Chapter 7: A Time for Regret

Fluff and some smut! You guys will hate me and love me and I'm sorry!

He pretended not to notice how their faces slowly inched closer, until he could feel Dean's breath on his lips. His breath hitched as he closed his eyes, feeling Dean's warm lips press against his.

Finally.

The feel of their lips pressing together threw Castiel over the edge. He was scared his heart would leap out of his chest. Dean's lips weren't perfect, no. They weren't those fanfiction perfect softness you'd think they'd be. They were rough and chapped, and just perfect against Castiel's.

Dean on the other hand thought that Castiel's were perfect. His full pink lips were delectable as Dean moved his mouth against them. They were soft and oddly felt fragile. He was afraid he'd break under Dean's rough touch.

Feeling Castiel writhe under his touch pushed him on. He lightly licked his bottom lip, asking for entrance into his mouth, which was quickly obliged as Castiel didn't even give it second though as Dean's tongue was now roaming Castiel's mouth.

Things were quickly getting heated as their tongues explored the new area they were allowed. Dean just wanted to push Castiel down and ravish him. It took all his willpower not too, though he couldn't deny the tightness growing in his pants.

His hands began to explore Castiel's clothed body, while Castiel's hands rested on his chest. Running his hands down his arms, he pushed under his shirt, hands exploring as much skin as they could. As they reached his chest, he pulled the shirt off over Castiel's head.

He couldn't help but just stare at his body. It was so thin and seemingly fragile. Leaning over he placed a delicate kiss on Castiel's chest, earning a very quiet whimper from the receiving end. A smile played on Dean's lips as he thought of all the things he could do to the man to make him cry out.

Now he could feel his aching member suffocating in his pants. Castiel seemed to notice his problem as ran his hands down Dean's chest to the bulge in his jeans. After achieving a gruff moan from Dean, he began to fumble with getting them off.

Not much later they were officially pushed down and Castiel had his hand wrapped around Dean's erection, who was now laid back while Castiel hovered over him.

"Dean…" Castiel let a moan out as he moved his lips to meet Deans again, giving him a few strokes. Dean accepted the kiss as he moaned into his mouth from the friction happening below. Castiel slowly rolled his hips at the perfect angle so that their erections would slot together.

They both let out a moan through the kiss as the friction was almost too much. All of sudden Castiel's lips were no longer touching his and they were trailing down his body, leaving wet kisses on his chest all the way down to his throbbing erection.

Castiel flicked the tip with his tongue and Dean let out a groan as thoughts of Michael flew through his mind. Quickly grabbing Castiel's head, he pushed him off, earning a surprised noise from the aroused man.

"Dean?" Castiel could sense the concern and hesitation from Dean.

His blue eyes flicker up to green as he can see a million emotions running through them.

"Cas we can't." Dean turned his head away and his gaze would flicker back and forth between Castiel and the ground.

"Why? We both want this…" This seems to make Dean angry as he raises his voice.

"No! Don't you see Cas? I'm just like Michael… I don't want to be another Michael in your life." Castiel leans closer as he placed his hand Dean's bare thigh, rubbing little circles as it's his turn to talk.

"You are nothing like Michael. I like you Dean. I didn't like Michael… and none of this is forced. You have my complete consent. What I felt toward Michael was complete and "utter disgust, but you… There is an ache in my chest for you Dean."

Castiel felt his face heat up slightly as he admitted more than he'd ever meant to admit to the man before him. They were literally bare and their arousal fading. He sees the resolve in Dean's face fading.

"Just let me do this for you. I want this Dean."

Dean refused to make eye contact as his face was also slightly flushed, trying to ignore his pulsing erection. What was Castiel doing to him? He didn't want to acknowledge the throbbing in his chest. Biting his lip, he just gave Castiel a slight nod.

Castiel's face brightened as he was allowed this one thing. Thankfully their little chit chat hadn't softened either of them up.

Placing a soft kiss on Dean's lips, his mouth once again trailed down his chest, leaving little kisses here and there, gentle this time. None of it was forceful as he didn't want to push Dean away again.

Finally reaching his destination, he wrapped his hand around Dean's member and started out with slow strokes. He placed a small kiss on the tip as he gently licked down the shaft, enjoying the now labored panting from the man above.

Dean couldn't believe this was happening. He looked down at the man touching him, those god damn blue eyes looking up at him through his thick lashes as he lewdly licked his dick. Dean was soon lost in pleasure as Castiel took his head in full, swirling his tongue around the tick, lapping up the drops of pre-come leaking out.

Dean let a soft moan escape as he got the sweetest blowjob ever. How does that even work?

Castiel hollowed his cheeks out and slowly began to bob his head, getting as far down as he could without choking himself. Dean was considerably bigger than Michael in every which way, but he shook the thought from his head. Dean would be upset if he knew what he was thinking.

