A/N: And here's the chapter!

That's it, that's the author note


On Monday morning Kurt walked to Blaine's department, a cup of coffee in his hand. When he arrived Blaine was already here, working on some photoshoot they had done the week before.

"Hello, Blaine." The curly haired man looked up from his screen and a big smile appeared on his face when he saw who was talking to him.

"Kurt, hi. How are you today?"

"Good, thanks. Do you have time at lunch, so we can have that talk?" Blaine gulped audibly and nodded.

"Yeah, I'll make time, sure. Do you want me to make reservation somewhere?"

"No it's okay I'll do it.12:30 good for you?"

"Yeah, sure. "

"Okay, see you later then."

Kurt turned around and walked to his office. He closed the door and shook his hands, trying to control how shaky they were because of his nervousness. He'd had a night to think about Jules, Blaine, their situation. But he needed to know why Blaine had done this, why he came out with the secret now and not before or later. Kurt had a lot of questions and he was hoping to get some answers. He knew that no matter if he got them or not it still wouldn't help him to know exactly how he was feeling about this, but at least it would be a good place to start.

Kurt buried himself in his work, calling people, negotiating contracts and sorting out problems they were having with the issue of the magazine. A shy knock on the door made him jump in his chair.

"Come in!" Kurt shouted, still finishing reading through the last page of a contract.

"Uh, Kurt? I'm ready when you are." Blaine stood there, fidgeting a little, a hand still on the doorknob.

"It's 12:30 already. Shit, sorry. I didn't see the morning passed. Give me a second."

Kurt cleaned quickly his desk, took his keys and led them out of the set. They walked in an awkward silence to the restaurant where Kurt had put the reservation. They sat down, both still silent, and without glancing at each other they reached out for their menus.

When both had chosen what they wanted and couldn't hide behind the menu anymore, Kurt cleared his throat, making Blaine jump a little.

"So, um. I didn't have time to ask and we didn't talk about it after but, uh, what do you think about Jules?" Blaine started, finally breaking the heavy silence.

"He seemed to know a lot about me." Kurt answered harshly without meaning to. Blaine nodded and looked down at his lap.

"Ah yes, well. He asked a lot about you and I answered him. I hope it's alright."

"Not really no." Kurt said glaring at Blaine. "I was being serious when I asked for that paternity test, Blaine. I want one. I looked a little into it and it can be done in three or five working days. I'd rather we'd have it done by a medical laboratory rather than at home with those wannabe biologist set."

"May I ask why?" What they had ordered just arrived and Kurt occupied himself a little with his fork, not answering right away. Blaine waited, not saying anything and giving Kurt the time he needed to answer.

"I want to be sure what I'm throwing myself into. I want to be able to look into his eyes and know that I can be honest with him when he calls me Kurt or Papa. I don't want to lie to him and I want to be certain what I am."

Blaine nodded again, biting his lip nervously.

"Okay, we'll do that then." Blaine played with his food, without taking a bite of it. He looked up and locked eyes with the businessman who shared his meal "I can see that you have a lot of questions, Kurt. Go ahead, this is the meaning of the lunch, to answer some of them. Ask away."

"Why now?" Kurt blurted out instantly. "Do you need money from me? Is this why you decided that now was the right moment? Why not before or long after? Why couldn't you tell me when you found out?"

"Oh, uh, okay." Blaine chuckled nervously, his hand scratching his neck. "So first of all, no. I don't need money from you. I'll be honest, there were times when we didn't have anything but I made sure Jules always had what he needed and that he was always well fed and taken care of. Now it's a little easier, I have a stable job and I make enough for us both. So no, I didn't do it because I want you to pay anything. I can provide for the both of us." Blaine answered fiercely. Kurt saw the determination and how proud Blaine was about this. For a second Kurt stopped being angry and wary about Blaine and wondered how hard it had been for the man. He shoved this thought aside, not wanting to scatterhis thoughts and wanting to focus on the questions he had just asked.

"So why now?"

"Because you were here, I was here and it felt like if I didn't do it right now, I would never do it. And…" Blaine silenced himself for a second, looking around himself and back to Kurt. "I promised myself that if I had the chance, I would do it. So I did."

