The Cemetery
I stayed with Cutler that night, because I couldn't bear to go home.
A week later, Anna's funeral was held.
A small group of people were gathered around a small white stone at the cemetery. The cemetery was framed by trees, and various bushes and flowers grew among the stones. It was foggy and a little cold on the day of the funeral. I felt like I could never be happy again.
Anna's coffin, a dark brown one edged with gold, sat in front of the stone. I stood next to Cutler, directly in front of the stone. It read:
Rest in Peace
Anna Lydia Wilson
A Beloved Sister and Daughter
October 4, 1765 – March 18, 1778
When the preacher was finished, we each tossed a flower into the hole where the coffin would go. Cutler and I both had white roses; Mother and Isabelle had yellow daisies.
When everyone started thinning out, the people gathered in small groups and began walking out of the cemetery. I took Cutler's hand and we walked slowly over to his horse.
"Zoey…" he squeezed my hand a little. I stopped and faced him. "You should go home…to be with your family. They need you right now…more than I do."
"Cutler, if you need me right now, that's where I'm going to be. I am committed to you, Cutler. I love you." I said a little firmly.
He didn't smile. "Zoey, I love you, too, but…" He didn't finish. He just left off there and stared into space. I took his hands.
"But…what?" I asked with a hint of concern in my voice.
He just looked into my eyes. "Nothing, Zoey…come on, let's go."
We walked over to his white horse, which was tied to a nearby tree. I got on first, and he got on in front of me. I held on tight to him as we rode through the gloomy streets, back to his house.
He helped me get down and we walked inside together. He led me into his sitting room, where he poured two cups of tea and handed one to me. I set mine down on the little table in front of me. He sat across from me. I watched him stir sugar into his cup.
"Cutler…?" I began a little cautiously.
"Yes, Zoey?" He looked over at me. I looked away towards the wall, where a huge portrait of him hung.
I took a deep breath. "There's something I have to tell you."
He put down his cup and looked me straight in the eye. "I'm listening," he said supportively.
I took another deep breath and summoned up the courage to look into his eyes. "I haven't been completely honest with you."
"What do you mean?" he looked deeply concerned. Then he saw the tears gathering in my eyes, and I looked away again. He quickly got up and sat next to me. "Zoey, don't worry. I'm here for you. It's alright." He cradled me in his arms as I cried into his shoulder.
I lifted my head and said almost in a whisper, "My mother won't let us get married. She doesn't approve of you. I'm so sorry, Cutler."
He held my face in his hands. "Zoey, is that it?"
I nodded. My lower lip was trembling. He sighed and hugged me again. "Zoey…Zoey, I hold nothing against you. You were just afraid to tell me. I suspected that after a couple of days. But it's completely alright. I don't hold any blame against you."
I nodded slowly and gave him a little peck on the cheek.
"I love you, Zoey. I love you so much."
I just clung tighter to him. I wasn't crying anymore, but I didn't want to let him go.
- - - - - - -
That night, Cutler was asleep, and I was out in the front garden. I was wearing the dress Cutler had given me, as well as my black cloak. I strolled slowly among the flowers and bushes and thought…mostly about Anna and Cutler. Then I saw a flower…but not just any flower. It was bright pink, and it had five petals that were spread out into a star shape. The center was yellow, and the petals started out white and branched out into bright magenta. The petals were flecked with little purple spots.
The flower reminded me of Anna. She was so jubilant and determined, and she always helped me when I needed it.
I reached out and gently plucked the flower off of the bush it was on. I held onto it while I climbed onto Cutler's white horse (I had left Leah and Thunderbolt at home) and slapped the reins hard over his back. I rode hard and fast for over four miles. I was blinded by determination. I didn't think anything mattered except getting there.
When I did get to the cemetery, I slid down off of the horse (I didn't know the name of Cutler's horse), kept a firm grip on the flower, and walked over to that particular headstone.
I kneeled carefully on the grass and ran my fingers over the soft soil. Anna had been buried. She had been called home by God.
I straightened the petals a little before carefully sticking the flower upright in the ground, right below the stone. I brushed the dust and leaves from the stone and smiled weakly.
"I'm so happy about everything you've done for me, Anna. You were…a truly amazing sister. You were always so full of energy and light. The world is different now…without you here…very different. I hope you'll remember me. I am going to marry Cutler, and I will do whatever it takes. I love you so much, Anna…and Cutler truly apologizes for what he has done. I hope you will forgive us both." I stood up and looked down at the stone.
"I can' thank you enough for being my dear sister. I would have been a whole different person without you in my life, Anna. The whole family benefited from your presence. I am sure Father did as well, even though none of us ever met him. I am grieved by that, but also grieved by your death. I will never forget you, Anna. I will always remember my little sister."
I would have said more, but I heard a horse coming towards me. I didn't turn and look, because I knew who it was.
"Zoey, what are you doing here? It's past curfew, and it's dark and-"
I cut him off, "I can take care of myself. I have been out past curfew several times already. I'll be fine."
Then he came up beside me and looked at me a little sternly. "Zoey, I'm not scolding you, I'm just-"
"It sounded like you were," I cut him off.
He stared at me. "Zoey, alright, I'm sorry. I just got a little scared when you left. I thought something had happened to you. And I would never let myself live it down if that happened. I love you too much, Zoey."
I didn't look at him. "I talked to my mother."
He looked interested.
"She still doesn't want me marrying you." I looked down at the stone and about how much Anna had wanted me to marry him.
Cutler sighed a little. "Zoey, you can't let your mother drag you don like this. You are sixteen years old, almost a woman, and you think that you can let her make your decisions for you?"
I was a little shocked. I turned to face him and stared hard into his eyes. "What do you mean, Cutler?"
He replied, "If you really want something, then you can't let other people decide for you whether or not you will get it. You can't let other people live your life for you, Zoey. Can't you see that?"
I was even more shocked. "Excuse me, Cutler Beckett, but I think I can chose how to live my life, and that's not up to you! Why can't you see that?"
"For God's sake, Zoey, what is wrong with you? You need to be more independent! If you let other people control you, then you'll never get what you really want" He was fuming at me now, almost screaming.
"I never thought that what my mother said about you was true." I said a little quietly but with a fierce tone.
"And what was that?" he asked with the same fierce tone.
"That you are lying, cheating, cruel scum who has no heart and who doesn't care one bit about another human being!" I shouted. Then I turned on my heel and ran as fast as I could out of the cemetery and down the road and back home.
