Let's Play Dark Souls!

Summary: Sora, Riku and Kairi play one of the hardest games out there! What can possibly go wrong!?

Chapter 7

Twice the Bosses, Twice the Pain!

Recap, the trio had finally arrived to the fabled city of Anor Londo after several trials, rage, tears and plenty of murder. Before them, within the beauty of the city, lies the Lord Vessel, the plot item of plot-ness.

But…new dungeon meant new enemies and gimmicks…and plenty of ways to die.

Take, for example, the two silver knights with bows and arrows that shared the power rivalling a ballista for men. They had both distance from the party, and plenty of options to when to shoot. The buttress itself was clear of any obstruction for them, which gave them plenty of space for them to hit Sora and co.

So…their plans?

Kairi: 'IF MY FIRE BALLS HAD LONGER RANGER YOU'D BE SCREWED!'.

She got an arrow in response, which made her squeak and run behind cover.

Riku: 'OK…so how are we gonna do this? We're like targets for them in the open!'.

Sora: 'Just respawning there…feel free to brain storm'.

Kairi: 'We could try and pick them off? Problem is…it'll take a while'.

Sora: 'What's "a while"?'.

Deciding to test her theory, Kairi fired one arrow after some calculation of range and distance, she managed to hit one knight…and did at least twelve damage, in which case tickling them would probably have done more damage.

And she also was sniped again.

Kairi: '…We're screwed…'.

Sora: 'NEVER! WE CAN DO THIS!'.

Sora ran up the buttress, shield up high, running like a madman as they fired at him. Sora evaded and dodged around the attacks until her finally reached the ledge and ran towards the knight on side ledge on his right. Sora managed to stand before him…but he was then hit by an arrow behind him and fell to his doom once more.

Sora: '…Never mind'.

Riku raged and groaned while Kairi rubbed her temples, sighing heavily. Sora tried…

Riku: 'This is BULLSHIT! How the hell are we supposed to fight frigging ballista powered bows and arrows!?'.

Sora: 'Hit them hard and kill them?'.

Riku: 'HOW!?'.

Kairi: 'Maybe, if we all rushed in, you two split and attack the knights while provide literally firing cover?'.

Sora: 'Genius!'.

Riku: 'What have a got to lose?'.

Sora: 'Mind and soul?'.

Kairi: '… *Sighs*'.

They rushed up the buttress as the knights fired the heavy arrows of doom upon them all, but luckily the bows managed to reach the top of the ledge, Riku rushed for the one that previously slew Sora while the latter rushed down to left and down the other buttress, the knight had no time to switch weapons as Sora slashed at it, knocking it off the buttress.

Riku, didn't do as well.

But instead of the knight killing him like it did to Sora, Riku accidentally rolled too far to the left and fell off the ledge. He swore madly, but at the very least his death was not in vain for Kairi managed to dash right in and slashed the knight, knocking it off the ledge to join Riku in the abyss of death.

Kairi: 'Your "heroic" sacrifice was not in vain Riku!'.

Sora: 'And he says *I'M* the clumsy one!'.

Riku: 'FUCK OFF YA CLOWN SHOED JERK!'.

Regardless, the two survivors walked on the ledge, rounding a corner until they found a balcony and an entrance inside the building. They jumped down and entered and found a bonfire. And Solaire. They lit the bonfire and awaited for Riku to arrive…and no, he didn't ask for their help.

So…they were gonna be waiting…

One hour and six deaths later…

Kairi: 'Aww~ My little Pikachu says hi~'.

Sora: 'Hey Riku? Did you make it yet?'.

Another scream of rage answered his question.

Sora: '…sorry for asking'.

Riku: 'GOD! FUCK THOSE KNIGHTS! FUCK THEM AND THEIR STUPID FUCKING BULLSHIT ARROWS AND THEIR STUPID TINY HELMETS!'.

To say Riku was upset…well its almost like saying Kairi's hatred for Mimics was a minor irritation.

