Five Things Sirius Black Knows But Will Never Tell:
1) Puberty has hit the Dark Lord hard. Every time Snape goes to see him, he comes back with his robes smelling like handcream and...other things...everywhere the Dark Lord touched. Sirius can smell it in dog form. In human form, he's suggested Snape wash his hands after touching the Dark Lord.
2)He will never actually rid the garden of gnomes. It's too much fun, chasing them about. They taste awful, though.
3)As much as he loves Edric, it's far better that Rab was his father, after all. Sirius is more suited to be a fun uncle and knows it.
4) Peter was actually a good bloke once. He was even funny sometimes. And he has a beautiful Irish tenor that no one else remembers he has, or cares if they do remember.
5) Between the two of them, Snape really is the better man, and Sirius is very, very lucky to be able to count the greasy, smirking toerag as his friend.
