can convince her to come out sooner rather than later."
"Sounds good to me."
Lisbon smiled and shook her head. "Okay, I'll get back to desk duty, enjoy doing actual work."
She was still smiling as she made her way into her office. Flopping down onto her chair and groaning at the large amount of paperwork that littered her desk. Apparently Bertram was taking her pregnancy induced desk duty seriously and that meant dumping anything that was remotely obscure, boring and irrelevant onto her lap.
For an hour Lisbon tried to get comfortable and do some work but the hard chair and tight confines of her desk was not accommodating for one and a half people. This was stupid; there was a big comfortable couch just a few feet away from her. Yes, Jane had gotten it for her but he'd also gotten her pregnant, there was no point in suffering for some pride when she'd had many naps on that couch before all of this happened.
Okay that wasn't the best of logic but she was tired of sitting on a hard chair. Lisbon used the desk to hoist herself out of the chair. She grabbed an armful of paperwork and a pen before sitting down on the couch with a content sigh.
Much better.
This was perfect, baby kicking softly inside of her and enjoying an easy morning of paperwork. She should relish it; soon it was going to be diapers, feedings and spit up. But right now she was dealing with the unfortunate side affects of pregnancy that included the need to go to the bathroom every five minutes.
She sighed heavily and moved to sit up. But unfortunately the very comfortable couch was also one that she sank into; she wasn't able to stand up. She tried bracing herself up but her giant stomach obviously made that impossible; she kept falling back against the couch.
Lisbon let out a frustrated groan. She could do this; she just had to find a way to get off her pregnant ass.
Maybe she could sort of slide off the couch? That could work. Lisbon eased herself sideways so that she could hopefully use the edge of the couch as a lever to hoist herself up.
But her center of gravity was not where it was supposed to be. Instead of pushing herself up she fell onto her butt on the floor. She stared up at her ceiling feeling vaguely like an upside down bug. Okay, all she had to do was roll over onto her side and stand up.
"Yeah, roll, that'll work when you're so big that you can't see your feet!" Still Lisbon tried but had no luck getting to her feet on her own…and she really had to pee.
Good thing she had her cell phone.
Lisbon reached down and found her phone, able to punch out a text to the three members of her team that still actually gave a damn about her.
My office. NOW!
Still, she was shocked when she immediately heard the stampede of feet. "Boss! Are you okay?"
"Are you in labor?"
"Why are you on the floor?"
She managed to give them all her famous glare…even while horizontal on the floor. "I'm not in labor. I was trying to get off the couch and I…fell. Now I can't get up."
The three of them blinked at her as the words sank in. Then Lisbon had a great view of all three of them, even Cho, bursting into gales of laughter.
"This is not funny!"
That didn't have any affect on them as they were all doubled over.
Lisbon glared menacingly at them. "While you are laughing could you help me up?!"
Cho and Rigsby were still chuckling, the former getting a hold of himself sooner. "Sorry, boss," Rigsby chortled, "but it's like a turtle on it's back."
The two men heaved her up, both helping with her larger frame. "Thanks," Lisbon said straightening out her dress. "You're all fired by the way."
That gave them all a few more chuckles. "Yes, keep laughing at the funny pregnant lady," Lisbon muttered, "but at least get out of my way while you are doing it."
"Where are you going?" Grace asked, still trying to control her laughter.
"My other office," she called out of her shoulder.
"Break room?" Rigsby asked.
"Bathroom," Grace replied.
"Right."
The two of them were walking down the street. She was wearing a yellow sundress and white shoes, he was holding her hand while looking down at her with what Jane could only assume was a look of adoration. No doubt she was giving him the same look, love was like that.
Jane studied the father and daughter with mixed feelings. There was a lot of sadness filling him now, regret as he recalled what it was like to hold a little girl's hand. To walk with her down the street. To hear her say "I love you, Daddy".
That was his once, he'd lost it.
That part of him was gone, gone forever. It couldn't be found again, it was much too late for that, and he was far too broken.
"What are you doing up here?"
Jane turned around to see that Cho had joined him on the rooftop café, probably to get some better coffee than the community swill. He just shrugged. "I'm enjoying the view."
"You're hiding from Lisbon."
The man was good, no doubt about that. "Now why would I be doing that?"
Cho simply stared at him, arms crossed, a very hard look on his face. For some reason Cho hadn't yet decided to give up on him, even when everyone else including Lisbon, had. It didn't make sense especially after he'd hit Jane. It was irksome and made Jane wonder if the man knew something he didn't.
"It's getting close," Cho pointed out, "in a few more weeks she'll be here."
