Hermione found that working with Snape and Lupin had quite a high entertainment value. Snape insulted the other man constantly, and Lupin laughed at him and completely ignored his dislike—until he got tired, and then he was frightfully easy for Snape to offend. Hermione began to suspect that Snape arranged their meetings late at night for just that purpose.
Snape's manner towards Hermione was courteous but businesslike, whereas Lupin had a more relaxed manner. She soon found, though, that she preferred Snape's efficient formality to Lupin's informal, haphazard approach to their working together.
They went for several days just aimlessly researching everything they could find on Horcruxes, but in the end had to admit defeat. Lupin suggested that it was time to regroup and try a new approach.
They began by conducting what Hermione called a "brainstorming session", while Lupin referred to it as an "idea mill". Snape called it "vomiting out non-sequiturs in a senseless fashion", but eventually started getting into it and thinking of some innovative approaches.
The problem was that there was so little information to be going on with, and since none of them were interested in fracturing their own souls for the sake of science, most of their ideas were impossible to test.
It was Hermione who actually came up with the best way, not only to formulate a method, but to test it as well.
They were meeting late one Friday night (they met at least 3 evenings a week, and frequently ran into each other in the library or the dungeons between-times) down in Snape's office.
After close to an hour of pointless discussion, Hermione threw down her quill in frustration. "This is useless. Even if we were to somehow stumble onto some way to effect the separation, we'd have no way to test it!"
"What, Miss Granger? Not willing to set aside your ethics long enough to create a Horcrux of your own?" Snape asked sarcastically. "Oh, dear. Can it be that our estimable Miss Granger isn't quite as dedicated to research as she lets on?"
"Severus!" Lupin exclaimed, shocked, but Hermione just grinned at her professor.
"I'm not willing to sell my soul for it, no, sir," she replied. She was beginning to get used to Snape's dispassionate, deadpan teasing.
"Mmm," he agreed. "Alas that the Dark Lord did not share your reticence. Your selfish refusal to create a Horcrux of your own, however, still leaves us in the same position: nothing to study, and no way to test it. Ah, well. If you change your mind, I can think of several candidates without whom the world might be a better place."
"Well, sir, as dedicated to education as you are, perhaps you could create one for the purpose of showing me how," Hermione very carefully teased back. "Not to mention improving the world."
His expression looked bleak for a moment. "I probably have so little left of my soul that it wouldn't be worth splitting," he muttered. Louder, he said, "No, it will have to be Lupin. Imagine, an immortal werewolf. Wouldn't that be nice."
Lupin coughed. "Good God, Severus, what kind of hell would you wish on me? I know my inner wolf makes me age quickly, but contrary to what you might think, I have no desire to slow it down."
Snape's mouth curled at one corner. "Ah, yes. So how old are you now, anyway, Lupin? In dog years, I mean."
"Old enough to be your father, sonny, so get back to work!"
Lupin's audacity with Snape amused Hermione greatly—she thought vaguely that this was how Harry and Ron might be in about twenty years. She hid a smile, imagining Snape's utter horror at the idea.
Snape shook his head. "What work? We have no work. None of us is willing to create a Horcrux—no matter how many worthwhile potential murder victims I could cheerfully nominate—so where does that leave us? With little information and even less hope." He scowled.
Silence fell. Snape flipped through one of the books Lupin had brought from the library; Lupin began re-reading his notes, and Hermione stared off into the middle distance, thinking hard.
She spoke slowly, still thinking out her idea as she said it. "Perhaps the problem is that we've been thinking too specifically. Perhaps we might think of a more general means of performing the separation, which would work on Horcruxes as well as other things. We can't create an anti-Horcrux charm or potion, but we can probably create one that simply separates things that have unwillingly become part of other things."
Snape gave her a long, thoughtful look. Lupin raised his eyebrows. "You mean a general charm? As in, one that removes a splinter, you think will have the same effect upon a murderer's piece of soul? That's an awfully long stretch, Hermione. We have to be looking more specifically, I think. Not just something to remove a Horcrux, but to remove Voldemort's Horcrux. I hate to say it, but you're on the wrong track. "
Snape turned to level his thoughtful gaze at Lupin. "It's the principle, though, Lupin. What do a splinter and a Horcrux have in common?"
Lupin frowned at him. "What are you getting at?"
"Think about it. The general principle of removing something foreign from something else. Something that doesn't belong there. We could start with that principle and then refine it later, as needed."
Hermione let out a little giggle. "Like an I.U.D."
Lupin looked uncomprehendingly at her, but Snape snorted in amusement. "Exactly," he said.
"Or even a tattoo," she went on thoughtfully.
Snape frowned. "But what about the substance of the intrusion? A splinter is solid. So is an I.U.D., for that matter. A tattoo is originally liquid, and a soul is ... what is a soul?" he finished the sentence in a quiet murmur, thinking hard.
"We know what a soul is. What I want to know is what the hell is an I.U.D.?" Lupin interrupted.
"It's a muggle contraceptive device inserted into the uterus," Hermione told him absently, still staring off into space, her attention obviously not on Lupin.
Lupin's eyebrows rose up his forehead, and he cocked his head to one side and wiggled his finger in his ear as if he weren't hearing properly. "Pardon?"
"Intra-uterine device," Hermione explained. "A muggle device inserted into the woman's uterus…" She saw Lupin's blank stare and changed her wording. "… her womb, that is … It prevents her fertilized egg from implanting."
"You mean they actually put it up inside…?" Lupin grimaced in disgust.
Snape smirked at him. "What's the matter, Lupin? That's surely not anti-muggle bias I see, now, is it?"
