Calm down…calm down. The man paced noisily back and forth in the basement, both hands grasping the back of his neck. His stomach was twisting and flipping over backwards with unbearable anxiety, and his thoughts hadn't stopped storming since he got back to this godforsaken place. Suffering such a close call, regardless of the revelations he had come to in Levy's presence, had pushed him into a very dark place that he was trying desperately to crawl out from.
It wasn't the first time something like this had happened to bring out this reaction, but it was certainly the closest call he'd had yet. That was the first time he had almost been discovered so close to town, and been nigh powerless to escape the corner he had been backed into. It opened the floodgates to the flashbacks that wracked his body with phantom pains. His muscles spasmed, his hands flexed and unflexed, and his face contorted into a vicious grimace.
Dose him again.
Measure the response time.
What's the threshold? Good, go past it.
He's not dead yet?
Record all of it, I want full conversion this time.
Dose him again.
How soon can we begin field trials?
He's still fighting it?
Leave him in the chamber, we'll stamp out that indignation soon enough.
Stop them! Kill them if you must, do not let any of them escape! I'll not lose such valuable data!
Gajeel slammed an iron fist with immeasurable force into the wall next to him, creating a large crater. A snarl ripped from his chest as grey scales appeared on his arms, traveling up to his shoulders, spreading across his back, and finally reaching his face. The spread felt like wildfire, setting every nerve ablaze and leaving him hyper-aware of every sensation. Red eyes glowed wildly in the darkness, fangs grit painfully with a guttural snarl.
Amidst the voices roaring in his head, drowning almost everything out, the man's voice from before returned. I'll be back for you. It's only a matter of time.
A roar tore from his throat as he swung his claws into the wall next to him, tearing through it like paper. "Damn it!" He swung a kick next, impacting something else that he didn't care to identify. "Damn it all!"
He doubled over, hands now moving to his skull and tangling in his hair, desperate to hold onto anything that might ground him. I can't breathe. Another growl rumbled in his chest and he raised himself again, forcing himself to walk forward. I need air. I can't be here. I need air. Desperately, the iron dragon ascended the stairs and forced himself across the large lobby towards the exit. The cold breeze already wafting in burned his throat as he inhaled greedily, dying for any sort of relief.
Gajeel stopped short of the exit, a red and white object catching his eye. On the desk, where it had been left not long ago, was the red and white chevron scarf that a certain blunette had brought for him. Panting at this point, he stumbled over to the article and picked it up to bring it straight to his face. Another sharp inhale, and he felt a shred of relief.
He thought then to the blue-haired woman and closed his eyes, trying his best to picture her as clearly as possible. He tried everything he could to draw on that tiny creature to ease even a fraction of his agony.
The girl had started to materialize in his mind, and he tried his best to recall every detail about the person who, in a matter of days, had become what he clung to in his darkest hour. He thought of the accepting smile and the rosy plumpness of her cheeks the followed. The honey-brown eyes, curious and without fear, and the way they peeks through her wild cerulean locks from time to time. He tried to pull at as much as he could, the sound of her voice even, but try as he may, it still wasn't enough. He was an artist without the skill, and she was the unearthly, phantom-like creature that he couldn't possibly recreate.
The second he started to waver, the image was dashed away just as quickly by the image of another: the man whose voice filled his head. The sinister, mustached smile sent chills through his body asa strangled cry fell from his lips and his hands formed fists in the scarf. You think you deserve to cling to her? Being what you are? He could imagine that man saying it, spitting it at him. You don't deserve her. You're a monster. You'll be the death of her. Just like the others. She slipped from him like smoke, dissipated by his nightmares.
"No! Shut up!" the dragon screamed, slamming his knuckles now into the side of his skull. To hell with what I fucking deserve, the final thought rang through, and he was out of the building before he had the time to convince himself otherwise.
He didn't even have to tell himself where to go, his body moved independent of his thoughts and the path to his salvation was burned into his muscle memory. Even in the dark he moved nimbly, barely chipping trees with his iron frame as he weaved through.
Gajeel's heels dug into the earth as he skid to a stop at the edge of the trees, focusing his gaze on the small house, barely lit by the street lights beyond and a small lamp inside. He could see no movement inside, but after being sure that the way was clear, he proceeded anyway. Gajeel first went to the doors into the girl's kitchen that she had taken him through earlier that day. The handle stuck, and his heart sunk. Where is she? He wondered, trying to see anything inside and tapping at the glass with a metal finger. "Shrimp…!" He hissed, hoping she'd hear him without having to give himself away to the whole neighborhood. He could hear nothing within, and both curiosity and concern grew within him. He could have forced his way inside but...what if the blonde was there? Or if someone else heard? No… that wasn't an option.
