A/N: Best comment ever- "Update! UPDATE! Update! UPDATE! Update! UPDATE! Update! UPDATE! Update! UPDATE! Update! UPDATE! Update! UPDATE! I NEED AN UPDATE TO LIVE! DON'T LEAVE ME HANGING LIKE THAT! I'M BEGGING! Update! UPDATE! Update! UPDATE! Update! UPDATE!"
Whoever you are "Guest" you made my day.
Also, shout out to Revelo1630 who loves to give feedback on this fic!
She stood at the side of the grave which was covered in fresh dirt and flowers. The little girl who had brought a light to her life for the last few months was gone and she felt an incredible emptiness that she could not even put into words.
It began to drizzle and Cuddy looked up to the sky and closed her eyes and allowed the raindrops to soak her face. Then she looked back down to the grave and said out loud, "Emily, I don't know why you were brought into my life but I'm so glad you were. You gave me hope and I'm going to miss you so much..." Her voice drifted off.
The drizzle turned into a downpour but Cuddy didn't care, she just stood there soaked and shivering from the cold. At that moment, she mourned more than just Emily, she mourned everything good she had ever lost in her life. Her mind churned as she relived her losses and regrets and it brought even more seemingly endless tears.
Suddenly, Cuddy felt a presence behind her and a warm hand on her shoulder. She knew the touch, it was unlike any other, for it calmed and reassured her almost immediately. She turned slowly and looked up into the familiar blue eyes of the one person she had so wanted to share her grief with, the one person she'd spent years fighting with but whom she knew in her heart, at that moment, she needed more than anyone else.
House gave her a faint smile and without a word he embraced her and held her tightly to him as she cried her heart out in the pouring rain.
On Friday morning, Cuddy sat at her desk buried in piles of paperwork. She'd decided to take some time off and was clearing out as much as she could before she left. She rarely took even so much as a day off so it had surprised the Board when she'd announced it in an email to them Thursday afternoon after the funeral. It was last minute notice but they'd been supportive, knowing that she generally put the needs of the hospital before her own and hadn't had more than a few days off in years.
As she worked she thought about the events of the previous afternoon when House had surprised her by showing up at the cemetery.
House and Cuddy sat in her car with the heat on. They were drenched and shivering from the dampness as the rain poured down in sheets. Neither of them had said much of anything since House had shown up at Emily's grave and consoled her.
"I'm sorry," she said, finally breaking the long silence.
"For what?" He asked, turning to her.
"I'm sorry for saying such awful things to you. I was just so angry."
"There's no reason to apologize for saying what you felt."
"I said some pretty mean things."
"All of it true."
"Not all of it," she said, turning to him.
House tapped his cane on the floorboard. It seemed to Cuddy that he had something on his mind.
"I'm sorry too," he said, softly.
"Wow," she replied, shocked at his admission.
"What? Isn't that what you wanted?"
"No, I mean yes...but...you don't apologize."
"You want me to take it back?"
"No. I just don't want you to feel forced to do something you don't want to do."
He scoffed. "Since when have you known me to do anything I don't want to do?"
Cuddy nodded her agreement. She picked at an imaginary thread on her sweater. "I didn't mean all that stuff I said to you."
"Only some of it," he said with a smirk.
"Well...yeah," she acknowledged. "You were right though." She turned away to look out at the rain again.
"About?"
"I do hide behind my job, it's the only stable thing I have in my life. I'm controlling and a perfectionist and I don't visit my family much but it's because my mother and sister annoy the hell out of me."
"You forgot to mention you suck at relationships."
She rolled her eyes at him. "Gee, thanks."
"No problem. Listen, you think that's bad? What about me? I'm an addict and an asshole. I'm in pain all the time and lash out at everyone who tries to help me."
"You forget to mention you suck at relationships," she replied facetiously.
"Touche." They smiled simultaneously. Cuddy felt the ice breaking.
"We're a fucked up pair aren't we?"
He nodded. "Yep."
"I lied to you," she said, softly. "When I told you I didn't care what happens to you. I lied. I do care."
"I know you do, but you shouldn't."
Suddenly, she banged her hands on the steering wheel in frustration. "Godammit I hate when you do that!"
