Chapter Seven
When morning comes, James wakes up before Kendall and yawns real loud. The sun is rising and little bits of light struggle to pour in through the tiny window. It's the first really clear day since it snowed. James lies on his side and watches Kendall sleep. His eyes are closed and wiggling from his REM sleep cycle and his lower lip trembles. James hooks an arm around Kendall's waist and holds onto him. Their bodies rise and fall in unison. It's a beautiful moment. He wants to share it with Kendall but also doesn't want to wake him up, so he gently tries to pry him out of sleep. James takes his fingers against Kendall's chest and draws small circles. He tucks his fingertips underneath the low collar of the thinner boy's tank top and lightly touches the teeny patch of chest hair on his sternum. It's a small, sparse forest but James like how it feels on the pads of his fingers regardless.
Now he wakes him with a groan. The cramped space on the thin mattress barely holds them without making a ton of body contact, so when Kendall tries to roll over on his back he almost pushes James out.
"Hey!" James calls out instinctively.
"Guuhh," Kendall groans from his partner's earsplitting cry. "Too loud," he sighs.
"Sorry," James apologizes. He attempts to prop himself up better on the bed but is unsuccessful so he just gets up instead. "Do you want to go back to sleep?"
"Naw, I'll get up," Kendall says groggily. He sits up on his elbows and looks at James, who is putting his outer clothes on. His muscular back curves beautiful down his spine and his clothes cascade in a manner that make Kendall want to pounce on him. "Class today?"
"Nope."
"Wanna do something?"
"I would love to. Have you been to the MoMA?"
"No, but I sorta want to."
"Well then we should go," James says cheerily. "Hurry up and get dressed so we don't have to wait in line too long."
"It costs?" Kendall asks. He gets off of the cot and tries to stabilize himself on the floor.
"It's a museum."
"I dunno! Museums aren't exactly something I go to regularly." Kendall laughs a little bit. "I gotta watch my money. Trying to save up for a new phone."
"I'll buy."
"Sure?"
"Yes, of course! Come on. Get some makeup on the eye and let's go."
Being hurried along, somewhat cutely by James, Kendall gets his act together and they take a bus down to the museum. It's just opening so they don't wait very long, as James predicted, to get their tickets. They spend some time meandering around the art museum, looking at this and that, most of which makes Kendall turn his head sideways and spurt out, "eh?!"
But it's fun. It's fun to be there with James. It's fun to be anywhere with James. Despite the fear, worry and tension in his family, his outward demeanor is very warm and inviting. They stop in front of The Starry Night and gaze upon it for a while.
"I've seen pictures of it," Kendall says quietly. "But it's a lot different in person. Crazy that somebody made that, you know?"
"Yeah," James sighs. He stares into the painting like it's sucking him in. Kendall looks over at him and sees that his entire concentration is based upon the piece of art. His very pronounced, masculine profile is buffed out smoothly by his soft, pink links and fluttery eyes. James should be on display. He's a work of art.
"What's it make you think about?" Kendall asks.
"Huh?" James turns his head towards the blond and raises his eyebrows, seemingly thwarted by the question.
"I can tell you're thinking hard. What's it make you think about?"
"Life, I suppose," James says. He turns back to The Starry Night. "The stillness of the world. How we travel through life like a listless piece of nothing."
"Ah," Kendall says, nodding. He's afraid James is about to get all sad now so he snatches up his hand and gives his fingers a tight squeeze. James giggles and says, "Not so much."
"Not so much what?"
"Touching in public."
"Why not?"
"Maybe someone will see."
"And?"
"I don't want them to see."
"Why not?" Kendall asks once more. James continues to stare at the Van Gogh painting, perhaps with a hint of embarrassment on his face, but Kendall holds his hand firmly.
"I hate people judging," James admits in a voice that's almost a whisper.
"They're gonna judge, get over it," Kendall tells him. "You gotta do what makes you happy anyway."
"I guess so," James agrees halfheartedly. He briefly glances at Kendall but then looks away. He begins to walk the other direction, pulling the blond with him.
"Well wait a minute," Kendall says. "What did I tell you about not running away from problems?"
"Mmm that I shouldn't," the brunet says. He keeps his free hand in his pocket and they wander aimlessly down the middle of the museum. Slow footsteps creep around them from other tourists and whatnot, ogling the masterpieces with the same reminiscence and power that James had within him. They don't even notice the boys, though.
"You're special to me," Kendall says, a bit too loud. James freezes in his tracks and looks over his shoulder at him. His eyes look shocked and shy. "What?" Kendall asks. James sneaks up real close to him and whispers, "I don't want people to notice us."