Oh yes. Her. The unborn child Jane had unwittingly conceived. The child he didn't want, didn't need and couldn't love.
Her.
Jane shrugged. "That doesn't change anything."
"It does. She'll be here and you won't be able to hide anymore."
"She isn't going to be at the office," Jane pointed out, "I don't know why you think that would have any affect on me."
Cho studied Jane with a hard look. "You really think you won't care that there is going to be a kid…your kid?"
"It's not my child, Cho," Jane replied.
"You say that a lot," Cho pointed out, "Are you trying to convince yourself it's true?"
"I know it's true, emotionally I have no feelings for this child whatsoever."
But Cho didn't look convinced at all. "You're lying."
"You don't know that."
"Yes I do," Cho replied before turning around and walking away.
Jane watched him go feeling that frustration that came whenever he wasn't certain if he'd won an argument or lost. Cho certainly couldn't tell when he was lying or not so there had to be something else. He wasn't lying though. He wasn't lying.
He turned around to look back out at the street. The father and daughter were still there, looking at a bakery window, pressing their noses against the glass.
He wasn't lying.
He wasn't lying.
He wasn't lying.
Lunch used to be her frequently skipped meal, but that was before she started sharing her body with Jane's baby. It was no surprise that her daughter was always hungry and when Alaina wanted something specific, there was no stopping her.
She showed up at Grace's desk purse already over her arm and a determined look on her face. "What do you want?" Grace asked with a smile.
"Lunch."
"And what are you craving today?"
"Tacos!" Lisbon declared.
Grace grimaced, "Oh no, not Mexican again!"
"I have to have tacos, greasy meaty tacos with everything on them."
"That doesn't make them sound any better."
Lisbon pouted. "Grace, don't you want your goddaughter to be happy?"
Grace groaned. "Oh man, why did you have to put it like that?"
She grinned happily, knowing that she'd gotten what she'd wanted. "Come on, you drive. It's hard enough getting out of the car without a steering wheel in front of me."
"You shouldn't be driving anymore anyways."
"My doctor said it was safe."
They walked down towards the elevator ready to head off for a quick lunch break. "I know she said it was safe, but I'm still worried about the seat belt digging into your stomach or what if you go into labor when you're on the road?"
"The seat belt is fine and what are the odds of me going into labor while driving?"
"I heard about a woman who went into labor and she had to have the baby on the side of a highway."
"Why would you tell me that?" Lisbon asked as they made their way to Grace's car, "I'm already freaked out enough as it is!"
Grace grinned and unlocked the car so that they both could get in. "You don't have to be freaked out."
"Nope, in three weeks I'll be pushing another human being out of me, why shouldn't I be scared?"
"It's going to be okay," Grace told her, "You'll push, you'll scream and you'll hold your daughter."
"What a lovely way to put it."
She laughed lightly and drove the car out of the parking lot. "It's what women were designed to do, you're going to be just fine."
"I know," Lisbon said, "that doesn't mean I'm looking forward to it. I'm just going to be glad when it is over."
"We'll all be," Grace pointed out, "we want to see Alaina."
"Me too."
They were quiet for a minute as Grace headed in the direction of Hector's Taco Stand Lisbon's favorite grease spot at the moment. "Actually, I've been thinking about when you go into labor."
"Oh yeah?" Lisbon asked, more than a little curious as to what Grace was talking about.
"Well I know I'm going to be there with you."
"Of course, who else is going to remind me how to breathe and hand me ice chips that I'll start throwing at people?"
That made Grace grin. "You also said you'd call me when you went into labor and I could pick you up."
"Yeah."
"What if you didn't have to call me?" Grace asked, "I could come stay with you…I don't know, the week before your due date?"
"Really?"
"It makes sense. What if you go into labor in the middle of the night? Instead of calling and waiting for me to get there I could just help you to the car and drive you. And I was going to stay after the baby was born for a few days anyways until you recover. Why not just show up a few days early?"
Lisbon thought about it for only a moment and nodded her head. "You're right. It is a good idea, as long as you don't mind the couch, with this stomach I can't give up my bed."
That made Grace laugh and she shook her head. "I'll take the couch, I promise."
She glanced at the road in front of them. The red light ahead of them had turned green, no need for Grace to apply the breaks. "I can't remember the last time I had a roommate," Lisbon admitted.
"Mine was college," Grace explained, "sorority girl, she threw up on my bed and that was the last time I ever wanted to share a room with someone."
Lisbon laughed at the image, turning her head to look out the window. Just in time to watch as the white pick up truck came barreling towards them, accelerating actually.