The dragon's eyes glanced to the side, looking to the other set of doors from the bedroom he'd escaped through. With a shred of hope, he moved to those next, and felt relief wash over him as the handle gave way and he was able to enter.
Within, the quiet was even more obvious, but even so the scent that wafted throughout already worked to clear his head. He followed it out into the living room and stood still again, breathing deep. He was certain she wasn't here, even though it was dark outside. Where would she have gone? It's too dark out there for… He allowed his thoughts to trail off, sure that he'd catch her scent in the woods if she had been out there.
He jumped, his attention turning sharply to the door in front of him when he heard a key scratching at the lock. Gajeel tensed, until he saw a flash of blue when the door opened.
"Can I… can I stay here?"
Levy stood there for a moment, still trying to gather herself with the fact that he was standing there in front of her. This was partially her fault, letting him come inside in the first place and showing him where she lived. But she still didn't quite expect him to just let himself inside. His demeanor, however, told her this wasn't some curious check-in. Her eyes wandered then to the scarf he clutched in one metal fist and she tilted her head curiously.
"Just…for the night," he added to try and eke and answer out of her. It almost sounded like he was out of breath, and there was a profound weakness in his voice. "I can't… I can't be there, tonight." His eyes pleaded, begged for her to say anything at all. He wasn't saying it, but he was here because he needed her. More than anything else on this earth, he needed the blue-haired girl to just let him be near her. Because if Gajeel was certain of one thing, it was that she made everything else go away. She quieted the self-loathing, the flashbacks, and everything that haunted him in the dark. He had gotten his clearest taste of that earlier, and it was the most profound thing to happen him in what he could remember of his life.
Still, Levy did not respond, and her persistent stare at the dragon in her living room didn't waver. He does look like a dragon, like this. In the lit room, every scale and every detail to his altered form was clearer to her than it had been before, right down to the dangerous claws he now bore. He looked so much like himself, but not, and the intense stare that she found herself under was entirely unnerving.
There was finally a dramatic roll of his shoulders and a grimace finally spread onto his face as he leaned backwards. "Tch!" he huffed, spinning on his heel to leave. The refusal seemed perfectly clear, and his stomach twisted with a wave of nausea. "Forget it." What was I thinking, that she was just going to–
"Wait!" Levy finally cried, rushing forward to grab him by the wrist before he could react, his scaled skin firm and cold in her grasp. Gajeel turned quickly to look down at her, then to her hand that barely made it halfway around his wrist. "I'm sorry. I'm uhm…" she released him quickly after she realized he might not appreciate the contact, and rubbed the back of her neck, "I drank a little tonight. And I wasn't expecting…" she trailed off, looking up to him now. He was watching her intently, hanging on her every word.
Ah, so that's what that is. She smells like smoke and...what is it, rum? It was strange to him to recognize the smell, but have no real memories of what rum was actually like. His memories often led him on fruitless chases for the source of a fact he shouldn't know, but in recent years he learned to not waste the time over it.
"Yes, you can stay here. Please do. The couch is open…" There was a small uneasiness in her voice, a nervous flush on her face that didn't escape Gajeel.
"Relax, shrimp," his tone was soft, gentle even. "I may look like this but I ain't an animal. I won't go anywhere but there," he angled his head at the furniture. "I ain't gonna hurt ya," he added, his voice a little weaker than before.
Levy gave him a slightly surprised look, but eventually smiled genuinely at him. Still, the questions she wanted to ask burned within her. The initial discomfort that was seeping from him moments earlier had started to wane, but there still was the matter of why he was back here in the first place. Especially after the close call with Lucy. She remembered that he had said he changed often at night out of habit, but she couldn't help feeling that there was another reason this time.
Either way, her curiosity was not the most important factor here. "Just a second," she went back into her bedroom and rummaged in her closet for a moment before she pulled out a large, pale blue comforter and grabbed a pillow from her bed. She hugged the blanket and pillow to her as she returned to the living room and handed it over to him, "I hope this is okay."
