Jane turned just in time to watch Maura's body crumple to the floor. Despite everything, her immediate reaction was to lunge for her, launching herself over the couch and landing heavily on her knees beside the doctor.
Her eyes scrutinized every inch of Maura's face before moving on to roam over her entire frame. It was apparent that the doctor hadn't been eating lately; her cheekbones were just that much more prominent than usual, and her skin had a sickly pale pallor.
So badly, Jane wanted to be furious. She wanted to pull herself up to her feet, toss the love of her life a glare, and waltz determinedly out of the front door; effectively bringing her own conclusion to their not-so-happy tale.
But just the imagining of that brought the dull ache in her heart to a roaring tempest, made the unshed tears in her eyes that much harder to ignore as she stared down at the broken woman lying on the floor. The woman she used to call hers.
She brushed at her eyes with her sleeves, annoyed with herself. Then she pressed her hands and arms underneath Maura, and carried her to her bedroom.
Probably for the last time.
She could've used the unforeseen turn of events to indulge in her cowardice; she could've slipped away into the night and no one would ever know. Maura would probably just believe it was her tired imagination playing tricks on her. Yet there were still answers she needed. She wanted the whole damn story, to make for certain that if there was even the tiniest sliver of hope, she milked it for all it was worth.
So instead of disappearing and deserting Maura, Jane dragged the chair from the corner of their, well, Maura's, room and placed it directly in front of the door. Quietly she sat in it, desiring nothing more than to avoid jarring Maura out of her spell.
She waited.
An hour and a half later, after replying to Frankie's concerned "Jane, you okay?" text, Maura finally stirred.
Jane held her breath.
It took a few minutes, but eventually Maura surveyed the room and visibly started when she saw Jane by the door. She shot up in bed, hand automatically moving to smooth down her hair.
"What're you doing here?" Maura demanded, sounding more confident than she felt.
On purpose, Jane misunderstood her question. "You fainted, pretty badly, too. I brought you up here, but it wouldn't surprise me if you needed ice or some painkillers for that nasty bump on your head."
Maura cocked her head to the side and furrowed her brow, wondering what the detective was playing at. "You know what I'm really asking."
Jane nodded, "I had some things I wanted to say. Seems to me our little hospital conversation was a bit one-sided." She raised an eyebrow at Maura, unable to keep herself from lapsing somewhat back in to old habits. "Who would've thought it; Maura Isles taking advantage of a patient under the influence of morphine."
Maura's eyes hardened into a glare. "I did no such thing, and you know it."
"Doesn't matter," Jane shrugged. "I just want to know what set you off, what made this trip to the hospital the kicker." She glanced down at her arm, "I mean, in all honesty, this is probably one of the least destructive bullet wounds I've attained over the years. So why is this one the catalyst?"
Maura was shaking her head before Jane had finished voicing her thoughts, "It's not about the injuries. At least, not entirely."
Jane waited. She was expecting something more, but an extra explanation would not be forthcoming, it seemed. "I can go out in the field a little less-" but Maura interrupted before Jane's offer could be completed.
"Jane, I just can't do it anymore! You condemned Ian for doing the same things you've been doing!" Frustrated tears streamed from her eyes, but she made no move to wipe them. "He may have checked out physically, but you check out emotionally. And it's not just every once in a while, you do it constantly."
She cleared her throat, "You said so yourself, I deserve more than that. So I'm walking away while I still can." She moved toward the door, but stopped abruptly when slender, elegant fingers encircled her wrist. She turned, only to meet the fiery gaze of a passionate Jane Rizzoli-Isles.
"You don't just get to change me and then leave! You can't make everything better, make me better, and then expect me to be perfectly fine when you go. I need you. I need you and I'm not letting go. I'm not letting you go." Jane loosened her grip on the doctor as she spoke, the words tumbling from her mouth without forethought.
"I will fight for you for the rest of my life because I'm not giving up. I still believe in you, in us, and every time I even try to entertain the idea of attempting a life worth living, without you in it, it breaks me." Her voice cracked on the last word, betraying her pain to the one who caused it.
"You want to know what I'm afraid of? You want to know what haunts me in every waking moment and every single second of slumber?" She let out a short, humourless laugh. "Being without you!"
She shook her head, "So I'm not giving up. I signed those papers and I won't try to take that back, but married or not, best friends or not, I still need you. I still want you. I will still be here for you. And maybe, just maybe, you still need me, too."
"Jane, please don't-" Maura tried to speak, but Jane interrupted her, continuing her tirade as though the doctor hadn't said a word.
"Don't what, Maura? Tell you how I'm feeling? You spent years breaking down my walls to get me to share with you, you tell me you're leaving because I'm emotionally distant, so that's what I'm doing. I'm just trying to give you what you want," her voice grew soft towards the end; warm.
"I still love you, but I can't force you to love me back. So I'm going to go. If you want me, I'm staying with Frankie. Otherwise, I'll see you on Monday." Jane dropped her hand from Maura's arm, pushed the chair to one side, and disappeared through the door, her passion giving fuel to the confident cadence to her steps.
