The first months at Hogwarts passed in a rush that Sirius wished would never end. He was happier than he'd ever been in his life, mostly thanks to his new friends.

Sirius was amazed that he and James were actually two different people, they were so alike. They quickly developed a reputation as the biggest troublemakers in the first year, and personally, Sirius was hoping they could win the title out of all the students. They had landed themselves in detention on the very first day of class, when some Slytherins had tried insulting Sirius; James and Sirius had knotted all their shoelaces together with a quick spell, which sent them tumbling down a flight of stairs. McGonagall had hauled them off to her office and shouted at them for a half hour, giving them a week's worth detention and telling them they were lucky nobody had gotten hurt. James and Sirius had tried to hitch on appropriate looks of shame when they left her office, but once they were out of her line of sight they grinned at each other.

After that, they tried to be a little more subtle with their pranks, but it usually didn't work out so well. Most weeks they had at least one day of detention.

Remus and Peter were a bit more cautious about throwing themselves into pranks the way James and Sirius did, but they were still brilliant. Remus especially. Sirius was amazed at the way he could point out all the holes in their plans and offer solutions to them within minutes of hearing them, and how ingenious those solutions really were. He was also the only one among them who actually took notes in class, which were usually passed around between everyone before essays and exams. Remus would roll his eyes and groan, but would eventually give in with a small smile once they started telling him how brilliant he was.

Peter was a bit harder for Sirius to figure out. He could tell that the boy worshipped James from the way his eyes widened every time he came up with a plan or a joke. It annoyed Sirius a little, but he wasn't sure why. He mostly tried to ignore it and focus on the good things about Peter, like the way he helped them wriggle out of detentions (it seemed to be a special talent of his, and they had all agreed that he was the most innocent-looking among them), or that he always had sweets from home that he shared with everyone without complaint.

Everything else at Hogwarts was amazing as well. Living without the constant shadow of his parents and Kreacher for the first time was exhilarating, and he felt himself relaxing in ways he never had before, softening around the edges a bit. There were so many new and strange and wonderful things to experience, without the looming fear of chastisement or scorn. He couldn't believe how easy James was with his touch, snuggling up to him and throwing his thin brown arms around him and ruffling his hair and launching into him nearly every time he saw him. It was a drastic departure from the stiff, controlled House of Black, but Sirius soon found himself melting into it.

He was also amazed to find himself being really listened to. Most of the time at home, he felt invisible, unless he was being punished or being paraded around as the heir of the Black family. But here, James considered all his plans very seriously, Remus looked at him with thoughtful concentration when he spoke, and Peter listened to his and James's stories with bated breath. The warm, contented glow that suffused his chest when this had first happened still hadn't gone away.

And on top of all that, there was Hogwarts itself, with its changing stairs to race up and down and secret passages to hurtle through and the wide grounds to run across and the moving portraits and the buzz of hundreds of students moving around the castle. It was all exhilarating. Sirius soaked up the thrumming vibrancy as if were lying out in the sun. He felt so much more alive than he ever had in the dusty, gloomy hallways of the Ancient House of Black.

It was easy enough to ignore his family. They had only sent him one letter so far; it was at the start of term, and the family owl had arrived at breakfast one day, bearing a thick envelope. It had flown off as soon as it had dropped it next to his plate. Sirius had picked it up, unable to stop himself from breaking the elegant seal on the back. It had been what he expected, but it still stung: harsh words about his sorting, the shame he had brought to the family, blah blah blah…

Sirius had crumpled the letter up and shoved it into his bag. His friends had noticed, but they didn't comment. Sirius was grateful for that, for the way they never tried to pry into things he didn't want to talk about. It made it easier to pretend he was normal, just like the rest of them.

000

December arrived, blowing in angry sheets of sleet and cold drafts that swept through the entire castle. Sirius, James, Peter, and Remus were sitting in the Great Hall for breakfast, which was warm and filled with students and steaming hot breakfast. Twelve great Christmas trees stood around the Hall, decorated with strings of magical lights and baubles that glowed and floated in the air and fairies that flitted between the branches.

"I was thinking he could try that hair color charm on Snivellus later," Sirius said, taking a gulp of his warm pumpkin juice.

"Let's," James said, grinning as he buttered his toast. "After Potions, he's always so smug after that class."

Remus raised his eyebrows but didn't comment.

Then the woosh of wings filled the air, and owls were flying over them and swooping down. Sirius ignored this and continued eating his breakfast; he hadn't received a letter since the first one. So when his family owl landed in front of him, Sirius could only stare it.

James, Remus, and Peter were staring at it too. Sirius caught James and Remus exchanging a look and scowled as he quickly grabbed the letter. The owl took off without even taking a drink from any of their goblets. He tore it open and saw his mother's elegant script.