The smell of lavender and a sense of calm flooded his senses. Gajeel nodded his head and hummed, glancing at the couch. It wasn't huge, but it would do. It was still more than he ever slept on, and he was grateful to be out of the cold. "Thanks, black cat," he forced a fanged smirk, trying to make her feel a little less uncomfortable. The blush that flared up on her face when she remembered her attire was satisfying in more ways than one, "Gihe!"
Levy had to admit she was pleased to see him smile and laugh a little, but the embarrassment spurred her to change the subject and do anything she could to detract from it. "Can I, uh, can I get you anything?" she offered, unsure of what else to say. Of course this happens when I'm dressed like a fool.
Gajeel seemed to mull the question over as he took a seat gingerly on the couch. He bounced a little, testing the softness, and was still surprised by how comfortable it was. He set the bedding down next to him and his eyes studied her as he leaned forward with his hands on his knees. He looked at her in such a way that made her squirm, like he was searching for something from her. "Could you just talk? About anythin'," he finally said, averting his eyes again as his lack of confidence constricted his chest. You're pathetic. Could you look like any more of a fool in front of her? He focused on her face still, trying to quiet the doubts and intrusive thoughts.
Levy blinked in confusion for a moment, but the unease in the room was more than evident despite both their efforts. There was something in his face that was similar to how he had looked earlier today, and a level of understanding finally settled in her. Right now, Levy didn't need answers, because he needed her. And it didn't matter how long she had known him, or how little she knew him rather. She wasn't going to leave a new friend in his state.
Wordlessly, Levy turned and walked over to one of her many bookcases. Brown eyes sifted over the titles, before she settled on a thin book. As she pulled it out, it revealed a well-worn cover, and darkened pages that told of its age and use. She next went by the couch, flipped on the small lamp at the end table, and went to turn off the main light, leaving them both in a softer glow. She settled finally on the floor near the couch, leaning her back on an ottoman. To try and maintain what she thought he needed for comfort, she kept her distance.
His red eyes never left her as she went about her devices, and he tried to figure out what she was up to. Watching her, with whiskers still painted on her face and a tail at her waist, was a good start to easing his nerves. But even more than that was her relaxed body language and comfortable manner with a man like him in such close, safe proximity to her.
Levy crossed her legs, leaned back, and opened the book to thumb through the pages. A small hum rose in her, before she settled on a page.
"I have been one acquainted with the night.
I have walked out in rain – and back in rain.
I have out-walked the furthest city light.
I have looked down the saddest city lane.
I have passed by the watchman on his beat
And dropped my eyes, unwilling to explain."
Gajeel raised his brows and tilted his head, not just at the fact that she had started to read to him (because really, that wasn't surprising), but at the overwhelming softness in her voice. The small smile that played at her face while she read filled him with warmth, and he felt the tension slowly leave his body as he leaned back into the soft couch while she continued. Her finger, sliding across the paper as she read started tingles down his spine and an overwhelming sense of relaxation.
"I have stood still and stopped the sound of feet
When far away an interrupted cry
Came over houses from another street,
But not to call me back or say good-bye;
And further still at an unearthly height,
A luminary clock against the sky
Proclaimed the time was neither wrong nor right.
I have been one acquainted with the night."
As Levy concluded, she looked up to Gajeel to check his reaction. His head was tilted, eyes half-lidded and fixed on her, and he was completely reclined into the furniture. "What is that?" he asked quietly.
Levy smiled a bit, noticing the drastic change in his disposition. "Robert Frost." Gajeel furrowed his brow and cocked his head a little, bringing a giggle from Levy, "He's a writer. A poet actually," she explained, "and his poems have always been very calming to me, I thought they might be good to you now." Another smile, and Gajeel relaxed even further.
"I don't know," Levy began, slowly choosing her words, "I may not know what was done to you, or what happened to you tonight but…I want to help you," she paused again, making sure her words could linger, "Thank you. For letting me."
I didn't really have to say much, did I? She already knew, he thought, a sigh escaping him. The iron dragon leaned over, settling onto his side on the couch and propping his head up on his palm. "Could ya read another?" He asked softly. A pleased smile spread on her face and she nodded, flipping through the pages with purpose. She knew exactly which piece to read next.
"Whose woods these are I think I know.
His house is in the village, though;
He will not see me stopping here
To watch his woods fill up with snow.
My little horse must think it queer
To stop without a farmhouse near
Between the woods and frozen lake
The darkest evening of the year.
