Part 2: A Test of Loyalty
Chapter 7: Miscommunication
Ron couldn't help but feel frustrated the next day. Everything just seemed to annoy him.
First, one of the new recruits had stacked all of the mission reports from the last six months in the wrong order. It had taken Ron and Harry three hours to resort them. During those three hours, Ron had found himself begging for the moment he'd be granted his qualification as an Auror. That way, there'd be less paperwork and more field work.
The day just seemed to go downhill from there. Hermione never showed up for their usual lunch date, instead sending a memo apologising for being held up. And after that Kingsley had informed them that there was a delay in getting their paperwork sorted for their verification in becoming Aurors.
By that time, Ron was in an atrocious mood - one that even he could identify.
"I don't think anyone will object to you going home half anhour early," Harry said, watching as Ron sorted more paperwork with little care for where it went.
Ron looked up, his friend's amusement irritating him even more. "I wouldn't have to do this if the recruits could do it properly in the first place," he snapped.
"It's not easy the first few times," Harry said. "Surely you remember that?"
"We were better than that lot." Ron jabbed a finger in the direction of the office where five new Aurors were getting a briefing by Hedley, the Auror in charge.
"On Friday, you said how capable some of them seemed to be," Harry reminded him. He stacked his own papers neatly and collapsed into the chair. "So, Ginny and Hermione talk."
"Oh yeah, and what did they talk about?" Ron demanded.
"I heard about the discussion the two of you had last night at her family gathering."
"That was private and none of Ginny's business."
"Hermione's worried about you."
"What for?" Ron snapped. He finished his own pile of papers and also sat in his chair. He looked at Harry. "We talked about it, we realised we had different views about our future, we talked some more and now we're on the same page."
Harry looked at Ron with an expression Ron knew meant he didn't believe him.
"Hermione's under the impression you agreed to it only to make her happy."
"Why would she think that?" Ron snapped.
"Because you love her and right now the prospect of choosing between her and children seems an easy one."
Ron said nothing. He averted his gaze from Harry, picked up a quill and began to scribble on his note parchment. He couldn't wait to get out of training. He was over this desk work.
"Ron, mate… Ginny's asked me to check in on you because Hermione seems to think that the two of you still aren't on the same page. We've never really had this conversation ourselves, so even I don't know where your head is with this, but seeing you even now tells me that I think Hermione's right. You're not as okay with this as you say you are."
Ron sighed. How many more times would he need to explain this to everyone? He glanced over his shoulder where the trainees were still in discussion with Hedley, and then back at Harry. "I assumed. You know my family. I'm one of seven. I assumed Hermione and I would have kids. But it doesn't mean I want to. I've not really considered another option so I now need to do that."
"Does another option make you happy, though?" Harry asked.
"Hermione makes me happy, and that's all that matters," Ron answered. He poked a hole through his parchment.
Harry sighed. "Ron -"
"Listen," Ron began briskly, "I know how I feel. Yes, I saw kids in our future, but she didn't. And that's okay, because I'd make a rubbish dad anyway."
"I don't think you would," Harry said.
"I would. I have no clue about kids. And aren't you supposed to love your kids? Be willing to give your life for them? That's not me. Who'd I be willing to die for?" The answer came to Ron as quickly as it came to Harry. He took to scribbling on the parchment again.
"I've never met a bloke with a bigger heart, mate. An incentive prat at times, yes, but Hermione makes you different and you know it. So don't give me that rubbish now. If you can love Hermione that much, then your own flesh and blood would be easy."
Ron poked another hole through the parchment. He wanted to strangle Harry right now. Why were they talking about this? "My own flesh and blood won't happen, so it doesn't matter how I'd feel." A third hole appeared.
"Hermione might change her mind," Harry then suggested, and Ron sensed he was trying to cheer him up. "You're both still young, and kids probably aren't on anyone's mind right now."
"Hermione won't change her mind," Ron said, "and that's okay."
"It's okay now, but how will you feel in two, three years? When people around you start having children? If there's any doubt, mate -"
"What?" Ron snapped. "If there's any doubt, leave Hermione? Tell her - the person I love more than anything else in this entire world - that I can't be with her because maybe in a few years time I might regret not having kids? You're out of your mind. I won't regret this decision." He heard the uncertainty in his own voice, but it didn't matter. He'd not give up what he had with Hermione for anything.
