Disclaimer: downton abbey belongs to Julienne fellows and PBS, Master piece, ITV
Downton Abbey 8: 00 pm
As Mary put last finishing touches to her dress, she preferred to be dressed alone without Anna's help, she took out her customary lilac dress which she adored very much and put it on. Truth is she didn't want Anna's help or anyone's for matter; she was so tired of pitiful glances and pats on her back like she has lost something valuable and could not be returned.
How dare they? Thinking he is dead, he is NOT dead, he survived the war for God's sake, if it hadn't been William, we could have lost him.
A tear made a way through her cheek not because for her husband but this time it was for William Mason, sweet and innocent William Mason who gave his life to save Matthew, she was eternally thankful for his scarified, for saving Matthew, to her William after Carson was favorite, he was only a footman but he was the most innocent of them all.
others well they are fine , mars Patmore is like a mother too , always leaving her best lemon tarts in the world , she has mixed feeling for O ' Brian she knew O' Brian wasn't a bad woman , there could be a good reason why her mother trusted her .
Thomas was confused, he confuses her, Sybil told her that Thomas was very dedicated to war trodden patients, sometimes could be thick headed but inside the hard exterior he was quite soft.
Daisy sweet little daisy who was so guilty of her insecure love for William after he died, her grandmother told her how daisy was guilt trodden and how she alone carried the guilt and sadness.
How proud she has been, while she was in her world, her own bubble of fashion, parties and fancy dresses, her employees were wrecked with war and after math of war.
It was after getting married to Matthew had she bonded to her servants, Matthew is very close to her employees, how he loved Mrs. Patmore's cooking, Thomas's contribution to war, daisy representing as a brave widow of a brave solider, during her pregnancy when she had sudden crave, he would go downstairs and beg Mrs. Patmore for lemon tarts and pickles and relishes while she throttled in sour mood.
And Moseley poor Mosley , who has been so lost , tended Mrs. Crawley and Crawley house , he would make visits to downton ever since , acquiring the news of his beloved master whom he has a very close relationship .
She really didn't live in a rock, her servants were better to her than family, while family would mark her as pitiful, her servants always treated as normal human being.
She would often wonder into kitchen by herself and watch quietly them doing work.
It was uncharacteristic of her of course but she wasn't her mother who was married to the earl, she was Mary married to a lawyer who taught her so much and had so much to learn.
'if we have to survive in this world my love we have to get to know them better , they don't just work for us , they are our friends who help us build who we are'
That's what he said when he took her to kitchens quietly and observes them.
At that time she didn't understand the concept of upstairs and downstairs, but according to Matthew who just 'the stairs 'he quoted now she understood the life in her house.
It was vastly different yet so similar in a strange way.
The dinner gong rang and this time she decided to be with her family.
8: 30 pm
"Look what the cat dragged in "came Edith's snide remark.
Mary rolled her eyes, and quietly sat in the further corner of the table.
Her father and mother both smiled while the dowager countess her granny gives her a hard look.
"You have lost weight "she remarked.
Mary didn't reply, waited patiently for the soup to arrive, she noticed one seat was empty, which was quite strange had the given occupant should be with them through these times.
"Where is my mother in law?" she asked, looking at her father pointly.
" cousin Isobel didn't want to join , we have asked her again and again but she always refused , she hasn't been here since …. Her mother broke off suddenly,
Mary closed her eyes and counted to ten , white hot rage coursed through her veins , a strange feeling took place , they are trying to rub the existence of Matthew , she knew her mother would never ask " again and again ' who had her own pride would never 'beg' someone to come over , just as
Matthew never existed
'Have you asked Isobel nicely?'
Her mother was shocked; being talked in this way was the first time from one of her daughters.
"What are you implying my dear?" Granny intervened.
" all I am asking where Isobel is , when she should have been and mama here says she asked her again and again and Isobel refused , maybe mama never asked her in first place" Mary pointy stared at her mother and grandmother .
"You will not talk to your mother and grandmother likes that!" bellowed her father.
"I would like to try "came a snide reply
"Enough! You come here after nearly a month, ignoring your child acting as a grieving widow, being bitter and irresponsible, when you should be thanking us in first place! "Her father firmly told her.
"Thank you? Thank you? Really? then if you want me to thank you , stop wearing black , stop throwing this pity on me , treat me normal , bring Isobel here , even if she doesn't come , call on her , ask her how she is doing , my husband isn't dead for heaven's sake , he is only missing , I am not acting as widow papa , I have just lost my ability to live that's all !" she threw down her napkin .
Fresh tears emerged , she knew she was horrible to her family but this pain , this pain was so much , was so tiring she was completely exhausted .
"Mary …..Her mother began
"I am sorry, I ….lost my composure, it's like seeing Isobel not here is like Matthew is ….OH GOD… I can't breathe ….and the baby …..I wish it was a girl "
Her sobs broke down and she nearly fainted, this pain was too much, she wanted it gone, she didn't want to deal with it, she was exhausted and tired.
Her parents were right by her side.
Comforting her, soothing her
Damn you Matthew Crawley
Now she was angry at Matthew, for bailing out on her, had he found someone else? Doesn't he want her? Is he not in love with her anymore? Has he feeling guilty lately? Mary knew if they had not kissed then LavInia would never have spotted them out, never had to fall sick, never had to die with broken heart.
We are cursed you and I
That's what he said, at her funeral, at that time he was so bitter and angry in which Mary could not do anything expect see him grow into a living shell.
How she longed for the man she loved.