Dean's hips bucked up and almost choked Castiel, causing Dean to grunt out apologies as his eyes were slam shut. He was getting close and Castiel could tell. His breathing was even more labored and Dean's hands were now running through Castiel's hair.

Dean's hips were now thrusting to meet Castiel's bobs, as he gripped onto Castiel's hair without warning and grunted loudly as Castiel pulled off quickly, causing Dean to release onto his stomach and some of Castiel's neck.

"Shit. Sorry." Dean apologized but it sounded like his voice was far off from where his mind was. He hated himself, though he was still coming down from his post-orgasm high.

The sight of Castiel nearly made him lose any self-control. The man was now straddling him as he wiped Dean's come from his neck, giving a small lick off his finger.

God damn that was hot.

He was brought back to reality as Castiel let out a small moan, grinding his hips in little circles.

"Dean I want you to take me…" Dean quickly shot up, making Castiel fall backwards, catching himself on the bed posts. Dean's eyes glazed over with something that definitely wasn't lust, but Castiel couldn't decipher what it was.

His own blue eyes searched, trying to find an answer. "Dean?"

"No." Dean quickly replied, swinging his legs over the edge of the bed, fully sitting up now. Panic settled in Castiel's chest as he tried placing a hand on Dean's shoulder, only to have it swatted away. His heart was racing a million miles a minute now.

"We can't Cas. It's wrong and I just can't. Okay? I can't do it."

I can't taint you anymore than I already have.

Tension fills the room and Castiel can't handle it.

"So I get you off and you ditch? Leave me like this?" Dean was taken aback by the sheer venom in Castiel's voice. Dean knew he was to blame for this, so he stood up abruptly, not looking back at Castiel because he knew that he might not be able to resist if he saw him now.

It was taking everything in Dean to walk away like this.

That's when he heard it.

The small gasps from behind him, little moans saying his name.

Castiel was masterbating to Dean's name.

Dean felt his dick twitch in response. Willing himself down he listened to Castiel's breathing become labored, hoping he wouldn't last much longer.

Castiel wasn't sure what he was doing. What was he even thinking? This wasn't going to change anything between him and Dean and it sure as hell wasn't making things better. He had to admit the little twitches Dean made when he'd gasp his name was nice though.

Feeling his vision blur, Castiel released shouting Dean's name. All he could hear was his breathing and the sound of a door slamming.

He lay there for a few moments, letting his post-orgasm high fade. It faded into panic and self-hatred.

What the hell did he just do?

Standing up, his body felt numb as he trudged toward the shower. His orgasm high now gone and panic settled in his gut.

He really fucked up.

Standing under the warm water, he felt his muscles relax slightly, though his body was tense due to the stress now weighing down on it. He'd forced Dean to engage in sexual activity with him, and now he might have ruined his relationship with Dean forever.

Feeling tears burn at his eyes, he let them fall freely as he began to sob. He collapsed to his knees to rests his head against the wall. His tears now mixing with the water.

Castiel exited the shower, his eyes red from crying, though the tears still flowed from his eyes even though no sounds came out. He dressed in some clothes that Dean found for him. He bit back a sob as he wished he could go back in time and reverse what had just been done.

He looked over at his bed, the sheets were messy and he quickly ripped the sheets off, throwing them on the ground with a loud grunt. Tears still flowing he just started throwing things around the room.

He threw his lamp from his bedside table, along with a few cups that he remembered Dean gently placed there in the middle of the night. He wanted to erase Dean from his mind, but he knew he'd have to face him sooner or later.

He decided it would be best to just pretend it never happened, to go back to treating Dean like a stranger.

To not remember how he allowed Dean to break his walls, how he allowed Dean to penetrate his heart and leave a mark that was impossible to remove.

Castiel rubbed his eyes furiously and collapsed on the floor as he lay there until he fell asleep, hours of relentless crying on the cold hard ground.

I'm sorry Dean.

Dean rushed off, his heart in a frenzy and his mind betraying everything he knew. He couldn't go there with Cas, he just couldn't. He didn't know what he'd do if Cas turned into another Lisa. He just didn't want to think about that.

He refused to destroy the trust he'd built in Castiel, though after what just happened he probably ruined it anyway. He mentally cursed himself as he wandered aimlessly around the campground, not caring what time it was.

He was stonefaced as he was having a mental battle with himself about his feelings.

He trusted Cas, and maybe he felt more for the man than he should for a friend, but he couldn't let it get any further than they got. What they did had crossed the line already and now he was afraid he'd hurt Cas more than Michael did.

Dean argued with himself for hours until he noticed the time. Holy shit it was four in the morning. He walked back to the cabin, hoping that Castiel was sleeping. He wouldn't have sat up waiting all this time for him would he?

Hesitating, he opened the door as the sight he saw was much worse. The room was completely trashed. There was broken glass everywhere along with bedsheets thrown around. Dean spotted a pair of his sweatpants crumpled in the corner.

