yes another update! crazy. thanks for the reviews guys, i really appreciate them all :) sorry in advance for this chapter if it hurts you... but just remember that i do love Maxoline together so don't worry, still a few more chapters to go! and i know Caroline's reaction in the last chapter didn't make much sense, you might pick up some things this chapter but next chapter will explain it properly! please let me know what you think, and what you'd like to read more of and stuff :)
(p.s... reviews will help me to update faster)
Nearly a week had passed since the night Max decided that she was finally content with her feelings for Caroline, although not much had changed during their interactions.
There was no mention of that night; no mention of the kiss, no mention of how Max had wanted to talk it over - no mention of any of it.
This didn't deter Max though in the slightest. She figured, if the tables were turned like it had so often been countless times before, she would want to be left alone for a while, and would bring it up when she was ready.
She did, however, have to remind herself that this was Caroline.
Caroline… the one who had always wanted to talk about her feelings, about their situation, their nights together, their stolen kisses and touches through the nights - and days, and yet now… she was yet to speak a word of it.
Although Max had settled to wait for her to speak up about it, it was still causing her to be slightly on edge. She wasn't sure if she was imagining it or not, but their day to day routines felt slightly forced.
They would wake up, one or both of the girls went to work, did what they had to do to get through the day and would come home, smoke up a little or have a couple of drinks - but never too much to cause them to do something that they had done many times before when their inhibitions were lowered.
What kept nagging at the back of Max's mind though, was when late at night, she would hear quiet sobbing coming from Caroline.
At first she thought it was a mistake on her part, like Caroline had done once to her before, and instead of crying she was… well, pleasuring herself - but then Max listened closer, and the distinct sound of Caroline's sobbing pierced through her.
There was no escaping that cry, or the words that would follow, choking out through the night with outbursts of "shut up!" and "get a grip!", or the one that hit closest to home was the one single word - "enough".
Enough what? Enough holding on to her feelings for Max, keeping them shut away? Enough of the whole situation, meaning it was time to stop? Enough pain?
Or, the thought that lifted Max's spirits, enough waiting around to speak up about it and finally take the step to?
But, when Max lingered on this thought, she painfully realised if this was what was going through Caroline's mind then she wouldn't be sobbing, wouldn't be crying, wouldn't be so painfully upset at the thought of discussing her reciprocated feelings with Max.
If she was thinking that, she would have tip toed into Max's room, crawled into her bed, cuddled up to her the way Caroline does, prod her arm until she woke up and then they would talk it out.
It all made sense in Max's mind, she wanted it to happen so badly, but… Caroline had been silent about it for nearly a week. A whole week.
A whole week of waiting, of wondering, of pain hammering through her head and heart, questions and thoughts rapidly attacking her mind just at the prospect of waiting for Caroline to realise that Max wanted - no, needed to, talk it out.
It had been long enough and she was ready; she had thought Caroline was too, but the past week... the silence, the waiting… she supposed not.
All she could do was wait some more, even though she knew she couldn't handle it for much longer.
She wondered just how much longer she could take of this until she snapped and grabbed Caroline by the shoulders, spinning her around and kissing her the way she had envisioned in her mind so often the past week… only instead of kissing, she supposed it would be best to talk it out first.
The ringing of the diner bell shook Max out of her thoughts, making her remember she was at work, and even though she never usually paid attention to what she was doing, she probably should make slightly more of an effort.
"Pick up, pick up! Last order of the night Max come on!" Oleg's voice rang out through the diner, and Max mustered up a smile. Grabbing the food, she looked around for the customer who it belonged to, and her eyes fell on the only customer in the diner - Andy?
Max couldn't hold back the smile that grew on her face immediately at the sight of Andy - regardless of all that happened, they did remain friends for quite a while, messaging each other funny animal pictures back and forth.
And he was just such an easy friend to have. Sure, he had a fair bit of drama with Caroline, but that was because there was… there it is again... feelings, involved.
"Candy Andy?!" She finally called out. "What the hell are you doing back in this crap hole?" Andy chuckled at this and skipped over, sitting at the counter to face Max who was leaning against it.
"Thought I'd drop by, say hey. Maybe see if Caroline was around… oh and of course…" Andy reached into his pocket, holding out a bag of what else, candy, for Max. "Give my favourite cat lady her favourite candy from the one and only, Candy Andy himself!"
