Minktales
Issue 7
"Beyond the Lot of Mortals"
The image of darkness was always the first thing the beloved one saw. Small lights would dart from place to place, to illuminate the presence of her charge in the world, most often in homes, parks, or an occasional movie theater. Wherever the light turned red, it was the beloved one's task to snuff it out, and wherever it shone too brightly, it was her task to dim it. At least, she'd taken it as her task, because after all, why should mortals benefit from a light that only the Gods themselves deserve? At three points on the globe, the brighter lights were seen momentarily, and at three points on the globe, they were snuffed out, before something else caught the beloved one's attention at the edge of her field of vision. At first, she hadn't seen it, or rather, hadn't suspected what it was, because she had been too close to the earth, but as she backed away, she could see that it was something she'd hoped never to have to face. It was a light that stretched so far, and shone so bright, that when one was too close to it, it was hard to make out distinctly where it began and where it ended, and its center was located in a forest in America... The beloved one tried to snuff the mighty light, but it hesitated to go out. Thousands of souls had contributed to it, and that was more than she dared tamper with, without knowing more about its source. In only a moment more, the beloved one had cast aside her ethereal essence, taking up the guise of mortal flesh. She would soon learn who was responsible for such an atrocity.
To the eyes of an immortal, the world is seen in the brilliance of their own power; where it shines most brightly within the world, but to mortal eyes, that power becomes invisible, and one is forced to recognize the dull, bland shapes, forms and colors of the physical world. It was that which the beloved one recognized as she took on the form of flesh, to land on the very doorstep of the phenomenon that had drawn her attention so sharply; which she hadn't even recognized for so long.
From within the house, made of a log, but otherwise very fashionably decorated, came the sound of a shower at the back of the building, and the beautiful voice of a maiden in song. The beloved one rang the maiden's doorbell and waited a short while for a response. At last, the maiden was heard to shout, from inside; "Just a minute! I need to make myself presentable!"
In fact, it was closer to five minutes before the door opened, and by that time, the beloved one was growing impatient, although she could see exactly where those five minutes had gone the moment the door opened. There stood the woman who was clearly the source of the disturbance, and the sign on her mailbox described her as "M. Mink."
The beloved one could easily see at least part of why her light might shine brighter than most. She was very pretty, with golden hair and a long, curling tail of the same color and sheen, as well as beautiful eyes and eyelashes. Her nose looked, from the front, like a pre-shelled peanut, and the mouth it was attached to was very short for a mink. Still, beauty alone was not enough to account for the intensity of the light that surrounded her life.
"Can I help you?" Minerva Mink asked as the beloved one tried to look as if she wasn't feeling betrayed.
"I'm... Amelia. Amelia... Openhouse." The beloved one said, making up the name on the spot, "I'm new in town, and I heard your name in passing, and decided to look you up."
"Wow. You really are new in town, aren't you?" Minerva asked, "So what do you need help with? Fashion design tips? Ideas for dates? Songs?"
"Actually, I was hoping to learn a few things about you." "Amelia" said, "Your life, for instance, your past, and what you face in the day-to-day."
"Well, there's not much to tell. I'm an average, stunningly-beautiful mink of fine style. Guys love me whenever they have any taste, and girls like me as long as there are no guys around. My hobbies are singing, interior decorating and getting guys to do things for me. I have a decent education too, but nobody really cares about that anymore."
For a moment, Amelia tried to regain a sense of her immortal-sight, but as soon as she did, she found that the light was so strong, it nearly blinded her, and she lapsed back into mortal visions.
"Can you describe the reactions of men to your presence in further detail?" Amelia asked as she rubbed her eyes.
"Oh, pretty normal." Minerva replied, "They deliver cheesy compliments, then after a few minutes, start begging for kisses and fainting whenever you touch them. It's a girl thing. I'm sure you've faced something similar."
"Yes." Amelia replied, suddenly unable to completely disguise the anger in her voice, "In fact, I thought I was the only one who did."
"Yeah, me too, when I was younger." Minerva responded with a giggle, "But that would just be silly. I mean, why would guys react like that to me, but not to the other beautiful girls in town? I mean, they're not on my level, I grant you, but..."
"That's what I'd like to know." Amelia replied, nearly grumbling, "When did you first notice guys reacting like this to you?"
"About when I was sixteen." Minerva replied, trying to remember, "I'm not sure what the date was, though. I just figured things changed as you got older. They do, you know."
"Thank you for your time." Amelia replied icily as she straightened up and started to walk away, leaving Minerva feeling genuinely confused.
"Blast it!" Amelia exclaimed, mere moments after she was out of earshot of Minerva's house, "I don't know how it happened, but this Mink has strength on an irritating level. I have to put a stop to this, and to her, if I want the others to continue taking me seriously!"
