Chapter Seven:

Back Stepping

"I'm sorry. I didn't know anyone was here," said Grissom as he vacated the chair.

He avoided her eyes as he grabbed his jacket.

"You didn't answer me," stated the old woman.

"No, I didn't," he said as he stepped past her.

He didn't know why he said it.

It wasn't as if she had asked in a mocking manner.

Mrs. Matthews had never been cruel but she had never been supportive either, keeping in the shadows throughout his marriage to her daughter as well as the arguments with John, her husband.

Lizzie looked like her but she was nothing like her mother.

Lizzie was high spirited but there was also a softness that had drawn him to her.

Over the years he had missed that softness but had seen it in Sara.

He hated the way things were as he trudged home to his lonely townhouse.

He passed out on the couch, letting the fatigue take him.

He woke from the sound of the gardener next door.

He had not meant to sleep so long but his body took over forcing him to give it the rest it needed to continue.

He still managed to get to the lab a little early.

Grissom had no idea how he would react when he came face to face with Sara.

He felt like a coward running out of there like he did but he had not trusted his actions near her.

He wanted more than life to make love to her.

His marriage life had been satisfying but there never was any true passion.

He blamed himself, never knowing a day when he was not exhausted when he came home to Lizzie.

He made love to his wife and then passed out.

She never complained but he felt there was a void he could not seem to fill.

Their childless home had been hard on Lizzie.

Her friends were busy with their families and she felt more and more isolated with the strange hours he kept with the dead.

When Lizzie discovered she was pregnant, she focused on preparing for the baby.

There was a purpose again in the life they had made with each other.

His absence did not seem to hurt as much.

The car accident shattered everything.

When he met Sara it was different.

She had taken his breath away at the mere sight of the young brunette with her hair in a pony tail.

Her sparkling smile had warmed him to his soul and he sought to be near her, finding excuses to linger after the lecture so that she might come forward and talk with him.

He had wanted her the moment he laid eyes on her.

He felt a kindred spirit with her, an inner desire to have her that he'd never known with Elizabeth.

With Sara, he saw a chance for a new life filled with new hopes and dreams.

It was painful at times knowing that she was just in his grasp but he would never have her as long as he was tied to his previous life.

Sara stepped into the conference just as Greg did.

There was little time for small talk and he was grateful.

He could easily go down his list, avoiding any direct contact with her.

She and Warrick were the first to leave on their assignment while he pretended to be engrossed in Catherine's latest update on the high profile case.

As soon as Sara was out of the room, he relaxed, hoping that with a little time, they could return to the way things were before he had totally screwed up their relationship.

She threw her notebook into the seat as she slammed Warrick's car door.

"Woah…who woke up on the wrong side of the bed?" asked Warrick.

"Sorry…just one of those weeks," she fumed.

"Yeah, I heard about the case with the baby," he said. "Those cases keep me up sometimes."

She smiled silently at his honesty.

"We work and then we eat at the diner…okay cookie?" he asked.

"Want to flip to see who gets done first?" she quipped.

"I think the lady is hungry," he chuckled.

Grissom slid into the booth.

He had not planned on stopping at the diner but Catherine insisted.

"A girl has to eat sometimes," she argued.

She looked over the menu at him. "Jim told me about the case you and Sara worked."

He took a drink of coffee.

He knew her intentions were good but he had no desire to discuss his feelings.

When he did not respond she nudged him. "Even supervisors are allowed to show their feelings."

"Right now, this supervisor would like to eat."

Catherine grinned. "Not going to budge…okay. Jim had a few beers over it. I left him passed out on his couch. We thought you might drop in for awhile."

"Are you going to order?" he asked.

She huffed. "Has anyone ever told you how stubborn you are?"

"Yes…you."

He smiled at her.

She let it go, knowing that he understood she was only concerned about him.

Catherine and Jim had been a steady support for him over the years but he never could bring himself to really confide in them.

Once Sara had found out about Lizzie, he talked nonstop with her.

He trusted her.

Catherine scooted closer to Grissom.

He frowned.

"We have to make room for the others," she whined.

"Others?"

Nick and Greg joined them.

"Oh…well, scoot over," Grissom ordered.

She shoved him out of spite which made him chuckle.

He stopped abruptly when Warrick and Sara stepped into the diner.

He frantically looked at the seating arrangement.

Nick had started to take the seat next to Catherine but noticed a young waitress and stepped off to the side to chat.

Greg had shot off to the bathroom.

The table was wide open.

He exhaled, telling himself he was being juvenile about the matter.

He'd sat beside Sara before.

But, that was before he had kissed her, pressing his body against hers.

