Chapter Six: An Unexpected Nightmare
Hermione woke up screaming, her body covered with a slick film of sweat. The nightmares that she had had during the war had never really left her. They were a regular occurrence, especially in times of stress or change. It was no surprise for her that in this new period of her life, they would be stronger than ever. Ironically, this nightmare had been about the time she spent with her roommate's aunt in Malfoy Manor. She closed her eyes, but the blinding pain came back as soon as she did, as if she was back in that room, Bellatrix digging her dagger into her arm. Mudblood. The word was still imprinted on her arm, and Hermione wore it with pride, like a true battle scar. She didn't want to forget what she had gone through, despite the pain and the nightmares. These thoughts were running through her half-asleep mind when she heard a piercing cry. Assuming the worst, she picked up her wand from the bedside table, tiptoeing quietly from the room in her nightdress. She could here whimpering from somewhere in the flat, and she followed the sounds, unsure of what she would find.
She hadn't seen Malfoy since he had left the dinner table the evening before, and she didn't even know if he had returned home. The sounds lead her to a room she had never entered, and even with sleep brain, she realised that the whimpering was coming from Malfoy's bedroom. Afraid of what she would find upon entering, she slowly pushed the door ajar, to find Malfoy asleep in bed. The way the moonlight shone on his face made it obvious that he had been the one crying and making noise: his face was glistening with tears.
Hermione had no idea how to react to Malfoy's vulnerability. It was obvious that he was having a nightmare, but she was also worried about waking the sleeping dragon. When he started crying out, she decided that she would have to do something. She wouldn't be able to go back to sleep knowing that he was in such bad shape. She walked into the room slowly until she was close enough to touch Malfoy. She shook his arm gently. When this didn't work, she decided to use another tactic.
"Malfoy," she said, loud enough to be heard. She kept shaking his arm, but with more force.
What happened next shouldn't have surprised her. She should have known better than to forcefully wake a former-dark wizard. But what was done was done. In a swift movement she had been pinned against the bedroom wall by the throat. In a matter of seconds Malfoy woke enough to realise what he had done, and flung himself backwards, as far as physically possible from Hermione, who was violently coughing, whilst using the wall for support.
"No, no, no, no, no," Hermione could hear Malfoy repeating from his corner of the room, before seeing him punch the wall. "What have I done?"
"Malfoy, stop beating yourself up. I woke you up, it was an understandable reaction."
"How am I going to live with myself?" he continued, almost as if he hadn't heard her at all.
Hermione wanted to scream at him to bring him back to his senses.
"Malfoy! I'm fine!"
"What if I had hurt you more though Granger? What if I had hurt my child? How would I have been able to live with myself then?"
Hermione approached Malfoy slowly, as he was sat in a heap on the floor, mumbling to himself. She felt this overwhelming need to comfort him, even though she still felt a great deal of resentment towards him. Uncomfortable as she was, she crouched in front of him.
"Look at me Malfoy," she demanded. When she insisted, he looked into her eyes. Hermione had never seen his eyes up close. From afar, they seemed to be a dull, hateful grey. But upon further inspection, his grey eyes were specked with blue, and the seemed in this moment to reflect Malfoy's soul: dark, deep, conflicted, but also filled with some sort of softness that she wanted to delve into, although she would never admit it out loud.
"I'm fine Malfoy. You didn't hurt me, and you definitely didn't hurt the baby."
"I'm so sorry Granger. I really am."
She was never going to be able to convince him that she hadn't been hurt in any way, so she decided to let it pass. She headed towards the kitchen, which she thought would make both of them much more comfortable than staying in his bedroom. She put on the kettle before sitting down at the table. She wondered what he had been dreaming about, but had nowhere near enough nerve when it came to Malfoy to pry into his private life in such a way. He made each of them a cup of tea and sat down opposite her.
"I... I just wanted you to know that I have nightmares too, so if you ever need someone to talk to, you can come to me, if that doesn't make you uncomfortable at least," she hesitated in the way she spoke, worried she was crossing unsaid boundaries. She would never have expected to have this conversation with Malfoy. Honestly, when she decided to live with him, she had assumed they would only cross paths a couple of times a week, which was obviously not the case, as she now realised. She looked down at her mug of tea, feeling suddenly very aware that she hadn't really thought about living with Malfoy before now.
"I'm not ready to do that yet Granger, but I'll definitely keep it in mind. I've not been able to deal with my own problems yet, so I don't see how I could inflict them on someone else at this point in time. You especially," he looked almost ashamed at the refusal.
