A/N: Waaaay way late, this was originally started for the Ruroken Week Day 7: Free Day, but it gave me a lot of trouble so I shelved it until today when I finally wrangled it into something resembling a story.


"So after he fights Jin'eh… what if [Kenshin] doesn't come back?" - Kaoru, Vol 2, Chapter 11


Kaoru was tired. Hissing a breath between her teeth as she bent her bandaged wrists, Kaoru crawled under the covers of her futon.

Between getting kidnapped, her fear during the fight between Kenshin and that horrible Jin'eh, and breaking free of the hitokiri's strange technique, Kaoru was more drained than she'd ever thought she'd be. They'd stopped at Dr. Gensai's on the way back home. Kaoru's wrists were rubbed raw from the ropes Jin'eh had used to bind her. Kenshin—stupid Kenshin—had refused Dr. Gensai's treatment until her wrists were bandaged and then he'd taken her home despite her protests that she would wait.

"This one's wound will take longer to treat, Kaoru-dono," he'd said with a polite smile that revealed none of the pain he must be feeling from being stabbed in the shoulder. "Better that you get home as soon as possible to rest after your ordeal."

He had walked back to the doctor's clinic after seeing her safely inside the house. Now it was quiet. She should be sleeping, but sleep proved to be as elusive as catching smoke.

She wasn't afraid—she wasn't. Jin'eh was dead; there was no reason to be afraid. And yet…

Rolling out of her futon with an exasperated huff, Kaoru shed her nightclothes and got dressed. Tying the hakama felt good, the familiar motions calming the slight tremble in her fingers. Slipping on her sandals, she padded thorough the silent house and bowed her way into the dojo.

With the familiar grip of the shinai in her hands, Kaoru took her stance, swinging the sword down in a wobbling arc.

Frowning, Kaoru adjusted her grip and took a moment to inhale deep, feeling her ribcage expand tight against her breast bindings.

The mind can be unsettled if you don't have enough air, her father had once said. It is why breathing is so important to kenjutsu. Forget to breathe; forget to think. Forget to think and you've already lost.

In. Out. She swung the sword in a sharp, perfect arc, expelling the last bit of air in her lungs with a soft "ha!"

The exercise cleared her mind and she was able to face what really bothered her with painful clarity.

What if Kenshin left? What if he left Dr. Gensai's clinic and never returned? Not even to say goodbye?

It had been a stupid trick with her ribbon. A desperate attempt to bind him to her with a promise to return what she'd given him. In the end, however, he was a free man—a rurouni—and she had to prepare herself for the day that he would leave.

Kaoru swung her sword again, blinking back tears. She'd been alone before Kenshin... it had been horrible and lonely, but she'd survived. But she didn't want to go through that again. Even Kiheh had been a welcome respite to the black pit that had threatened to pull her under in the wake of her father's death. Could she go through that again?

"What are you doing here so late?"

Kaoru whirled around, heart thudding, to see Yahiko stumble into the dojo with a mighty yawn.

"I couldn't sleep," she said, relaxing her stance as she quickly wiped her cheeks free of tears, hoping he hadn't noticed.

Yahiko narrowed his eyes, frowning. "He's coming back," he said he said after a moment. "You don't have to wait up for him."

Kaoru lifted her chin. "I'm not waiting for Kenshin," she said a little too quickly. "Like I said: I couldn't sleep."

"If you say so." Yahiko shrugged and turned to leave. Then he paused, one hand on the door frame.

"Just so you know," he said, not looking back at her, "even if Kenshin goes back to being a rurouni, you won't be alone again, 'cause I'll be here. And I'm not leaving." Then he scurried out of the dojo, shutting the door behind him.

Surprised and more than a little touched, Kaoru put away her shinai and padded softly back to her room. Just as she was shutting the door, she heard the front gate ease open. She hesitated, then shut her door with a smile and crawled into her futon, sleep finally closing her eyes.

-end-