Chapter Seven
A/N: According to the outline, we're about a third of the way through. Of course, outlines occasionally lie... So, I'll try to keep you updated as we go.
Also, really emotional chapter...prepare yourself. LOL!
"What do you mean I can't go?!" Hiccup jumps to his feet from the table, staring at his father with wide eyes. "I have to go to the mainlands! The others won't-"
"They'll do just fine without you." Stoick assures him. "I just don't think it's a good idea right now...not after what happened last night."
Hiccup frowns and sits back down, his mind racing for a way to convince his father to let him go. "But...what about Ambereyes and Scorch?" He asks, feebly.
"What about them?" Stoick retorts. "The others trained them just fine. They'll be okay."
"Okay but..." Hiccup grimaces. He hadn't wanted to say this. After all, it might hurt his father to know what Hiccup really thinks...but desperate times call for desperate measures. "Listen Dad..." He begins with a sigh. "I just think...a little time away from Berk would be good for me."
Stoick looks up, intrigued.
"I mean, being here...where it all went down..." He hesitates for a moment. "Leaving for a while might help me not think about it as much... But if I stay..." He pauses again. Should he even say this? "I think it's only going to get worse."
Stoick bows his head, a pang going through his chest at his son's words.
"I...I hear it everyday...the same things. And now...I'm seeing things too. Dad, if I stay in Berk much longer, I think I'm going to lose my mind..." Hiccup bows his head as well, as if to hide his shame for having such a weak mind as to be overtaken by something so simple... He just feels so useless.
"You think leaving Berk will help?" Stoick asks him in a quiet voice.
"Yes." Hiccup hasn't sounded this sure about something in a long time. "I do."
Stoick reaches up and takes off his helmet, running a hand through his tangled, red hair. "Alright. Fine."
Hiccup looks up.
"If you really think it'll help...you can go."
The broken teen smiles, softly. "Thanks, Dad..."
Stoick only nods. His own feeling of uselessness is almost overwhelming. His son is injured after all. In more ways than one. And the only way he can help him is to send him away... "Just try to get better." He mumbles.
"I will." His son assures him. "I think it'll work, Dad. I have a good feeling about this."
Dagur plants his hands on his hips, gazing around the shore of the mainlands. He nods in approval. The nearest town is miles away. "This spot will do." He says, mostly to himself. He notices the steep cliffs and sharp, jagged rocks that break the water's surface. He can already hear Hiccup's screams...like music to his ears. "Yeah...this place will do just fine."
"Sir?" A Berserker asks him. "What are your orders?"
Dagur smirks at him. "Set up the traps, just like I explained. Hiccup and his little friends will be here in a few days. I want everything up and functioning by the time they arrive."
"Yes sir." With that, a handful of soldiers rush off the boats and into the woods, carrying an assortment of materials needed for Dagur's plot. At this rate, Hiccup will be dead before he trains his first dragon... The mere thought of it sends joyful shivers down Dagur's spine.
Come on, Hiccup. I'm waiting for you...
"Hiccup!" Astrid calls as she swoops down on Stormfly. The lovely blonde is smiling as she lands, an excited bounce in her step as she hops out of the saddle. "Good morning!"
Hiccup forces a grin. "Morning." He replies, politely.
"How did you sleep last night?" She asks, not really looking at him anymore. Her eyes are focused on adjusting Stormfly's saddle.
"Um, fine." He lies. "You?"
She glances at him, hearing the note of falsehood in his voice. "Good..." She straightens up and stares at him. "Are you okay?"
"What?" He asks, laughing a little. "Yeah. I'm fine!" He jumps to his feet, from where he was seated on the ground outside his house while he waited for her. "So, are you all ready for the mainlands? Have everything you need?"
Astrid frowns. "Yeah." She says as she comes a little closer. "Are you sure you're feeling alright? You look...bad."
Another bout of fake laughter. "Thanks." He rolls his eyes in his best attempt at sarcasm. "I know I've seen better days but I don't-"
"Hiccup."
He flinches. The look of her face and firmness of her voice assures him. She's not buying it. And he'd better tell her what's up. Now.
"Why even bother?" She sighs as she closes the space between them. "You're such a bad liar. You always have been..." She gently brushes a strand of his hair out of his tired, sleep-deprived eyes. "You can talk to me." She reminds him.
