Lauren was sat on the edge of her bed her glazed over eyes staring out of the window at the quiet and dark Albert Square. She didn't know how long she had been sat there just gazing out as the people abandoned the streets for their nice warm houses. She wanted to sleep so much but it wouldn't find her. Everytime her eyes closed that same image of his face flashed before her eyes startling her back into the land of the living.

The darkness though seemed comforting to her. The calmness of it all. She felt safe in the darkness of her room. She was concealed from everyone, they wouldn't spot her through the dark shadows. Wouldn't spot her suffering. A quick glance at the clock on the bedside table told her that is was now 3:30am and she groaned her voice and body filled with fatigue. Every movement she made sent a twinge of pain through her nerves and knowing that she couldn't win she stood up on shaky legs and quietly made her way out of her room and down the stairs.

Her bandaged feet made no sound as she shuffled across the hallway through to the kitchen and without even turning on the light she walked over to the fridge and opened it hunting for a bottle of water. But when she opened it her eyes didn't even look at the water. It went to the wine instead. Her hands worked before her mind could and she picked up the bottle from the fridge, opened it with ease and poured a large one into a glass before seating herself down by the chair in the dark kitchen. Lauren lifted the glass to her lips and took a long gulp on the fruity beverage letting the warmth settle into her chest. As soon as that went she took another and another and another until in a matter of seconds the glass was empty.

She leaned back gingerly against the solid wooden chair and poured another large one but she didn't rush drinking this. Instead she rolled the glass between her bandaged hands and the rhythmic movements sent her off to the depths of her mind. The silence was deafening as she just stared off into space once more. No matter what she did her mind kept lingering back to what happened in that house as every day she remembered more and more of what she went through. The smell of cigarettes and alcohol on his breath as he forced his mouth over hers. His rough calloused hands which felt like sandpaper as he ripped aggressively at her top and jeans. A shudder involuntarily rippled through her and she took another drink praying that it would just block it out. She wished she didn't know what had happened. But she knew it all, and the tablets weren't helping her forget. Talking about it wouldn't help her forget so she just hoped that drinking would. That it would numb the emotional pain she was feeling as it had many times before.

Her mind continued to drift as she slowly recalled what happened before that. The car ride. She could almost feel his hand wrap right around her holding her in the car whilst Lucy pounded on the windows furiously. Speeding off into the unknown. Looking out the back window and watching as Lucy turned into a small blur in the background. Racing through the streets and the countless amount of times that they nearly crashed, and then turning up outside a small dingy looking house. Lauren polished off the second glass at that thought as another shiver went through her. Her stomach turned, whether it was from the alcohol or the memories she didn't know, but it churned and tightened making her feel ten times worse than she had twenty minutes ago.

And so she sat there for a good hour. The wine bottle lay tipped over on its side completely empty as she finished the entire bottle to herself. Her head felt fuzzy and light and she couldn't even think of anything. Not of what happened, not even about now. A lobsided grin came to her bruised face as she realised that it had worked. It made her forget and that's all she wanted. But the smile washed away and her face returned to its blank emotionlessness. She stared off out the window as the sky was slowly beginning to brighten as the sun began its ascend back up into the sky. It wouldn't be up properly for another good hour so the kitchen was still in relative darkness. The only thing the alcohol hadn't done though was bring her sleep. She hadn't drunk enough for that. She was about to get another bottle when a familiar voice hit her ears.

"Lauren what are you doing down here?" Abi asked innocently as she looked on from the doorway her dressing gown wrapped tightly around her. Lauren just looked at her face still void of emotions as she slumped back in the uncomfortable chair. She'd heard her sister clearly, but she just didn't know how to respond. So she stayed quiet and continued to play with the empty glass.

Abi walked further into the kitchen still waiting for a response off Lauren but it didn't come. And as she stopped alongside the round table she could see the outline of the horizontal wine bottle and the empty glass on the table. "Lauren have you been drinking?" She said a small amount of scolding in her voice as she looked down on her sister's vacant expression. Lauren didn't even look up at her and instead kept her eyes focused on the twirling glass in her palms as her mind began to argue with itself. The same thing that had been whirling around in her skull for days 'I deserved it, I was stupid, I had it coming' was plaguing every little thought she had. "Are you that stupid?" Abi spoke again snatching the empty bottle up off of the table and throwing it into the bin.

"Maybe?" Lauren practically whispered out with a wince as the words that were dominating her mind escaped her sister's lips innocently, but it was loud enough for Abi to hear. And hear her she did. She heard the resignation, the regret and the pain that filled that one word. "Maybe I am, maybe I deserved what I got. I ruined Darren and Jodie's almost marriage because I went with him, went with Tyler when I knew Whitney wanted him. I always want what I can't have! All those random guys I went with as well." Lauren spoke as anger seeped into her slightly slurred speech. "And then karma came around and gave me everything I didn't want. So yes Abi I am stupid! I'm worthless and disgusting and I deserved everything I got!" Her voice got a little louder and her face was contorted in pain as the tirade of self hate came straight to the forefront.