The pair he gave to Castiel.

His heart throbbed as he realized the man wasn't in his own bed. Shit shit shit. He panicked for a moment until he noticed a blob on the floor in the corner. Slowly he walked towards him, just in case he was awake.

Dean kneeled down, inspecting for any glass that could possibly be nearby. He noticed that Castiel was just curled up, fetal position on the hard floor. He had no blanket nor the proper night clothes. He was wearing jeans and a button up shirt.

Dean felt pain jolt through his chest as he realized that he was the reason for this mess. Castiel was broke over him. Biting his lip hard, he cleaned off Castiel's bed, there was broken shit on it as well. He took his own sheets from his bed and remade Castiel's.

Then he picked the man up from the floor, a distressed whine escaped the sleeping mans mouth. Dean was sure he would've woken up, but he apparently exhausted himself. How long was he like this? All by himself too…

He really was no better than Michael.

Pushing the thoughts away, he laid Castiel on his bed, tucking him in with his blanket as well. He tried not to notice the red puffiness of his eyes.

He was crying for hours.

Now it was Dean's turn to want to crush something, to break anything in the vicinity. He calmed himself by placing a kiss to Castiel's forehead. He really had to deal with these conflicting feelings. Balling his fist, he quietly exited.

There was no way he was getting sleep tonight, so he'd relieve Sam of his night watch. Dean decided he'd watch over the little shrimp until Sam was properly rested, since there was nothing big going on the next day other than checking their stock.

Their last run didn't get much other than an almost dead child who'd actually been tortured for years of his life.

Dean slammed the door open and startled Sam, who was apparently about to doze off. He quickly stood, blinking his eyes repeatedly.

"Dean? W-What's going on?" Sam could instantly tell something was wrong, from the posture and just the way Dean was holding his jaw.

Dean just shook his head and gave Sam a strained smile.

"Don't worry about it. You go get some rest, you deserve it. I'll watch the shrimp. But… The room is kind of a mess right now. Don't question it." Sam raised his eyebrow at the statement, but didn't ask any questions.

"Alright. Well, he hasn't done much but sit around. If you want to talk just let me know." Sam stated and before he got out the door Dean had already stopped him. A sly smile played on his face, Dean couldn't go long without telling Sam about anything.

"I swear to god if you laugh at me I'm going to kill you. This is completely serious okay?" Sam raised his hands in surrender and nodded, his face going blank as he was ready for Dean to talk to him.

"Ever since Cas got here I've been strange. Like, I dunno man. He just… Something sparks inside me and I just have to protect him, and it's a different kind… It's not the same protectiveness I feel about you. After his little meltdown, we actually sat down and talked and he told me everything. Sammy… It was horrible. I don't know how he could even live with himself after what he told me. That shrimp in there has seen more than we have and he's 10 years younger. Lets just say things happened okay? Something happened between us and I did what I always do, I pushed him away and I'm scared I fucked everything up. I don't want to be like him. I just don't know what to do Sam. I can't put him through all the shit I go through, the shit we go through. It's unfair."

Sam was a little shocked at how much he'd gotten Dean to divulge. It had obviously been on his mind for awhile and he was going to explode if he didn't talk to someone. Wait. Did he say stuff happened between him and Castiel?

"Dean he's been all over you, and that's not a bad thing. He obviously cares as much about you. You just gotta get past all your shit and deal with your emotions. Dude, I'm sure Castiel is going to be there along the way anyway, because he has nowhere else to go. The dude obviously trusts you the most, considering you are his first go to. Pull your head out of your ass and deal with it."

Sam abruptly got up and walked out the door, leaving Dean to stew in the words he'd left behind. How the hell was he supposed to deal with this? If anything, Dean Winchester would just leave and never talk to said person again, but he couldn't do that with Cas.

Shaking away his thoughts, he walks into the room that Samandriel is in. The boy eyes him with the emotion cut from his eyes. Surely there has to be a switch somewhere to turn his emotions back on.

He has a slight staredown with the kid.

"Are you going to let me go?" Dean was shocked at the abruptness of the question. He hadn't said one word the kid and he was already reading minds.

"Ah. Uh. Yeah, yeah. You are going to go back to your little 'angel' camp and you are going to tell Michael this, Castiel is min-" Clearing his throat he throws those thoughts to the back of his mind. "You tell him to fuck off and Cas belongs to our camp now. I'm not letting him go back."

The child just gives him a few nods as Dean wonders how he's even going to get back to Topeka without weapons or anything. Dean nods for the kid to stand up, follow him.

"Don't even think of trying anything, you got me?"

"Yes, sir."

Fuck.

A/N: I'm sorry I couldn't help it. Sorry it took so long for this chapter! I just wanted to write it well! I hate myself too, but plot doodz. Plot. R&R makes me post faster (legit, I binge typed this [with my outline of course] because of a few favorites and reviews!)