A/N: Sorry for the wait. Enjoy.

Waiting Is a Pain

A month had passed by completely uneventful. Draco was still mending, quiet and keeping to himself mostly as Blaise or Harry sat with him. Severus was still sitting in his cell at Azkaban, visited by the ghosts of the past. Harry was still the hero of the Wizarding world, trying hard to find a way to heal both wizards' souls.

Sighing heavily, the young Gryffindor glanced up from the passage on Wizarding laws that he had been previously reading. It hadn't necessarily made sense to him of course with all the legalese, but it was helping him feel as if he was doing something for Snape. After all, schoolwork just seemed tedious to him, since he had finally defeated the Dark Lord.

"Anything?"

Harry shook his head towards the young witch. "Nothing I can see, Mione, but go ahead. You might have better luck understanding it." He pushed the heavy book across the table towards her, frowning as he sat with his friends in the library.

"Dad says that Snape's expected to be back in court tomorrow," Ron quietly announced, glancing up from the message he received from his father. "Something about the attorney that Snape fired awhile back stating that Snape's gone nutters or something."

"What?" Harry's green eyes narrowed on the redhead. "The Prophet hasn't mentioned anything like that." Then again, Harry knew that the Prophet didn't really say much of anything good about Snape. In fact, the Prophethad all but convicted and sentenced Snape already. Harry turned towards Hermione when he noticed her thoughtful expression. "What? Did you find something?" He looked at the book, wondering what he had missed.

"No. There isn't much in that," she answered, shaking her head. "Harry, if the attorney can prove his claim, though, then it negates Professor Snape's decision to represent himself. Anyone the courts deem mentally incompetent cannot represent himself since it'd cause the courts to wrongly convict defendants."

"What does that mean?"

"It means that Professor Snape's decision to fire the attorney you hired for him could be overturned as well as his guilty plea."

"So then this guy just has to prove that Snape's nutters, and it's he might have a chance? Man, I don't envy that guy." Ron shook his head. "Think how Snape will react to hear that some guy who was representing him now thinks he's as loony as Lestrange."

"If it works, then I don't care what he thinks, Ron."

"I suppose, but Snape's not exactly one to open up to another, though." He then turned back towards his letter, reading some more before speaking again. "And Dad says here that they've scheduled some sort of conference with some Mind Healer tomorrow."

"Yes, to find out if he is in fact mentally impaired. The only thing is . . . Professor Snape will likely realize what the questions are for, and we've already seen that he's given up hope."

"Then we'll just have to make sure that we don't," Harry stated, standing as he felt her anger take over. He didn't understand why the older wizard wouldn't want to save his life now. Snape had his chance to die, and he declined. So what the hell was going through the wizard's mind now that he thought he deserved to be punished? Snape had saved them all. He was a hero.

"Where are you going, mate?"

"For a walk," grumped the young Gryffindor hero before he walked away from Ron and Hermione to head towards the Quidditch pitch.

What was with Slytherins? Was their pride that big that they wouldn't accept help when they so desperately needed it? Snape was one mystery that Harry hadn't necessarily figured out fully, but he had at least gained some understanding that the man deserved a tremendous amount of respect and to be saved considering all the times he had nearly sacrificed himself for the greater good. Draco, on the other hand, was one who seemed to have his ego possibly get in the way, assuming foolishly that asking for was a sign of weakness. Together, the two drove Harry up the wall at times. Neither one wanted his help necessarily, but the young Gryffindor felt obligated to do so just the same. After all, they both needed help, whether they knew it or not.

~IL~

Being escorted into the familiar holding area, Severus waited for the Aurors to prod him into the courtroom. He held his head up high as he walked in, fully expecting to hear the words 'Kissed' out of the Minister's mouth upon sight of him. When the bigger Auror shoved him into the chair, quickly fastening the chains around his ankles and wrists to it, he growled. This should have been a two second deal. What were they waiting for exactly?

"Severus Tobias Snape vs. Wizengamot," called out a woman near the Minister before she stepped back into the shadows once more.