FINALLY, after two more additional deaths, Riku finally arrived to the duo of misfits and was respawned. If they could see his face in IRL, they could only assume it'd be a face of such rage and hatred even Vanitas would say: "Jesus Christ buddy, lighten up!".

Kairi: '…s-so….'.

Riku: 'Shh…just, go'.

In the hall way, the party found several paths and options so they decide (unthinking) to split up and see if they can find which path would lead them closer to the plot item of plot. In one room, Riku encountered a silver knight wielding a spear, and narrowed his eyes.

Too say the room looked like a bloody crime scene is a gross understatement…

Sora decided to enter a door on the left and found himself in a single room with only a fire place. A sense of curiosity washed over him and he, for what ever baffling reason, stuck the fireplace. Too his delight, it was an illusion!

…who ever thought up "illusionary fireplace"?

Anyways, inside he walked down a flight of stairs, entering a pitch black room with five treasure chests! Luck him…or was it?

The one chest that remained alone from the other caught his eye though, and his memories of Kairi's terror rang alarm bells. So he did the sensible thing and smacked the chest. To his credit, it was indeed a mimic, but before it sprung legs, Sora mercilessly murdered it, gaining a lot of souls and even a club.

He was never going to use it but hey, he had it.

Elsewhere, Kairi climbed up the spiral stair case and eventually found herself on the rooftop, melted a silver knight and a few more knights on said rooftop. Kairi went down a staircase, entered a room and found another room near it, but it was closed. Blinking, she opened it and inside found…

Five silver knights.

Kairi: O.O

She immediately ran back, now being chased by the red head hungry knights who really want her dead. She ran back to the rooftops, seeing Riku coming up.

Kairi: 'RIKU! SAVE ME!'.

Riku: 'From wha- OH MY GOD!'.

Kairi: 'THE SILVER KNIGHTS WANT MY BOOTY!'.

Sora: 'OH HELL NO!'.

Sora suddenly ran past her, wielding a massive maul in hand and crushed one knight. He also carried a shield as huge as himself, blocking their attacks easily. He decimated them all, barely taking any damage through the fight.

Sora: 'No one is touching Kairi's butt!'.

The two just stared at him, a new set of armour and weapons that looked equal to it.

Riku: 'WHAT…THE FUCK…ARE YOU…WEARING!?'.

Sora: 'OH! This the "Havel set", I found it earlier! Its super durable and tough!'.

Kairi: 'You look like a mobile rock…'.

Sora: 'Yeah, pretty cool huh?'.

Riku: '…lucky bastard…'.

Sora: 'Onwards!'.

But as Kairi and Riku jogged Sora, walked…really, really, slowly.

Sora: 'Don't worry about me Kai, I'm on my way'.

Kairi: 'Sora, how heavy is that armour?'.

Sora: 'Uh, well…its heavier than it should be?'.

Kairi: 'Take it off Sora'.

Riku: 'Jesus Kairi, save for the bedroom!'.

Kairi: 'THAT'S NOT WHAT I MEANT AND YOU DARN WELL KNOW IT!'.

Later!

They entered the building once again, climbed down a flight of stairs and found themselves fighting more of the silver knights, though without that much trouble this time. There were two treasures chests, which Kairi backed away from as far as possible, fire balls at the ready any sneaky mimics. However, after two pokes from the boys, she opened them.

Both she and Riku got the silver knights armour sets, to which they both cheered with glee and equipped them, they were lighter than their previous gears and were better for combat. Inside the main building, they circled around the place and reached the other side of the great hall and climbed down more flights of stairs. They came to a giant, who was a blacksmith.

Kairi had never heard Sora or Riku sigh in such relief.

She bought one of those giant arrows and bows, smiling sinisterly, and said she wanted to test something out.

And she returned to the buttress from the start of their session, took aim, and sniped the silver knights, knocking THEM off the ledges and buttresses.