Abi couldn't believe the words that were coming from her sister's mouth. She hadn't meant it like that. As Lauren's movements got more jerky and the more upset she got Abi did the only thing that she knew how too. She hurried around the table and threw her small arms around her sister's frame halting her movements almost instantly. "What if this is payback for all the bad things I've done Abi" Lauren whispered her face still filled with pain as she spoke into Abi's ear. "For running over dad. Ruining the family's life. Ruining other people's lives?".

Abi pulled back from Lauren but kept her hands clasped onto her sister's arms. "It's not payback. And it's not Karma Lauren! You didn't deserve this! No one deserves this let alone you!" Abi spoke her youthful voice filled with sincerity as she stared Lauren right in the face showing her she meant every word. "Sure you can be annoying sometimes, but you're kind, brave, loving, funny, sweet, mature… You singlehandedly juggled looking after me and mum for months. You gave up everything to help us! So no, you didn't deserve this. Don't you dare think like that!" Abi finished looking at Lauren who's face didn't betray a single thing she was feeling inwardly. Lauren nodded her head lightly still staring at her sister, surprised by how mature and grown up she sounded. "Let's get you to bed okay" She cooed softly as she lifted Lauren into a standing position. The girl swayed slightly and Abi made sure to keep her hands tightly on her keeping her up on her feet.

They made their way quietly up the stairs and into Lauren's room. Abi eased her gently down onto the bed as a small hiss of pain escaped through Lauren's cut lips and she murmured her apologies. Lying her down she pulled the quilt tightly up to Lauren's chin and sat down next to her. "Do you want me to stay here with you, I don't mind?" Abi spoke quietly glad that her parents had been awoken.

Lauren shook her heavy head side to side a little. "You go sleep, I'll be fine!" She slurred out looking at Abi through bleary eyes. Abi nodded her head and stood but stopped when she felt Lauren's thin hand grasp a hold of her wrist. "I love you Ab's, you know that don't you!" She spoke out quietly and Abi nodded at her. "I'm sorry for the way I am!" She got out before she finally fell into an alcohol induced sleep. Abi just tucked her limp arm under the cover and retreated to her own room.

She sat down on her own bed now being unable to sleep after what she had just heard from her sister. I should have realised how bad she was getting she mumbled inwardly as her eyes drifted at the wall separating their bedrooms. She hadn't realised that she was crying until she felt a few tears drip onto her hand. No matter how much she wiped them away they continued to spill and so with a resigned sigh she fell down into the bed and cuddled up to the pillow trying to find sleep the tears drying on their own.

0o0o0o0o0o

Tanya was sat at the kitchen table idly sipping at the coffee in her hand. She had been in to check on Lauren countless times since she had awoken that morning but the girl was just crashed out in her bed. Max walked into the kitchen, coffee in one hand and newspaper in the other and he sat down opposite his wife who was drumming her free hand anxiously on the table. "Babe she's probably fine yeah! It's the exhaustion from the last few days that has caught up with her, best thing for her now is sleep" Max spoke up looking at his anxious wife.

"I know… I'm just worried about her that's all!" Tanya answered as she drank the dregs and walked over to the sink to wash up the cup but she stopped as she saw something sticking out of the bin haphazardly. Walking over to it she lifted the lid and her eyes widened in shock at what she found. She reached in and pulled out the now empty bottle of red wine and turned to Max with it. "We didn't drink this!" She said handing it over to him and he shook his head as well.

"If we didn't have it then who did?" Max said knowingly looking at his wife with worry. Tanya didn't say anything and simply hurried up the stairs and into Lauren's room. She walked over to the bed and sat down next to the girls head – Max loitering in the doorway. "Lauren darling!" Tanya spoke tapping at Lauren's bruised cheeks. "She's not meant to drink with the tablets she's taking!" She threw over her shoulder at Max. A low pained groan came from beneath the bed covers as slowly Lauren's eyes opened and met her mother's worried ones. "Are you alright darling?" Tanya asked worriedly looking down at her eldest who looked incredibly groggy.

"I'm fine mum!" She croaked out hoarsely sitting in an upright position slowly. "What's wrong?" She asked looking at the blonde who was checking her over quickly.

"We found the bottle of wine you drank last night! You're not meant to drink with your tablets sweetheart!" Tanya spoke up and Lauren rolled her eyes at her mother. She honestly didn't care one bit right now.

