7: Spain x Romano - I Love You No Matter What
Something that hit close to home, recently. I'm sorry if it poured out in writing.
"Breathe..."
Antonio's voice crooned, a soothing lullaby to Lovino's ears and a stark contrast from the pained and broken sobs coming from the Italian's chest. His arms were wrapped around his trembling body, his hands gently rubbing his back and his voice continued to flow in hushed, gentle tones. It was another night. Panic, bad memories, abandonment. A lot of things haunted Lovino and stirred him up.
"It's okay... Nothing's going to hurt you. No one's leaving."
"No... one..." Lovino croaked out in between sobs. Tears that streamed from his eyes soaked the fabric of Antonio's shirt, his face buried on his shoulders and his hands desperately clutching on the taller man's clothes. He could not stop. He could not calm down. He could not stop shaking and crying and the fright continues to swallow him. He could not escape.
Lovino's feelings were a raging sea at a dark, violent storm, its waves claiming the life and form of everything that tried to subdue it, ride on its tide. Its depths seem endless; a black abyss that awaits anyone who dared try to plunge in and understand the workings of it, its very core. It's dangerous to dive in and reach out, even just the edge of the chasm. Because Lovino does not welcome anyone there. He protects himself so much, he cages himself and locks himself with chains and metal that he's suffocating himself. He lashes out in confusion, hurt, fear, anxiety; Lovino feels so much, loves too much. He has so much love and he does not know how to calm the ocean. He does not know how to love himself properly, for all he knew was fear.
But Antonio. Antonio was there, in the middle of the chaotic disaster, rode the stormy seas and endured the danger of attempting to reach Lovino's core. He sails carefully, and sees all of Lovino's fear, his wrath, his troubles, and despite everything, despite the oceans roaring to swallow him and the waves attempting to throw him off his steady sail and wash him away, Antonio smiles, and does not fight it, he welcomes all of it at once, and if he drowns, he would sink into the abyss with a smile, if that was the way Lovino could show it. It was the only way he could.
He saw how he tried so hard. Lovino tried not to hurt Antonio. But the storm was oftentimes too strong, and he finds himself pushing him away, the only one who saw through everything and found the beauty in such a mess. Lovino was notoriously known for being brash, harsh, foul-mouthed. But beneath it all is a man who was scared to bare his emotions. Antonio was the only one who loved him for he is, the one who understood that in the rumpled entanglement of emotions and fear, he saw that Lovino could love so much.
Lovino pulled away from the embrace, frantic, honey eyes lined with frightened tears looking at Antonio's kind face, studying every line, every curve, every wrinkle. As if he tried to memorize it, this smiling face, this face who showed him mercy, vibrant emerald eyes that lovingly gazed at him, Antonio, who somehow managed to find a safe route in the middle of the dark, stormy oceans.
Antonio lifted his hand to caress Lovino's wet cheek, gently grazing his thumb over his skin. "I love you no matter what."
And then it was all it took, Lovino blinked, and tears were there again. He felt so safe, secure, and as he closed his eyes, he felt the rage of the storm and the wrath of the sea being appeased, and the sun would peek behind the growing gaps between the black clouds and blanket him in warmth. Love. He loves him so much. So much, too much. And if there's one thing his feelings have gotten used to, it's finding itself embracing the warmth of Antonio's sun. This man brought with him sunshine that it was painful, he was weak to defy the light and the warmth he offered.
Lovino breathes easy, falling limp in Antonio's arms. Antonio smiles, pressing a dainty kiss on his head. It seems the storm has passed. It will one day come again, he knew. But he's trying everything to see Lovino smile without worry someday, to have nights pass peacefully without another violent episode at sea.
