I don't own any of the characters. Please write reviews! This is all human
J.M.J.
This story is based on my life... its basically a blog kinda deal I guess? Except in Twilight characters? Anyways, sorry I haven't written in a while.
Then I Realized it
Bella's point of view
Chapter 7
I didn't want to do school the next morning. In fact, I didn't want to do anything the next morning. I looked at the clock, 11:11. I sat up and grabbed my laptop off the ground beside me. I went to facebook to see what Edward wanted.
"Ok, so I've decided I really, really want to help you with this. I can't imagine why anybody would ever want to hurt themselves but I'm willing to learn I guess. I don't want you to hurt yourself. I want you to talk to me whenever you think you might cut yourself and if you do cut yourself, I want to know about it." It was kinda sweet how he said he didn't want me to cut myself, almost as if he cared. Then I clicked the next message.
"Bella? Are you there?" at least he cared to ask if I was. So many people didn't even acknowledge my presence when I was right in front of them. I guess that's because I didn't matter. I clicked the last message from him.
"Bella, are you ok? Why haven't you been messaging me back? I'm worried." At first I thought it was kinda sweet but then I realized that to him I'm just a poor little nutcase in need of therapy and crazy pills.
"Edward, I'm fine. I just needed time. I'll be on tonight if you want to talk to me." Then I signed off and went to the bathroom to brush my teeth. I read a book for school and I actually understood a little bit of it. Unfortunately, I was exhausted after a very long chapter, so I went back to sleep.
I woke up to the phone ringing. I was too lazy to go all the way downstairs so I just let it ring. After a while somebody finally answered the phone. By the time it had stopped ringing, I was already wide awake with no hopes of falling back asleep. Oh how I wished I could just sleep for the rest of my life. I laid there just wishing. I looked at the clock, 4:37. I sat up and got on facebook to see if Edward responded. As soon as I signed in I got a notification.
"Bella! You're on!" I couldn't tell if he was happy or upset.
"Yea, I said I would be."
"I know, I'm just really happy to hear from you." Why? Did he think I offed myself or something? Or I got caught and got locked up.
"mhmm."
"How are you?"
"I'm fine I guess. How are you?"
"You guess? I'm good." I rolled my eyes.
"Well* You're well."
"lol sorry." I kinda got upset with people for incorrect grammar.
"It's ok."
"So, have you cut yourself since you talked to me last?"
"Yea, about that; I'm not sure if I'm comfortable telling you that." That would be so embarrassing to tell him. He'd probably ask why and I don't think I could explain myself. He wouldn't understand.
"Please? It'd make me feel a lot better if I knew." He was really going at it. He seemed to really care which was really sweet.
"I guess I'll tell you."
"Thank you Bella. So what have you been up to lately?"
"Just wondering I guess." I didn't ever really do much.
"Wondering what?"
"More of wondering why?" I don't understand why a stranger would find something out and not tell.
"Why what?"
"Why you want to help?" I'm a complete stranger to him. Well, I guess not so much anymore.
"Because I care about you." That was it. Those were the four words I'd been waiting to hear for so long. I wasn't really sure if I should trust him on that or not but I guess I have nothing to lose. I'm already as far down as I can go, right?
"Why?"
"I've been thinking about that a lot actually. I know we haven't known each other very long and we don't know much about each other but you know me better than most people and I'm guessing I know you more than most people too. I care about you because you were there when I needed you. Even though it was something as stupid as going to play tennis, you were there. You were a friend to me and now I'm a friend to you. I want to be there for you even though it's something as difficult and disgusting as hurting yourself. I'm going to help you through this." I breathed in and out slowly, almost as if I was inhaling his words to understand them better. He really did care. I knew, then and there that I could trust him with anything, even with my life.
"Thank you."
"Don't thank me yet." I smiled. He was very determined. "So I have a question for you now."
"Ask away." I'd answer just about any question he had.
"Have you eaten anything today?" If I was at all happy, it faded away right then. I slumped over in my chair because I wasn't going to lie to him and I knew he wasn't going to be happy.
"No."
"Go eat please?" This was not going to be a fun process. I wondered how long it would be til he gave up.
"Do I have to?"
"Yes. Now."
"Fine. I'll be right back." I minimized the screen and went into the kitchen. I looked in the fridge and in the pantry. There was barely any food in the house. The family usually ate out so Renee didn't go to the grocery often and whatever she did get Emmett ate. I grabbed two pieces of bread and popped them in the toaster. I grabbed a slice of cheese and some tuna salad and made a sandwich when the bread finished toasting. I grabbed a glass of water and went upstairs with it and back to my laptop.
"Back." I said my blessing and took a bite of the sandwich.
"Ok. What'd you get?" Is he gonna keep track of what I eat and how many calories and everything?
"I made a tuna sandwich." I took another bite.
"For dinner? That isn't enough."
