AN: Naruto's death last chapter got me thinking about what may happen when he finally does kick the bucket, as such here's what I came up with.
Sarutobi looked around the council room sadly. For once none of the members were arguing with each other. There were all silent, some from fear, others from anger and a few from grief. He made note of those who truly mourned their loss, they were the people he would talk to most. Both for their comfort and his. It had been six days since the horrible event occurred. He had been so young, so full of life...
"Attention." He couldn't put any of his usual force into his call, not that he needed to. "As you all know we're here to discuss the events surrounding the death of-" A bright flash of light cut him off and blinded everyone. When at last they could see they took a collective gasp. "Uzumaki Natuto!"
The body of the late blond suddenly lay on the floor, his clothes still burnt and bloodstained from his death. Years of war was the only thing keeping Sarutobi's lunch down. He was about to order the body taken away when he heard a noise he knew wasn't possible. Naruto was laughing. It was weak and tired but it was there.
"WHAT IS THE MEANING OF THIS?" Roared the Hokage, enraged that someone would do such a thing.
Naruto winced and sat up. "Could you keep it down? Coming back from the dead isn't as easy as people seem to think." He looked himself over and sighed. "Geez Shinigame-dono, couldn't you have done anything about my clothes?"
"I'm the God of Death, not a tailor." Barked a dark voice that came from every direction.
The council erupted in screams of "What the hell was that?" and similar questions. It was all Sarutobi could do to keep them from running out the door.
"SHUT UP!" Barked the blond, his voice carrying well across the noise. Most of the council did quiet down, looking at him expectantly. "If you can keep quiet for ten minutes I'll tell you what happened. To begin with I hope everyone appreciates the irony of my death. Years of being hated, of people wanting my execution and the thing that gets me is trying to relight the pilot light on my stove." He chuckled some more and stood, his movements sluggish as he made his way to a nearby chair. "So no one has any doubts I did die that night. I was taken to Shinigami-dono for judgment. You can imagine my surprise when I found out who my father was, and that I was going to the same afterlife as him."
"That's impossible." interrupted the hokage. "The conditions he died under specified-"
"Shinigami-dono is omnipresent in every plane of the afterlife. He is literally part of everything and everything is a part of him. Having his soul sealed in Shinigami-dono's belly just meant that dad would die with out the possibility of reincarnation." He saw that some of the civilian council were about to protest and made a lazy hand sign. When they spoke no sound came out. "Reverse silencing seals, got to love 'em. Anyway we were in an afterlife that most people called Valhalla. Every day the greatest warriors of all time fought to the death for the simple joy of battle and at night those who had fallen were resurrected in the feast hall. I should probably clarify that time doesn't pass normally there. Each death makes a little bit of time pass so that when it's finally night only one fighter is left, who is then given the opportunity to be reincarnated in the living world. Since the nights are as long as the days several years have passed from my point of view, even though I always got killed before the sun was even up all the way.
"Once tonight had finally come Shinigami-dono paid me a visit. He explained that even though he had ownership of my soul, I was the one who owned Kyuubi's soul. He also explained that I couldn't just give it to him, we would have to trade or gamble. We eventually decided on a game of poker, Kyuubi's soul against mine. I won and offered him another chance. I won again, this time I got Mom and Dad. I won again, this time four soul to be decided later. It kept going like that the whole time and eventually I won every soul in Valhalla. Now as you can guess Shinigami-dono wasn't happy with losing so many souls so he offered me an all or nothing gamble against Valhalla its self." He chuckled again. "Guess who now owns his own plane of the afterlife." He looked around when noone spoke. "Oh right, the seals. Anyway, time to mess with the forces of life and death."
With a snap of his fingers, Naruto made their beloved fourth hokage appear before the council. However their happiness turned to fear as Minato slowly cracked his knuckles. "OK, here's how it's going to go. I beat the shit out of you bastards for spitting on my last request and trying to off my son. When I stop seeing red those of you who are still alive get sent to Ibiki."
AN: Note to self: Take Naruto to Vegas. I'm not sure if the 'Naruto always wins at card games' thing was in the series or if it's fannon, but I love it either way. On that note what would happen if Naruto and Allen Walker from D. Gray Man went into a poker tounament against each other?