"Well I'm fine ain't I" Lauren spoke the obvious as she got up off the bed and limped across the room towards the door. Max didn't know what to do. Her mood swings were happening so fast that he didn't know what would come next.

"I'm just worried that's all, you've got to be careful!" Tanya spoke standing up and walking over to her daughter who stepped away from her. "Don't drink in your condition yeah!" Tanya spoke even softer then before but Lauren whipped around eyes suddenly ablaze as she looked at her mother.

"I was raped mum I haven't got a terminal illness!".

Tanya honestly felt like she had been punched in the face at the words. Her stomach churned as she heard the words that stung every time they were mentioned. "I'm going in the shower!" Lauren spoke up before gathering up her clothes and heading into the bathroom locking the door shut behind her.

Max and Tanya just stared at the room where the girl had departed too before looking at each other. Max was about to speak when Abi rounded the corner and came into the room looking between her parents. "You found the bottle then?" Abi said simply and her parents were dumbstruck at her words.

"You knew about this?" Max turned to look at his youngest. "Abi why didn't you tell us earlier?" Max spoke his voice slightly raised in frustration.

"Because only now I'm getting up ain't I!" She bit back and made her way further into the room sitting down on the bed next to Tanya. The sound of the shower being turned on could be heard in the background. "I could hear someone downstairs last night, so I went down and Lauren was sat in the kitchen in the dark and she'd drank an entire bottle of wine to herself!" Abi began slowly making sure her parents were keeping up with her. "I'm worried about her mum, the things she was saying to me last night…" Abi trailed off and Tanya put a soft hand on her forearm urging her to continue.

"What was she saying Ab's?".

"She was saying how stupid she was, how she deserved everything that happened to her. Like it was karma for ruining everyone's lives and because she slept around. It really frightened me mum…" Abi finished and Tanya had visibly paled at her youngest daughter's words.

"I'll try and speak to her. Max take Abi out for some food or something!" Tanya spoke up looking at her family. Max nodded and put a hand on Abi's shoulder guiding her out of the room and down the stairs to the car.

Tanya sat still on the bed as she replayed Abi's words in her head. She could put Lauren's voice to the words easily. I deserved it. I'm stupid. Karma for ruining everyone's lives and sleeping around. She rubbed her face wearily and when she looked up Lauren was stood in the doorway watching her. Tanya didn't say anything, she merely tapped the bed next to her and Lauren hobbled over and sat down next to her. Her bruised face was paler than usual and her eyes were down baring into the carpeted floor.

"Abi told me about last night. About what you said" Tanya started slowly looking at her daughter who was still looking blankly at the ground. "Please don't think it was your fault. That you deserved it… Because you didn't, please darling don't blame yourself for what happened!" Tanya half pleaded with her daughter. She hated the fact that Lauren hated herself so much. It was the last thing she needed right now.

Lauren looked up from the floor and at her mother but she was almost looking straight through her. "I got in the car mum. I got in there with them, should have expected it, I handed myself to them on a plate" She said blankly with a shrug of her shoulders. Tanya leaned forward and placed her hands on Lauren's cheeks.

"Don't you dare! Don't you dare take the blame for what they did!" Tanya said her voice filled with anger at the animals who had done this to her child. "You didn't go out looking for that! You were drunk and they prayed on that fact! Please don't do this to yourself sweetheart, I can't watch you destroy yourself over this" Tanya spoke firmly keeping Lauren's head between her palms. "Please Lauren!" Tanya mumbled out quietly as she rested her forehead on her daughters.

"I just…" Lauren began slowly as she finally came to the land of the living and out of her own bubble. "I just can't make sense of it all, why people would do that, why to me?" She spoke honestly as her whole body trembled ever so slightly. "I just want it all to, to go away! Like none of it happened!" She murmured out a twinge of hurt slipping into her monotone vocals.

"I know sweetheart! I know!" Tanya cooed as she pulled her daughters frame into her own. Lauren slid her legs over Tanya's lap and rested her head in the crook of her mother's neck as Tanya practically cradled her daughter to her body, sheltering her from everything and everyone.

Lauren instantly felt a little more at ease in her mother's grasp. She felt safer, protected. She could drop her guard just a little. Her hand curled around Tanya's back and arm as she practically clung to her mother like a newborn child would. She knew she probably looked ridiculous but when she was sat like this, just the two of them, everything went away for a little while, just like it did with the alcohol. The reassuring scent of home that oozed off her mother calmed her racing nerves as she snuggled closer.

Tanya just held her daughter tightly rocking her back and forth showing her that she was there. No matter what she was there for her and she would support her daughter all the way. She pressed a chaste kiss to Lauren's cut head and whispered gentle words of support into the girls ear. She caught a glimpse of her face and she could see the blankness and pain that was etched across her features constantly but with it there was a trace on content at being in the arms of the person she cared for the most. "I'm gonna look after you Lauren, just like you looked after me! I promise you that".