She didn't have time to scream, just sucked in a breath right before the two vehicles collided.
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Jane had escaped to his attic hideaway, eager to avoid the probing gaze of Cho and the disappointed silence of Rigsby. It seemed like the bullpen was now becoming a cage, actually the whole office was. These last few weeks felt like the final minutes on New Years Eve, except there was no party, just a nightmare he couldn't seem to wake from.
In three weeks there was going to be a child. A child with his blood.
There was no way he could stop it, he wasn't sure what terrified him more. The inevitability of this baby coming or the fact that he wasn't sure what he wanted anymore?
He hadn't lied to Cho. He hadn't. He didn't feel anything for this child.
Jane told himself that at as he stared the sonogram he'd stolen from Lisbon's desk weeks before.
There she was. The child he feared more than anything on this earth.
He could see the shape of her head, her open mouth, one hand splayed as if waving to the camera. That was her. This gray, fuzzy, pixilated photograph was a child that was going to be born soon.
His child.
No, not his, never his. This little girl deserved so much better than him. He was never supposed to be a father again and this child, this mistake, was not going to change that no matter what biology said.
He'd hurt too many people, seeing this baby and realizing that he couldn't give it the love it deserved…no he wouldn't hurt her. He wouldn't let her feel inadequate or like she was second best, he'd already done that to her mother too many times to count. He couldn't love again, not now; he was broken, damaged beyond full repair.
This child couldn't fix him.
He was certain of that.
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There was the smell of leaking gasoline and cloying smoke as Grace somehow managed to break herself out of the daze she was under. She could hear the hiss of the smoking engine and the twisted sound of the metal creaking. When she opened her eyes it was blurry, a haze from her pounding headache that being rocked side to side had caused.
Pain, she could feel the pain. Her arm felt like it was on fire and she couldn't feel her fingers entirely. That wasn't good. Grace didn't pay it any mind though, her mind screamed to check on her friend.
"Lisbon," she said and then spoke louder. "Lisbon! Are you okay?"
She heard a groan and a soft, "Grace," followed by another moan.
Well she was alive and talking, that was a good start.
Grace tried to sort out what had happened. The other car had hit on the passenger side, she think they might have flipped once but it looks like they'd managed to land back on the car's tires. Oh God, the baby!
Sirens sounded close by as Grace struggled to open the driver's door. It was hard getting it open when the metal was dented and twisted and her left arm was having problems moving. She managed to kick it open and see the arrival of several squad cars and emergency vehicles as well as a few good Samaritans. "Are you okay?" An officer asked as he rushed over to her.
Grace nodded numbly. "My friend, she's nine months pregnant, we have to check on her!"
"Ma'am you need to sit down."
"No, check on Lisbon first!"
The officer gave her a wide-eyed look but clearly decided not to argue with her. Grace followed him around the car to see that the passenger side was heaping dented wreck, even the frame was bent.
Lisbon was still in the seat, her seat belt fastened but she was doubled over and moaning. "Lisbon, Lisbon what's wrong?"
She finally looked up and met Grace's eyes. She was pale, her face white as milk except for the thin trickle of blood over her left eye. "The baby, something is wrong…it hurts."
"Oh God," Grace breathed and tried to open the car door, ignoring her arm.
"Ma'am you have to stop," The officer pulled her back.
"I'm Agent Van Pelt of the CBI, that is Agent Lisbon, I can't just leave her in there."
"Let the EMT's do their job," the officer replied. He took her arm and half dragged her a couple of feet away towards an ambulance but Grace refused to budge.
Two EMTs manged to get the door open fairly quickly after some heaving. "Ma'am," they said, unbuckling her seat belt. "Where does it hurt?"
Lisbon just groaned loudly. "Contractions…I think I'm in labor… did my water break?" She reached down to feel the small puddle of liquid on her seat…but her fingers came back red. "Oh my God."
"Okay, we have to get you to the hospital immediately," the man said, "get a stretcher over here!"
"My baby," Lisbon said softly, "don't let her die…please don't let her die."
Grace ran over to her friend, ignoring the officer who tried to stop her. "It's going to be okay, Lisbon," she told her.
"Grace…I…I can't breathe…and I'm bleeding…"
"It's going to be okay, it's going to be okay."
The medical team quickly loaded her onto the stretcher, putting an oxygen mask over her face to help her breathe. Grace didn't ask, just followed them into the ambulance as she shouted at the officer. "Call Agent Kimball Cho, tell him what happened."
Then there was nothing but the slamming of the doors and screech of sirens. Grace held Lisbon's hand the whole time, silently praying to God to keep her promise.