"Hey, that's silly," Kendall says. He's still talking too loud and James is obviously getting frustrated. Kendall doesn't want to see him upset, but he is being silly. For good measure, he lets go of his hand but continues regardless; "Your whole problem is that you let others control you."
"What do you mean?" James asks, both of his hands folding in his pockets now. One museumgoer looks over his shoulder at the couple but seems to think nothing of it. After all, a gay couple in New York City isn't exactly weird.
"I mean," Kendall goes on. He tries to speak in a hushed tone. "I mean that you should pursue things that make you happy, even if others point fingers. As long as it's safe and moral, you should do it."
"But it doesn't feel moral," James sighs.
Kendall decides that it's probably best to leave the MoMA now and continue the discussion outside. James shyly tags alongside him and they wander down the sidewalk. It's crowded but at least the weather is warmer than it has been. Kendall takes a pack of cigarettes from his pocket, lights one up and offers it to James. He takes it with a mellow nod and inhales deeply.
"You feel bad about being gay," Kendall says, looking straight ahead at the oncoming people traffic.
"Possibly," James admits, exhaling a long line of smoke.
"Do you not like being gay? Wanna be with a woman instead?"
"No, no. It's nothing like that!" James says quickly. He knocks a bit of ash onto the ground and clears his throat. Kendall looks at him with a tiny smile but then keeps his focus on the path ahead. "I love men and I love dating men," the brunet continues. "I just feel wrong about it."
"It's not wrong," Kendall says."
"Yes I know, I keep telling myself that. But deep down it's not quite right."
"Only 'cause your folks have convinced you."
"Mmmh," James mumbles. He takes another drag on the cigarette and flicks it onto the ground. "I feel like beer. Do you wanna drink tonight?"
"I guess?" Kendall asks, opening his eyes real wide. How come he had to divert like that? There's still a lot of emotional work to be done, that's for sure. Either way, they have a very quick bite to eat at a fast food place and then stop off at a Beer and Wine deli on their way home. James buys a big box of beer and hulks it under his big arm as they take a bus back. The entire subject of being gay and right versus wrong goes on hold for now and that's okay; Kendall doesn't like making James uncomfortable. He prefers him to be bubbly and sweet, just like sparkling cider. Or something.
When they come back to Kendall's place, they open the front door to find all three of the other roommates on their way out.
"Hey guys," Kendall says with a quick wave and a friendly smile that nobody could properly resist. They all stare at him uneasily.
"Oh," Lucy says, flicking her long, dark hair out of her face. She shifts in her heels. "Hey."
"Going out?" Kendall asks, a tiny hint of surprise in his voice. James walks past everyone with his beer and goes to the staircase. None of the roommates answer so Kendall just says, "alright, anyway," and follows behind James to his room.
"What's going on with them?" James asks.
"No idea."
They get up into Kendall's room and James puts the case of beer on the floor. "I'm beat," he says. "Want a beer?"
"Sure," Kendall agrees. He kicks off his sneakers and sits on his bed. James rips open the box and takes out two beers. As he hands one to Kendall, he looks at him and smiles.
"What's on your mind?" the blond asks.
"A lot," says James. He cracks open his beer and takes a long, thirsty sip. "Not bad."
"A lot, like?" Kendall nurses his drink quietly. He pulls his legs up onto the bed and crosses them in his lap. James sits down next to him with his elbows on his knees and takes another long gulp. He suppresses a belch behind his free palm and goes on, "I'm not sure what I'm going to do about my parents. I basically never want to see them again, but I also don't want to totally destroy my life."
"Well," Kendall says after a sip of alcohol. "You just have to consider if it's the mountain you want to die on."
"What do you mean?" James looks over at Kendall and asks with his eyes. They sparkle curiously and Kendall can't resist staring back.
"Like, is being with someone you love worth losing your family?"
"I never said it's someone I love," is James's snippy protest. He finishes the first beer and immediately cracks open another. Some people might be offended by his remark, but Kendall doesn't mind. In his two decades and some on Earth, he's learned that love is a plant best harvested late in the year. He might be growing feelings for James, but if they don't want to call it love it's fine.
James downs that next beer rather quickly and takes up a third. Kendall is still on the first one.
"I'm sick of my parents," James grumbles.
"Yeah I don't blame you."
"They treat me like a little kid."
"Parents tend to do that."
"Yeah but they really do. How the fuck do they expect me to 'be a man' when they act like I'm a little boy?" James guzzles the third beer and crunches the empty can in his hand. Kendall raises his eyebrows.
"Not sure man," Kendall says. He's just done with the first beer. "Probably healthy if you back off for a while though."