0o0o0o0o0o

A few hours had passed since her chat with her mother and now Lauren was back to her usual spot. On the edge of her bed gazing out at the darkening sky of Walford. She tried to lose herself in the mesh of pink and blue and black on the sky above but it quickly became into a visionary projector of the things she was trying to bury the most. That man. His face was constantly flashing across it, flashing across her eyes and causing her heart rate to increase just a little. His smile was burning into her retinas and another feeling of nausea struck her and she fought the urge to vomit. It was as if she was on that floor again. Crying, screaming, pleading for them to stop. To stop the pain, stop the torture. Her body began to shake and she looked away from the sky but her blood froze over as there, stood in front of her was him.

A piercing scream ripped from her battered lungs as she pushed herself across the bed all the way to the far end of it. He continued to walk forward that same smile plastered on his face. "They're never gonna find us Lauren" He spoke as he approached the bed and stopped a mere foot away from her. "You asked for it. You wanted It so we gave it you. It was your entire fault. You led us on, sucked us in and it was obvious why you came with us!" He laughed pulling his hands from his pockets and in a flash he pounced forward on top of her pinning her to the bed tightly. She writhed, kicked out and screamed as his weight pressed down on her smaller frame. "This is what filthy little skanks like you get Lauren, you deserved everything that came to you!" He laughed loudly before wrapping his hand around her throat and squeezing tightly.

"Lauren, Lauren wake up!" Max and Tanya half screamed at their daughter as she kicked out on the bed as if she was trying to escape something. Tears were streaming from her eyes which seemed glued shut and her hands were thrashing about wildly stopping the two of them from getting close enough.

Cries of get off me and leave me alone were ringing around their ears as they tried to near their daughter. In one quick movement Max grabbed a hold of her kicking legs and held them firm to his body whilst Tanya took a hold of her arms and pinned them down to her side. This seemed to frighten her even more as her movements became more and more erratic. "LAUREN WAKE UP!" Tanya screamed loudly at her daughter giving her a sharp jolt.

Lauren shot bolt upright her body screaming in pain at the brisk and sudden movement. She hit out automatically and thankfully Tanya managed to grab a hold of her wrists. "Lauren darling it's me! It's me now calm down, shhhh!" Tanya cooed reassuringly and as soon as Lauren's bloodshot eyes met with hers all the fear and fright left her body and the pain from the struggle hit her full force. She let out a low whimper and allowed her body to fall forward into her mother's open arms. Tanya hugged her tightly and rubbed soothing circles on the girls back as she tried to get her breathing under control once more. "It was just a nightmare!" She continued as she tried to calm the girl. She could feel her daughters heart pounding against her ribcage.

Max walked forward and sat down on the other side of Lauren wrapping a strong arm around both of them as Abi who had come to see what was happening lingered in the doorway not knowing what to do with herself. "Abs go get us some water will you please?" Max said looking at his other daughter and she scampered out of the room to fetch some water for Lauren.

"I-it was so real!" Lauren finally managed to get out. "I could feel his breath on my f-face" She continued as she wiped her tears dry with her sleeve. She could still hear his voice, feel the roughness of his hands grasp a hold of her wrists and her throat.

"It'll be fine Lauren, it's just a dream and they can't hurt you here!" Max spoke firmly as his mind went back to those monsters and he could feel his face flush red at the turmoil they had put his little girl through. Lauren just nodded a little bit shell shocked from the nightmare. It was so real.

"Come with me!" Tanya said standing up and taking a hold of Lauren's hands as she gingerly followed her mother out of her room and into her parents one. "You are staying in here with us tonight, no arguments!" She said placing the girl into the bed and pulling the quilt over her once again. She could feel the mini tremors rolling off her daughter and so she settled herself down next to her and wrapped a protective arm around Lauren's waist pulling the girls slim and fragile body up against hers. "No one is going to hurt you again Lauren" Tanya spoke and Lauren just nodded her mind still dazed and confused.

"The damage has already been done!" Lauren replied bluntly and Tanya winced inwardly at her words. With that a shaken Lauren closed her eyes and tried to lose herself in anything else other than that. But that's easier said than done.


So I am so freaking sorry for the delay, this was a huge delay and I feel so guilty I've just had so much going on and physically couldn't find the time for this. But I'm back and I'm going to be reliable once more. You all wanted more Tanya and Lauren so this one is practically dedicated to them. A big shoutout to all the faithful reviewers you guys are why I will NEVER abandon this story. So let me know what you think and I hope you all enjoyed and it was worth the horrendous wait.

Peace out friends.

Gwen.