He gives his harness bells a shake
To ask if there is some mistake.
The only other sound's the sweep
Of easy wind and downy flake.
The woods are lovely, dark, and deep,
But I have promises to keep,
And miles to go before I sleep,
And miles to go before I sleep."
As Levy looked up to him, her eyes widened a little. Instead of iron, normal and tanned skin glowed faintly in the lamplight. He had closed his eyes, and his chest rose and fell slowly, steadily. The blunette smiled and closed the little anthology, unsure if she had seen him this relaxed since she had known him. He must have been exhausted.
She thought back to their first meeting, what he had been like then, and compared it to the slumbering figure on her couch. He's changed so much. Levy had earned his trust, and clearly, she trusted him as well. This was as open as she could get, allowing him to stay like this. Gajeel had presented himself to her, utterly vulnerable, and placed his trust in her. There was absolutely no way she couldn't do the same.
Everything in her pushed her to trust him, and as silence engulfed them, she couldn't help feeling safe with him there. The house wasn't so big, and the quiet wasn't so overbearing. There was still so much she didn't know, but so much had happened in the span of a few days. And rough as he was, as loud and brash as he could be, everything that he did reaffirmed to her that she was safe with him.
Curiosity compelled her then, and slowly, carefully, she leaned forward to try and get a better look at him. She dared not get too close for fear of waking him from such a peaceful state, but she leaned as far forward onto her hands as she could. She studied his face, trying to memorize new details she had not previously noted now that he was so still. She counted the studs in his features, she noted the thin line of a scar on his jawline, and the tangled black waves that framed the whole picture. Before she knew what she was doing, she lifted a hand, slowly reaching a trembling hand towards him.
She let out a shaky breath, trying to control it, which turned into a huff and a gasp when ruby eyes cracked open to look directly at her. His gaze wasn't threatened, surprised, but rather quietly expectant. Like he knew what she was doing, but still wanted to know what she would do next. Would she touch his face like she had already done once before? Would she stay this close? The answer to both of those questions was a resounding, I want her to.
But Levy was frozen, caught in the act of her quiet investigation. Yet he said nothing, simply looked at her, which brought an inadvertent burning in her cheeks that might have been all embarrassment, and might have been something more. "I-I'm sorry," she finally stammered as her hand dropped, leaning back to sit back against the ottoman at her comfortable distance, "I didn't mean to wake you. I was, I was just..." she tailed off, unable to finish the sentence because, what was she doing?
Gajeel hummed and shut his eyes again, "Nah," he responded quietly, slowly closing his eyes again. "Don't go, just yet," he added after a moment. "I know ya got your own bed but, just a few more minutes." His thoughts were quiet, filled with her and only her. Nearly every sense was taken over by her and he didn't want that to end. He didn't want her to close a door between them just yet, which would invariably open another for his demons. Just a few more minutes of this peace. Had he been more brutish, he could have demanded a lifetime of it, for it to never end. But even isolated as he was, he knew he had no right. Not to her.
"Okay," Levy replied, relaxing a little and slowing her pounding heart. She watched him until she felt her own eyes grow heavy, the length of the day and the alcohol slowly catching up to her. I'll just close them for a second…before I go change…
The early morning light was a faint, grey hue in the house when he opened his eyes. Muffled birdsong slowly drifted to his ears, and he blinked the grogginess from his vision. Warm… he thought pleasantly, realizing he had tangled himself in the large comforter. The blanket was warm, the couch was soft, and as unknown as this kind of comfort was to him, he didn't dare question it. Because it felt heavenly.
There was an ease in his chest as he buried his face into the pillow a little and inhaled. Gajeel allowed the scent to overpower his senses, engulfing himself in it until he heard something shift in the room. Quickly he tensed and looked to the source, and immediately relaxed when he saw the tiny figure curled there on the floor, the book still in her hands. Did she….sleep there all night? He instantly found himself feeling guilty that he'd had such a pleasant sleep, and there she was on the floor.
That guilt only intensified when he saw her tiny frame shake with a little shiver. It's cold in here. A deep frown set on his face and he got up immediately, trying to be as quiet as he could. The girl did not react, and he looked to the hall with the open door. Without another thought, he carefully, and as gently as he was able, pulled the book from her tiny hands and scooped her up into his arms.