Max took the bag and laughed along with him, bitterly holding back her rage at him wanting to see Caroline.
"Wait, why do you want to see Caroline? I thought you two hadn't spoken in forever?"
Andy looked slightly uncomfortable at this, shifting absentmindedly in his seat. "Well, yeah, that's true. I did message her the other week though, see if she wanted to catch up."
Max caught the glint in his eye, felt her stomach drop and had to hold back the vile feeling of throwing up. Catch up.. yeah, okay.
Andy winked, and Max had to say something before her rage took over. "Right then, well… she's not here though, she went home feeling pretty uh, sick before. I can let her know you stopped by?"
Andy pondered this for a moment, eventually giving in and nodding. Grabbing his food, he stood up and looked at Max as he stepped backwards towards the door.
"Was good to see you again Max! Might see you around. I'll send you the first photo I see of a meerkat and a kitten cuddling!"
"You better!" Max called out in reply as he walked out the door.
Max stood in silence for a few seconds, minutes, hours… she lost track of time.
"Max!" Hans' squeaky voice called out. "Hurry up, hurry up! Clean up it's time to go! Caroline already clocked off this morning and i need to get home to feed my eevee or she won't evolve into the proper eeveelution!"
Rolling his eyes and muttering under his breath, Hans left Max to stand in silence. She didn't even have it in her to come up with a with comeback at the expense of Hans having a pokemon to take care of.
She snapped out of her trance, looked around and realised she was alone in the diner. Oleg must've left without saying goodbye, or he did and she didn't even notice. The latter seemed more plausible, Oleg always said goodbye to everyone at the end of work.
Max sighed, walked slowly out back and grabbed her bag, coming back out to sit at the counter. She didn't feel like going home yet, she wasn't sure how to react to Caroline's silence while knowing Andy had stopped by to "catch up".
At least she lied and told him that Caroline had gone home sick, so he wouldn't bother trying to call her or anything.
Max checked the time, and noticing it was still not even 2am when she usually left the diner, she sent Caroline a text letting her know she was going to stay back for a bit. No need for an explanation, anything she tried to come up with Caroline would know was a lie anyway.
And in truth, Max wasn't even sure why she was staying back at the diner. Easier than going home I guess.
She waited for a few minutes for Caroline to respond, and when she didn't Max figured she must've fallen asleep. That, or she had gotten into Max's stash and smoked up on her own to fall asleep.
Either way, the thought entered Max's mind and then counteracted with a simple "why not". Reaching to the bottom of her back, she rummaged around for her work stash in case of emergencies. This was an emergency right? Bored out of my brains, don't wanna go home… sure.
Quickly rolling a decent sized joint, she grabbed her bag, glanced around the diner to make sure everything looked fine, and not really even taking notice she left the diner, locking the door behind her.
She walked quickly around to the alley at the back of the diner, where only she, Caroline, Hans, Oleg and Earl knew about - exactly for occasions like this, she thought to herself.
On more than one occasion she had had a quick smoke up with Earl out the back here, Oleg keeping watch and Hans completely oblivious - or simply uncaring - about the whole scenario. She never smoked out here with Caroline though, and the thought sent yet another twinge of pain through her chest.
Not wanting to feel like that anymore, and instead desperate to how get back to how good she had been feeling lately, she lit up and started smoking, taking deep drags and holding the smoke in her lungs for as long as she could - hoping she would get so stoned out of her mind that nothing made sense anymore.
Or everything made sense. Whatever was the opposite of what she felt sober.
Must be working faster than i thought.
Max leaned against the alley way wall, in no hurry and taking her time, savouring the warm, calm, slightly dizzying feeling that was spreading throughout her body.
Max felt her mind begin to soften somewhat, feeling as though her worries were literally drifting away. Maybe they are? Magical substance this is…
Giggling softly to herself, she shook her head and checked the time on her phone. Nearly 2:30… She had been outside longer than she realised, but shrugged it off after remembering she didn't need to be anywhere.
After taking her last drag, she butted the joint out and flicked it away, grabbing her bag and began her walk home.