Kairi: 'YEAH! YEAH! HOW DOES IT FEEL!? HOW DOES IT FEEL TO BE SNIPED!?'.

She cleared her throat and coughed, composing herself.

Kairi: '…moving on'.

Inside the hallway once more, they struck down the two giant wardens and came to the fog wall. Taking deep breaths each, they phased through the fog wall. Inside, could see a very obese looking man in gold, the size of a house, wielding a hammer almost as big as he.

Sora: 'I think someone needs to go on a diet'.

Riku: 'Ha! He looks slow, we can totally handle him!'.

Then, the second boss entered.

A smaller one wearing lion like armour, with an equally awesome looking spear. The two feared bosses of the fanbase, Dragon Slayer Ornstein and Executioner Smough.

Kairi: 'TWO BOSSES AT ONCE!?'.

Sora: 'OH COME ON!'.

The fight had begun, with the fat one charging at them, while the other dashed towards them. They split up but Sora was a tad bit too slow for the spear man and was pierced in the stomach and lifted upwards in the air. He was then shocked and killed by it.

Sora: 'I'm dead!'.

Riku: 'WE JUST STARTED THE FIGHT!'.

One down, two to go.

Kairi attacked the spear wielding knight, weaving in and out of range to hit it. Though it spun around and thrust its spear at her, hitting and knocking her back. Kairi whined in frustration, before she slowly got back up to be smacked by the spear, which killed her.

Kairi: 'NO fair!'.

Riku: 'GUYS SERIOUSLY!?'.

Then Riku turned to see the fat man lifting its hammer above him.

Riku: '…well fu-

You Died.

Round 2!

This time the trio kept their distances from the fat one, while Kairi was taking shots at the dragon slayer Ornstein. His quickness and long range made the fight difficult for Kairi, due to her spells taking some wind up time.

Smough, thought slower, exceeded the dragon slayer's attack damage, almost killing Sora in one shot. He barely had any time to heal himself before he rolled aside from a sweeping hammer. Riku was attacking behind the fat executioner while his best friend acted like a beating dummy, dealing damage. But that wouldn't last as Ornstein swiped at him, and knocked him aside.

Riku: 'Kairi! Would for freaking burn him already!?'.

Kairi: 'I'm trying! But that obese man is trying to-

She never finished her sentence, for Smough smashed his hammer upon her, and given Kairi's smaller vitality compared to the boys, it was a one shot kill.

Kairi: '…I blame you for my death Riku'.

Riku: 'Invest in vitality!'.

Kairi: 'Never!'.

Riku sadly didn't last much longer either, he was skewered by Ornstein and tossed aside after. So Sora remained, the prime target of the two. That was fair, right?

Sora rolled under Smough's hammer, dodged Ornstein's spear swipes and managed to get a few hits in. In fact, Sora was doing so well he got them both on low health that all he had to keep up was his dodge and strike tactics.

But he underestimated Ornstein's speed…and was skewered by his spear, lifted up and bathed in lightning.

He didn't survive that…

You Died.

Round 3!

Kairi: 'This is so frustrating! If that fat man doesn't kill us, that speedy spear jerk will!'.

Riku: 'Hang on, what if we killed just one first, then focused on the other?'.

Sora: 'That way we'll have less of a hassle! Genius!'.

With a new plan in mind, the trio focused solely on Ornstein, Kairi burning the dragon slayer while Sora and Riku kept on the offense, leaving little space between them and the boss. Smough would often attack Kairi, but for every spell she fired Kairi ran across the field to dodge and keep her distance from the obese killer.

With one final swing of Riku's claymore, Ornstein fell to him.

Kairi: 'WA-HOO! One boss down! Smough is gonna be easy as pie!'.

Sora: 'He does look like he likes pie'.

But unfortunately, a cutscene played out during the fight. Ornstein was then smashed to paste by Smough of all people, but in turn, he gained his fallen "comrade's power, now his hammer was channelling lightning.

