Notes- Not every chapter will have Gamzee and Tavros as Matesprites, In some, they will be moirails, like in this one. I wrote most of this a while ago, and finished it yesterday. Sorry it's been a while! Enjoy the chapter, and feel free to give me ideas for future chapters :)
Rated T+
Warnings- Gamzee swearing
© Andrew Hussie is the proud owner of Gamzee Makara, Tavros Nitram, and all the trolls and kids he wants.
Gamzee was alone. He was sitting atop randomly placed pile of horns inside of his hive. His hair was tangled with smudges of his white makeup still lingering by the roots. A damp cloth by his feet was covered in the white makeup, explaining why there was currently none on the trolls face.
Leaning innocently on the wall facing Gamzee, not a foot away from the pile, was a mirror. Gamzee's hands twitched, and he clenched them together tightly, his fangs dipping hard into his lower lip. His toes curled, the heels of his bare feet resting on the cold wooden floor.
Eyes glaring at the mirror, he just looked at himself. Really looked at himself. And he came to a quick conclusion.
He was fucking disgusting.
Every time Gamzee looked in a mirror, he couldn't bring himself to look away. He always expected to see the blood in the background. The bright lines he had happily painted on the walls of his previous home. His eyes darted around, scanning for the dead bodies of his friends he always expected to see.
This is how it is with Gamzee Makara. The badass Juggalo clown who was always cool with everything. The Juggalo who, every night, glared at his mirror with enough hatred to make even Satan burn. He would come home from wherever the hell he had managed to drag himself, and collapse on the familiar horn pile, until he mustered the mental strength to look up.
And when he looked up, he couldn't look down again.
But it wasn't always like that. Gamzee hadn't even known he had had a mirror until recently. He would come home, get high, and talk to his friends over his husk top.
I guess it helped that his friends were all alive back then too. Granted, they were all alive now, but that didn't change the fact that he had killed them. He had loved every second of it too. The sounds they made, the colors he painted with. The expressions on their faces, and the bruises on their bodies when he was done with them.
He had practically bathed in their blood.
So here was Gamzee now. Glaring hard enough at his mirror to give it cracks. His claws cut into his hands mercilessly, causing his indigo blood to drip down his skin. It was at that time that his fangs finally punctured his lip, causing small rivers of blood to run down his chin, and onto his black shirt.
He hardly noticed. He continued staring at his reflection, screaming in his head to just look away. To be done with it. But he never did. He would always stare at himself. At someone who wasn't him at all.
And he also didn't notice that, as the days turned into weeks, he had stopped eating his soper. He had stopped his regular high. Every night he looked at himself his eyes darkened, and his glare turned more wicked.
When he did notice at long last, he found that he really didn't care. He just honestly didn't give a fuck anymore. Not knowing if he was going to kill again, if he was going to snap again, gave him all the high he needed.
But before he snapped entirely, something stopped him. Something distracted him from his self loathing. In the background in the mirror, he had seen a light flash.
Standing shakily from the horn pile, he turned and stared, curiously, at the cam on his husk top.
Someone was…trolling him?
Sitting down in front of his husk top, he opened up Trollian.
He couldn't stop his eyes from widening.
There was message after message after message after message from moirail after moirail. They were never ending it seemed.
Reading through them, he wasn't surprised to see that most of them were from Karkat Vantas, the pissy leader of their dysfunctional group, making sure he hadn't lost his shit.
Gamzee growled, To late to answer that now.
There were only individual messages from each other troll he knew, asking if he was alright, or wanted them to come over.
Of course, he deleted them all.
Just as he was about to return to tormenting himself mentally, a ping sounded, effectively pissing the troll off immediately.
He snarled at his husk top, before answering the nooksniffer who wanted to fuck with him.
adiosToreador began trolling terminally Capricious [TC]
AT: gAMZEE? aRE…uH, yOU THERE?
AT: iS EVERTHING ALRIGHT?
TC: well if it isnt tavros fucking nitram
TC: WHAT THE MOTHERFUCK DO YOU FUCKING WANT
AT: uM…I JUST WANTED TO MAKE SURE YOU WERE…uH, aLRIGHT.
TC: and just why do you care
TC: ABOUT MOTHERFUCKIN ME
AT: oH NOOOO
AT: aRE YOU INSANE AGAIN? }:(
AT: wHAT HAPPENED?
TC: like you care
TC: NOBODY EVER MOTHERFUCKIN CARES ABOUT THE FUCKIN MESSIAHS
TC: what bullshit do you have to spout
TC: CAUSE I DON'T WANT TO FUCKING HEAR IT
TC: nothing you have to motherfuckin say
TC: WILL MAKE ANYTHING ANY MOTHERFUCKIN BETTER
AT: STOP IT GAMZEE.
AT: yOU, uH…nEED TO TELL ME WHATS GOING ON
AT: sO I CAN HELP YOU
Gamzee growled and pushed away his husk top. "LIKE YOU MOTHERFUCKIN CARE! No one ever cares about the MOTHERFUCKIN JUGGALO!"
He crossed his arms and faced away from his Husktop, biting into his lip hard enough to cause it to bleed, until the pinging from his husk top annoyed him to much, and he turned around again.
AT: GAMZEE YOU NEED HELP
AT: TELL ME WHATS WRONG
AT: Or ILL COME AND MAKE YOU
TC: well aint that motherfuckin cute
TC: SOME MOTHERFUCKERS think they can motherfuckin fix me
TC: YOU THINK YOU CAN FIX MOTHERFUCKING ME
TC: im not some toy that broke
TC: IM NOT MOTHERFUCKING BROKEN YET MOTHERFUCKER
Gamzee's fists clenched over the keyboard. No matter how close he and Tavros were, this wasn't the fucking time. No one was allowed to get close to him while he was like this. He had learned that the first time.
After almost breaking the mirror, he had been pestered by a moirail, and almost immediately exited his hive to kill the motherfucker. He had stopped himself, obviously, but it had almost been to late. As a sad coincidence, that moirail happened to be the very same person he was currently yelling at.
It was a shame he couldn't tell Tavros that.
As much as Gamzee hated to admit it, if Tavros hadn't been the one to pester him that first day, if it had been anyone else…
He probably wouldn't have stopped himself.
His eyes flashed as his husk top pinged loudly again, and he smashed his fingers into the keys, slightly pleased when the noises stopped coming. The messages, unfortunately, continued.
AT: gAMZEE
AT: pLEASE
AT: i…I WANT TO HELP
AT: aLRIGHT SO YOURE NOT BROKEN
AT: tHAT DOESN'T MEAN I CAN'T HELP YOU
AT: gAMZEE?
AT: iM COMING OVER IF YOU DON'T ANSWER ME
AT: gAMZEE?
Gamzee sighed, surprised when he felt he wasn't biting his lip anymore, and his hands and toes were relaxed instead of clenched painfully. He reread Tavros's messages a few times over, until he glanced back at the mirror.
Not a second after he did so, he heard the regular ping of his husk top, somehow turned up again. He jolted and looked at the message, before he actually started to smile.
Even though he wasn't there, Tav was still helping him, even by accident. Although not fully calm yet, Gamzee made a choice, and he could only hope he wouldn't regret it.
AT: aRE YOU ALRIGHT? DID SOMETHING HAPPEN?
AT: YOU'RE NOT ANSWERING…
TC: tavros
AT: aH! YOU"RE HERE!
Gamzee bit his lip, though out of nervousness instead of anger.
TC: maybe…there is something you can help me with.
He just knew Tavros was smiling from his hive.
TC: i want to get rid of a mirror