And, with a shaky sigh of his own, Hiccup nods. Astrid's right. He can talk to her...the only problem is, he doesn't want to talk about it. It's...embarrassing to admit it. He's losing his mind. He can feel it slipping away from him, day by day. He doesn't want Astrid to know that... "I just..." He avoids her eyes, not wanting to see the caring that's surely there. "Had some trouble sleeping last night...that's all." At least that one's not a total lie.
Astrid frowns at him and steps back. She know it's a lie. "I don't get it." She snaps. "Why won't you talk to me about this?"
He only continues staring at the space between his feet.
"Hiccup, please!" She nearly begs, grabbing his shoulders. "I...it's killing me too, you know!"
He recoils in shock. What does she mean by that?
"Not knowing what's happening to you...and now you won't even talk to me without lying...it's really scaring me now. Please, Hiccup." There's no much, coiled up emotion in her eyes that it's nearly frightening. "Please let me in."
He isn't sure what to think. He's never heard Astrid beg before. She must really mean it. But...why? Why does she care so much? He's doing his best to act normal around her so why is she so determined to the dark truth? Why would she subject herself to all this pain and fear? Suddenly...he almost wants to tell her. To see what she would say...
"Please..." She whispers, staring directly into his forest green eyes.
Hiccup swallows. "I...I'm just..." He grimaces as he finally comes to a decision. Fine. Fine! If she wants to know so bad, he'll tell her. Let's just see how she takes it. "I'm scared." He tells her in cold, clipped voice. "I'm terrified, actually. Everyday it's the same thing." He yanks out of her grip, suddenly angry. "I see things that aren't there...I hear things that don't exist! I'm reliving this nightmare over and over and over and it won't stop! I can't make it stop! Nothing works!"
Astrid only stares as he continues to vent, pacing back and forth as his voice gradually grows louder and louder.
"I can't sleep at night because as soon as I doze off, I dream that Dagur is stabbing me or strangling me! I wake up and can't go back to sleep for hours. And when I do, it's the same dream every single time!" He spins around to face her, visually fuming. "Do you know what happened last night?"
"No." She says, stiffly.
"I was wide awake, in the middle of working. I thought I heard something...and just...fell apart! I was so scared that I actually mistook my own father for Dagur! I screamed and hid in a corner like a frightened animal! He had to carry me home because I couldn't even stand I was shaking so bad..." Hiccup's voice suddenly goes very quiet, he stops pacing and just stares at the ground again. "I'm losing my mind, Astrid." He whispers. "I'm...really going crazy."
She parts her lips to say something, anything to help ease his racing mind. But she's interrupted when he suddenly buries his face in his hands...and laughs. His whole body shakes as he laughs, almost hysterically. It goes on for several, long seconds before he eventually quiets down again.
"Haha...ha...ha..." He shakes his head and takes it out of his hands, noticing the wetness on his palms.
Astrid sucks in a breath at the sight of his tears. Her heart clenches, painfully. "Hiccup..." She whispers, unable to think of anything else to say.
Hiccup mumbles something inaudible under his breath before reaching up and wiping the tears from his cheeks. Great. Just great! Now he's crying in front of her... Because this is just the way to show her- He stumbles forward as Astrid grabs his shoulders. Pulling him in, she holds him close to her.
"I'm sorry..." She says. "I'm so sorry, Hiccup..."
He remains silent, unsure of what she could possibly be apologizing for.
"I had no idea." She continues. "I had no clue you were suffering so much..."
"You couldn't have known..." He points out in a near monotone voice. "I wouldn't tell you, remember?" He feels her nod against his shoulder.
She suddenly pulls away a little and Hiccup finds himself wishing she wouldn't. For some reason, opening up to her seemed to help a bit. "I don't know how to make it go away." She confesses, although her face holds anything but a look of helplessness or pity. She looks determined. There's a fire in her eyes that all-too familiar to Hiccup. "But I'll do what I can to help you get through it."
Hiccup blinks, surprised by her response. He thought she would...actually, he doesn't know how he expected her to react. Only he didn't foresee this. Then again, he should have known. Astrid is strong. Strong in so many ways that he lacks. And, somehow, he finds her words almost...comforting.
"You're going to be okay." She assures him, that roaring flame still burning in her crystal blue eyes. "You don't need to be scared anymore."
And right then, Hiccup finds himself...believing her words. At that moment, he really thinks he might just pull through...