"I trust you understand why you've been brought here today, Professor Snape?"

"Yes," he replied, loud enough for a few to hear him. "You're sentencing me."

"No, Professor."

His black eyes narrowed on the Minister. No? What the hell did he mean 'no?' Why else was he there? His eyes then darted to the side as he watched his former attorney slink out of the shadows.

"Forgive me, but I believe that I was granted the right to represent myself at our last meeting."

"That is yet to be determined, Professor." Kingsley sighed quietly. "A motion has been brought before us suggesting that you are not mentally competent to stand trial or even represent yourself."

"That's absurd!" Severus made sure that he didn't glance towards the three hallucinations that were looking on in curiosity. "If said claims were brought to you by Mister Legassi, Minister Shacklebolt, then you should keep in mind that he is likely doing so because he has a personal gain in this matter, considering that he'd be my counsel if the courts deemed it so."

"The court is aware."

"Then clearly Mister—"

"We are obligated to ensure that you receive a fair trial, Professor Snape." Shacklebolt then motioned towards an Auror standing guard to bring forward a middle-aged man. "You will answer his questions fully, Professor. And if it is believed that you are lying about your answers, I will not hesitate in using Veritaserum on you. Is that understood?"

"Perfectly," Severus spat out, glaring.

"You may address the defendant," the Minister stated to the hesitant man.

"Thank you, Minister." The man then bowed his head before glancing towards Severus. "My name is Healer Galen." He paused for a moment. When Severus didn't reply, he nodded slowly. "Professor Snape, what are your thoughts right now?"

"How idiotic you are for asking such asinine questions."

"I see." The healer nodded slowly. "When you were brought in here, you believed that you were here to be sentenced. Do you believe this is an open and shut case?"

"I was a Death Eater. You tell me."

"You believe then that you will be put to death for your crimes?"

"Wouldn't you?" he replied calmly.

"Death doesn't scare you?"

Severus kept his mouth firmly shut, staring back at the healer. As if he was that stupid to answer that he deserved death. He watched the healer's frown deepen.

"I see." The healer then sighed. "If you wished for death anyway, why didn't you just save the Ministry the trouble and do it yourself, Professor?"

"That's a good point," mirage Aurora stated, crossing her arms. "Why didn't you, Severus? Is it because deep down you want to live?"

He growled, forcing himself not to snap at her. With his black eyes trained on the healer, he gave him his severest glare that he wished he could direct towards her instead.

"Clearly you haven't done your research then, Healer."

"I think you'd be surprised what I know about you, Professor." The healer gave him a faint smirk. "Now, please. Answer the question."

"Perhaps I didn't think of it at the time."

"You're a smart man. I'm sure it crossed your mind at least once, though."

Severus clenched his jaw even tighter when he noticed the ladies nod at the healer's words. He wanted to scream at them to leave him the hell alone. He had seen them for nearly two months, and they rarely left him alone. To say he was tired of them was an understatement.

"This healer is rather intelligent. Maybe you should let him in, Severus." Mirage Aurora shrugged slightly, her kind warm eyes falling on him. "What could it hurt? You don't want to die. We both know that."

"Shut it, Aurora," he growled quietly, his eyes darting towards the mirage and forgetting all about the healer. "Just shut it! You can't save everyone so stop trying to save me. I want to die! Do you understand that? I want to die. I deserve this. I deserve every part of this hell for what I did."

"And just what did you do?"

Severus answered before realizing that it hadn't been Aurora who had asked but the healer. He had once again lost himself to the anger. Why didn't they understand?

"I relayed the Prophecy to the Dark Lord. I was the reason Lily died. I was the reason Harry grew up without a family. I did that. The woman I loved died because of me. I deserve to die, Aurora. I deserve to be punished for it. I deserve to have every misdeed I ever did: killing Lily, standing by as Charity and countless others were murdered, killing Dumbledore, embracing the darkness in the first place, all that and more. I deserve death for that."

"Why?"

"Because I don't deserve to be loved, to be treated with the kindness you offer. I've done horrible things in my life, Aurora. You can't save me. So stop wasting your energy on me. I'll just disappoint you yet again."