But Matthew is a fighter, he always fought, she should be thankful to Isobel for knocking some sense into his head.
She never wanted him to be that way, but now tables are turned, she is bitter and angry, she is the one who is drowning in sorrows, and she is the one who is lost in the world of chaos.
And there is no one to pick pieces expect her, she has to fight for Matthew, has to believe that he is very much alive, if not for her sake then for her son.
Her baby boy, whom she refused to see since he was born, he looked so much like Matthew, with blond hair and blue eyes, she discovered she couldn't be a wonderful mother like Matthew said she would be.
But she is near his door when he cries, the nanny give her strange looks but she leans closer when she hear his coos and cries , she sometimes stands all day observing how easy the nanny is with the baby .
Your son is growing up, why aren't you here?
Truth is she should be there too; question is how long would she keep this up? She couldn't ignore her son any longer but Matthew's eyes overwhelm her.
Downstairs the servants hall 10:00 pm
All it took Matthew was self control.
As it was his first day, Mr. Carson had invited him to dine in with other servants, to get know better, and to have an idea what kind of people work for this house.
He had smirked internally, he knew each and everyone like back of his hands, of course there were few new hall boys and maids but apart from that everyone are quite same.
He was about to decline when mar Carson insisted to dine with them and no one refuses Carson not even the Earl.
He ate his dinner quietly , he could feel Thomas's beady eyes over him and questioning why is a gardener is dining with them when he is really should be out of the house in his own cottage , to this Carson only replied it was none of his business and should keep his mouth shut .
But still the eyes of the servants were always there on him , watching every move , he knew with dark hair and rugged face with dark expression he looked different , but he felt he should get out of the three immediately , before anyone else finds out who he really is .
But the gossip of upstairs for so lively to catch up on.
In fact the servants even forgot the newly hired gardener when all they could discuss is Lady Mary.
Like a starved man dying from the thirst he latched on whatever they could talk about Lady Mary, it's been so long, seeing her has been most difficult thing he ever did, when all he could he could think to run to her arms and tell her how much he loved her, how much he missed her, how much he loathed to stay away from her.
He really had good self control.
Perhaps he learned from war, trusting his instincts first and never giving into emotions too much.
When Mary spoke to him, he nearly collapsed, he felt that some part of Mary hasn't given hope yet, like she is waiting for him to emerge from shadows and she will continue waiting.
So he remained patient and vowed to find out his attempted assassin soon.
He needed a plan but right now all he could do is listen what servants talk about Mary
"I heard she went loony right after Mr. Matthew's missing "Thomas spoke causing Matthew to clench his fingers under the table.
"Mr. Barrow as an under butler, you really should refrain using that language, you should respect this house and people living under it "Mrs. Hughes scolded him severely.
" but still she hasn't even noticed her son , she is always screaming and crying , she shuts off Anna like a stranger , she is rude and incompetent to everyone expect for Mr. Carson " Mrs. Patmore remarked
Matthew felt he could not breathe.
Mary hadn't noticed their son? Why isn't she with his son?
At this he grew very angry with her , he really wished to talk to her , to stop this ridicules notions , fatherly protectiveness covered him , he had held his baby longer than Mary , he loves his son more than anything , who is taking of his boy ? Nannies? He always hated nannies, he remembered how rude he was to nannies when his mother went to work and how he wished for his parent's company which he received plenty.
But then again he was missing in eyes of Mary, he should be there, Mary isn't fault here, he is, if there is to blame it's him, he caused the drift between Mary and his son.
"Why Mrs. Patmore sometimes I do think you should be little considerate towards her, she just lost her husband and in that state no woman can think of anything else expect their husband "Mr. Carson sipped on his tea while having grim expression.
"So he is dead? " Alfred spoke
Mr. Carson and Matthew both gave him a glare.
" He is not dead , he is only missing , they haven't found his bodies , and according to Mr. Branson there is no record of his body ever coming to all hospitals in London , he has checked everything and he still is , if there was such a news , we couldn't have known by then " Mr. Carson grew very red
" still it must be awful to be like this , of not knowing where he actually be , how he really is , I liked Mr. Matthew , he was gentle and kind to us " Daisy spoke softly .
Matthew's thoughts reverted back when he and William went missing and how he heard daisy had been worried sick for William; he felt so much sadness for the girl.
Everyone went quiet, each on his own thoughts.
Matthew tried to break the ice.
"But we don't know if he is missing or dead, he could be alive and he may be coming back soon, we have just to be positive about this "
"What makes you say that?" Thomas snide remark
Matthew smiled "because I don't believe in goodbyes, not yet "
Thomas stopped drinking his tea and observed Matthew carefully.
Matthew hid his face with his cap.
"I quite agree with Mr. Jacoby, we should all be positive about this, Mr. Matthew could be very well sitting in this room with us, and we can't mourn him, for Lady Mary's sake "Mr. Carson raised his glass.
"let's toast to his safety and wish him to come back quickly "to this everyone raised their mugs and glasses and cheers were spoken.
Matthew felt deep gratitude with his employers, while the upstairs could be grieving him, the downstairs optimism moved him he had no idea how loved he was here.
Expect for Thomas and Miss O Brian of course.
"What's with this cap?" Thomas asked.
"Nothing, will tell you later, I am tired, I think I should be off to bed, goodnight "he horridly got up and left the house.
"He is strange fellow isn't he?" he heard Mrs. Patmore
"Perhaps but I find this man's attitude already adjusting well "Mr. Carson's reply came.