Her outburst nearly made him jump. "What?"
"I tell you that I care and you insist you don't deserve it. Why do you do that?"
"Because I don't deserve it. I'm miserable. I make everyone around me worse, you said so yourself."
"It's not true...you don't make everyone worse. I was just pissed at you."
He blinked.
"You forget House, I know you better than anyone else," she said. "I know you...I knew you when you weren't miserable."
"Those days are long gone Cuddy." He closed his eyes and rubbed his thigh. She watched and shook her head, sadly.
"You can't keep up like this or it's going to kill you."
House didn't say a word. He opened his eyes and looked out the passenger window.
Cuddy wondered what he was thinking. She wished he would open up to her. Gently, she placed her right hand on his left thigh. He looked down at where her hand touched him.
"I know that you are in pain every single day," she said. "This pain has taken over your life and I...hate that."
He looked at her. "You feel guilty."
"Yes. I feel helpless because...I can't fix it."
"Nobody asked you to." His voice was firm.
"I know but it doesn't mean I don't want to." She hoped he could tell she was sincere.
He looked down into his lap and a moment passed before he replied, "So you really don't hate me?"
She laughed out loud. "Oh House, sometimes I don't like you but I could never hate you."
At that moment he looked up at her again and she saw it - a flash of hope in his eyes that she hadn't seen in a very long time. His face, which seemed tense earlier, had relaxed a bit.
"So how do we fix this?" He asked.
She leaned back against the headrest and closed her eyes, then turned to him. "I don't know...but this..." she motioned between them. "Is a start."
Cuddy was drawn out of her thoughts by the sound of the telephone on her desk. Without looking at the caller ID, she opted to let it go to voice mail, something she rarely did.
Her mind went back to her conversation with House. It had been short but meaningful. The few words spoken, the looks exchanged, her touching him and him not pulling away. It was monumental. In that very short time before the lull in the storm prompted him to leave her car for his own, so much had passed between them. It was a cathartic moment and one she hoped would give them an opportunity to repair the hurt and bridge the ever-widening gap between them.
At that moment, her office door opened. She looked up just as Wilson entered her office. She motioned him in.
"Hey. I just tried to call you. I got your message last night. What's up?"
She set the file she'd been holding down on the desk and motioned for him to have a seat.
"Looks like you've got a cleaning frenzy going on here," he noted, looking at the mess.
"Yep." She clasped her hands together on the desk in front of her.
"Uh oh, you look official, what's going on?" He asked suspiciously.
She took a deep breath. "I'm...taking some time off."
"You?" Wilson was genuinely shocked. Cuddy never took time off.
"Yep. And I need a huge favor."
"Sure."
She took a deep breath and looked up at him. "I need to know if you will fill in for me while I'm gone."
"Me?"
"You won't be on your own, Melissa is a terrific assistant and I'll be available if you have questions or if there's an emergency but right now things are running pretty smooth. You'd just be holding down the fort."
"Surely there are departments heads more competent."
"There are department heads who have more experience but I need you." She pleaded. "You get along with everyone, you're extremely competent and I trust you."
He looked at her thoughtfully. "When do you need me to start and for how long?"
"Today's my last day and I took two weeks."
"Whoa! Two? What's going on?"
"It's just time. I need a break."
"I'm worried about you."
"I know. You're a good friend and you've been so supportive and I appreciate that."
Suddenly it dawned on him and he gave her a knowing look. "House came to see you didn't he?"
She nodded. "He did."
Wilson looked at her thoughtfully for a moment. He'd worked hard to get them to talk and apparently it had paid off. He hadn't talked to House since he'd walked out of the restaurant in the middle of their conversation a day earlier. But now Wilson realized his abrupt exit had something to do with Cuddy. Wilson cared deeply for his two best friends and wanted them to work out their issues. Hell, he'd done everything he could to encourage it. Cuddy had always been there for him when he needed her, he knew he had to do the same for her.
"I'll do it," he said, finally. "I'll be happy to."
She breathed a sigh of relief. "Thank you."
"Are you...okay?" He asked, concerned.
She leaned back in her chair and answered him as honestly as she could.
"Not yet...but I will be."
