disclaimer: Naruto is the work Masashi Kishimoto, not me, and I make no profits from this fanfiction.
WARNINGS: shonen ai, yaoi, corniness, angst, possible spoilers, could be boring, first fanfiction, etc.
CHAPTER 7
Sasuke ran blindly through the night. He needed to put distance between himself and Naruto as quickly as possible.
"I told myself I only wanted to see him one last time, I never thought I'd lose control, never thought I'd let myself touch him, kiss him, was supposed to only watch..."
Sasuke hated himself at that moment. He had lied to himself, allowed himself to believe that he wouldn't do anything to hurt Naruto again. But instead, he had nearly ripped the clothes from the blonde's body and had his way with him. Revenge had been the last thing in the Uchiha's mind when he had Naruto in his arms. It had seemed for those brief moments that nothing else mattered but the two of them being together again, and Sasuke had been dangerously close to teetering off the edge of his desire, into an abyss of passion. That's why Sasuke had summoned every ounce of his willpower and left Naruto.
"Great, now he knows I'm alive, I'm nearby, and I abandoned him again...how could I be so stupid?"
Sasuke stumbled and lurched across the ground, falling heavily to his knees in the dusty street. He felt sick with the misery of ripping himself away from Naruto again.
"Don't cry, don't cry, don't cry," he repeated over and over, trying to calm his racing pulse and frantic breathing. "You're pathetic, you're nothing, just a ghost from his past that would have been better left dead." Sasuke gulped and tried to clear his head. Suddenly, he remembered one of the many times Naruto had asserted his beliefs.
"I never give up!" The blonde ninja's words rang and repeated in Sasuke's mind.
Oh no. Now the Uchiha knew he had really messed up.
"He'll come after me- he might even be pursuing me now. Naruto doesn't know the meaning of the word quit, and he tried so hard to bring me back in the past. I have to make sure he's not following, damn it I have to do something!"
Quickly formulating a plan, Sasuke formed a few hand signs. Within seconds, he had a clone going back to check on Naruto. While he waited for the clone to reach Naruto's apartment, Sasuke surveyed his surroundings. He realized he was near his old home, the Uchiha complex. He could just make out the rooftop of the house that brought back both pleasant and disturbing memories.
Sasuke sensed his clone was just reaching Naruto's apartment. Closing his eyes, he concentrated. Through the perspective of his clone, Sasuke saw that Naruto was standing at the exact spot he had left him, unmoving. Sasuke felt a a surge of relief and a tinge of disappointment, followed by extreme guilt. Because of him, Naruto was acting like someone lost, someone broken. Where was the blonde's energy, his anger, his determination? Why wasn't Naruto running through the streets of Konoha screaming that he'd force Sasuke to stay?
"You broke him," he thought with sorrow.
Sasuke pushed himself up from the ground. His clone was awaiting his next command, and he had to decide now what his next course of action would be. The Uchiha knew he had made a mistake in coming here, and it was now his responsibility to fix it. Perhaps, if Naruto were to awaken in his bed the next morning without any signs of the interaction between them, he'd dismiss the whole thing as a dream. But how to accomplish that when he was all the way across town?
Sasuke thought to himself. Orochimaru had taught him that if you can imagine the jutsu, it could probably be done. You just needed to figure out a way to make it happen. With this realization, an idea formed in Sasuke's mind. He remembered how medic nins sometimes sent their chakra into bodies of injured patients. If he sent chakra to his clone, could his clone perform a jutsu for him? It was worth a try.
Within seconds, Sasuke had sent a large amount of chakra into his clone's body. Waiting a few seconds to see if it would immediately be dispelled, he was relieved when the chakra stayed put. He knew then that it would work. He had his clone perform the necessary hand signs.
"Sleep," Sasuke whispered as his clone performed the jutsu.
Through the eyes of his clone, Sasuke saw Naruto fall to the floor of his bedroom. Then, he had his clone jump through the open window and pick up the blonde, and gently place him back in his bed. Sasuke made his clone pull the covers over Naruto's body and wipe away the footprints on the floor and windowsill that Sasuke had left behind. Seeing no other evidence in the room, Sasuke was satisfied. Letting the clone disappear, he breathed a sigh of relief.
"What now?" he asked himself. "I guess its time for me to leave and find Itachi." But that's not what he really wanted to do at the moment. As much as he desired revenge, his brief moments with Naruto had awakened something within the avenger. Sasuke felt like his heart was being torn in two. He had to admit, he wanted to stay, he wanted to see Naruto again. He knew he had a responsibility to avenge his clan, but was it so wrong to want love too? And Sasuke wanted so badly to make sure that Naruto was ok, that he wasn't affected by what Sasuke was done, that he thought it was all just a dream. Wasn't this also his responsibility as someone who claimed to care about the blonde? Naruto was alive, while his clan was dead. Surely, they could wait a little longer...
"But if I stayed, where would I go? No one can know that I'm here, especially Naruto. The villagers hate me, probably want me dead for abandoning the village, and Naruto would force me to show myself," Sasuke thought to himself.
Then, it dawned on him. It was too simple, really. The Uchiha manor loomed in the distance. Sasuke laughed bitterly to himself. In order to make sure his blonde was ok, in order to love him from afar for a little while, he'd join his dead relatives. He'd hide his chakra, and be like a ghost in the long abandoned childhood home. He'd deal with the memories, with the darkness; he'd stay just a little longer. It was likely that no one ever went there, so no one would ever know.
Sasuke began to walk towards the house he grew up in with his heart heavy, his mind made up, and his feet dragging in the dust.