Which meant…the boss just got a LOT harder.

The trio rolled away from it, Sora lifted his shield and despite using Havel's shield, Sora was knocked aside with half his health remaining.

Sora: 'KAIRI FOR THE LOVE OF GOD STAY OUT OF HIS RANGE!'.

Kairi: 'CAN DO!'.

Riku fared no better as one hit almost destroyed him, only a sliver of health remaining, so little in fact you'd have to glare at the screen to even see it.

Riku: 'I hate this thing…'.

Kairi flung fire after fire at the giant while Sora used his shield to just keep his health from depleting entirely from every hit while striking the large obese monster man. Riku resorted to archery due to the fact he possessed no more healing potions, which meant Sora was their last line of defence against the big man.

Sora: 'Guys, really could use some healing please!'.

Kairi: 'I'm out of healing! Kindly stab it faster Sora!'.

Riku: 'I am literally a sneeze away from dying!'.

Smough brought its hammer down upon Sora, near killing him, but its slow movement left it open for Kairi to throw her most powerful pyromancy spell. Great Fire ball and tossed it at the executioner. The attack annihilated what remained of Smough's health, which meant…

Ornstein was revived, killed Smough and took his power and turned into a giant with two gigantic spears!

Nah, he died. They won.

Kairi: '…PYROMANCY FOR THE WIN!'.

Sora: 'WE BEAT THE FAT GUY AND KITTY KNIGHT!'.

Riku: '…Seriously?'.

After their cheers, the trio entered a lift that carried them up to the next floor and found themselves standing before a door. Riku opened it, and entered the room, where they met Gwynevere, daughter of Gwyn.

Kairi/Sora: O.O

Riku: OwO

Riku: 'LOOK AT THE SIZE OF THOSE THINGS!'.

Sora: 'Wow…even Tifa would be jealous…'.

Kairi: '…'.

Slowly, Kairi raised her bow…

Sora: 'KAIRI!'.

Kairi: 'She's evil!'.

Sora: 'HOW do you know that!?'.

Kairi: '…L-Look at her!'.

Riku: 'I am! And enjoying it!'.

Sora: 'We need the Lord Vessel from her!'.

Kairi pouted, but relented, knowing he had a strong point. So the giant lady explained more lore stuff to them, handed them the Lord Vessel, and told them blah blah blah stuff. Sora beamed, knowing they were closer to finally ending this game.

Riku: 'So, what other fire spells do you have? Just wondering?'.

Sora: 'Yeah actually, you've just used a lot of fire balls'.

Kairi: 'Oh, actually I haven't used this one yet. Firestorm?'.

Riku: 'Lets see it!'.

Kairi then performed the spell, erecting several pillars of fire around her. She beamed with glee as Riku looked at her in awe. But Sora?

Sora: 0.0

Sora: 'K-Kairi…'.

They looked behind her, seeing one of the pillars erected was right beneath Gwynevere, which killed her. Her body vanished into nothing, and the light of the sun disappeared into darkness. They all raced outside to see the city of Anor Londo was now in an eternal night, and darkness…

Kairi/Sora/Riku: O.O

Sora: '…That…can't be good'.

Kairi: 'I did a bad'.

Riku: 'Uhh guys…'.

And now the Dark Moon Knights were now hunting for Kairi, six in total.

Kairi: '…Ummm…sorry for killing your giant booby lady?'.

They unsheathed their weapons.

Sora: '…Hey guys wanna go back to the Firelink shrine!?'.

Riku: 'YEAH LETS GO SEE FRAMPT!'.

Kairi: 'Leaving Anor Londo now!'.

They managed to find a bonfire and teleport back to the Firelink, where the next steps in their journey would unfold.

A/N: Managed to get this done while waiting for mother at the hairdressers!

So I'll be posting another one this week, so that'll be two chapters every week until we're done with this game.

Thanks for reading, stay awesome but more importantly stay safe!