Soon, Amelia had reached out with her power and seized control of the physical reality that surrounded her, causing the tree closest to Minerva's house to start tipping over. Just then, however, a nearby squirrel (clearly a male) pulled out a tremendous bugle and began playing loudly and well, and Minerva was out of her house in moments to seek the source of the music, just as the tree came down on her house with a crash.
"Aah!" the mink screamed in desperation, "My house! I worked so hard decorating it too! This is a disaster! Oh, well, in a week, it'll all be fixed up. I suppose I can always stay with a friend until it's fixed."
"No!" Amelia exclaimed from nearby, "You're not getting away from me!"
As she said that, the waters of the pond near Minerva's house swelled up, and Minerva exclaimed in worry "Help! This dress isn't for swimming!"
However, as Amelia watched in shock and awe, about a hundred frogs and three crocodiles, all of them male, swept up underneath Minerva to carry her, carefully and steadily, to a higher hill, but Amelia wasn't finished!
"No you don't!" she remarked angrily, causing the ground to split open with a gesture. The animals, however, dared not disappoint their beloved Mink, holding onto one another, and forming a living chain, that bridged the gap across the small chasm. Minerva walked briskly, but unhurriedly to the other end of the chasm on the backs of the animals, and they never let go, as if hypnotized by her. Amelia was close to pulling out her hair by that point, but she'd arrived at a decision. She was going to flatten the mink in the only way that truly proved her superiority; a duel.
In only a moment, Amelia was standing right in front of Minerva, her eyes ablaze with a furious fire, and she exclaimed, "You've got some nerve, Mink!"
"Did I do something... wrong?" Minerva asked slowly.
"Did you do something wrong?" Amelia shouted, "You're moving in on my territory, sister!"
"That's silly." Minerva replied, "I can't be doing that. I don't even know what you do for a living."
In just that moment, however there was a blinding flash of light, and "Amelia" was standing before Minerva with gorgeous, gleaming, white robes all over her.
"I am Aphrodite!" she exclaimed, "Goddess of love! You have acquired some of my power somehow, and I will put a stop to this!"
"Love?" Minerva asked, "I can't even find a dreamy hunk to squeeze. What kind of love is that?"
"You don't even understand what love is!" Aphrodite exclaimed, "That's it! I challenge you to a duel!"
Then, there was another blinding flash of light, and Minerva found herself on a mountaintop.
Of course, it was no ordinary mountaintop. It had many peaks, and seemed to drift off into infinity below, to a place where clouds surrounded its base. On each peak of the mountain was a structure of a very grand and beautiful-looking sort, seemingly intended to be used as temples to the various gods of the mountain they were on; Olympus.
"Now, then." Aphrodite said as soon as she had Minerva's attention, "There are two round stones made of gold on the other side of the central mountain of Olympus. Whoever can get to them, get one and bring it back here first wins in the duel. If you win, you can move onto another challenge, but if I win, your life and powers become mine to do with as I please. Do you understand?"
"Um, listen." Minerva replied, "Is there any way I can sort of get you to just fix the damage you did down there and let me get back to my old life?"
"NO!" exclaimed Aphrodite, "But if you pass twelve challenges in a row, the law of Olympus says that you must be admitted as a goddess."
"Oh..." Minerva seemed to have mixed feelings about the idea, but then she spoke again.
"This dress isn't really any good for running..." she said, so Aphrodite blinked, and in a moment, Minerva was wearing robes similar to Aphrodite's own.
"Now there'll be no doubt about who's the best." the love goddess declared, "Are you ready?"
"I suppose so." Minerva yawned, casting a glance behind herself as she did so.
Aphrodite was off like a shot, and in moments, she was completely out of sight, then Minerva turned around to see about three dozen centaurs fixated upon her, and spoke slowly, and with many short blinks, "I'll give a great big kiss to whoever gets that stone back here first..."
At once, all of Olympus was filled with the pounding of hooves, but as it turned out, Minerva was spared from kissing a centaur. The one who retrieved the golden ball for her was far faster than any of them, and had obviously learned of her offer since it was, after all, his job to detect and carry messages about all sorts of things.
"Thank you." Minerva said as she kissed Hermes on the cheek to thank him for his help, causing him to pass out on the mountainside. Then Minerva started to head up the central mountain. She had someone she wanted to visit.
When Minerva came back, she could see both golden balls lying next to one another, with Aphrodite nearby furious and panting.
"Are you okay?" Minerva asked, "I've been visiting a friend, while I waited for..."
"Shut up." Aphrodite replied sternly, "The next challenge will be more than you can handle. You have to prove you can defend yourself in battle by subduing a team of mighty warriors faster than I can."
"Alright." Minerva replied, and suddenly found herself faced with a collection of men in Greek armor, led by one with particularly broad shoulders, and a thick, full beard.