Jane had come back down from his attic and was flipping through a book on his couch. It was a poor distraction from his thoughts but a distraction nonetheless. He was actually hoping for a case, that would give them all the needed diversion away from his terrible sins. He perked up once Cho's phone rang, maybe his wish was being granted.
Cho answered his phone with a quick. "Cho." Jane watched though as the man's eyes widened and he went slightly pale. It took a lot to rattle Cho which meant something was very, very wrong.
"What happened?" Cho asked. "They're hurt? Which hospital? All right, thank you."
Rigsby's attention was caught the moment Cho said the word 'hospital'. "What's going on?"
"The boss and Van Pelt were in an accident."
"How bad?"
"Bad."
Jane felt his body grow cold at the lone word, mostly from the way Cho said it, things had to be terrible indeed.
"Where are they going?" Rigsby asked, already standing up to get his things.
"Mercy General," Cho said.
"Do you know their condition?"
"We'll find out when we get there."
It didn't escape Jane's notice that they both left the bullpen without once glancing in his direction. They simply assumed that he wouldn't come, that Lisbon and her unborn child didn't matter to him. They had no reason to believe otherwise.
But somehow Jane made his way to his car and drove himself to Mercy General Hospital without even thinking of anything else. That wasn't true, his mind was racing with different possibilities and especially one thought.
I can't lose them.
Jane didn't take the time to ponder if the 'them' included the unborn baby girl or not.
He arrived just moments after Rigsby and Cho who both stopped in there tracks at the entrance to the hospital. "What are you doing here?" Rigsby asked, there was some bitterness in his voice.
"Lisbon and Grace were in an accident," Jane reminded him.
"We know."
"Then why are you asking?"
Rigsby looked startled by that response but Cho just nodded his head. "Come on, let's find them."
At least they could agree that finding out the condition of the other members of their team trumped the hostility they all felt towards Jane at the moment. It took quite a bit of persuading to get the nurse at the front desk to tell them where they were, but they all felt the fear grow worse when she told them that Lisbon was in surgery.
Grace was easier to track down; she was sitting on one of the beds behind the rows of curtains in the emergency room. Her arm was encased in a cast and she had a small bandaged on her forehead but she looked better than they had hoped. She burst into tears as soon as she saw them. It was Rigsby who walked over to comfort her.
"They said he was drunk," Grace explained, "He ran the red light because he hit the accelerator instead of the brake."
"It wasn't your fault."
Grace shook her head. "Oh God, they won't tell me much about Lisbon. But she was bleeding and having contractions, I heard them say that the placenta might have detached."
There was a long moment of silence as that bit of news sank in. There was no denying the gravity of the situation if it were true; this was bad for everyone involved.
"Rigsby is right," Jane told her softly, "this wasn't your fault."
For the first time Grace noticed Jane was there and she was none too happy about it. "What the hell are you doing here?"
"Regardless of what is happened I still care about everyone on this team," Jane replied calmly.
"I'm not going to believe that," Grace declared firmly, "not after everything you did. Are you here to gloat? She might lose her baby, that's what you wanted, right?"
The silence that followed was deafening but Grace didn't look the least bit sorry for what she'd said. Rigsby and Cho glanced from her to Jane and back again, unsure over who's to side with on this fight.
But Jane just stared at her. The look of pain and coldness that came whenever someone gave him a severe blow. "Never believe for one second that I wanted any of this," he told her firmly, gesturing to the room around them.
They didn't say anything but simply stared at one another, her silence proof that she refused to accept that she'd hurt him and his refusal to let her believe she'd won. It was Cho who stepped in. "We'll wait in the waiting room, see if we can find out something."
She nodded. "I'll meet you there when I'm discharged."
They slowly filed out of there to do all they could.
Wait.
A half an hour later Grace had joined them but there was no news yet. Jane was sitting a couple of chairs away from them, not by choice. She refused to sit near him and Rigsby was on her side at the moment. Cho kept getting up to get new information; he was never sitting down long enough to pick a side.
He was still standing when a woman came in wearing dark blue scrubs and a nervous look on her face. She had a whispered conversation with the nurse before glancing their way and walking over. "You are here for Teresa Lisbon?"
"Yes," Grace said quickly jumping to her feet. "Is she okay? What's happened?"
The doctor held up her hand to calm her down. "She is still in surgery, but the placental abruption was too severe, we had to do a c-section."
"Oh God," Grace gasped and collapsed back into the chair.
"Is the baby all right?" Rigsby asked.
"The baby was in distress when we performed the procedure, she's alive but her blood pressure is low and is anemic. We need to give her a transfusion before she goes into shock."