"Alright," Harry said, relenting. "As long as you're aware that if Hermione is set in stone about this decision, and you're not -"
"I am."
"I'm just saying," Harry continued, "as long as you're aware that if you tell her you're okay with it now but further down the line you change your mind, there's no going back. You can't do that to her, or to yourself."
Ron finally looked up, looking Harry in the eye. "Giving up kids is one thing, but to give up my relationship with her… I can survive without kids, but I'm not sure I could survive without her anymore."
Harry nodded. "As long as you know what you're doing. You're both my best friends, and as much as I love seeing the two of you together and being there to witness how happy you make each other, I don't want to see either of you miserable. And if you guys aren't on the same page, then that's how you're both going to end up."
"Sounds like you want us to break up," Ron said.
"Of course not." Harry sighed.
"I want to marry her, you know."
"What?"
Ron nodded. "One day, I mean. We own a house, we live together… I want to marry her, but I'm bloody scared to ask. So I never do." Ron shrugged. It had been something he'd been toying with for the last six months. Three years was long enough to wait, wasn't it? People got married in a lot shorter timespan. Not to mention he'd known her for about ten years now, been in love for maybe five. It didn't seem that much of a stretch to want to marry her.
"You've been considering proposing?" Harry asked, bewildered.
Ron nodded. "Not seriously, but it's been on my mind."
"Like, you've bought a ring?"
Ron shook his head. "No. Every time I look, I can't find anything, I think she'll hate everything, and then I start to wonder why she'd even say yes. So I don't, I come home and then a few weeks later it starts all over again. It's happened three times now."
"Oh."
"What does that mean?" Ron asked. He stared at Harry, searching for any sign of disapproval. "You don't think I should?"
Harry shook his head. "No, no, I think you're perfect together and would proudly attend your wedding whenever that was. I now think the two of you need to talk some things over, but that's not it. The thing is… and we were going to wait to tell you and Hermione together… but Ginny and I are… engaged."
Ron saw the blush on Harry's cheeks, and he averted his gaze. Ron had no words.
"It was a spontaneous decision, really," Harry continued hurriedly. "No ring, no plan. I would have told you if I was planning something."
"When?" Ron managed to say after another moment of silence. "How long?"
"Last night."
"Oh."
Harry offered half a smile. "She said yes." He shrugged.
Ron returned it with an even smaller smile. "Er, congratulations." He was happy for them, of course. The discomfort of having his sister and best friend in a relationship had worn off a while ago, but given what had happened, it felt strange. A day ago, he'd been contemplating asking Hermione after her family gathering, but now that Harry and Ginny were getting married, it'd simply be stealing their thunder.
And besides that, Harry was right. Perhaps another talk would be best.
"Harry, Ron, what are you both still doing here?"
Ron spun in his chair at the deep voice of Kingsley Shacklebolt. He strode over to their desks.
"Don't you want to go home?"
"We were just talking," Harry said, looking at Ron.
Kingsley grinned.
"Harry's getting married!" Ron said brightly, and from the corner of his eyes he spotted the colour drain from his best friend's face.
"Married, eh?" Kingsley asked with a wider grin. "Well, I offer my congratulations." He extended a hand for Harry to shake, which Harry did so reluctantly. It was obviously not how Harry wanted those close to him to find out, and Ron sensed his regret at having ever mentioned it.
Ron smiled as he grabbed his bag to go home. He waited for Kingsley to leave and the pair of them made their way to the fireplace. Given the time, Hermione would probably be home, and for the first time in his life, Ron found himself not all that excited to see her.
It wasn't that he didn't want to see her, it was that Harry had raised some good points that he was only beginning to admit to himself. He didn't exactly have his heart set on having children. One thing he was certain of in all of this was that Hermione meant more to him than anything else and he'd choose her over kids every time. But if those around him - Harry and Ginny, Percy and Audrey - began having children, how would he feel when he didn't?
But how could he tell that to Hermione? How could he tell her that this was something he felt strongly about without it messing up the really good thing they had going on? The love he felt for her was so strong, sometimes it ate away at him. He hated that there was something out there that could pull them apart.
If he told her that children were a part of the future he saw, what would she do? Hermione wouldn't change her mind for the sake of him. If she really felt the way she did, then that meant her mind was made up. She also wouldn't want him to give up something he wanted because of her.
