Chapter 7- Tobias
I sit on my bed staring out into space. I haven't left my apartment all day. I'm not thinking about anything in particular, in fact my mind is blank, I don't know what to think. There is a quiet knock at the door and I go to answer it. Outside stands a confused Tris.
"I didn't know you knew where I lived?" I ask. She looks around and seems confused also.
"I don't."
We stare at eachother for a few seconds and I invite her in. She walks in hesitantly and sits down on the edge of the bed. I sit beside her, but not too close. "So what brought you here?" I ask. I don't understand why she would come here to see me.
"I don't know Tobias, I was just drawn here. I don't understand it. " She shakes her head.
I nod, even though I don't understand it either. We don't speak. I stare at her, what was that she said before? "What did you call me?" I ask, even though I know what she called me. Tobias. She called me Tobias.
She doesn't respond and appears to be thinking over what she said. She looks at me and says, "I didn't mean to call you that, I…" She stops. No one told her that name because no one else knows.
"You know my name." I whisper. I lift my hand to her cheek and she inches closer to me.
"Tobias," she whispers, leaning in close enough so that I can smell the soap on her skin. "Tobias Eaton." I don't make a sound, she knows my name. She knows me.
"I've been thinking a lot about that girl you told me about, the one you love?" I nod slowly, not taking my eyes off hers.
I lean in and kiss the tip of her nose. "I loved her…" I say quietly, leaning in closer. Our faces are only inches apart now.
"I know," she bites her lip, "and I think she loved you too."
I lean in further, closing the tiny gap between us and fit my mouth to hers the way it once did. But instead of kissing me back she shoves me away hard.
"I don't know what you want from me," she cries and I can see tears in her eyes, "but I'm not going to let you take advantage of me!"
I wince, her words sting. I would never…
"I came here because I was troubled and for some reason my mind brought me to you. And I'm sorry if you want me to remember you, and I feel terrible that as hard as I try I can't. But that's how it is and I hate it as much as you do. But I know nothing about you and I'm not going to do this, if that is the case."
She gets up and runs out of the room, but before she leaves she turns around and says, "What about her Four? Don't you love her?" Then she slams the door behind her.
I sit there and cradle my head in my hands. I want to cry but I don't, instead I pick up a glass photo frame with Tris' picture and hurl it at the wall. "I do love her!" I scream as the glass hits the wall and shatters throwing glass everywhere. "I love her but she doesn't love me!" I scream even louder.
I hit my fist this time against that wall, leaving a hole in the plaster and pain running up my arm. I know its not her fault, but it hurts all the same. I drop to the ground and sob into my hands until my throat is raw. I slam my fist into the ground over and over again.
After I don't know how long I just lie there in a bloody mess on the ground. The skin over my knuckles has split leaving them bloody and raw. My hand and arms ache and my throat stings. I am no longer crying, I'm cried out.
It's all over now. I've lost my Tris. I squeeze my eyes shut and try to remember Tris the night of the party. She looked great in that dress, her blonde hair neat and straight. She looked so beautiful. I remember how she looked at me that night, with all that love and adoration in her eyes. Even though she didn't love me, I know she cared, just how much I guess I will never know.
If it was that much she'd remember me wouldn't she? That's not a fair assumption, but I can't seem to understand why she can't see me the same way. Did she love me? I'll never know now. She doesn't love me now for sure. I thought maybe she was coming back to me, maybe she wasn't gone…
But I need to accept that she is and move on with my life, however hard that will be. She won't remember me and I need to leave her alone, let her rebuild her life without me. I sit up somewhat happier that I now understand what has to be done and almost relieved at the idea of being able to let go of this pain in my chest.
But before I can there is one thing I still have to do. I leave my apartment and head down to the training room where I know I will find him. I have lost my Tris, and like I said before; he will pay.
Thankyou for reading this chapter, it took a while to write Please review this chapter if you can and the next chapter will contain the big Tobias/Peter confrontation and keep in mind Peter still has the letter! :D
See you soon,
Lel