Lupin glared across the room at the dark-haired man. "Of course not, Severus. What do you take me for? It's just that some of those muggle 'inventions' are so unnatural." He shook his head, the grimace firmly in place.
Hermione came back to herself and grinned at him. "And taking a potion that ties together the tails from your sperm cells isn't unnatural?" At Lupin's discomfited look, she laughed aloud. "Or for the woman to use a charm that builds a protective wall around each released egg? That's natural? I've looked at that wall through a microscope, Remus—it even has bricks and mortar! If you ask me, wizards are the last ones to complain about muggle things being unnatural!"
Lupin's face had turned a dull, mottled red. Snape turned back to the original topic. "So the substance of a soul, for the purposes of testing…"
"Let's just call it a gas, just for the time being," Hermione suggested, getting caught right back up in the conversation. "It's at least similarly intangible."
Snape nodded. "True, but then there's the consciousness of it, the essence of its owner …" his voice trailed off as he thought.
"Perhaps legilimency, sir? Harry says you're a very good Legilimens. You might be able to tell that way whether the consciousness is there or not."
He shook his head. "One needs eye contact for legilimency, but perhaps the Headmaster could help us modify it. However, we still need to know whether to concentrate on a potion, charm, or spell."
He stood up and strode back to his supply closet, flinging the doors open wide. "I'll look into the potions possibilities. Miss Granger, you can check with Flitwick tomorrow about a possible charm—he's supposed to be supervising the Hogsmeade weekend, so he'll likely be hiding out at the back of the Three Broomsticks—and don't let him get away without giving you an answer."
He turned to Lupin. "Lupin, can you find some information on—"
"Finally remembered I was here, did you?" Lupin asked sourly. "The way you two are going on, are you sure you even need me?"
Hermione took a deep breath to answer—she hadn't meant to be rude!—but Snape surprised her by crossing the room again quickly and sitting down next to the other man.
He leaned in close, concern etched into every line of his face. "Lupin, how can you say that? Of course we need you! Dumbledore wouldn't have partnered you with me if we didn't need you!"
Hermione was shocked, never having seen such an expression cross Snape's face before in her life, and Lupin was obviously taken aback by such evident care.
"Oh, why, Severus, I was only jok—" he started to stammer
Snape interrupted, patting Lupin solicitously on the shoulder. "If this idea works, who else would we ever find to test it on?"
There was dead silence for a long moment, and then Lupin burst into laughter. "Damn you, Severus!" he said. "You really had me going, there."
Snape leaned back, smirking. "Ah, good. Haven't lost my touch, then." As Lupin continued laughing, Snape's smirk relaxed into a genuine smile.
Hermione could have sworn she even heard him chuckle once or twice. Completely bewildered by Solicitous, Smiling Snape and Laughing Lupin, she shook her head and hid her own smile. She was reminded again of a grown-up version of Ron and Harry! Giggling at the thought, she nevertheless amused herself for an instant by wondering what Dumbledore would end up naming this trio!
Composure regained, Lupin wiped his eyes. "All right, then. Since I'm needed as a lab-wolf, if nothing else, I suppose I'll stay."
Snape heaved a theatrical sigh. "I much prefer pygmy puffs," he muttered. Leaning forward, he got back to business. "Right, then. Lupin, you should ransack the library for anything you can find on charms or potions whose purpose is to separate out what doesn't belong. No matter what it is. If you only find information about removing a splinter, for God's sake, bring it to us!
"Miss Granger, find out all you can from Flitwick. He probably knows more about charms than the Hogwarts library does, but just in case he misses something, you can look for information there as well. "I'll contact some of my associates in the Potions field and see what we can learn from them."
His clock chimed, and Snape's hand flew to his mouth to cover up his involuntary yawn.
Lupin noticed. "Severus, you're a slave driver. It's after midnight. I vote we get to bed and get started on this tomorrow."
"We?" Snape repeated. "'We get to bed'? Why, Lupin, I didn't know you cared."
Lupin stood up and stalked to the door. "I don't!" he exclaimed with a flash of irritation. "Good night!" and he slammed the door on his way out.
Hermione couldn't help herself. She was tired; it was late; and she'd just been reminded yet again of Harry and Ron. She started to laugh.
To her great surprise, Snape chuckled a couple of times, covering his face with his hands. "I can never resist," he confessed with a smirk. "He is just so easy to bait when he's tired."
Hermione stood up and stretched. "I'm surprised you wouldn't want more of a challenge," she remarked. "Baiting Remus when he's tired is like shooting fish in a barrel."
He glanced up briefly in surprise. "I've no problem with that. If you shoot fish in a barrel, you're sure to catch one!" He bent back over his work.
Hermione let out what was meant to be a good-natured sigh, but ended up sounding more like an exhausted one. "Slytherins," she muttered. Snape smirked for an instant, without looking up, before frowning in concentration again.
She looked around at all of her books and papers scattered across the large, round table they all had worked at, and groaned. "Professor, would it be all right if I just left my things here for the weekend? I'll probably be down to work on them tomorrow, and it takes so long—"
Snape waved off her concern. "Far be it from me to slow you down on your research. Leave it until Monday, and save having to haul it all around with you in your bookbag."
Hermione thanked him and headed up to Gryffindor tower to get some sleep before their grueling day of study tomorrow.
Alas, Flitwick was little help, since the most effective charm he knew for splinter-removal was simply the summoning charm. Hermione didn't think that "Accio soul!" was likely to do much good in removing it from a Horcrux.
Dejected, she brought what little information she could find to their next brainstorming session.