He dreaded saying anything to her that could destroy their relationship, and as he reached the fireplace to take him home to her, he made the decision to not say anything. Not yet, at least. She'd be delighted to hear about Harry and Ginny and he didn't want to ruin that. This was their moment, and his own issue was insignificant at this point in time.
"So, we've still got to tell your parents," Harry said, distracting Ron from his thoughts, "but after we do, celebration at ours? Say, Saturday?"
Ron nodded, smiling. "Sounds good, mate."
Harry returned the nod. "Ginny has probably already told Hermione, but in case she hasn't, feel free to do so."
"I will." The pair entered separate fireplaces, and after shouting for his home, Ron stumbled into his living room, removing the soot with his wand.
"Hello."
It was almost as if Hermione had been there awaiting him for how quickly she approached him and kissed him.
"Hi," Ron said, returning her kiss.
"Did you get held up?" Hermione asked. "You're normally home by five on Mondays."
Ron put his bag by the armchair. "I… was talking to Harry."
"Did he tell you, then?" Hermione asked, beaming. "It's so exciting!"
"A bit of a surprise, though, isn't it?" Ron asked. He collapsed onto the couch and Hermione sat beside him.
"What do you mean?" Hermione asked, frowning. "Ron, please tell me you're not against them getting -"
"I'm not against it," Ron laughed. "I just didn't see it coming. I thought…" He stopped. No, he wouldn't tell her.
"You thought?" Hermione pushed.
Ron shook his head.
"Ron?"
Ron stared at her. What would she think if he told her? Would she then be waiting for him to ask her officially? Would she laugh at him? This was the reason he'd not done it yet. Like children, they'd not discussed it. Was she against marriage as she was children?
"Ron, honestly, what's wrong?" Hermione wasn't angry, just exasperated.
Ron sighed. "Well, I just thought we'd… I figured we'd be the next ones, alright."
Rather than the shocked expression he expected, a smile broke across Hermione's face. "You saw us getting married?"
"Of course," Ron said quickly. "I saw us doing everything together. You know, getting married, growing old together… you know?" He intentionally left children out, but despite his best effort, Hermione read what he was thinking.
"I didn't think you were okay with it."
There was no point in Ron pretending he didn't know what she was talking about. Not after his conversation with Harry. "It's not that I'm not okay with it," he said.
"But you do want to have kids, don't you?" Hermione asked softly.
Ron hesitated. The truth was, he wasn't sure. He meant it when he said he'd just assumed that's where they were heading. He'd not considered an alternative. So when Hermione asked if he wanted kids, he really didn't have an answer. But it seemed that now he knew where Hermione stood in the matter, he couldn't help but feel as if something was missing.
"It's okay if you do," Hermione said. "I understand."
Ron looked at her, watching her expression, but it was unreadable. What was he hoping for? Something that said she might change her mind? That she only didn't want kids now? But he knew her better than she knew herself sometimes, and for something like this, for her to change her mind would mean something bigger than himself would have to convince her.
Finally, he said, "It doesn't matter what I want. If I had to choose between you and kids I don't know, then you. Any day of the week."
Hermione smiled at him, taking his hands. "Well, just to let you know, there's a chance that my opinion could change."
And if it doesn't? Ron wanted to ask, but he didn't. He smiled. "Harry and Ginny have invited us to theirs on Saturday to celebrate their engagement. One of them will probably send an owl to confirm the time.
"Sounds good," Hermione replied, but Ron didn't miss the hesitation in her voice.
"What?" Ron asked.
Hermione shook her head.
"Hermione, you're a terrible liar. What is it?"
A tear rolled down her cheek, and worried he'd upset her without realising, he pulled her toward him. "What's wrong?"
Buried into his chest, Hermione said, "I'm just worried that this difference… I hope it doesn't… I hope we don't…"
Ron pulled away, looking into her tear-stained face. "Nothing will break us up," he assured her. "I mean it when I say, if I had to choose, it would always be you, without any regret." He kissed her forehead.
Hermione gave him a weak smile. Ron kissed her again.
Kids weren't that important to him. Despite what everyone else seemed to think, this decision would not tear them apart. He would never let that happen.
Once again, a big thank you to Emily (DolbyDigital) for beta-ing this for me. And thank you for all of the encouraging and constant reviews to this fic :) I add some every morning before work, bit by bit. I think better in the mornings haha. See you at the next chapter!