"That's what I'm doing," James says. He cracks open a fourth beer and begins to drink it. Kendall seems to recall this conversation they had a few days ago where James said he "sometimes has a few beers." A few? Hmm.
Kendall puts down the empty beer can and stretches his hands high above his head. "I'm tired," he groans.
"Me too," James says.
The blond gets up and pulls down his pants and takes off his sweater, revealing just a tank top and boxer briefs. James eyes him from the cot hungrily.
"Like what you see?" Kendall teases jovially and shakes his butt at James in a humorous fashion. James turns bright red in the face and hides behind another sip of beer. "Maybe," he mumbles.
"Well shit, we've slept in the same bed, so nothing's really off limits, right?" Kendall asks with a cute shrug. James doesn't answer, but sucks the last drop from that beer and takes yet another in his hand. There's a nice little pile of aluminium cans at his feet now.
"Speaking of bed," Kendall continues. He tosses back the sheets and crawls underneath them. "You can stay up and drink as much as you'd like, but I'm gonna get some shut eye."
"Alright," James agrees with a shy nod. He's still sitting at the foot of the cot, hunched over his knees with the can of beer in his head. Kendall turns off the lamp on his nightstand and gazes upon James's silhouette cast in the little bit of light from the tiny window. His brow is furrowed and he glares beyond his beer and at the floor, obviously thinking quite hard. Kendall wants to engage him further, but sleep gets the most of him.
It doesn't last long, though, and he's woken up by James, who has crawled up onto Kendall's chest and is staring him right in the face.
"Uhhh," Kendall moans awake. He blinks heavily a few times and focuses on James's soft, pretty hazel eyes that are glaring at him wide.
"You were sleeping," James says, and a little loud, too. His breath reeks of alcohol and Kendall can't help but wonder how many more beers he's downed since he fell asleep. That nasty stale taste of poor sleep is stuck in Kendall's mouth and his wets his lips, but James is still on him. Their chests and pressed together and it feels like James is straddling him. The smell of beer is overwhelming.
"Why'd you wake me up?" Kendall asks.
"Put your finger in my ass," James says.
"What?" Kendall spurts out. His eyes widen and he sudden starts to grow an erection. James twists his head and presses his mouth up against Kendall's ear. He whispers seductively, "Stick…your finger…in…my…ass."
"I d-dunno," Kendall stutters. "You mean like, now?" He's not ready to get that far with James! Of course the thought is hot, and he's already felt him up while he was sleeping, but actual penetration? Kendall has always been a firm believer in waiting a while, even if the desire is strong.
"Oh, please," James begs, almost moaning. "Just, just stick it in me."
"Umm," Kendall hums uncomfortably. He wants to resist, but his cock is growing and James must feel it against him.
"Like this," the brunet says. He takes Kendall's wrist in his hand and runs it down to his own rear end. He holds it between his ass cheeks and presses Kendall's hand against him. "Just take a finger and push it in."
"I don't know about that, James, I-"
"I need you in me," James moans desperately. He keeps his mouth open and pulls Kendall's earlobe inside with his teeth. The light nibbling sends electricity through Kendall's body and he can't help but let out a long, throaty groan. His fingers curl around James's firm ass and wiggle their way between the cheeks. It's fuzzy yet trimmed and feels amazing.
"Yeah," James whines. "Put it in."
"Just dry like this?!" Kendall asks in shock.
"Oh, wait, no, no," James says. He moves away from Kendall's face and brings his hand up to his mouth, still guiding it by the wrist. Kendall's index finger gets sucked into his mouth and he slobbers all over it, running his tongue along the length. Kendall can barely stand it. He wants that mouth on his cock and James fucking knows it. The brunet giggles wildly as the finger leaves his mouth and he lets go of the entire hand. "Now go put it in me," he says.
Kendall, hand shaking, takes his slick finger and tickles a path down James's side to back to his ass. He crawls along one cheek and slips down into the crack. With his index finger, he prods around for a second until he finds James's tender hole, where he stops and tickles the outside of it.
"Ohhh," James moans. Both of his hands fall onto Kendall's boney shoulders and grip slightly. "Please go inside," he begs. "Kendall, please."
The blond swallows stiffly and starts to make his way within the asshole. James presses his eyes tight real firm and coos in pleasure. Their twin erections press together. Kendall takes his other hand now and brings it to James's rear end as well. He takes the elastic rim of his underpants and pulls it down, exposing the throbbing cock against of James against his stomach. Kendall presses the finger deeper inside James now and it gets swallowed. Reeking of beer, James cries out in pleasure and begins thrusting his ass backwards against the slender digit.