"That poor fool." Aphrodite thought, "She can never win. The one at their head is Ares; God of War. I only have mortals to fight, but she is mortal. There's no way she can subdue a God!"
For half an hour, Aphrodite did battle with the warriors she'd summoned for that purpose, distracting them on occasion by confusing their feelings to gain the upper hand, but after thirty-seven minutes, every last one was defeated.
"There." Aphrodite said, "Now let's see how yo... GAH!"
The sight that met her eyes was unbelievable! All of the men in the troupe ordered to attack Minerva were still quite conscious, but tied up and sitting on the grass, as if it was all they'd ever wanted to do, and each of them had a bit of lipstick on their cheeks, including Ares. Minerva was nowhere in sight.
It took seven more minutes for Minerva to return, but when she did, she smiled at Aphrodite.
"Sorry." she said, "I paid another visit to my friend while you were fighting. You were going so slow, I figured it would take a lot longer than it di..."
"HOW DID..." Aphrodite took a moment to fill her own soul with love, in order to calm herself, then asked, only a little more calmly, "How did you subdue all of those warriors so fast?"
"Oh, you just have to ask them REALLY nice." Minerva replied, winking at Aphrodite, causing many of the warriors in the rope to blush, "Why, they practically tied themselves up."
At once, all the warriors vanished, and Aphrodite was ready for another challenge.
Again and again, Aphrodite posed challenges to Minerva, such as taming a giant wild boar, which practically turned to putty in her hands, and moving a five thousand pound cement block to the other side of the mountain, which Heracles happily did when she asked him 'really nice.' Aphrodite was furious with everything that went on as Minerva passed her sixth challenge and entered the seventh.
"Alright!" Aphrodite exclaimed, red in the face by that point, "Show me you have the power that no other mortal has. Stand on top of Mount Olympus' highest peak."
Of course, Aphrodite knew it was a fool's errand. No mortal could stand on the top of Olympus. It would mean armageddon for her to succeed, and she would need a force of men and monsters numbering in the hundreds of thousands, but Minerva just smiled, and said "I thought you'd never ask."
"I'll be right back!" she called back to Aphrodite as she began the long walk up the central mountain, to the temple of the god king Zeus. Aphrodite snickered as she did so.
Minerva was out of sight in about five minutes, then for half an hour, there was no word from her, but then, Aphrodite could see her coming back, as strange storm clouds began to spread across Olympus from the temple of Zeus. In five more minutes, Minerva had reached Aphrodite, and the storm clouds covered most of Olympus.
"I'm back!" Minerva exclaimed with a smile, "Gee, that was easy. Fun too. By the way, the big guy would like to talk to you. Something about leaving me alone or some such thing. I don't know. I wasn't paying attention. Come to think of it..." at that, she took on a sly expression, "...I don't really think he was either."
Then, with a mischievous smirk, Minerva walked right past Aphrodite, who fell to the ground, with tears flowing freely from her eyes, and facing the sky, screamed in pain and rage, as a lightning bolt engulfed them both...
Minerva awoke in bed, in her own log house, which was restored to the state it had been in on the previous day, and she couldn't help but smile. It seemed like it had all been a dream. Oh, well. It was nice to have good dreams on occasion, and her life as a mere mortal wasn't all that bad. She just needed to find a way to make love work FOR her, instead of against her. Quickly, Minerva got dressed, brushed her hair, and opened a few windows, when she heard a creaking noise from outside, and rushed to the front door of her house just in time, as the very same tree came down, crushing her home again.
Then, just as Minerva exited the house, she bumped into a brown-haired woman in robes, whose eyes shone with power and rage.
"I am Hera; wife of Zeus," the woman exclaimed, "and you should have stayed away from my husband."
Minerva sighed, blowing a strand of hair into its proper position, then muttered "Here we go again..."
The End
Well, thank you for the reviews. It's quite an ego-boost to know people are enjoying my stuff. Actually, I love supernatural monsters as well as tales of the gods of old, so you can expect to see some stuff about them later on (before I stop writing these stories, if I ever do.)
This story was a little out-there, but then, the Warner Brothers have taken on the Grim Reaper, Satan and Jerry Lewis, so why not have Minerva butt heads with Aphrodite? Made perfect sense to me. Anyway, I hope you enjoy this issue, and will stay tuned for tomorrow's, about bets made, chances blown, and one of many possible resolutions to the conflict between Newt and Minerva (though it won't end their feud at all, I suspect.)
Also, from now on, my intention will be to end each story with a short blurb BY Minerva about the upcoming tales, much like the "next time" bits at the end of an anime or soap opera. It wouldn't work in book format, but these stories are really very episodic, and I'm eager to try it out, to see how it works.
Peace and love, all.
-Bra1n1ac-