Grace buried her face into Rigsby's shoulder and her whole body shook with sobs. Cho was the calm one. "Then why aren't you doing it?"
"It isn't that simple," The doctor explained, "infants are very fragile and if she rejects the donated blood there are risks, more than that we are in low supply of her blood type. We need an emergency donation. Family is preferable and her mother is in surgery and not a match so it's important to know which one of you is the father."
She was looking at Cho and Rigsby; they were the ones closest to Grace. But she wasn't the only one surprised when Jane stood up. "That's me."
"Really? This is not the time to be joking."
"I agree," Jane replied.
She sized Jane up for a moment and nodded her had. "All right, you can come with me then."
No one said anything when he left. He simply followed the doctor he didn't even know by name at the moment. She brought him to small room where she directed him to sit in the chair by an array of sharp implements. Not exactly reassuring.
"We need to test your blood for infection," the doctor explained, "I'll just take a small sample to the lab."
"That's fine." Jane told her she swabbed one arm with alcohol so she could prick his skin with a needle. "How is L-…her mother?"
The doctor met his eyes. "In worse shape than your daughter. The placenta being detached like that caused a lot of bleeding in her uterus. If they can get it under control they might be able to save it, or they'll have to do a hysterectomy."
Jane closed his eyes against the pain of that bit of news. He hoped that Lisbon didn't have to endure something like that, not now, not when she still had many good years ahead of her.
"That should do it, I'll be back to take more once we get the results," she smiled gently at him. "Mr…?"
"Jane, my name is Patrick Jane."
"Well then, Mr. Jane. I'm Dr. Kilgore, I'll be back after I check up on your daughter."
She turned around before she saw his reaction to that news.
Daughter.
That word was painful and beautiful.
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It seemed like forever and only a few minutes when Jane was finally giving blood to save the life of Lisbon's child. Dr. Kilgore dismissed him once it was done, giving him instructions to take it easy for a few hours and to report any dizziness. He was fine though.
He simply went back into the waiting room. The three other members of the team looked up at him with various emotions of curiosity and anger. He ignored them, taking up his seat again and burying his face in his hands.
They must have stared at him for a while, wondering what was going on but no one said a word. He was glad for that, he didn't want to talk. He just wanted to sit here and hate this horrible day.
Jane couldn't say how long it was but it must have been at least a couple of hours when he heard Dr. Kilgore come back. "Excuse me…Mr. Jane?"
He finally looked up to meet her eyes. "Yes?"
"I wanted to let you know that your daughter has improved dramatically," she told him with a warm smile, "her vital signs have stabilized, her color has improved, everything is normal. I'm quite sure she will be fine."
He stared at her for a moment before nodding his head. "Thank you."
"Would you like to see her?"
Jane was quiet for several seconds as he considered her words. Then he gently shook his head. "No…her mother should see her first."
The doctor gave him a slight nod. "I understand…but you saved her life. You should be proud."
He didn't say a word, not a word as she left the room. Then he sighed and repeated the same posture he'd had before, bent forward and head in his hands.
The good doctor thought he wanted to share that moment with his child's mother. She had no idea that he had no right whatsoever to see that baby, not after everything that had happened. He was going to stay far away from the child; she would be protected that way.
Again time passed, he didn't know how long. Maybe minutes maybe hours but eventually a new doctor joined the room, looking exhausted but pleased. "You're with Teresa Lisbon?"
"Yes," Grace said, "do you know something."
"She just got out of surgery, we managed the control the bleeding without removing her uterus. She's weak, lost quite a bit of blood there, but she should recover."
The three of them breathed sighs of relief and smiled happy smiles…Jane remained completely still.
"Can we see her?" Grace asked quickly.
"She's being taken to recovery, she won't wake up for at least another hour or so but I'm sure she'd like to see a friendly face."
"Which room?"
"412."
"Oh thank you!" Grace exclaimed, actually jumping up and hugging the man, "Thank you so much!"
The doctor laughed lightly and removed himself from her embrace. "It's all right, why don't you go see your friend."
He left and Rigsby, Cho and Grace both celebrated with Grace giving them all hugs. "Oh thank God," she said happily. "I want to see her now."
"We should call her brothers," Rigsby pointed out.
"Can you guys do that? I have to see her, I'll let you know when she wakes up."
"Of course."
The three of them went off in different directions. But Jane remained exactly where he was, just sitting there. He breathed deeply, in and out, in and out as he tried to sort out just what he was feeling.
Relief? Joy? Pain? He didn't know anymore.