Levy shifted, humming a little, but did not wake. Gajeel stood there and held his breath, as still as possible, and waited for her to settle again. She did not move again, but he could not help staring at her a little longer, smirking at the now smudged black makeup on her face. But more than that, she was the absolute definition of peace and as much as he wanted to deny it, she felt right in his arms. So much so that he couldn't in that moment imagine how he would let her go. He tightened his grip slightly, a sudden compulsion to keep her close striking him now. She's so small. It wasn't as though he was just realizing the fact, it was something he relished teasing her about since they met. But now that he held her, felt her weight, and saw just how tiny she was against him, it was more obvious than ever. She was so small, and her home was so empty, and the world was so big.
Gajeel couldn't help but wonder if in a past life, if he had had something like this before. If this was something he was lucky enough to know or experience. At the same time, he couldn't imagine it. Not only because the dragon couldn't fathom, even before the experiments, being lucky enough to have something like this, but also because there couldn't possibly be anyone her equal. There couldn't possibly be anyone else that could assume such a profound significance to him in such a short time. That was the kind of thing that didn't happen more than once in life. And how tragic that it could happen to a beast such as himself.
He tried to imagine a world in which he could do this whenever he wanted. A world where he didn't have to dread setting her down and letting her go. A world in which he wasn't a monster in a laboratory and the secret she kept hidden. A world where he was just a man, and she was just this tiny woman that somehow found ways to save him a little more each day he knew her. A world where he could just be in the open with her and be close to her.
But that was not his world, and those were not his circumstances. As much he he wanted them to, they never would be his circumstances. Gajeel lowered his head, carefully, and buried his nose into her hair. She still smelled like wood smoke, but her normal scent was still there. He knew he had to right, he knew he was stealing these moments. Despite that, and himself, he pressed his lips to the top of her head gingerly. He tried, futilely to remain in that moment, but she shifted again in his arms and he had to pull away.
"Gajeel…" it was the tiniest, minuscule whisper, but he did not miss it. A chill shot through him as he stared wide-eyed down at her, and as much as he didn't want to, he felt it was now urgent to get away from her. Because now he was feeling things he did not know how to feel, and he couldn't process them with her this close to him.
Carefully, he carried her into her room, and shifted her slightly to hold her with one arm while his free hand pulled open her covers. He set her down slowly, and she instinctively buried herself into her pillows, nestling in like the animal she was dressed as. You're killin' me, shrimp. Gajeel pulled the covers over her, and quickly backed away from the bed.
The morning light was growing in the cold, quiet world outside, and he needed to be making his exit. Everything in him now screamed at him to stay, to never leave her. That any second she could disappear like the dream she was. But he couldn't escape his nature, and he knew that he needed to vanish from this world of hers before anyone else around her awakened.
When Levy woke up not an hour later, it took a moment for the sleep to clear from her thoughts and remember the night before. Quickly her head shot up and she looked about her quiet room, before her gaze landed on her clock: 7:45. When did I come to bed? She thought glancing down at the black clothes she was still wearing. Okay, so I didn't change. Levy wiped her face, and frowned at the black makeup on her fingertips. And I still need to wash my face.
Finally, her thoughts came back around to Gajeel, Did he bring me here? The warmth in her face and the flutter in her chest surprised her. Levy quietly slipped out of bed, shuddering at the cold hardwood on her bare feet. It's definitely going to snow soon, it's freezing! She thought, tiptoeing into the living room. What she found, however, was an empty couch with a balled up comforter on it. On the cushion, was the little anthology she had read from.
Levy found herself feeling disappointed before she could really understand why. There was definitely a part of her that wished he would still be there, just so they could share a few more privileged moments, but also a part that was happy he wasn't. Not just because she had to return to work today, but because something changed yesterday. Words were futile devices to define it, but there was definitely a tangible shift between them. Levy could barely wrap her mind around so much happening in one day, and struggled even more to make sense of it.
His heartbreaking desperation when he came to her last night stuck clear as day in her thoughts. The way that he looked at her was the way someone looked at their saving grace and their one and only hope. Is that how he feels about me? she thought, holding a hand to her chest and looking out the windows into her backyard.
An exasperated sigh fell from her, and Levy turned to head back into her bedroom. I can't stay on this all day. And I have to get out of these clothes. There were few things a hot shower couldn't fix, and the beginning of her work week with the promise of keeping her occupied was a welcome change. Still, getting the red-eyed man out of her thoughts would be no easy task.
