PLOTS WEREN'T PROVIDED!
Episode 7: The FFX Invasion!
Oh, and I finally fixed the disclaimer. Take a look!
Disclaimer: Yuna sucks!
Yuna: I'm offended!
SoFaRo: If I had a damn, I wouldn't give it to you.
I do not own Final Fantasy X or its crappy sequel Final Fantasy X-2,
nor have I any wish to own these. Oh, and I also don't own Mega Man,
Bass, Zero, Mega Man Battle Network, or Mega Man X. I do, however, as
far as I know, own the man-eating ants. Oh yoy. (Yoy means joy)
SCENE: Some room in Hyrule Castle. Yuna, Rikku, and Paine are walking around.
Yuna: Where are we?
Rikku: When did we get here?
Paine: Why do I care?
Booming voice: YOU ARE HERE FOR THE PURPOSE OF COMPLETING THE ANTIPLOT!
Rikku: ...so, is that edible, like antipasta?
Booming voice: ...why is it that the cute ones are always stupid?
Rikku: Hey! You big meanie!
Booming voice: WHAT? ANYWAY, AN ANTIPLOT IS NOT EDIBLE, BUT IS INSTEAD A PLOT
OF A STORY THAT LACKS ALL THE STANDARD CHARACTERISTICS OF A PLOT
IN MUCH THE SAME WAY THAT AN ANTIHERO LACKS THE CHARACTERISTICS
OF A TYPICAL HERO. Much like Squall for the first half of FF8,
actually...
Paine: Do we care?
SoFaRo: Well you should!
Yuna: Hey! You're the guy who said I suck! DIE::Tries to do Trigger Happy
on SoFaRo, who dodges.:
SoFaRo: Dude, THIS is how it's done::Does Bass.exe's Air Explosion on Yuna,
reducing her HP to 1.: Okay, that was luck.
Yuna: Ow.
SoFaRo: Hey, how do you think I felt, being shot at crosswise like that?
Yuna: Yeah, but I didn't hit you!
SoFaRo: Ah, chill out.
:The following people enter the room: Lulu, Kimahri, and last but also least...
Yuna: Tidus!
Tidus: Yuna!
:Tidus and Yuna start making out, until SoFaRo blasts them with a giant Super
Soaker. (which by the way, they seem to have stopped making. WHY!)
Tidus: Hey, what's the big idea!
SoFaRo: No making out! This is a family story! (Blatant lie on my part, but eh)
Tidus: So why is it rated R?
SoFaRo: BECAUSE I LIKE TO HEDGE MY BETS! But enough of this, it's time to
get moving with the antiplot!
Zelda::Walks in: Who are these fools!
Tidus: I'm Tidus! Star of the Zanarkand Abes!
Yuna: I'm Yuna.
SoFaRo: The big lion-guy is Kimahri, the cute girl is Rikku, and the slightly
scary girl is Paine.
Paine: How am I scary!
SoFaRo: It's the eyes. They're, like, red... y'know, like blood.
Zelda: Are you staying long?
Paine: As long as the idiot makes us stay.
SoFaRo: Watch it! I could turn you into a frog like that::Snap:
:Paine turns into a frog.
SoFaRo: See::Snap:
:Paine becomes human again, but is trampled by a swarm of ants.
Paine: Rrrgh! They're biting me to death::Rolls out of the stream of ants,
covered in them: Get off me!
SoFaRo: Sorry to do this, Dart, but... :whips out arm-blade and drives it
into the ground: Explosion::Explosion is cast on the stream of
ants as well as Paine. The ants are burned to a crisp instantly.:
Paine::Blinks twice, covered in soot: What's with those ants?
SoFaRo: I don't know, maybe they're South American soldier ants.
Paine: And what do they do?
SoFaRo: They eat everything in their path.
Rikku: Scary.
SoFaRo: Tell me about it. And they aren't affected by Authorial magics at all.
Zelda: So why did you bring them here!
SoFaRo: THE THING IS, I DIDN'T! Someone must be trying to kill us! And if we
follow the ants to their source, we'll find out who...
Rikku: Here come some more...
SoFaRo: Rrrr... Flaeli! (It's from Phantasy Star IV, people.)
:The spell hits one ant.
SoFaRo: Well, it was worth a shot. Hewn! (Also from PSIV)
:Ants are blown everywhere, but not one dies. They get back into a line.
SoFaRo: $&$#&$&$#::Picks up a cellphone: Hey, Dart, can you come
over and use Red-Eyed Dragon on some man-eating ants? Well, I can't use
it since I'm not a Dragoon and thus can't summon any Dragon spirits.
Well then, come on over and use Divine Dragon Ball, then, I don't care!
Oh, fine, I'll think of something else... :Hangs up: Anyone know any
all-encompassing Fire spells, like Firaga-all?
Lulu: I never learned to split spells, unfortunately.
Yuna: I prefer White Magic.
Rikku: Yunie and Paine said I was too much of a danger to myself and others to
be a Black Mage.
:Everyone looks at Paine.
Paine: ...all right, I'll handle this. :Spherechanges to Black Mage: FIRAGA!
:All the ants are scorched. More begin arriving.
Paine: Sh-t. Can't you do anything?
SoFaRo: Sorry, I'm only good with poison- and death-based spells... wait a
tick! Insecticide spells! There's gotta be SOME in existance::Picks
up a spellbook: Hmm... Impotence, I already know... Incest prevention,
no... Indirect magic, no... HERE IT IS! INSECTICIDE SPELLS! All
I need is some herbs and some grape juice!
Paine: You need stuff?
SoFaRo: This is some old-school magic, Paine. It requires the use of potions
and such.
Paine: Well, why don't you just materialize some of the stuff?
SoFaRo: I can't use magic to create a magic potion! It's against the laws of
magic!
Paine: All right then, we're all screwed.
Rikku: Wait, isn't there some grape juice in the kitchen?
Zelda: Probably.
Rikku: And are there herbs in the garden?
Zelda: I guess so, why?
Rikku: Yunie, Paine... It's MISSION TIME!
SoFaRo: Oh Lord, here we go.
Rikku: So, you can go get the juice, and Paine and I can look for the herbs!
Yuna: Okay, let's do it!
:Yuna, Paine, and Rikku start to run off in random directions.
Zelda: Yuna, the kitchen's up those stairs, and you two, the garden is
that way :Jerks a thumb in the direction of the garden:
G.Wings: ...Thanks!
:The Gullwings run off in the correct directions.
SoFaRo: -.-;; Guys, we are gonna die.
2bc!
Next time!
The Gullwings finish playing Charlie's Angels!
The conclusion of these events is reached!
All this and not much more on the next badly-planned episode of
PLOTS
WEREN'T
PROVIDED!
MST3k twang