"Yes for dinner, and I can't eat very much. My stomach is very small." I took another bite and almost felt full and I hadn't even eaten half of the sandwich.
"That's because you never eat anything, but alright. I'm trusting you and believing that you are actually eating and not just saying you are." Did he think I didn't already know that? I liked that he trusted me. It made it easier to trust him.
"I know. I like to keep it small. Then I don't eat as much and I stay skinny."
"Actually, if you starve yourself for too long then your stomach will swell and eventually blow up?"
"Thank you for that lovely image. Now I really want to eat." I put my sandwich down, the smell of the tuna did not help the situation.
"Why are you anorexic? If you don't mind me asking." Ok, there is the hard question. I just hope he doesn't get around to "why do you cut yourself?" tonight. I know eventually I'll have to answer that question though and it won't be easy.
"To be skinny?" I was just pointing out the obvious instead of the real reason, hoping that he might just take it.
"Well yea, but why? Do you think you're fat?" I glanced down at my stomach. I always had little bits of fat on my stomach and my arms and my thighs that I wanted to lose. I always wished I could just get liposuction or something. At first I just started starving myself because I knew I could go without food because I was embarrassed to eat in front of people. I guess you could even say I did it just for fun. After a while though I really did start to think I was fat.
"Bella, you can't seriously think you're fat?" He asked.
"Why not?" I am fat. I have belly rolls when I slouch.
"Because you're so skinny!"
"Not really."
"Don't be ridiculous! You weigh what, 110 lbs? That is not fat for a girl that is 5' 4"."
"103. Weight is just a number."
"Whatever. You're not fat at all. Did you finish eating yet?" I looked at my sandwich and forced myself to take another bite.
"Almost."
"Good." Clearly, I wasn't as happy about it as he was but I don't think that really mattered to him. "Bella?"
"Yes?" I was trying to guess what he was gonna say. Maybe he was going to say that he decided he didn't care anymore. Maybe he was going to say he had to leave?
"I'm really glad you told me… As painful as it is to know, I'm glad you told me. I really want to help you with this." That was not one of my guesses. I was pretty sure I was glad I told him too. Even though I wasn't entirely sure if he could help or not, I knew that I had somebody to talk to, even if they didn't know what to say back to me. At least he was there.
"Mhmm."
"I gotta go eat dinner but I'll be back in 15 minutes, ok? I'll stay online."
"Ok." I minimized my screen and took my almost empty plate downstairs. There were about three little bites left of the sandwich but I couldn't finish it. I raked it off my plate into the trashcan, and put the plate in the dishwasher. Rosalie walked in the room with Emmett close behind.
"Alice called. I don't know why she'd want to talk to you, but she called," Rose practically spit at me.
"Mk," I mumbled and walked back upstairs. I went to brush my teeth and then went back to my computer. I listened to some music on youtube til I saw my facebook window blinking.
"I'm back." I couldn't help but smile a little.
"Mhmm. So you eat dinner with your family still?" I thought back on the days when I was young and we still ate dinner as a family. The food was terrible but we had fun.
"Yea, we eat dinner together every night. Why?"
"Really? That's so cute! My family doesn't eat dinner together often."
"Why don't you eat dinner together? And how often?"
"Too many things to do, nobody is ever together, and my mom hates cooking. We pretty much don't ever eat dinner together… not even on holidays." We are always too busy or too tired to cook. When we do cook, its always something fast and easy so there is no setting a table or anything like that.
"Wow."
"Do you guys like talk and stuff while you eat dinner?" I hadn't had dinner with my family in so long that I didn't even remember how it went really.
"Yea, we talk about stuff and sometimes we eat in the family room while we watch tv, but usually we eat at the table and just talk."
"That is so sweet. I would love to do that."
"lol ok, its not that big of deal but ok. Wanna play the question game?" To him it wasn't a big deal but that's because he had it every night. I was jealous. I really wished my family would do that but with my family, it would be horrible. We would sit down and the food would be terrible and the fighting would start. I wouldn't be able to handle it. Maybe one day I could eat dinner with Edward and his family? I doubted it would ever happen but maybe. That might be weird because I don't know his parents and I hardly even know him right now. Maybe I'd just have dinner with Edward. That wouldn't be too weird.
We played the question game until 3:00 in the morning. It was really nice getting to know him. When I talked to him it felt like I could actually be me and not have to hide anything. I was comfortable. It was nice to know that I could trust somebody.
Oh my gosh! So I went to see the premiere of Breaking Dawn Part 1. It was pretty good I guess but if I compare it to the books than it was awful! Anyways, there was this woman that sat next to me that smelled like a prostitute and then there were these like five fat girls in the row in front of me eating gummi worms and popcorn and all the smells mixed together and I swear I almost threw up. It was awful. lol Anyways, just wanted to share that with you. Please review my story? It'd be great to know if it sucks or not, so please tell me what you think? Thanks!