Max took lazy steps as she ventured back home, glad she could take her time. She was enjoying the slight night breeze, the way her head felt light and her body could nearly float.
Maybe i should talk to caroline when i get home… or try to… The thoughts pondered and prodded through Max's mind, but never harshly enough to aggravate her - merely enough to just allow her to sort through her thought processes.
The way she envisioned it the whole situation played out quite smoothly; Caroline accepting Max's request to talk, and they do and everything goes perfectly. The details are a bit blurry to Max, but she knows nothing bad would've happened, especially in her fantasy.
This was all a good idea to her until she remembered she wasn't exactly sober… okay, nowhere near in a sober state of mind with the amount she had just smoked, and the least she could do was be in a right state of mind when discussing something so important with Caroline.
She settled for thinking she would just get home, get ready for bed and either hop into Caroline's bed or see if she wanted to join in hers.
Max had started to feel a bit lonely at night when Caroline wasn't in the same bed with her… not that she would ever admit something like that to her, or to anyone.
Checking her phone again, Max saw that it was nearly 3:30am now, when the walk home at this time usually only took about half an hour. How slow had she been walking? Pleasantly slow enough. She laughed to herself, unsure of what was funny exactly though, but laughed nonetheless.
In this state of mind, everything seemed funny to her.
Max saw her apartment building and walked slightly faster, now eager to get into bed and sleep next to Caroline, to hold her close, take in the scent of her hair and just simply be with her. Be content with being with her.
As Max began to unlock the door, she heard some muffled noises coming from the apartment. Thinking it was just the television, she entered and closed the door behind her, flicking on the lamp.
It wasn't the tv making the noise.
As soon as Max flicked the lamp on, she heard a high pitched scream that could only belong to Caroline, and then a deeper voice exclaiming "Oh…oops" that was…certainly not Caroline.
Max looked up and saw Caroline and Andy bundling up the quilts to cover their.. Oh god. Naked. bodies.
"My favourite cat lady! Sorry you uh… walked in on this. Again! Turns out our girl wasn't feeling so sick anymore huh?"
Max couldn't even understand the words coming out of Andy's mouth. All she could see was what her eyes seemed to be glued on; Caroline, holding the covers up to her neck, a look of complete guilt and disbelief plastered all over face.
Everything around her was blurry.
The only sound Max could hear was a dull throbbing in her ears, other noises or voices around her were slow and slurred.
Her mouth gaping open, Max suddenly closed it, standing perfectly still until a barely audible whisper of "Max..." sliced through the air, into Max's mind and body and straight to the centre of her heart.
*Move. You have to move. Go to bed. Now. MOVE.
"Tired. Bed time. Bye."
Max couldn't say anything else, she couldn't even hear her own most likely monotone voice.
She couldn't feel a thing, could swear she was going blind when everything seemed blurry still, until she took a small step in front of her, steadying herself and felt her eyes well up. No. Not in front of... them. Move woman. MOVE.
Her steps grew hasty until she was nearly running the short distance to her room, not looking back even after hearing Caroline sigh. Another pierce through her already sinking heart.
Max slammed the door behind her, wishing now more than ever she had a lock on her door, but knowing in the back of her mind no one would dare enter her room after…. that… especially not Caroline, for fear of being murdered on the spot. And rightly so.
Max still felt numb. She wasn't sure how to process what she had just witnessed. All that she had felt, thought about… pointless. Worthless. A complete and utter waste. As always.
At some point during her haze she must've undressed from her work clothes, and somehow found an old shirt to slip over her.
She lay down in bed and stared up at the ceiling.
A small, warm trickle ran down her cheek. Max was unsure as to what it was, until she slowly and heavily lifted her arm to touch it.
Her fingers grazed over something wet, and as it dawned on her that it was tears, she felt one after the other fall.
Letting her hand fall back down on to the bed, Max stayed motionless staring up at the ceiling, feeling completely numb except for the trickles rolling rapidly down her cheeks, dipping into her neck and getting lost in her skin.
The loud thumping of her heart that she was sure the entire building could hear.
The raspy breaths she only now noticed she was taking, as her body began to shake no matter how hard she tried to remain still.
Tears falling, heart racing, teeth chattering and body convulsing, Max kept her eyes strained on the ceiling.
She didn't get a blink of sleep that night.