He could still feel her body in his mind and he shifted uncomfortably in his seat.

He gulped, grabbing for his glass of water.

"You okay?" Catherine asked.

"Why is everyone here?" he barked.

"Dinner break…we're entitled to one," replied Catherine.

"I didn't mean…it like that."

Nick returned just as the others joined them.

Nick stood as if to offer the seat beside Catherine to Warrick.

He took it without thinking.

Nick followed the waitress with his eyes.

"Sit down, Romeo," ordered Catherine.

"I…always like the scenery in here," he drawled.

Greg sat down beside Grissom.

He was thankful.

Nick then sat down leaving the spot between Warrick and Nick open for Sara.

She took her seat, grabbing her water as if she were dying of thirst.

His eyes shot up and met hers.

Oh great…

Now we're sitting directly across from one another…

It would have been better side by side…

He grabbed his water, finishing off the glass.

Catherine set hers beside Grissom.

They kept busy in the conversation, avoiding one another as best as they could.

"Glad shift is over," sighed Nick.

"Doc has been run ragged. David is out sick," announced Greg.

"Poor fella took the baby case pretty hard," added Warrick.

"I would like to string that guy up by his balls and leave him for the buzzards," seethed Catherine.

Sara's eyes remained on her cup of coffee.

Grissom did the same.

As soon as they finished, Grissom stood.

"I've got to go," he announced.

"Stay awhile," urged Catherine.

"Catherine, I can give you a lift back or you can ride with someone else," he replied.

"All work and no play can make Gilbert Grissom a very grumpy man," she huffed.

He turned, ignoring the jab.

"See you tonight, Grissom," called the gang.

"Where does he go?" asked Greg.

Catherine sighed. "He's probably headed back to the lab and then home. Man does nothing but experiments…he needs to experiment with getting a life."

"He seemed better…until this case," stated Nick.

It had been more than a week since their kiss.

She threw her gloves into her kit.

He had not paired himself with her on a single case.

By the time she had gotten to the lab, she was completely worked into a frazzle.

She stepped into his office and refused to leave until he looked at her.

"Yes?" he asked.

"Do you have a problem with me?" she asked.

"No…should I?"

She gulped.

She hated it when he was like this.

"I've…we've…why won't you work with me?"

He put his pencil down and sighed.

"Look, I'm not good…with confrontations."

"We know!" she snapped.

"I didn't want you to get the wrong impression…I take full…"

"Shove it Grissom…you're putting more into something that didn't really happen or mean anything."

If he needed an "out" she would give it to him.

It was better than this avoidance.

He felt deflated.

He never thought the kiss would not mean anything to her.

It meant everything to him.

"I'm glad…we both feel that way," he sputtered.

She forced herself not to react.

There would be time to cry over misplaced feelings later.

Her kiss had only embarrassed both of them.

He did not feel the same as she had.

"So…are you going to keep avoiding me?" she huffed.

"No…I'm sorry."

She fled, throwing her things into her locker and virtually ran from the lab.

Her talk seemed to do the trick as his eyes settled on hers at the beginning of shift.

"Sara, you're with me," he announced.

She grabbed her things and waited for him outside.

He started the engine and smiled at her.

"Thanks," she said.

"Thank me after you read the description," he answered.

"A decomp? We're working a decomp?" she asked.

"Yes…you and me," he announced.

"You think this is funny…that I would ask…for a decomp."

"Be careful what you asked for but I'm sure the others are thankful it is you and not them."

It made her grin.

It didn't turn out to be so bad.

Most of the body fluid was contained in a barrel.

They sealed it, making it ready for transport.

"Don't envy Doc," she cringed.

The days got better as they settled into their relationship once again.

He called a few times, easing back into their banter with one another.

Each thrived on the attention.

His visits with Lizzie became more and more painful.

Mrs. Matthews was there from time to time to remind him of his duty.

Grissom halted when he heard his name called just as he reached the lab door.

He turned and saw John Matthews standing by his car.

"What are you doing here?" asked Grissom.

"Don't think that I don't know what you're up to!" spat John.

"John…this is not the place for us to…"

"I will not agree to have her removed from life support…do you hear me!" he yelled.

Grissom frantically searched the parking lot.

He was glad that it was still empty.

He stepped closer to the old man.

"I didn't ask…you…to do that. I never have," seethed Grissom.

"Well, I won't! You have a duty to her…you took vows," he demanded.

"I know what I did. I've kept them."

"Just see that you do! Don't think that I'm going to let you have someone on the side while she lays there in that bed!" he growled as he drove away.

Note from author:

Yeah I know. You want to just sucker punch the in-law…LOL

Take care!