"Finger me," James moans. "Finger fuck me, Kendall."
"You…you like this?" Kendall asks quietly. James only responds with an "mmmmm" and a loud gasp. Kendall starts to go in and out of the tight asshole with his finger, prodding and pushing deeper each time. James keeps crying and moaning the entire time and he starts to rock his hips wildly with the fingering.
"N-now your dick," James says.
"No," Kendall interjects.
"What?"
"I'm not ready."
"You aren't ready?"
"No. I need, ugh," Kendall pulls his finger out of James all of the sudden and the brunet peeps loudly. Kendall sighs. "Sorry. I really need to be a little more emotionally close with someone before I fuck them."
"Aww, shit. You aren't kidding, huh?"
"Nope."
"Fuck," James whines. "I really want to ride you."
"Yeah, and I want to pound you out, but I'm just—it's just how I am. I'm sorry."
"It's okay," James sighs loudly. "I think we're so close though, huh?"
"We are," Kendall says. James unmounts his and lays down beside him, wobbling a bit from his drunken stupor. "But not close enough. I need to know that you'll stay with me. I don't like having my heart broken."
"Mmm, that makes sense," James giggles. He gives Kendall a tight hug and pulls him to his chest. "And I respect that."
"Thanks," Kendall says. "And thanks for being understanding, even if you're bombed."
"Yeah," James says. He nuzzles up against Kendall's face and starts to kiss him. Their lips lock hotly and they begin to make out with great fervor. Despite any rules that Kendall has set, they're both extremely heated and horny. In fact, they're both sporting massive erections and the sexuality between them starts to grow so thick as they kiss that it's almost tangible. Their lips pop and smack, and James begins to moan and whine again, into Kendall's mouth. Thinking fast, Kendall gets up and suddenly flips James over onto his back. He pins him down but keeps kissing him. It's too much; he can't handle it. The arousal between his legs is almost making Kendall dizzy.
"Ah, to hell with any rules," Kendall whispers to James, who looks up at him in the darkness with a big, dumb, drunken grin. Kendall takes James's strong legs in his hands and brings them up to his shoulders. He pulls out of his own boxer briefs and presses his dick against James's ass. It's a shame that the room is so dark, since he really wants to see what that hole looks like. Oh, well. Beggars can't be choosers, right?
Kendall spits on his cock a bunch of times as he jerks himself of slowly. He takes to fingers, wipes them in the spit, and rubs them onto James's asshole. James cries out in pleasure a few times as his hole pulsates. Kendall grins to himself. He spits a few more times onto his dick and then scoots closer to James. He takes the head of his cock and puts it up against the tight, hungry hole.
"Are you ready?" Kendall asks.
"Mm yeah," James whispers. "Sin with me. Fucking sin with me."
Kendall begins to ease his way inside. James moans loudly, wildly, and rocks his hips gently as Kendall goes in him. He jerks himself off now. Kendall holds James down by the inner knee and starts to plow him. He dips inside deeper and deeper, and already beads of sweat can be felt running down his back. Melodic and beautiful moans roll out of James's perfect pink lips and Kendall starts to fuck him. He picks up a nice pace and really gives it to him.
"F-fuck me," James cries. "Fuck me, Kendall."
Kendall starts to huff and groan as he rails James hard. The tight, warm muscle clenching around his thick cock feels amazing. He closes his eyes and moans as James continues to swallow his rod with his hungry, wanton asshole. Kendall feels his orgasm approach. He bites down on his lower lip and humps James's ass even faster.
"Ohh God!" James cries.
"I'm gonna," Kendall stutters. His breath chokes him as his climax takes over. "I'm gonna cum," he groans.
"Fill me," James moans. "Please fill me."
The begging drives Kendall crazy. Knowing that this beefy, sexy man is so desperately pleading for Kendall to fill him with his hot load gives the blond an intense, sexual power trip and he's about to lose his mind. He slams his hips against James's ass and lets a throbbing cum shot ooze inside the hole. James squeals as he beats himself off to orgasm, too. He cries out and almost screams as this happens simultaneously. Kendall exhales loudly and falls back onto his butt. Panting, he slips out of James's asshole and flops down onto his side. He instinctively pulls James to his chest like a pillow, but the brunet's body is convulsing slightly.
"Are you crying?" Kendall asks.
"I always cry after sex," James sniffs.
"Awww, that's so cute."
"It just happens," James admits. He tries to laugh but the tears fall regardless. He snuggles in Kendall's lean arms.
"Let them fall, then," Kendall whispers. "Let them fall."