Dear Sirius,

Despite the shame you have brought upon the family by your Sorting, your father and I still expect you home for Christmas. We will have a discussion about your behavior then.

Mother

Sirius's scowl deepened as he crumpled up the letter and thrust it into his bag.

"Everything all right, mate?" asked James cautiously.

"Fine," Sirius said shortly. "Just my mother telling me to come home for Christmas."

"Oh," said James. "Well, that's not too bad, is it?"

"Nope," said Sirius, hoping his tone made it clear that he didn't want to discuss the matter any further. It seemed to work, because James didn't say anything else. Sirius noticed that Remus was still looking at him and cast around for a change of subject.

"Want to raid the kitchens tonight?" he finally asked. He and James had figured out how to get into the kitchens during the first month at school, and now they made weekly pilgrimages there. The house elves loved them, and always plied them with more food than they could carry. "I bet the house elves have loads of good Christmas stuff."

"Yeah!" James and Peter chimed in. Peter looked relieved that Sirius's tension had dissipated.

"I can't," Remus said when Sirius turned his gaze on him. "Going home tonight."

"Going home?" said Sirius. "But—the end of term's in a week, why not just wait until then?

Remus shrugged. "Mum wants to see me now."

Sirius eyed Remus carefully. Maybe it was because of his own letter from home, but Remus's explanation struck him as odd. He knew that Remus's mother was sick, and that he went home every month to visit her, but what reason could there possibly be for him going so close to the break? Was she perhaps even worse off than Remus led them to believe?

"Is she doing okay?" Sirius asked.

Remus shrugged. "As well as can be expected, I suppose." Sirius noticed that he did not quite meet his eyes when he said this. "Anyway, I need to go. I left my Transfiguration book upstairs." He slipped off the bench, gave a curt nod to them, and hurried away. Sirius watched him until he left.

"Does he look a bit off to you?" he asked, turning back toward James and Peter.

"Off? How?" asked Peter.

Sirius shrugged. "I dunno…he just doesn't look good, does he? He's all pale and sweating and he seemed nervous."

"Maybe he's worried about his mum," Peter suggested.

"Yeah, maybe," Sirius said, though he met James's worried eyes while Peter was finishing up his cereal.

000

Sirius was worried about Remus the entire time he was home, and paid extra attention to him when he got back. He wondered, when he started noticing things, if they had been happening all this time and he had just not seen it. The thought made his stomach squirm with guilt, especially since Remus always seemed to notice everything about him, down to which pair of socks was his favorite.

The most troubling thing of all was the fact that Remus seemed weaker, maybe even physically hurt. On the way out of Charms, Sirius noticed he was walking with a limp. Once they were back in the common room, Remus collapsed into an armchair in front of the fireplace with a look of relief on his face.

"Are you feeling all right?" Sirius asked, sitting down with a thump in the chair next to him. Remus, who had been staring into the fire, started with a jump.

"What?"

"I asked if you were feeling all right."

"I'm fine, Sirius," said Remus, his tone a bit sharper than the situation called for, Sirius thought.

"It's just," Sirius began, watching Remus carefully, "I noticed you were limping."

"What? That's—you've must've imagined it," Remus said, and Sirius thought he seemed to hunch inwards slightly as if protecting himself. Sirius decided to let the matter drop.

"Yeah, maybe."

000

Despite his concerns, Sirius didn't have much to time to ponder over Remus's odd behavior. He was worried, yes, but Remus seemed to go right back to his normal self after a few days, and Sirius had no choice but to let the matter drop since the holidays were looming over him.

Every day in December seemed to zoom by faster and faster, and in no time at all Sirius found himself back on the Hogwarts Express with his friends. They had grabbed a compartment together and were playing a game of Exploding Snap, biting into chocolate frogs and fizzing whizbees as they did so. James had a small pile of chocolate frog cards at his side to add to his collection, Peters' face was covered in sugar, and Remus was smiling easily. Everyone was having a good time, it seemed, except for Sirius. He was trying to keep the sour expression off his face, to join in and laugh with friends, but he wasn't sure how well he was doing with that. He couldn't stop thinking about how his family was going to receive him, the ugly look that would twist his mother's face and the way Regulus probably wouldn't even look at him.

When James and Peter left to go hunt down the with the food trolley, Remus turned toward Sirius, who was staring out the window, slightly hunched over in his seat.

"Sirius?"

"Yeah?"

"Is everything okay?" Remus asked, and his voice was so hesitant and worried that it almost brought Sirius actual pain.

"It's fine," he said, forcing a smile back onto his face. "Just thinking about how I won't see you lot for almost a month."

Remus smiled back. "I hope you'll manage."

Then James and Peter were back, and they were laughing and throwing sweets everywhere, and Sirius tried to forget, just for one more hour, where he came from.