"You haven't disappointed me, Severus," the mirage witch said quietly, frowning at him. "You did what you had to do. I understand it. I do. But even you know that you gave me your heart that night, and that this is now is all because you're afraid of getting hurt. You're afraid that I know you now and that I have some sort of knowledge I can hold over you. Severus, I won't hurt you. I promise."

He shook his head, though. She couldn't promise not to hurt him. No one could. At the sound of someone clearing a throat, though, his head snapped up. Swallowing, he realized instantly what had happened. He shook his head. It wasn't supposed to be like this. He was supposed to have died. He had no reason to live anymore. He had finished his objective. Harry was safe, and that was all that mattered. He didn't matter. He shouldn't matter.

"You're wrong."

"And you're not real," he snapped, glaring at the witch.

"I think we have our answer. Healer Galen, thank you for your time." Shacklebolt said nothing as the man walked past, leaving the courtroom. "Mister Harper, do you have any objections?"

"I do not," replied the opposing attorney.

"Then it is the finding of the court that Professor Snape is not mentally competent to be his own attorney. As such, Mister Legassi is recognized once again as his counsel, and the guilty plea is stricken from the record."

"No. I refuse! I'm guilty!" Severus tried to stand up, madder than ever before as the chains refused to allow him to rise. "Just kill me already!"

"Mister Legassi! Control your client."

"No. No. Just . . . finish it. Please! No more." He hated begging, but he couldn't wait anymore. He wanted to die. He had prepared himself for it. Why didn't they understand? Why didn't they just give up on him like everyone else had?

"Severus, stop." The fat attorney shoved him down, giving him the familiar look of 'I'm helping you.' However, his words fell on deaf ears.

Severus only tried harder. He had to leave to find someone who would help him. He couldn't just sit here and wait. Waiting was driving him mad. He needed to find someone who would punish him accordingly. Find someone who would let him die.

"Auror!"

The moment he felt the injection, Severus's body slackened, the energy gone. He felt himself starting to slip away to the familiar and welcoming darkness. He sighed. Perhaps this time when he awakened he wasn't going to be visited by the three witches he hurt.

~IL~

Aurora sighed as she sat in her rooms, reading the Prophet. She didn't know why she was reading it, especially since she was currently reading about the bastard's trial. However, a part of her knew that she couldn't just brush it off. She had loved him for decades. It was hard to turn one's back on someone after that long.

She frowned as she read that he was found mentally incompetent. No doubt, it'd be an insult to Severus. She continued reading the report, narrowing her eyes when she read that Severus had yelled out a woman's name during the hearing, her name. Why the hell had he yelled her name at the trial?

Tossing the paper, she sighed heavily. The Prophet had likely misheard or miswrote it. There was no reason for him to yell her name. She was just a witch he had slept with and discarded as if she was nothing. That's all she ever would have been to him. Lily was the only witch he'd ever give himself to freely, and she was dead.

But the question bounced around in her head. What if he had said her name? What if his time in Azkaban was changing him for the better? What if Severus had given himself to her that night as she had thought, hoped for that night? What if he had meant his words, meant the proposal that night? What if he did in fact love her, but was being his usual stubborn ass self?

"Dammit, Severus," she mumbled, standing up and quickly walking out of her rooms to head across the observatory to the railing. He always did this to her. He always made her think that there was something between them, only to withdraw and make her question herself.

She knew she loved him. As painful as that was to admit, she did love the sarcastic git. Oh, at times she just wanted to hit him for doing this to her yet again. But she couldn't. Even though he frustrated the hell out of her, she couldn't hurt him. Sighing, she turned and walked back into her rooms. She couldn't make up her mind anymore. However, a moment later, she stopped in front of her jewelry box in her bedroom, opening it slowly. Her fingers brushed gently the silver ring that was tucked into the velvet box she had placed it in the following June morning. She didn't know why she hadn't given it back when he had returned. She should've, but she couldn't. He had given it to her so there was hope.