They were okay…they were both okay.
That was all that mattered right now.
Lisbon slowly roused herself from a very heavy sleep; the first thing she was aware of was pain. It hurt even to breath, like she'd been hit by a truck. Actually…she had been, at least the car she was in had. Her eyes were still closed as she tried to recall everything that had happened, the sound of the crushing metal and the rush of pain, how dizzy and disoriented she had felt. It was a blur, surreal blur of disjointed memories.
Her baby. She'd been losing her baby.
Now her eyes snapped open. She had to shut them again almost immediately, it was much too bright. After a moment she opened them slowly and she found herself blinking into the light and seeing the friend she'd come to depend on most.
"Grace?"
"Lisbon!" Grace exclaimed, scooting closer to her friend, "You're awake, oh thank God."
"Wh-what happened? Where's my baby?"
The other agent grew solemn and Lisbon felt the prickling of fear against her skin. Oh God, oh God. "The placenta detached because of the accident, they had to do an emergency c-section and you lost a lot of blood."
"What about my baby?" she interrupted, her voice growing frantic.
Grace held up a hand to calm her. "She's okay now."
"Now?"
"She was anemic because she went into distress, they had to give her a transfusion."
"Oh my God," Lisbon gasped out. Dozens of scenarios ran through her mind, what if there was a complication, what if she had health problems or brain damage? "But…but she's okay right?"
Grace smiled and nodded. "They said she should make a full recovery, you both will. We were very, very lucky."
Lisbon took a moment to let it all process and then she gasped in relief. "Oh God," she whispered and ran one hand over her face, her heart still racing with anxiety. "I need to see her, where is she?"
"I'm sure a nurse will bring her in soon now that you are awake," Grace assured her. She pulled out her phone, "I should let Rigsby and Cho know."
"Are they here?"
"Of course, we were all worried about you."
That was when Lisbon noticed the cast on Grace's arm. "What happened to you?"
Grace looked down from the phone that was in her good hand and smiled sheepishly. "Oh, I broke my wrist but I'll be fine. I was a lot better off then you." After a few moments her smile faded and she lowered her phone. "Lisbon…Jane is here."
Lisbon sat up, startled by her news. "He came to the hospital?"
Grace nodded and looked down at her hands. "Actually...he donated blood to save her."
Now she was shocked. "Why would he do that?"
Grace shook her head. "I don't know, he didn't really say anything. When they asked if he wanted to see her he said no but…but he—."
"He saved her life," Lisbon finished for her. Grace was quiet for a bit before nodding her head. Lisbon reflected on this for a moment, shocked by this turn of events but from what Grace had said she knew exactly what was going on. She leaned back against the bed, letting it raise so she could sit up. "He didn't do it for him, he did it for me."
"He's still a bastard."
Lisbon didn't say anything but then met Grace's eyes. "I want to see him."
"Why?"
"I need to thank him," Lisbon explained, "no matter what he has said or done or will do…he saved my daughter's life. I should at least thank him."
"He doesn't deserve your thanks."
"Probably not, but I still want to do it."
Grace sat still for a few seconds before nodding her head grudgingly. "All right, I'll go get him."
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Grace didn't agree with Lisbon's decision but she didn't question it, Lisbon was going to do what she had to do even if it meant thanking the man who had basically treated her like slime.
She stopped by the floor nurse that was behind the desk. "Excuse me, Teresa Lisbon is awake and she'd like to see her daughter."
The nurse smiled. "That's wonderful. I'll see what I can do, I'm sure we can bring up her baby here soon."
"Good."
She headed in the direction of the waiting room with slower steps. She wasn't sure if she really wanted to do this. Jane didn't deserve any thanks; he didn't deserve to breathe the same air as Lisbon at this point. But he had immediately stood up and saved the baby…that had been surprising.
She stopped outside the waiting room door for a moment, took a deep breath and walked in.
He was sitting in the exact spot she had left him, he hadn't moved at all. For a moment she stood there and studied him, wondering what he was thinking about. How could a man she used to like suddenly morph into this horrible person? She didn't know, it didn't make sense. She couldn't help but wonder if there was anything that could save him now.
"Jane," she said simply and he finally turned his head to look at her. "Lisbon is awake," she explained. She waited for him to do something, to react to the news but he didn't make a sound. "She wants to see you."
Now Jane finally reacted. "Why?"
Grace just shrugged. "Just come on."
She didn't wait for him but turned around and began walking towards Lisbon's room. She didn't turn around to look at him the whole way there.