"Why did you promise yourself that?" Kurt was fishing, and not for the answers that were on the top of his list but because curiosity was taking the best of him.

"Because of Jules, mostly." Blaine lowered his eyes to his plate and started eating. Kurt did the same, pondering what question to ask next.

"Why didn't you tell me when you find out? Is that why you broke up with me that night under the porch?" Blaine took his time to chew and swallow his food down.

"I was scared."

"Of what?"

"Me, you, what was happening to me. Pick one." Blaine let his hands fall into his lap, his head down.

"We weren't in the right place. Not together and not as people. We were hurting each other and you didn't forgive me for what I had done and I didn't forgive myself either. We were hurting and we were lost and we fucked our problems out." Kurt made a painful sound at that, not agreeing with Blaine

"Because there is no other way to put it. We didn't talk, we didn't share anything. We were fucking and that was all. I was the first one to yell at people when they would say that we couldn't stay together our whole lives, that we would need time to grow and mature as individuals before we could be together again." Blaine shook his head and looked at Kurt. He had his arms crossed over his chest, listening to him, face constricted with hurt from the past and from the painful memories of that time.

"But they were right and this is what I did. I gave us time. So I'm not going to apologize for doing what I thought was right. I'm not going to apologize for giving you a shot at the life you deserve. I'm going to apologize for not giving you the chance to know him sooner, though. You can't blame me for doing what I thought was right, because look at us now. We're actually talking things through, you have a career and you're talented at what you're doing. Jules adores you already and if you give him a chance I'm sure you can love him just as much as he loves you."

"You have to be joking. So what, you just made a decision like that? You just decided for me because of some people telling you we needed time to grow up? Is this your twisted way of telling me you thought I was right to be the father of your child or are you telling me you just didn't love me anymore?" Kurt wondered in shock. How was that even a beginning of an explanation for what Blaine did. It didn't explain anything, it was just an excuse for a horrible decision he made.

"It wasn't about me not loving you anymore, it wasn't about me not caring about you, or not wanting to be with you. It was me loving you too much and caring too much about you. I wanted to be what you needed, to fit you and to… . I wanted to be perfect for you, I also wanted to be right for you. Problem is, I was neither. Back in those days, I was neither. I knew you were meant to do great things and to accomplish so much, and I just couldn't hold you back. "

"Blaine, I was and I am my own person. I can make decision for myself and I don't need someone to do it for me. How could you think for a second that I was going to be okay with that? Why didn't you tell me about it? Why did you really hide it from me?" Kurt asked, confusion clouding his mind. He sat back in his chair, shaking his head a little at Blaine, not believing what he was hearing. Kurt saw a shift in the way Blaine was holding himself. He went from collected to fidgety in a second and Kurt wondered if what he'd just heard wasn't just a practiced version of the truth.

"I know you are your own person and what I just told you is the truth. It's just, it wasn't the only reason. I… do we still have time?"

"Yeah, go ahead. I don't care if we're late for work. They'll wait." Kurt answered, looking right at Blaine and trying to understand how all the pieces were coming together.

"We never… no one ever talked about men getting pregnant. I knew it was possible and I mean, the concept wasn't foreign to me. When I found out, I just couldn't deal with it. I felt like a monster, I could barely look at myself in the mirror. I hated myself."

Blaine harshly brushed the tears of his cheeks with his hand, not looking at Kurt. Kurt could see that he was trying to control his body just like he had been during the first part of his speech, how he tried to control the tears and how shaky his whole body was becoming.

"I just couldn't face anybody, I was ashamed and … Kurt, I was a monster." Blaine said between two sobs. And suddenly Kurt ached for Blaine. It made a little more sense, Kurt was starting to see the reasons behind Blaine's behavior, he was starting to get how the pieces could somehow fit together. It still didn't excuse anything, it's still wasn't okay, but at least it had started to make sense.

"So once again I was the coward I've always been." Blaine continued, laughing humorlessly, tears still rolling on his cheeks. "I left you that night because I went to California with Cooper. I left everything behind and I ran as far as I could. I didn't want anyone to see what I would become. I couldn't have you looking at me with pity or even more disgust in your eyes. It went from bad to worse. You know what you said, about being big and full of hormones?"

Kurt shook his head, not remembering saying something like that. The businessman bit his lip when a flash of hurt passed over Blaine's face.