Hermione felt offended. She was ready to talk to him about her deepest fears, and he wouldn't even talk to her about his problems? Maybe he hadn't changed as much as she had thought.
"I just mean that you need to keep stress at a minimum, especially considering that you are only at the start of your pregnancy." He seemed to have realised that he hadn't been clear in the way he had expressed himself.
Hermione felt horrible, again, for thinking the worst of him as soon as he said something that could be interpreted that way. She really needed to learn to control her facial features at least, as it was obvious that they had betrayed her thoughts.
"I'm sorry that I pushed you, I just wanted you to not feel alone," she said, standing up to put her mug in the sink. She was walking past Malfoy when she felt a hand on her wrist. She almost jumped at how unexpected it was. Malfoy and herself had never touched each other whilst either one of them was awake, unless you count May 2nd, which neither of them did. She tried to disguise the shock on her face, whilst turning to face the man that had touched her, if only briefly.
"Thank you," he started. "For not running away I mean."
"We all have our demons, Malfoy," she replied, almost relieved that the conversation was over. It was only 4 am, which meant that she still had over 3 hours to sleep. She left the room, and when she turned back to look at Malfoy, he was still sat in the same position, staring at his demons right in the face.
When Hermione woke up a few hours later, the flat was empty. A pot of tea had been left for her on the counter. Malfoy had obviously used a heating spell on the pot, so it was hard to tell when he had left. She felt like she had been hit by a truck, so was glad that today wasn't going to be an extremely difficult day at university. Hermione had decided that before going to work as a magical law enforcer at the Ministry, she wanted to study muggle law. Her friends hadn't understood, but this was the same with many of her choices, so they just let her be. If she had wanted, she wouldn't have had to work a day in her life because of the large sum of money she had been given after the war, but Hermione couldn't think of anything worse. She loved going to university in the muggle world, even more so because nobody knew who she was, which would definitely not be the case if she had started working straight away. Hermione's classes had ended, but she had lots of revision that she needed to get done before her exams at the end of the week. She had struggled with revision for the past week, because of how sick she felt. She decided that with how tired she felt, the best bet would be to head to the campus library, where she could work without the fear of falling asleep.
She had no idea where Malfoy worked, or even if he worked, and made a mental note to ask him at some point, although she had a feeling that things between them would be quite awkward for a while. She couldn't believe that she hadn't asked him basic questions about himself before deciding to move in with him, as it really wasn't like her. She supposed that this kind of thing kept happening because of how preoccupied she was about other events in her life.
As she made her way to campus, Hermione thought about the events of the night before, wondering whether Malfoy would get over what had happened soon. She found herself surprised at the fact that she cared for his emotions, even without truly knowing who he was. She wanted to learn more about who he was, especially if she was going to be living with him for at least the next 8 months, which is something she would never have admitted a month beforehand. He was so mysterious to her, which made her curiosity blossom.
She was walking along, unconsciously hovering her hand over her stomach, as if to protect her tiny unborn child in case anyone bumped into her, although she knew that it probably wouldn't hurt it, she would rather be safe than sorry. She turned the corner towards the university and bumped straight into the person she had just been thinking about. What on earth was Draco Malfoy doing in muggle London of all places?
"Granger, what are you doing here?"
"I could ask you the same question, Malfoy. I wouldn't have expected to meet you in muggle London," she replied curtly.
"I'll have you know that I'm regularly around this area. I find it quite calming to not be hated everywhere I go." Although his words were dark, he had a hint of a smile on his face that seemed genuine. Hermione needed to stop being so horrible to him. She was worried that at some point she would push him too far. She had no doubts about how horrible he could be in return if that happened, and she didn't want to experience that.
"I'm sorry, Malfoy. I shouldn't be so rude. What are you doing in muggle London today?"
"I'm just running a few errands. I have books to pick up for my uni course next year."
Hermione was stunned by this revelation. A pureblood wizard with the same point of view as Malfoy going to muggle university? It was more than unexpected. She didn't really have time to think about anymore, because as she was about to reply she heard the unmistakable click of a camera taking a picture, and she was sure that Malfoy had heard it too, as he was looking over her shoulder and his eyebrows had shot up. As Hermione turned around to see what he was looking at, she noticed a man a couple of seconds before he disapparated, disappearing into thin air.
She heard Malfoy sigh loudly behind her.
"Well Granger, I think this is what you would call a fuck up," he exclaimed. When she looked at his face, she knew that he was worried. He looked even worse than she felt, and she wondered why.