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Lisbon was waiting alone in her room, quietly trying to figure out what to say to Jane. She tried to figure out how to reconcile the man who told her to get an abortion and the man who saved her child's life could be one and the same. She could only surmise that Jane couldn't stand for any living child to die…that or there was a small part of him that didn't hate her which was enough for him to want to save her daughter.
In the end it didn't really matter. He'd saved her life, she owed him her thanks. But that was it.
Grace walked back into the room and sat down heavily on the chair beside her bed to her left. A few moments later Jane walked in, his gait was slower and quieter. He looked like hell but she probably didn't look any better. His clothing was rumpled and his shirt was untucked, she couldn't imagine that his appearance had anything to do with her.
He simply stood a few feet from her bed and stared at her, she just stared right back.
Finally she was able to find her voice. "Grace told me what you did…that you donated blood for my daughter." He didn't react at all. "You saved her life."
There was a flicker of something, she didn't know what it was but maybe it was pain or sadness, she didn't know. At least it wasn't anger.
"I…I wanted to thank you," Lisbon stammered out, "thank you for doing that for me."
There was a long awkward silence that stretched between them. Jane looked just as confused as she did though as if…as if he wasn't even sure why he'd done it either. Lisbon wanted to know what he was thinking but she was desperate to avoid having him hurt her once more. "You don't have to stay, we're going to be fine now."
His eyes met hers and he looked slightly hurt. He opened his mouth as if he wanted to speak but then shut it again. She saw the moment he gave up and knew he was going to leave the room and that would be the end of everything.
But before Jane could move Lisbon's eyes were drawn to the doorway where a cheerful and buxom nurse was rolling in the small clear bassinet that currently housed her child. "Look who's ready to meet her mommy," the woman declared lifting the small baby out of the bassinet and holding her out for Lisbon.
She couldn't stop staring at the baby. She was so tiny; everything about her was small to the tiny fingers and toes, her little ears, her little bitty nose. And she was beautiful, so beautiful. Lisbon found herself gasping for air and her heart constricted from the weight of so much love for this precious child.
Lisbon gratefully accepted the baby, holding her safe and secure in her arms. Her daughter blinked open her eyes and looked up at her mother, waving one tiny hand up by her face. She opened her mouth in a small yawn, her little pink tongue peeping out. "Hello," she breathed, her voice heavy with emotion, tears springing to her eyes, "I'm so glad I finally get to meet you."
She smoothed her fine hair, the same dark brown shade as her own and leaned down to kiss her forehead. "She's doing just fine," the nurse told her, "we'll keep an eye on you both but she's a real fighter this one."
Lisbon looked up at the nurse. "Thank you."
The woman just smiled and patted her hand. "I'll leave you alone."
Once the nurse left, Grace leaned over to get a better look at the baby. "She's just so precious," she cooed reaching over to touch the back of her tiny hand.
Lisbon smiled up at her but that faded away when her eyes caught on Jane.
He was standing there, completely dumbfounded, his eyes fixed on the baby. In that moment Lisbon would have traded anything, even her soul for just the chance to know what was going through his mind. He'd said he didn't want to see her…but he didn't seem angry at all.
"Jane…" she whispered but no other words could escape her lips.
He didn't say a word but slowly, reverently began to walk towards her bed. He stood over her for just a moment before kneeling down, his eyes never once leaving the baby. Jane reached over and found one of her small bare feet, so small that the pad of his thumb was almost the same size.
The baby let out a little sigh, her eyes turned away from her mother and looked down towards Jane, the man holding her foot. She waved one hand up and it drew near his face. He caught her little fingers in his, his mouth slightly open as he stared at the child as if…as if he couldn't believe she was here.
"Jane…" Lisbon began again but like before, she didn't know what to say.
She watched as he swallowed heavily, once…twice. His eyes grew heavy with unshed tears and then his whole face crumpled. He finally let go of the baby only to place his arms on the bed and shelter his head in them. There was no mistaking what was happening.
Jane was crying.
Actually…he was sobbing.
Lisbon's eyes were wide as she openly gaped at him, almost forgetting the baby in her arms. She was so shocked to see Jane kneeling by her bed and crying. She looked over to see Grace had an identical expression of shock, neither one of them knew what to make of this.
Jane cried for a long time and he kept repeating something but it was hard for her to understand though, his voice was muffled by the bed and his tears. Finally she understood him.
"I'm sorry," he said, "I'm so sorry." He repeated it over and over again, so many times that she lost count. "I'm sorry…I'm sorry…I'm sorry."
Her right hand was lying by her side and suddenly he was holding onto it, his head still bent as he sobbed. Lisbon stared at their joined hands, completely puzzled by what was going on.