"You were right about it, I was a monster."

"No, Blaine. I never meant it that way." Kurt tried to explain, but he didn't know what to think anymore. There was this man, sitting in front of him and telling him, spilling, some of his demons. Kurt felt overwhelmed with the honesty and how raw those emotions and struggles were. But Blaine was also the man that had hidden from him that he was a father and lied for years about it, making decisions in his name. Kurt loathed it.

He was somehow glad that they got to talk about all this. There were still a lot of questions to ask and blurry parts in the story, but Kurt was starting to get where Blaine was coming from.

"Alright, this was an emotional lunch. How about we walk back to work and we just calm ourselves on the way?"

"Yeah, yeah okay. Let's go." Blaine grabbed his jacket and walked out, Kurt following behind.

They didn't talk for the rest of the day. Kurt wanted to give himself some time to think about what he had just learned, and he wanted to give Blaine some space.


It was Blaine that came back to him the day after, to talk about the paternity test. They agreed on meeting at a medical laboratory and do the test. Of course it meant that Kurt would see Jules again. Blaine had left work earlier to get the boy and once again Kurt was waiting for them. The door finally opened and let in Jules with a big bag on his back, holding his father's hand.

"And then I told Alicia that it doesn't matter if she is wearing one pink sock and one orange sock, I told her that if she loved her socks then it was all that mattered and she shouldn't let Bobby make fun of her because Bobby is a meanie and he is ugly." Jules finished before realizing who was in front of him. He let go of his father's hand and ran the rest of the way to Kurt, his bag flying from one side to the other. Jules stopped suddenly right in front of Kurt who kneeled in front of him to be able to talk to the little man whilst looking him in the eyes.

"Hello, Kurt." Jules said, waving his chubby little hand covered in chocolate.

"Huh. Hi, buddy." Kurt answered awkwardly, taken aback by the happy run followed by the less than friendly greeting. He looked between the boy who was just standing at arm's length and Blaine. The man sighed and gently ran a hand through his son's hair.

"Come on, Monkey. We need to get those hands washed." Blaine looked one more time at Kurt, shrugging a little to show the other man that he had no idea what this had been about.

They came back to the waiting area and sat down.

"Hummel-Anderson!" A nurse finally called. Kurt's head shot up at the name. He had been the one writing it down when he got there but hearing it like that was a whole new experience. He turned to Blaine to see the same look he was probably sporting. They all stood up and went with the nurse.

Once everything was done they parted ways. Kurt went back to his hotel, letting Blaine and Jules go home together. This time the little boy didn't ask for Kurt to join them and Kurt couldn't help but notice how the boy had stopped right in front of him and didn't touch him at all this time. The man couldn't help but wonder why the little boy had been so touchy the first time they actually met and why he wasn't this time.

If Kurt was honest with himself it pained him to see Jules so guarded with him. But his honesty time with himself didn't last long because Kurt didn't want to deal with what it meant.

He busied himself with work over the next two days, eating with people from the hair and makeup department and making time to talk to them before the shooting ends. Kurt loved talking to the people on set because they were always full of life and new ideas. They always had a different vision to him about pretty much everything and it was refreshing to get out of his papers for a moment to just fill himself up with inspiration. He saw Blaine here and there, but they didn't stop to talk more than what was strictly necessary. It was awkward and the atmosphere between them was heavy. Their talk hadn't changed a lot and Kurt hated that. He liked to know what the problem was and he liked to fix it. He just wasn't sure where the problem started here and where it ended.

On Thursday night when he went back to his hotel the receptionist handed him a brown envelope from the medical laboratory. Kurt went up to his room and sat on his bed, the envelope still in his hands. He methodically opened it. Those papers where going to tell him if he was a father or not. This was the result from the paternity test and Kurt should've been happy to finally have a definite answer to this specific question. Instead he was terrified. Terrified of being a father, terrified of not being a father. He was so lost that he didn't know what he wished anymore.

He took the papers out of the envelope and started to skim through it, skipping the part with numbers and horrendous graphs.

The moment he saw the result, black ink on the white paper, Kurt's hand covered his mouth in emotion, tears rolling down his cheeks.


A/N: So, some questions were answered and some weren't...

Whaddaya think?