After a very long time he finally looked up, even though his red eyes were still wet with tears. "My daughter," he said, his voice was so low and heavy, unlike she'd ever heard from him. "Sh-she's my daughter," he repeated, "a-and she's beautiful."
She thought he was going to fall apart crying again but after a moment he gathered himself together. "I'm sorry, you have no idea how sorry I am. What I said…what I did…I didn't know, I didn't know I could feel this again." Lisbon didn't understand any of this, but she knew he had hurt her so much during the last few months. She pulled her hand away from his.
Now he did start crying again. Covering his face with his splayed hands, his shoulders shaking once more.
Lisbon was still completely dumbfounded; she didn't know what to think about this at all. She looked down at her baby who was oblivious to what was happening, she reached up to grab a lock of her mother's hair, making soft cooing sounds.
Jane pulled himself back together and met Lisbon's eyes once more. "Can I hold her?"
She sucked in a breath but didn't release it. He was asking to hold the baby? The same baby he'd declared numerous times he hadn't wanted…the same baby whose life he'd saved. He'd hated her for months…and now cried over her for what seemed like hours.
Her first thought was to say no, he didn't have that right, not after everything that had happened. But the truth was he had as much of a right as she did, after all, even now she could see parts of him in their child.
"Okay," she said softly, her voice still laced with shock.
She reluctantly handed the baby over to him, placing her in his waiting arms. The baby whimpered a little at the change, letting out one little cry before quieting down again. Lisbon watched as a look of pure wonder came over Jane.
"Hello," he said gently, "you are so beautiful…" he paused and met Lisbon's eyes once more. "I…I don't know her name."
Lisbon stared at him for a few seconds, not sure of anything at the moment but still very much suspicious of him. "Alaina," she finally said, "I named her Alaina."
Jane looked down at the baby and smiled. "Alaina," he repeated, reaching over and setting his thumb in her tiny fist. "That's a good name."
She didn't know what to think of all of this. She had no idea how someone could turn from cold and unfeeling to sobbing and soft in a day. This was the side of Jane she had wanted to see months ago and now that it was here…she couldn't trust it. She also couldn't help but think that it was all much too late.
"Can I have my daughter back?" Lisbon asked, her voice was firm and cold.
Jane looked over towards her; he must have noticed the edge in her voice. He looked reluctant to do anything but then he grew resigned and nodded his head before gently placing Alaina back in her mother's arms.
Lisbon happily took back the child and fluffed her hair gently, holding her close to her heart. But she kept one wary eye on him.
He stood there, looking completely lost for a long time. "Lisbon…" he began but his voice trailed off an he shook his head. "I have so much to say but…but none of it seems to be enough."
She didn't reply, just gently rocked her daughter and kept her suspicious eyes on him.
"We…we have to talk about this," Jane told her, his voice becoming solid again.
Lisbon shook her head. "Not now."
"Then when?"
She looked away, towards Grace who had recovered from her own shock but she didn't hold any answers in her eyes either. "I'm tired, Jane." Lisbon finally told him.
Jane nodded his head, his eyes were sad and his body sagged with defeat. "I'm going to come back…I want to see her again…both of you."
Lisbon didn't say anything but nodded, she couldn't go anywhere and a part of her wanted answers too. Just not now…not when she was still reeling from what happened.
He looked satisfied with that response…but not happy either. His eyes drifted back to the baby and this time they were filled with longing. "I'll see you soon," he told her softly before finally turning around to leave…but not without one last look at her.
Lisbon let out a breath when he was finally gone but she still didn't know what to think at all. Grace was sitting in the chair, staring at the doorway. "What was that?"
She shook her head. "I don't know." She leaned down and kissed the top of Alaina's head, her eyes rooted to the doorway Jane had just left through. It was the truth, she had no idea what had just happened except that it seemed like Jane had changed his mind entirely.
But Lisbon couldn't work up any emotion over that, she'd lost the ability to hope. All she could do was wait and see. All she did know was if this was an apology, she couldn't accept it yet…if ever.
A/N: I'll admit, I teared up when I wrote the scene where Jane sees Alaina for the first time. I hope you guys did the same.
And here lies Bastard Jane, he was fun while he lasted but he'll never be seen again!
In the next chapter we'll get back to the present where Lisbon has another run in with Josh while Jane still works on figureing out why he was a bastard and how he can prove to Lisbon that he loves their daughter. And in the flashbacks you'll see how Jane went about turning over that new leaf immediately...and the various reactions to his sudden change of heart as well as Bertram finding out the identity of Alaina's father hehehe.
As always, please review!
